I guess I needed a strong spell.
Right, I summon thee to comment on this homage to ~Street Lethal~ ,
Phelot
===================
Hard times and heroism
With the small amount of denars Phelot gained, it found in Kyominato a valuable weapon, a poor quality lance. However, it is much better than the spear due to its longer reach and most importantly, it can be used for couched lance attacks, where the spear can't. That already drained more than 60% of the pitiful reward he got for that escort job. It was a start, however.
Luckily, there was a Ransom Broker in the Nippon city, and the homies of the Desert Bandits were willing to ransom them back, granting so handy extra money for Street Lethal.
With matters settled, Phelot began to make the way back to the barren lands of the Tomb Kings, with occasional stops at villages to buy food.
And eventually, it thought on the costs of the trip, and decided to see if the Nippon was looking for mercenaries. Unfortunately not, but this was a decent offer. Time to suck the peasants up to the marrow.
Not bad. Except that Moniwa was no longer in Kyominato when Phelot returned, and after asking around, this man seemed like a shadow.
Another lord of Nippon made an offer that was not cool. Phelot is not a race traitor and thus shall never agree with such a scheme. Besides, what is that man thinking? They have no direct border with the Tomb Kings Empire, which is located in another continent, and almost at the opposite corner of this part of the world.
Phelot eventually gave up trying to look for Moniwa. If this lord doesn't care to show up, it is just a sign of streetwise to run away with the entire tax money. It's not like it didn't try to find him first. Time to head back to the land ot the dead, and make good use of the money.
In one of the villages Street Lethal stopped to buy some supplies, they realized quickly that Orcz were terrorizing it, and thus, out of kindness, Phelot ordered for them to crush the boyz and help the villagers.
Not intimidated by the WAAAGH! (at least the skeletons), the soldiers are ordered into a tightly packed formation to hold their ground, while the boss of Street Lethal charges against the Orcs, and rapidly realizes that Andyman Messiah is too slow for it to deliver couched lance charges onto them. Thus he thrusts the lance into the Orcs instead.
It was a tough one, the Orcz blocking many of Phelot's strikes and with more than one too close moment.
Yet these Orcz were no boar riders, and thus, it was only a matter of time.
A Farmer even managed to take one down with a thrown stone while most of them focused on Phelot, apparently too intimidated by the enormous wall of men holding their ground to charge, or too distracted by Phelot.
In time they charged, despite their odds, like Orcz, and Phelot took one down while they perished under the ordered formation.
Thanks to the skills of the boss, Street Lethal crushed such a weak WAAAGH! with almost no casualties.
And from the battle, some of the homies became even better. Just a few more battles to survive and soon Skeleton horsemen shall become a reality. After the struggle with the Orcz, they continued along the way.
And then, considering how it was almost along the path, they decided to take a look at New Altdorf, the capital of the Empire Colonies. And maybe see if anyone there was looking for mercenaries for hire.
Being smarter, Phelot began to read that book on engineering. Not really a PhD, and not exactly useful for someone as lowly currently as the skeleton, but eventually such knowledge will be very, very useful.
The Orcz surely know how to fight, and thus Phelot didn't think twice about hiring some who were chilling in the New Altdorf tavern. Strange... considering that the Empire would probably *BLAM* Orcz on sight, but again, considering what Phelot is... probably things are different in the New World.
And there is a tournament... Phelot got monies to bet on himself and knows how to fight, so why not?
It doesn't matter how good at fighting one is when all he got as a weapon is a shitty quarterstaff that, because of the shield that is more of a hindrance combined with polearms when not fighting on a horse, for having the shield limits all strikes to thrusts only, which more often than not will be harmless for anyone that isn't a master at the power strike skill, allowing the enemy to counter attack efficiently, where swinging the staff would be more useful. And then, Add the fact all his team members were downed, and Phelot fought bravely as the last
man skeleton standing in its tournament's team, but ultimately, being no legendary fighter and outnumbered, its odds were small.
