Part 2
It happened too fast to screenshot it, but one man stormed in and took over the toilet before we could use it. Shortly before this the party is attacked by…
Don’t ask, the point is that this thing is ridiculously powerful, able to use PSI Starstorm at will, you must dispose of it quickly or you’ll be swiftly annihilated.
You know the drill, another hall with more bathrooms hiding stuff.
Guy: “This is a bathroom! What the heck’s your problem? What you’re doing in here, anyways? All in a big group, no less.”
This hall has another bloodthirsty Men’s Room Sign, but I was prepared.
In one of the bathrooms Lucas found this, that’s Ghostdog’s best collar of the game (Ghostdog doesn't have any Mystical weapon).
Once more the event happens too fast to screenshoot it, but some of the bathrooms were occupied before we could move.
This will be the final bathroom hallway.
This particular W.C. is rather strange, Lucas will knock it and you’ll hear a strange sound. Knock on it again for an angry response, and the occupant will allow us to enter, meeting…
OH FUCK!! RETREAT!!!!
That was close, the Ultimate Chimera gets so angry that it destroys the bathroom door and patrols the previous hallway, if you’re fast enough (and have the balls), you can rush inside the bathroom where the Chimera was and grab the item it was guarding, getting another piece of Lucas’ ultimate gear.
But I am, now Lucas has the complete set
Yes, it is exactly as it looks like.
“Did you enjoy my special all-you-can-pee toilet dungeon? Now, then I have some sad news for you! This place you’re at now isn’t really the 100th floor! It’s a fake! Ahahahaha! You’re nothing but a cheap toy crawling around in the palm of my hand! Alright! Allow me to invite you to the REAL 100th floor! Hehehe! Board the elevator just ahead, I’ll be waiting…”
Better we move to the next floor before something worse happens.
This floor has no enemies for a change, in fact, it has…
A Magypsy house?
Yep, if the previous hints weren’t enough here’s proof that Fassad, the not-muslim that hates humanity (and monkeys) was Locria, the last immortal fairy tranny, aka a Magipsy. I suppose he was the only Magypsy that had an actual sense of self-preservation and did not want to die and joined the Pork Army with the promise that they would not pull his Needle. Logically, Porky lied.
“And then make it to the REAL 100th floor!”
”I’m a mouse Locria liked to dote over. He had a creepy ‘Nwehehehehehe’ laugh, so he might’ve seemed like a mean person in most people’s eyes, but he was very nice to me, at least. Do you think he’ll be coming home soon? I’m so lonely…)”
Don’t worry, soon you’ll join him if Lucas fails to complete his quest.
Porky is trying too hard, this floor is not finished and yet he uses it to waste our time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLLW5__4iDU
The entire construction area counts as another mini-dungeon with new enemies and a new gimmick that I’ll explain later.
Two of the most powerful robot-type enemies of the game, but by now it matters little to us. K9000 may or may not be a reference to Doctor Who’s K9.
Much more powerful than its predecessor but Lucas and co can oneshot nearly anything with their PSI.
Old Guy: “You’re interfering with the construction, but I welcome you just the same!”
This is the dungeon’s gimmick, you have to disobey this man and tackle him to create an improvised bridge.
Don’t worry about the worker, he'll probably be ok.
This eldritch, unholy entity is one of the most inane enemies of the game… but poses no threat.
Old Guy: “Of course it isn’t! Duh!”
*Lucas tackles him*
This never gets old.
”Pulling of this lever by anyone other than construction personnel is forbidden.”
We do, starting an elaborate chain of events that ends with another human bridge.
“Some idiots have snuck onto the construction site and are causing loads of trouble. Idiots! I’m talking about you guys! Come on, now, how about you actually try to come to the 100th floor already? You’re really starting to irritate me! You’re making my dentures itch like crazy! Get on the next elevator already!”
Near the end of this area I found this weapon, that’s Asuka best “normal” weapon, but the Mystical Gloves are still much better due the PP and HP bonuses, so I discard this item.
I really hope we’re at the 100th floor this time…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfUunZbunj4
Guess what, it turns that the next floor is another dungeon too, and the one with the deadliest robotic type enemies of the game!
