In Progress Of trenchcoats, vampire and auto-aim: Let's play Nocturne

[Cassidy]

Carry on. Also I heard Blood Rayne was much worse compared to this.

 

[Oriental European]

Wha... no, certainly not the first one.

 

[dextermorgan]

It's ironic that you saved me, considering our past.

We have no past.

Try as you might, you can't forget everything.

I can.

Edgy. Also, bump.

 

[Twinkle]

Edgy. Also, bump.

Meh, in the end he still loses KKK due to being pushed around by the red-headed bitch.

ACT 2 - TOMB OF THE UNDERGROUND GOD

Texas, 1931

PART 1 - STRANGER ON A TRAIN

This time there is no briefing part. The Stranger discusses his future assignment with his new partner, psychic and researcher Hiram Mottra.

A sheriff in Redeye, Texas, called in a strange request to the authorities in Chanford. The police in Chanford took it as a request for medical assistance, supposedly due to an outbreak of some unknown skin illness. Chanford sent a couple of doctors expecting to find some kind of minor skin fungus or similar malady.

We, on the other hand, suspect the sheriff's references to "zombies" and "monsters" weren't the hysterical ramblings of a small town police officer. The Chanford doctors failed to report back after spending a day in the small town, so we're sending in our own "doctors". Scat Dazzle is already in Redeye. He'll meet us at the train station.

I fear that we may be in grave danger.

[Wisdom] It's our job to be in grave danger.

I think someone is following me.

Who?

He's losing his shit pretty fast.

I don't know. That's what frightens me. Normally, I can feel the thoughts of anyone who focuses on me, but so far none of the people on this train have expressed any sort of hostility toward me, even in their thoughts. But I can feel the anger aimed at me. It's been boring into my brain since I left Virgina.

Because you are a stinking JEW.

You can't tell who it is, where it's coming from?

No. I can feel a general pressure all around me. There's no direction, or I could track the culprit down.

Hiram shows a note to the Stranger

I found this in my luggage.

"For the insidious crimes against my people, your people will see ruin." What the hell does that mean?

I have no idea. What people could we have ruined?

I can't think of any people, as such. But we've wiped out entire civilizations of monsters: vampires, werewolves, changelings. Perhaps a survivor of one of our horucide projects is seeking revenge.

BOOM!

The train accelerates

Something's wrong! We're going to fast!

Oh no! I can feel him! He's close! He's close! The one who's been following me... Oh my God, Stranger, it's...

What the hell?

A huge furry claw collar grabs Hiram through a window and throws him out. I can only thank him.

Stranger tries to get to the attacker, but without success.

Nearby passengers start screaming and twisting, turning into werewolves in a matter of seconds. Need to put 'em down.

Loot. Count me in.

Stranger climbs atop the baggage car roof.

And descends into the car.

Damn. It's locked, and I'll bet Hiram has the key with him.

No problem. The conveniently placed box of dynamite(!) is here for a reason.

Boom! Ha-ha, that's some leet puzzle-solving skills he demonstrates. Who cares that outside of vidyagame logic the contents of the trunk would have easily exploded with the box?

I will avenge your death, Hiram.

Stranger's guns are load with silver bullet's from Hiram's supplies.

This is the meat car.

Werewolves inside are too busy with their feast to notice their doom approaching.

From the coal train Stranger grabs a Fire Axe

This might come in handy.

You bet.

Finally, he reaches steam engine.

One more jump and the Stranger loots the engineer's corpse.

You are the freaking Captain Obvious, man.

Ah, a key!

Excellent. Now you have to trudge back to the rear cars, killing all werewolves who dare to oppose you.

Ha ha, dumb furry, imma ninja.

The remaining passengers turn into werewolves. Sadly, the Stranger is not ruthless enough to shoot them in human form.

A few swings of Fire Axe and...

Yo, mothafukkin furry bitch, I'll show you who's da fukking ALPHA here!

Death of the werewolf triggers another explosion and the train accelerates even more. Will it stop our fabled monster hunter?

In a dramatic slow-motion sequence he jumps from the train full speed.