Its shield broke, and they were striking so hard it didn't have time to counter-attack, only to block every strike, which eventually became impossible as they surrounded Phelot from all sides, and he was struck down by a cowardly backstab. It would've wept if it still could, as those were 100 denars lost.
But a lesson was learned. Tournaments are risky and very frustrating because they aren't 1 vs 1 duels. Easier to make money killing others for real... and looting and pillaging too.
Nevertheless, Phelot decided to buy a real horse in New Altdorf, one fast enough for the lance to be used as intended. Andyman Messiah thus left the saga before he could be of any relevance. Unfortunately there was no noble in the city willing to hire mercenaries either, time to move on.
Considering it is on the way and that Pirates are COOL, revisiting Wolfshore was a no-brainer.
There Phelot found a farmer asking for help because his village was taken by Gorols, which are some kind of apemen. And equally, Phelot found someone else of great interest:
Bastich "Crispy", a retired pirate who was getting on the short list of the tavernkeeper for his growing tab, and interested in reliving his glory days. He didn't look particularly impressive, but that could change, and besides, paying his tab was no big deal, it being only 100 denars. As long as he got some rum or booze, he'll be from now on the first mate of Phelot and of Street Lethal, and as soon as affordable, he'll be packing some really pimped guns.
With Crispy hired, it was time to clean Faycrest.
Shouldn't be hard, but Phelot will use tactics nevertheless to minimize casualties.
The infantry is positioned near the top of a hill, and in a tight formation, with the archers and pirates with guns slightly above and behind them to fire on the gorols, while once again, the great leader charges into the thugs, only this time it can cause much more harm than before.
The apemen charge mindlessly, seemingly oblivious to how they are about to get trounced.
This is like putting kebab on a stick. No more hitting the foes only to have to hit them again and again, for with couched lance strikes and the immense speed of a Courser, most hits will be instantly deadly. Just like a precise hit from one of the bigger firearms, if only they were as accurate as a longbow in the hands of a master.
Nobody died, other than the gorols, of course. Another good day for Street Lethal, who again, seeing how pitiful the "reward" was, said to the peasants to keep it because they needed it more, and this made Phelot's honor stronger, and no, I'm not referring to the other honor.
In April 6th, they finally reached one of the large towns of the Tomb Kings Empire. Now, hopefully one of the Tomb Lords would be willing to hire Street Lethal for the war against the Southern Dwarves... hopefully.
Mummy lady skeleton with tits... looks like something sgc_meltdown would give a link to, without the wrappings. And yes, it's possible later for Phelot to romance a single tomb lady and find out what is behind those wraps... which most likely would be the kind of thing that causes the following reaction:
In any case, disregarding the popularity of stories of romances among undead in hack literature for the unwashed burgher masses*, Phelot didn't look at them, but at Tomb Lord Hamezan, in the hopes we was willing to hire him.
*It is said that in the realms of the Vampire Counts in the Old World, anyone caught reading the infamous Twilight that involves romances with vampires of questionable virility and honor, is immediately impaled and kept under such a miserable and painful conditions for years through vile necromantic spells. Fortunately no example of such hack writing exists involving Tomb Kings and their denizens... yet (In before /tg/ link)
Unfortunately Hamezan had no interest in hiring mercenaries, but in something else. Hopefully this one won't end like looking for a needle in a haystack... or maybe that is exactly how searching for this bandit lair will feel like. Fortunately there are 60 days to find it so it shouldn't be impossible, except there are better and more rewardings things to do for 60 days than to find a desert bandit lair in the middle of the vast desert.
On the way, Phelot found the tomb lords marching towards the Dwarven territory. Hopeful, it introduced itself to every of them to ask if they were looking for hired blades. To his disappointment, he was mostly met derisively and with scorn, and nobody offered any worthwhile quest to it, even though Phelot accepted to undertake some of them. Thus, in his disappointment, he finally headed to the Dwarven lands, where, again, after asking several dorf lords, nothing, except for a lucrative offer that this time wasn't objectionable.
