Completed Play-by-Post: In Search of the Sorcerer

[L'ennui]

"Violence is all these Northern savages know... this was inevitable. Hopefully it will be over quickly and the only blood shed will be theirs."

 

[Stella Brando]

Rashid clears his throat.

In a loud clear voice, he launches into Pictish Epic Poetry, a mode he has had plenty of chances to study...


Come Picts, young and old
Listen 'till my tale has been told
'Tis an epic saga I begin
The feats of the great hero, Uvan

Uvan did travel through the wood
To where folks said a dragon stood
He thought: "This lizard I will slay,
And be the great legend of my day"

Suddenly there was swipes and swooshes
And something emerged from the bushes
"Oh gods'" he said, "It's just a bunny."
But his kilt had begun to smell quite funny...


Rashid takes a deep breath.

He readies himself to continue The Saga of Uvan...

 

[Stella Brando]

Uvan wandered back to town,
His kilt now an unsightly brown
He hoped to get back to his hut unseen
And change into something far more clean

But this was not to be,
For today was the anniversary
Of a fighter on the Keltic border
Who had managed to keep his bowels in order

Every villager lined the way
For there was a great parade that day
Uvan tried to sneak quietly down the path
But the crowd began to point and laugh

Suddenly a voice from the crowd did bellow:
"Uvie's tartan is brown and yellow!"
Cried out one local wit:
"What House is that? Clan MacShit?"


Rashid pauses a moment for effect, but The Saga of Uvan is not finished yet...

 

[Llywelyn ap Gruffydd]

Cormac snorts, then covers his mouth, attempting to not laugh after hearing the epic tale of Uvan.

 

[Stella Brando]

Uvan gains a third colour: red
As jaunts and jeers fill his head
His story is told by every lad
They even hear it in Akkad'

Eventually Uvan reached his hut
And was greeted by his wife and mutt
Over the fence his dog did jump
To seek the fresher airs of the local dump

Uvan's wife Boudicca is a strapping lass
With a chest like two boulders and a ten-foot-wide-ass
She shrieks "I just bought the washing in!"
And gives him a fine wallop with a rolling pin.

She bellows: "You've only one one kilt, you jerk"
But I have a sexy red number that ought to work.
It's designed by the finest tailors way down South"
Poor Uvie knows better than to open his mouth.

Rashid pauses to catch his breath. The end of the The Saga of Uvan is in sight.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Borric wonders at the long singing of the former slave. Surely a mere taunt to a fight cannot take so long?

 

[Stella Brando]

Through the window comes calls and whistles
As his wife completes the outfit with purple thistles
Uvans kilt-staining had shocked the Pictish nation
But it's nothing next to questions about his sexual orientation

By now Uvan wants off this ride
He needs something that will stir his manly pride
He says to his wife: "When my nails are done
Let me look on the face of my new-born son."

His wife hurries to go and fetch the boy
She soon returns with their pride and joy
Uvan suddenly feels even more unmanned
He stammers "Th-that boy is awfully tanned!"

Uvan sees that the situation is grave
He begins to regret ever owning a slave
His wife says: "Tanned? Dark-skinned, rather
He's Akkadian, like his father."


Rashid comes to a stop. The Saga of Uvan is complete.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Spoiler

That's probably amongst the sickest burns to ever be given. Too bad Borric can't into Pictish or he'd probably drop a verse or two. Stalin_Brando

 

[Siveon]

Marcán whispers to himself with a smirk on his face, "Oh, I'll have to remember that one." Most that he understands, anyway.

 

[Stella Brando]

Spoiler

Thanks for the positive feedback, broes.

Rashid waits behind cover, wondering if his parody has had any effect.

 

[L'ennui]

"That fucker can sing, I'll give him that." Urash whispers.

 

[Grimgravy]

"You've been here a while, any truth to his verses or is he just being viciously creative?" Rhenmyr whispers back.

 

[Stella Brando]

Rashid's mind begins to wander... What if what feels like seconds and minutes to me, is like days to some other creature?