What's better in life? Suck it down, Shepard.

Wee!

See how it ends in the next update!

 

[Darth Roxor]

From the coal train Stranger grab a Fire Axe

:albert tokaj:

 

[Brother None]

Train full of werewolves. Cool.

 

[dextermorgan]

Someone remake this game into something not painful to play please.

 

[CappenVarra]

Boom! Ha-ha, that's some leet puzzle-solving skills he demonstrates. Who cares that outside of vidyagame logic the contents of the trunk would have easily exploded with the box?

Logic is superfluous when you can shoot werewolves on the roof of a speeding train, with two guns at once.

The remaining passengers turn into werewolves. Sadly, the Stranger is not ruthless enough to shoot them in human form.

Extremeness score went down by 10 points. Saint Shepard is not pleased.

 

[Brother None]

Someone remake this game into something not painful to play please.

Yeah. Gotta say it seems to offer some cool setpieces and ideas. Sucks that the gameplay is wank, but at least we can just read it.

 

[Radisshu]

I really enjoy these old cheesy horror games in LP form for some reason

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

So when do you go into the ancient Indian burial ground and kill the werewolf chief? Because that is what was meant by "his people" in the note, right?

 

[ghostdog]

I think I rage-quit near this point, due to the controls, back when I played it. Please, carry on.

 

[Darth Roxor]

 

[Twinkle]

Edward_R_Murrow He killed Werewolf Alpha right before the extreme jump.

ACT 2, PART 2 - DEAD STATE

Stranger finds himself lying near rail tracks in the backwater town where he was supposed to "investigate" zombie problem. Balding man in dark suit approaches, offering his help.

Dear Lord! Are you okay, son?

I'm fine.

I assume you must be Scat Dazzle's partner.

Where is he?

Eh... I don't know how to tell you this, but he has passed on.

What happened?

Please, we can't stay out here. Come with me. I'll explain on the way.

Stranger follows reverend Jim to the nearby church.

What's the shovel for?

I used to dig graves with it. But it seems all the graves I've dug for the past twenty years weren't deep enough to hold the people I laid to rest.

You mean...?

The dead walk.

Stranger is unimpressed.

So?

Look, I guess in your line of work, this may not be disturbing, but it's a little bothersome to me. In the past week, I've seen people, who have been dead for a hundred years, rise from their graves. I've seen people I knew when they were alive come back from the dead. But they're not the same. They're monsters.

And the shovel?

Hmm? Oh, now the only use I have for this thing is as a weapon. It's not in my nature to kill, mind you, but these things are already dead, and they're evil.

That is good, my friend.

Stranger approaches the dead body inside.

He died guarding the church.

He'd said that you were coming to assist him, so I went to meet you when I heard the train coming.

He's dead. I checked.

Not for long.

Stranger frisked through dead man's suit.

Damn. I need rum.

I, uh, have some Scotch.

That won't work; I need rum.

There's a saloon in the middle of town. But this really isn't the time.

But Stranger isn't in a mood for jokes.

Yes. It is.

Nigga's resurrection can wait. We must thank good reverend for help by eliminating that undead problem once and for all. But shovel is too pedestrian for such an important task. Talking a cue from a certain prestigious Polish PhD I choose:

Damn your code of honor, Stranger. He refuses to explore the town properly until the nigger is back to the world of living.

At least grabbing stuff is not prohibited.

Stranger enters empty saloon and grabs the bottle the bar counter.

Walking zombie is eager to hug the Stranger but trusty fire axe help him escape zombie's clutches.

Everything is ready for the resurrection ritual. Stranger warns the reverend.

You might want to turn away. I suspect your religious sensibilities might be offended by what I'm about to do.

Well, rum and cigars from Scat's body aren't there for Stranger's entertainment. They are just the devices to summon Baron Samedi, a powerful voodoo loa who can bring the agent back to life.

The ritual begins. Barons emerges for the rain of lightnings and twirling smoke.

Fascinating. Just revive Scat and be on your way.

Baron laughs.

Easy, mon. Don't forget who you're dealing with.