We start with the Mecha-Lion, the weakest enemy here but still dangerous as the others, it can ruin your day by poisoning several party members at once.
The first one can use a “Dazzling light attack” (in other words a special, unblockable, much more powerful version of Lucas’ Psy Flash), it hits damn often and will one-hit-KO one party member for sure. The Return of Octobot is supposed to be Earthbound’s Ultimate Octobot that Porky managed to copy somehow. Like in Earthbound, it will randomly steal one of your items while you’re distracted killing the most dangerous enemies. But these not the most rage-worthy foes here, no, the title goes for…
Deadly as in Earthbound. As you see this area is made of rape and death, but it has awesome stuff to take.
Besides the Collars, Ghostdog’s most powerful (and only) weapon is… A giant dildo? Don’t ask.
The best Bracelet of the game. Now we can leave this horrible place and find that damned Porky.
Lady: “Using this will make you into a ‘nice person’ who respects Master Porky from the bottom of your heart. Use it until you’re red in the face, and you’ll feel happy and revitalized as a nice person. Unlike with regular hot springs, all you have to do is gone inside a green-colored capsule, which makes it very simple and convenient!”
What.The. Fuck??? Porky not only managed to copy Gygas, but somehow he outwitted him.
Even animals are here to be brainwashed. And Mr. T too. I don’t know if that’s funny or disturbing.
“You appear quite exhausted there, Lucas! But the real fun is just about to begin! Alright! Climb up those stairs just ahead! C’mon! Don’t disappoint me, now! Ahahaha!”
Well, the good news is that the dungeons are over, the bad news is that the worst part of the Porky Building is about to start…
Host: “I’ve changed my hat, so perhaps you don’t recognize me, but I was the chauffer of that difficult-to-drive and far-too-long limousine. I’m pleased to see that you’ve made it this far. I’ll now determine if you’re fit to meet with Master Porky or not. Kindly follow me, if you would.”
Host: “to judge whether or not you’re fit to be a wonderful playmate of his. First, allow me to explain the wonderful rules. Whoever hits the most moles with their mental A Button hammers will win the game. Master Porky absolutely adores that word: ‘’win”. If the words ‘indulge’ and ‘humor’ mean anything to you… you’ll know what to do. But if you try to throw the match Master Porky will be very displeased indeed. Okay. Do you understand the rules now? Hit the old guy in the helmet and you’ll be zapped. Do try to be careful.”
Porky doesn’t even bother to show up in person, the motherfucker. Also, this seems familiar for some reason…
Host: “Total moles hit: 18!”
Host: “You got all worked up, and then… BANG BANG BANG BANG…! I thought your hammer was going to break! Here, let meyou’re your eyes. Whoa! They’re bloodshot! I’m afraid I can’t introduce someone as frightening as you to Master Porky. Try again, but this time with a fresh outlook on things.”
I see it now. Of course, it’s nothing more than
whackaPOPAMOLE!!!!! Seriously, here Porky represents the consoletards and you, the player, the poor AI that’s forced to play against a manchild that only wants to have an easy win, in fact, if you make it too obvious by deliberately losing Porky complains too, you have to let him win while pretending to give a challenge. Somehow Porky managed to make this humiliating both for the characters AND the player.
Host: “You’ve won the intense match by the razor-thing margin of one mole! Now then! Let’s move on to the next fun and exciting game!”
Yay! Craptastic!
Host: “You’ll both start from a Purple Bridge at the same time, and the first to reach the other side wins. You understand the rules, yes? Also, if you have the words ‘indulge’ and ‘divulge’… Perhaps the former would be the one to focus on, if you catch my drift…”
I don’t think that would make you more manly, but whatever.
Host: “All right! On your mark, get set, go! Go!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCJj8xNrMJM
The “race” is as exciting as the screenshots shows, Porky’s Minibot is slower than a tetraplegic snail with rheumatism and to add insult to the injury, it frequently stops as if it was unsure of how to continue. Thank God for the emulator to include a turbo function.
Host: “You win the intense match by a nose! What a truly fantastic race! That was a match for the ages! Now then! Let’s move on to the 3rd and final game!”
Blablabla you have to mash the “A” button as fast as you can but allowing Porky to win, of course.