For a moment he feels like he's surrounded by hashish smoke and harem girls, back in the scented gardens of Alam- You have a job to do! Focus! Concentrate!

Rashid shakes his head and rubs his eyes, ready to slay once more.

 

[L'ennui]

OOC

I'm assuming Uvan's saga is a well-crafted fiction? nikolokolus Stalin_Brando

"As far as I know, pure fabrication. Somehow, that makes it all the more impressive."

 

[nikolokolus]

Spoiler

Sorry for the delay guys. I'm on the road this weekend, but I'll have proper reply by this evening

 

[Stella Brando]

Spoiler

No worries, Nick.

Regarding Uvan's Saga - the more things you throw at the wall, the more something is likely to stick.

 

[Helly]

Spoiler

Alerts, why aren't you working

"By Cernunnos, was the plan to get them to sleep? Don't you have an abridged version? By the way, how are those men armed? Weapons of iron or steel, or oak and ebony?"
Ker gets into position and wait for an answer before prepping his spells.

 

[nikolokolus]

Spoiler

Just wanted to say that was immensely enoyable and had me laughing. Grade A stuff and because it's so awesome I'm going to give you a fat bonus of +2 on Uvan's 2d6 "morale" check to see if he loses his cool.

If I roll a 7 or higher he's going to do something rather rash.

Uvan's Morale check [2d6] = 7

Rashid's jeers echo loudly off the walls of the crypt and seem to come from everywhere all at once. At one point during the "saga" Brule let's out a loud snort of derisive laughter. After the litany is over, there is a long pregnant pause and the only audible sound is the wind whistling through the breach in the door. Finally Uvan breaks the silence, his voice little more than a growl, "Ya fucking cunt! I should've cut yer filthy foreigner's tongue out ages ago."

Seconds later he rushes into the breach with his sword held in front of him and begins jogging down the narrow passage with a lit brand held in front of him seemingly oblivious to whatever might be waiting for him

Spoiler

Stalin_Brando roll your "hide check" (same as your saving throw) If you succeed, you stay hidden and can sneak attack during the surprise round (or subsequent round) otherwise you will get a normal free attack in the surprise round. It's worth noting that you are now behind Uvan, since the only viable hiding place was just inside the door where it had been smashed in. Additionally if you want to spring on him when he's up to the edge of the pit, that's also an option . . .

 

[Stella Brando]

Spoiler

Hide throw: [1d20] = 2

I guess he saw me.

Actually, I really want to subdue the bastard and put him on his own chain, not kill him directly.

But since the others have gone to the trouble of setting up a trap, I guess I'll try to kick him into the pit.

Hopefully he won't die instantly.

 

[nikolokolus]

OOC

He doesn't "see you" so much as he senses something behind him (he rushed in enraged and heedless because of the "song" and his light only illuminates so far. If you want to try and kick him into the pit then my ruling is that you do get a fee attack, he doesn't gain any benefit from Dexterity Bonus or Shield because he's flat-flooted. If you hit, he has to make a saving throw or he trips over the rope and goes into the pit.

Everyone else gets a "free attack/action" in the surprise round. this can be a spell, a missile weapon or melee attack for the two standing on the ledges adjacent to the southern passage

 

[Siveon]

Spoiler

The two standing on the ledges adjacent would be Borric and Brule, right?

 

[nikolokolus]

OOC

yes, indeed.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Spoiler

I'm here wondering what's the best way to incapacitate Uvan while keeping him alive for Rashid's purposes... Maybe roll for a whack to his kneecap, nikolokolus.
Damn, having a job sucks if you can't browse codex at work.

 

[Stella Brando]

Spoiler

If we do try to keep him alive, i'll whack him on the back of the head with the blunt end of my weapon.


What do you guys do at work if you can't use the Codex?

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Spoiler

Browse the codex from my primitive phone of course. I just started this job effectively two days back, so it's not like I can even work to pass the time.