You have your cigar. You have your rum. All the blood you need is in a pool beneath your host. Do your business and be off.

Heh! Pray you never owe me a favor.

Baron casts his unholy spell and disappear with the smoke. Scat opens his eyes and gets on his feet.

You died. Again. I used your powder to summon Baron Samedi. He revived you.

Hey, thanks. There are still people out there. I've heard them crying for help. Find them and bring them here. I still feel a little weak, but I can stay here and guard this place. Once I feel a little stronger, I'll come out and help you.

Yeah, sure.

It's time to explore this wretched place. There must be some cool weapons inside the Sheriff's office. Need to check it out.

As soon as opens door he is greeted by a volley of pellets.

Poor deputy, missing one arm. I wonder how he didn't bleed to death.

Settle down, I'm here to help. Shoot at me again and you'll lose the other arm. I'm gathering everyone together in the church for safety.

I'm safe enough right here. That door is locked, and no one's getting in here.

But you're wounded.

I'll be fine.

You can't even cock that Shotgun, much less aim it with only one arm. Come with me and you'll be safe.

I guess you're right. But I can't leave this cell. I don't have a key. The Sheriff took it with him and he went to check on the saloon.

Let's grab ammo and doctor bags from the shelf and look for the sheriff.

Fire axe make a short work of him.

Indeed.

Stranger unlocks the cell and lets the deputy out.

My name is Dan Thorpe, I'm from Chanford. They sent me here when the doctors never came back. They must have died trying to treat those monsters. Durn fools.

Nice, we have a truly kosher way to deal with zombie menace.

Scent of blood attracted a horde of walking dead, but shotgun is powerful enough to kill several in one blast.

Stranger escorts him back to the safe haven.

There are more survivors hiding in the buildings. Stranger pays another visit to the saloon this time checking the upper floor when a brothel is located.

But turning into a zombie doesn't stop its clientele.

I'm coming, gorgeous.

Let me in. I will take you to the church. You'll be safe there.

How do I know you're not another one of those monsters?

[Intelligence] Because they don't offer to help.



Her co-workers have been transformed already. Sorry, ladies, I don't let random dirty women touch my skin.

With some interference from local zombies he leads this stray sheep to the holy ground.

My hero! If we all survive this, come by sometime, and I'll return the favor.

Another one is saved. Let's scour the town for more.

I'm here to help. You'll be safe in the church. Finish your business and I'll take you there.

And so he does.

Yes.

Still the hardest part is yet to be done. There might be some survivors hiding in the farmhouse on the outskirt of the town.

He encounters zombie cows.

And angry peasants jumping through windows.

Let's check the basement.

Hmm, so this is the fate of its owners.

Or not? Stranger pulls the switch and the lights turn on upstairs.

Aww, yeah

Fuck yes, yet another escort mission incoming

Get back, fiend! I'll do ya'in, just like I did all your other demon kin!

Calm down, old man. If you want to stay alive, come with me.

Forget it! We're staying right here till this whole thing passes over.

It's your funeral.

Wait! Where're ya gonna take us?

You'll be safe at the church.

That's all the way across town. How are we supposed to get there?

Just follow me.

Well... okay, we'll follow you.

Surprise! As soon as you stop talking zombie crashes through the window. A strong kick in the knee and a shotgun blast put him down, but it's a pure luck on my part. Often scripting gets buggy and zombie appears during the conversation with oldfags leaving Stranger completely defenseless.

Babysitting this bunch is pretty much the worst thing in the game so far. Not only they are pathetically slow and fragile, group pathfinding makes it a complete nightmare given their tendency to get stuck in every corner.

After much

Phew. Only one farmhouse left unchecked.

And it's devoid of life. But there is a door leading to a cellar which can't be opened even with a stick of dynamite.

Maybe nigga can prove himself useful after all?

They're not voodoo zombies. None of my magic works against them. The only way to stop them is brute force: detach their brains from their bodies.

Whatever dark influence hangs over this place has energized the motor control areas of their brains. There's no consciousness in these things, just half-remembered abilities like walking and eating.