Host: “This means that you have a very good chance of coming from behind to win it all, Lucas! All right. Here we go!”
Ignore what he says, you must lose against the egocentric manchild to continue the game.
Host: “You’re so young, yet you’ve mastered so much! I hereby deem you fit to meet Master Porky. Please go and pay him a wonderful visit!”
AT LAST!! THE DUNGEONS ARE OVER!!!… No?
…
SCREW YOU PORKY!!!!
The endgame is actually fun, but transcribing all of this into a lp is tedious. Anyways, here’s the boss’ video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7aG9QtWSjY
There’s another video for the following section:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGZraUAOXXU
It has been a long and hard journey but Porky is here… However, the motherfucker
has not finished trolling us
Wow, Andonuts was not joking when he said that time travelling was harmful for the living tissue, that’s what happens when you abuse of a prototype of a time travelling machine.
“where humanity’s past failures would never be repeated… How stupid you can be?! No matter how much you change the rules, no matter how much you refuse to admit defeat, in the end, the creatures known as ‘people’ will always sign their own death warrant by acting out of stupidity and evil. And then… mankind will be gone for good. You could’ve been happy, if only you would’ve done as I did and obediently followed the visionary, selfish desires of a great hero… *wheeze* *gasp* Why is it you struggle to cling to life with such puny minds, pitiable bodies, and feeble hearts? Well, no matter. The curtain is about to fall on this pathetic little play of yours. Because, soon, the power of power will be mine.
The world and everything in it has been my oyster so far, and now I’ll end it by acquiring the ultimate power. Hehehehehehe. Ahahahahahahah!!! *cough* *cough* *gasp* *gasp*
(repeat x3) Whew… Though everything so far has been fun and games, I’ve given you many a concession. I was bored out of my mind and wanted to play something more thrilling, you see. But, now that we’re face-to-face like this, I won’t hold anything back. My slave… My lifeless son will pull the final Needle for me (Porky’s disturbing factor increased by 100 extra points, poor Lucas). And the moment he does, the Dragon should awaken and do as I want. At which time, I assume you fools will turn into garbage or dust or something and finally disappear for good. Ahahaha. I’ll admit, that’s kind of sad. But I would be crushed under the weight of boredom if it were any other way. *wheeze* Do you understand now? Do you understand the sadness Master Porky bears, now that he’s god-like? Ahahahahahahahah! *cough*”
So, the true reason why Porky has invaded this island, why he destroyed Lucas’ family, and caused so much pain and suffering, the reason why he wants to destroy what remains of humanity and the world in an absolute nihilist orgy is… Boredom, he wants to destroy everything but the Drago and himself and troll Reality itself for the lulz, surely after having an epic butthurt caused by Ness and co after kicking him out of countless timelines. Certainly one of the best villains, Kefka would be proud.
An alarm sounds, briefly cutting Porky’s speech.
“Oh! You and your little dramatic plays, so this couldn’t have come at a better time for you! It seems the 7th and final Needle has just been located deep underground, below here.”
“I assume you want to pull it too, right, Lucas? Why not go and check it out then? I’m even being fair enough to tell you where it is. That really will make this game all the more fun! But I think I’ll use my shortcut to give myself a head start, if you don’t mind! Ahahaha! *coughs, wheezes, etc.* Bring it on! If you can catch up to me, that is! Here, you can use this elevator all you want! Spankety, spankety! *wheeze* *gasp*”
And then the party falls for nearly a minute in real time…
But thankfully they survived unharmed.
“Could you let me go on ahead first? Just say ‘yes’ and don’t ask why. Okay? Thanks. But if it seems like I’ve been gone a long time, then go ahead and keep going.”
That’s it for today. Soon it will be over. Who will triumph: Lucas and his courage, or Porky and his inanity? Will the world be destroyed or renewed? What will happen? Will Lucas be able to avenge his family and execute Porky? What happened with Claus? All of these questions will be replied on the ending, I promise it will be surprising, ground-breaking, mind-shattering, brick-shitting and maybe even emotionally engaging!! Don’t miss the final update!!!
PS: I promise it will have much less pics and will be more text-heavy.