OK, stunned by awesome mammaries, we head to nearby buidling.
The sign reads "Office of Redundancy".
That's kind of worrysome. Shouldn't it be "Office of Redundancy Office". I get worried when my games blow obvious jokes like that.
Any way the building interior looks like this:
Actually, a few of them look like this. If you talk to the "1 Moaners" ("Brad") he gives you a laptop. Actually, he gives you as many laptops as you like. However, I am sure one is enough. That's all there is there; the furntiture says "Not for the liviing" and you can search the various shelves for stuff (just bump into them, but that's it).
We head back north, and find the Post Office. It looks prety much like the Office of Redundancy. The sign out front says "Post Office of HELL! It doesn't rain, sleet, or snow here an mail never goes though". I think that was a lot funnier when I was 19.
There is a computer terminal out front with a cryptic message:
Hmmm... I go into the post office and am immediatly attacked!
So, a skeleton at short range, and 2 Hell Guards at medium range. Again, all I have is a knife... and that skelton looks like he got a giant black lolly pop o' doom.
As an aside into the combat "system", each member of your party can (A)ttack, (D)efend, or (H)ide. If someone (R)uns, you all do. (S)tatus checks your equipment and the like.
What's the difference between Defending and Hiding? The manual isn't particularly clear, but "Defending" seems to reduce damage done to the character, while "Hiding" just lowers the chance of being hit. I am not sure if (D)efending allows you to do (reduced) damage to the enemies, but if you (H)ide, you don't attack at all. The game recommends (H)iding a character if he cannot act at the given range.
Anyway, 3 on 1 and me with a knife? I run. I take some hits, but get make it to the door.
My suspicion is that, I Richard, am the Public Enemy #1 referred to in the computer terminal, which is why they attacked on sight.
In any case I save and quit the game, mostly because I could show you the exit screen:
I dunno, it just seemed so quaint. Interesting about save/load in this game, I quote the manual:
"Get into the healthy habit of saving your game when you are in good shape & in a safe place (Control-S). Every time you lod the game, all of the monsters are restored to life, so you don't want to save the game immediately after killing them"
(emphasis mine)
Whoa. My mind is completely blown. I am sure this will come into play huge later.
Pressing onward, back in the center of the map I see:
The sign says:
Again, infinite gold bars by reading the sign, but it's not like you can spend them in hell.
For some reason I (zenbitz) am spooked by the firepit -- we'll come back later. I head back North and East to see what out there...
Uh... I don't know WHAT that is... looks like it has Giant Boobies though. I'll talk to it.
Oh, my bad.
The building next store has a sign the reads "Capitalisits for a Free Hell". The building interior is the same as the others, but there is a large pile of buttons which read "Capitalist for a Free Hell". You can "use" them, but I have no idea what for. But the "Moaner" looking guy is actually....
Stalin! Oh, but how wacky! Now's he's a Free Market Capitalist. But hey, so what. He has a nail gun (15 uses) -- a medium range weapon, a Heavy Raincoat for defense, and a "16" steal skill. Plus, it's not like we have an option of not having him join the party.
Welcome to the team, Comrade Stalin.
Around back we find another "Monk" but not a Satanist. Instead...
.
Not sure if this is a plot point or a cheesy joke. Kinda hard to tell in this game.
Further north there is a building with a sign saying it's the "6th Court of Minos".
If you take a ticket:
Heh! Get IT!!! Because Buerocracy is HELLISH!!! Ahahaha!.... yeesh.
Here's a piece of the interior of the 6th Court; it's actually quite large:
The Moaner there trys to warn us again...
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I think this is what the Evil Woman (bewbs!) was trying to say too. Unfortunatley, I thought the pink thing on the SS above was the receptionist, so I dodge that only to talk to the WRONG PERSON
And now I am in a fight, as 2 Hell Guards attack! I try to run, but I am pretty much trapped in the Courthouse (Choice & Consequence):
Both Stalin and I have taken some hits trying to run, so now we just stand and fight!
I don't have the screen shots (not that it's anything but text) but I'll try to catch some later. Stalin impales one in the brain with his nail gun, and I gut the other with my knife. 100 XP each! I do end up losing 1/2 my HP, but it heals you every time you move. In fact, If I may quote the manual yet again:
Dr. Faustus' Quick Cure If you party has just taken a severe licking from overzealous Hell Guards, you probably would like to be able to heal those wounds a little faster... by holding down the spacebar on your keyboard you can make time pass more quickly, & thus heal faster. If your party is close to death and needs to heal over 100 Hit Points, put something heavy on the spacebar key, and come back later. Of course, you will want to do this in a safe place, otherwise you're just standing around waiting to be attacked.
Hmmm.... what an intriguing game mechanic! I am sure it would never be abused!
Srsly. +Boggle+.
Anyway, threat neutralized, I press on, exploring the Courthouse, I meet a thug:
Look, some beefcake porn for the ladies as well! Truely an enlightened era in the game industry!
Oh, and as a matter of a fact...
I give the thug a light, and he tells me I need a Hell Badge and something else (which I didn't write down or screen cap... so I hope it's not super critical) to enter level two. Plus, he gives me a Pistol! So good deal for matches.
Nearby there is a Divine Telephones Incorporated phone... but all it says is "Withouth knowledge of a valid number, it's useless. Even 911 doesn't work".
There is another Evil Woman here... prolly the first one's sister, and you know what that means...
Oh yeah....
Oh, database... that's probably the laptop.... I didn't even realize that until typing up the post. I will go back and give it a try. I guess I was distracted. Actually I have a 20 year-old memory that laptop != database... but I'll probably try it anyway since I can always go back and get another laptop. (Remember, giving a NPC an item is permanent, even if it's not the one they are looking for)
Sitting on the couch is...
He's something of a bad ass, at least at this stage. He has a broadsword, garbage can lid shield, and a 19 archery skill (but no bow).
Now I have a full party... and actually have to get back and play the game some more.
Until next time... keep the home fires burning!