Hmm, maybe Reverend can offer advice...

Why didn't you mention that while we were at your house?

Well, I wasn't sure we could trust you. Now I know if anyone can save them, you can.

They're in the Jenkins' basement, out back of the other farmhouse. They're hiding in the cellar and won't open the door unless they hear out special knock.

*He demonstrates it*

Very original. I'll be right back with your children.

Another pointless trip.

Zombies want to taste some baby meat too.

Stranger uses that special knock and kids open the door.

Who are you?

There is no time for introductions. Come with me to the church.

Why?

Your parents and others from town are there. You'll be safe, there.

All right. Come on, Tommy.

Good news, they are much faster than their progenitors. Bad new: zombie are pretty mad about them, and feggets' favorite pastime seems to be steeping into shotgun's line of fire

Success.

Hey mama, look who came to save us!

Bobbi Sue, get away from that man!

Stranger steps inside the church

Are you going to hell, now?

Tommy! Watch your language, or you'll get a whippin'!

But Ma, that's where all the monsters are!

Where?

The pit! I saw lots of monsters in there. It's really the doorway to hell. All the monsters are coming from there. I've seen it.

He must mean the old mine. It's been abandoned for years and sealed off but I think the kids have found a way into it.

What do you think?

The boy might be right. When I first got here, I noticed it. There's definitely something not right about that place. I asked around, but no one knows much about it.

There was an accident there, and the mine was shut down. It's been abandoned for decades.

A strange man came into town last winter asking about the old mine. But he disappeared.

I'll look into it. How do I get in?

The gate's locked, but I know how to open it from the inside. I'll help you!

Little boy crawls inside some hole and opens the door from inside.

There you go, mister monster killer!

I'll take you back to the church.

Aw, shoot. I can outrun any of those old monsters. I'll go myself.

Suit yourself.

Stranger enters the dark passage.

 

[Brother None]

Aw, shoot. I can outrun any of those old monsters. I'll go myself.

THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SO BEFORE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I love voodoo sheeeeit. More of it. Samedi kicks ass.

 

[Darth Roxor]

Poor deputy, missing one arm. I wonder how he didn't bleed to death.

He's X-TREME, obviously.

Also, gotta love them escort missions. If there's one thing that's good about streamlined modern gaemingz it's that there are no escort missions nowadays (or at least I can't think of many in the last few years).

 

[CappenVarra]

Oh boy, that's way too many escort missions. But at least there was some classy shit, like the Baron Samedi appearance and zombie cows. The only thing we're missing is Black Cat explaining the details of proper Samedi interaction for a few pages

Nice choice of dialogue portraits btw

 

[ghostdog]

Nice LP, keep it up !

I never got far in this game because I hated the control sceme.

 

[Twinkle]

ACT 2, PART 3 - GET OUT OF HERE, STALKER

Stranger emerges in a dark cavern, rocks falling around left and right. He presses forward a bit, discover a fork. Will he choose left tunnel or right tunnel?

The miners have turned into mindless drones, not capable of anything but being a fresh prey for Stranger's guns. Surprisingly, flashlights attached to their helmets were still turned on.

At another intersection Stranger enters pitch-dark left corridor. It leads him to a gas-filled chamber which he can't enter.

Thanks for stating obvious. Still, gas can't stop him from clearing the chamber from hostiles without getting inside.

He picks a relatively well-lit tunnel and moves along, protecting himself from many menaces lurking in the dark.

Stranger reaches long wooden bridge and crosses it to the other side.

Nearby stands a shack containing various useful supplies.

Hmm, there is something not quite right about this gas mask. Need to examine closer... Strange writings in cyrillic. It says: "Made in Ukrainian SSR". But how did it appear in the heart of the US?

Stranger turns lights on wherever possible

The tunnel ends up being blocked by rubble. Need some serious explosion to clear this shit.

Stranger backtracks to the gas-filled chamber.

I have to put this thing on. No other choice.

Uuuuugh, this stench is unbearable. How could soviets produce something that bad?

It's shit, retard.