While the living kill each other in pointless wars, the dead grow stronger. Besides, it's an excellent pretext to attack a caravan and take all its most likely immense wealth for Street Lethal, except the the Nippon probably use the sea more oftenly than the land for trading, and right now buying a ship is out of question.
Because, along all this travelling without finding anybody willing to hire Street Lethal, the budget shrinked to almost as badly as it was during the beginning of Phelot's saga.
Had they hired Street Lethal, this war wouldn't have ended with no real gains for either side. Now the only war still going on was the war of the Empire Colonies with Nippon, and it was there, in the hopes this time they would find nobles willing to hire them, that Street Lethal travelled towards.
On the shallow waters connecting continents, they found a potential source of loot. Dark Eld... Elves whose ship got stuck in a reef. They didn't waste any time to crush them all.
Phelot again proved himself while the others held their ground and took potshots at them. This was no joke however, even if here victory was certain. Losing to the Dark Elves was bad, very bad. The tales of what happens to their prisoners are enough to make one almost faint from merely hearing of their limitless cruelty and sadism. They are so wicked they'd probably manage to inflict excruciating pain even on something whose nerves have long rotten away and got nothing but bones left.
Of course, this time the only ones who suffered were the Dark Elves, mostly slaughtering by the charges of the boss.
Further on the shallow waters, Phelot decided to risk facing a much larger force of Dark Elves, confident that through superior tactics and his boldness they would win. But it didn't happen that way. Phelot was struck down by a bolt during the middle of the battle, and to prevent the ranged soldiers from being slaughtered by the advancing foes, his last order before going down was for the infantry, positioned behind the hill the archers and shooters stood on the top of, to charge.
It was a slaughter, and many good soldiers died.
Nevertheless, it was another great victory for Street Lethal.
And some valuable loot was gained from it. One of those decent armors was given to Crispy, who managed to make it fit in after some adjustments, while the other would be wore by Phelot, if only he got stronger, because right now he was becoming more agile instead, so that eventually he could ride warhorses.
Then, just as he was about to look for the lords of the Empire...
Never before one person
had with such similarity
a luck as thin as himself.
Then, from another disappointment rose an opportunity. When the war was declared, Street Lethal already walked on imperial ground, and now they would not miss it!
FINALLY!!!!
Of course, with its budget almost depleted, Phelot didn't hesitate to make an oath of temporary allegiance to the Emprah for one month. Now it was time to pillage the golds from the Pirates, who were in a really bad situation, because before this, they were already at war with the Lizardmen and recently lost one of their castles to the Reptilians. In the end, being and looking cool does not make up for not having cavalry... or an army whose footsoldiers have tower shields and wear real armor.
It doesn't take long for them to meet the first of the pirates. And the results were quite predictable as the imperial forces were just behind them.
One of the skeleton cavalry was wounded, but nobody in Street Lethal died in this battle. With the way clear, the gang advanced as quickly as possible to the looting season, towards one of the villages that wasn't already being pillaged by imperial forces.
To pillage was not a moral dilemma, it was a matter of survival. Otherwise Street Lethal would go bankrupt.
Skeletons, Pirates fighting for the other side and
Squad Broken Orcz brought untold devastation to the small village of Siren, taking everything of value from it without mercy. Street Lethal was about to bask in glory and wealth, for this was a stepping stone from the hard times and financial hardships of the previous months.
EXQUISITE VELVET! NOW WE ARE RIDING IN PILLAGE AND GOLD! STREET LETHAL, COURTESANS!
However, as important as it is to make lots of money from what many consider the most despicable part of warfare, it equally is to invest this money wisely, and preferably in permanent business to keep the gold coming. And the pirates may be losing, but the final outcome of the war is of no relevance to Street Lethal and Phelot. What is relevant is to make as much profit from the war as possible, and to perhaps finish that job a dorf gave them to start a war between Nippon and the Dorfs for no absolutely rational reason considering the distances between both. But it will probably pay a lot of money too, almost as good as pillaging, so why not?
Thus, now we fight for de Emprah, if we die we die an heroes deffs, but noh! It's teh enemy who shall die todeh. STEEL REHN!
TO BE CONTINUED