Voices in my head?

I am just as real as the smell of shit you are currently experiencing. You can drop your "make-believe" pretentious crap already and accept the reality.

Damn, these Russians couldn't be so ahead of us in terms of mind control technology. Spookhouse would have known otherwise!

I am Ukrainian, cretin. And no, I won't bother with trying to explain things that are too complex for your primitive twitchy kwanzanian mind. Shut up and listen what I say - this way you have a small chance of surviving.

Now grab all shit in this room and move on.

Now whack him.

And drop some dynamite here.

Get down.

So tell me: what's the purpose of your existence?

I fight monsters.

No. You run like a retarded headless chicken in random 2m wide corridors twitching your triggers as soon as anything moves. Your life lacks complexity: you just perform the same idiotic action over and over and over. See if you want to repeat some pointless repetitive stuff with your fingers you may as well jerk off in the corner. Saves you some effort.

Also somebody tell Americans that they should come out of their closets and see that real mines for one don't look like some nigger took a shit in the gray hole.

So a room full of boxes filled with explosives. Very original. Watch where you shoot.

Now exercise yourself a bit. Grab this box.

Put in on the loader.

Then pull a lever.

My elevated senses indicate that in order to reach the loader platform you need to suffer through a sequence of stupid jumps.

Screw that. Leave that monkey stuff for kiddie games. I am here for a serious reason, goddamnit.

Calculating alternative route... OK, You have to haul this shit yourself. Get to work.

For such tasks we in Ukraine use women, ha ha.

Hey, stupid, put this thing away for now. Clean the tunnels from tango presence first.

Left trigger - right trigger, left trigger - right trigger, left trigger - right trigger: it's almost like me playing on my xbo--- nevermind.

Now backtrack and grab that turd.

Tell me, Stranger, what kind of person are you?

It is of no concern to you.

Ah, I see - edgy, brooding, no-nonsense hard-boiled detective dealing in supernatural. Completing assignments no matter the cost.

A walking "film-noir" archetype, yeah.

Except this is no noir. Film Noir is mostly a visual style. Noir = dark - dim lighting, heavy shadows, all that kind of shit.

It's pretty dark down here, actually.

That's not what I meant, dipshit.

Define noir then.

Surely an esteemed gentleman like you must know the translation of a french word Noir which doesn't mean "a crime movie set in 30s".

I am waiting.

They were called black/dark movies because they had gangsters in 30s.

Your babbling won't confuse me, gas mask.

Explosions. You dumb kwans seem to like them.

Larvae or some shit. Blow them with your dynamite, their skin in nearly impervious to bullets.

Don't spare dynamite. That's how we in Ukraine go fishing.

 

[Darth Roxor]

 

[Radisshu]

 

[lightbane]

Left trigger - right trigger, left trigger - right trigger, left trigger - right trigger: it's almost like me playing on my xbo--- nevermind.

 

[Twinkle]

ACT 2, PART 4 - CALL OF CTHULHU

Trannies and gentlemen, I'm back. After months of procrastination I found a perfect candidate for my next LP. But first, I wish to conclude Joshua Stranger's story, after all the best part of the game is still way ahead.

Our journey into green caverns continues.

As stated before, grubs don't care much about being shot at, using explosives is way more efficient.

With caverns cleared, Stranger descends into large underground temple.

This is an obvious bait, designed for small-minded idiots like you. Go on, grab it, and prove my intellectual superiority.

Har har. The logic dictates that you have to install it somewhere else, so keep going.

In the large chamber a huge insectoid monstrosity floats in the stasis. A web of unseen magical barriers surrounds the thing, preventing it from moving. Stranger installs newly found magical stone onto one of the pedestals, and two pair of laser-like beams protrude from it, connecting with another two pedestals. It's obviously that more stones are needed to encircle the monster.

Oh look, a huge flying beetle. How original. Without any hyperbole, some specimen in Ukraine aren't all that smaller, except we aren't retards who build underground temples only to worship some nature freaks.

In his search for other magical stones Stranger continues to put down monster's offspring.

Stranger uses an elevator and emerges on the top of a platform.

Yeah, take it.

Unsurprisingly, floor disappears. The only way back is jumping from pillar to pillar.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Shut up.

Road back to the main room is no less dangerous

Here goes another one.

Placing the stone unlock another passage.

The world has three dimensions, blind fool. Look up and prepare to die.

Thank Cthulhu, unlike many other horror games, Stranger's running speed isn't artifically impaired.

Another stone in place, another passage opened.

Impossible jumps, false floors, spiked ceilings, jigsaws... Are you a descendant of some Persian royal bloodline perchance?

No.

Two more left.

What's the point of this contraption? Unless your want to kill yourself there is no way this thing can do you any harm.

After snatching the stone more spikes appear seemingly obstructing way to escape. The key is just walking slowly, in this case they won't do Stranger any harm.

Only one remains.

Hmm, no detectable trap here. Not good.

A swarm of insectoid monsters surrounds Stranger, and his desperate attempts to shoot his way through prove futile.

In the meantime in the main chamber some entity awakens. Looking like a hybrid of human and insect the creature is draped in priest robes.

Hiator, trollor iannam.

What? Replace me? It was I who summoned you. If not for me, you would have slept another ten millennia in this ancient pit! I awoke you. I gave you an entire town to feed on and this is how you repay me?

Hiator, en gemner hotha il trae.

Priest notices Stranger.

I'm no longer useful? And this is what you choose to replace me?

Hiacham, ju marl kron a hiator.

Drones make a short work of the priest. In mere moment he ceases his pitiful existence.

Hiator, il trae baota hough ree-ewn kiatag.

The creature obviously is capable of sending its thoughts directly via telepathic link. The meaning of his words becomes apparent to Stranger: "You will now take the role of my high priest".

The hell I will.

Not the kind of of offer one can refuse. Only help from equally powerful being can remedy this dire situation.... And the help arrives.

Baron's powerful lighting spell disintegrates the drones. But more will surely come.

Where the hell did you come from?

I see you've awoken an elder god.

I had nothing to do with that.

Barons laughs.

I know. There's no way a little man like you could bring this monster out of eternity. But you can send it back. This entire chamber is designed to contain that monster. All you need is a binding stone. It's disc-shaped with the image of that fiend engraved on it.

Stranger demonstrates the last stone he found.

You mean like this?

That's the one! The seal on the floor is incomplete without it.

Only a few seconds available for Stranger before the God crushes him but somehow he manages put the stone where it belongs. Giant bolts of lightning strike the God and whole complex begins to crumble.

Captured by grubs, rescued by niggers. What a shameful excuse of a man you are!

Strangers makes the best best use of this miraculous rescue and escapes the tunnels.

He meets Scat Dazzle, who is back to his "normal" form, outside.

This place feels different already.

That thing is still down there. Asleep, but still there.

Surely no one will mess with it again?

Yeah, right. I'll get a Spookhouse containment team out here to clean up.

Stranger, wait.

What.

Your gas mask. You don't need it anymore.

You are correct.

He pulls gas mask off.

Wait? Where is this sound coming from?

He hears a constant stream of repeating words "Nigger!" and "Shit" mixed with illegible profanity.

Let me... examine it.

Don't let him touch me, cretin! Subhuman filth! Just a moment ago he might have been jerking off or exploring dark caverns of his bumhole with his fingers. Take me back, retard!

Here, grab it.

No, shithead!

This is just a regular gas mask in poor condition. Very dated and somewhat unusual design, though.

But I could hear it talking.

I am attuned to magic and I can't sense any in this junk. Perhaps you ingested some of that weird green gas and, coupled with telepathic influences of the Elder God it had a strong hallucinatory effect.

That doesn't explain all things I heard from it.

Ever heard about subconsciousness? Essentially, it was your inner self talking. We can examine it closer at the Spookhouse if you wish.

No. Just throw the damned thing away. I don't want it anywhere near me.

End of Act 2

 

[Darth Roxor]

ITZ ALIVE

 

[CappenVarra]

ITZ ALIVE