Review RPG Codex Retrospective Review: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006)

[NotAGolfer]

April fool's jokes should be confined to 1. of April, delete that shit when the day is over or put a huge disclaimer in the title at least. The articles on this site are the only ones I read when it comes to CRPG news or CRPGs in general, and there's nothing weird about doing an Oblivion retrospective now that the game turned ten.
Or at least make the jokes more obvious from the start on, the way this devolves into increasingly silly bs might be nice and all but it still wastes my time with reading the first paragraphs.

 

[Average Manatee]

Must be getting old. I don't remember sending you my screenshot of the Estrus spell, Deuce Traveler

 

[Wayward Son]

I have to say, for someone who has sadly played a lot of this game, this is all highly accurate. Including the mods stuff. I think my last ten or eleven hours of Oblivion were spent testing mods to make the game better. Please get me psychiatric help...

 

[Parsifarka]

Or at least make the jokes more obvious from the start on, the way this devolves into increasingly silly bs might be nice and all but it still wastes my time with reading the first paragraphs.

An Oblivion review wasn't obvious enough?

 

[Bumvelcrow]

So the part about Viconia and the Nerevarine Conspiracy to take over the empire was just fine?

Admittedly, I got a bit confused by the dual good/evil plotlines, but my first thought was: COOL! I didn't know that - time to play it again!!



Viconia turning up (particularly with such a fetching appearance) made me realise that things were not as they seemed. Trust has broken down, Infinitron.

 

[NotAGolfer]

Or at least make the jokes more obvious from the start on, the way this devolves into increasingly silly bs might be nice and all but it still wastes my time with reading the first paragraphs.

An Oblivion review wasn't obvious enough?

Here on Codex there can never be enough reviews. About anything.

 

[Infinitron]

Update: It turns out we have been a little too hasty into publishing this retrospective review and didn't properly check. It was, in fact, an April Fools' joke, and as such includes jokes in both its texts and screenshots. Congratulations to the RPG Codex for the well-done joke.

 

[Jaesun]

 

[Average Manatee]

Update: It turns out we have been a little too hasty into publishing this retrospective review and didn't properly check. It was, in fact, an April Fools' joke, and as such includes jokes in both its texts and screenshots. Congratulations to the RPG Codex for the well-done joke.

Excellent.

 

[Deuce Traveler]

This was a fun experiment. Out of the folks that responded, some obviously didn't read the entire review but instead gave a knee-jerked response, others took just enough time to rant about Oblivion, and a handful of prestigious gentlemen figured it out without having to come back later and edit their posts. No one publicly noticed that I haven't actually completed the Morrowind review I kept referring about.

Anyway, here is the list of mods I used in the mock review:
- Akatosh Mount (for riding dragons... after all, in lore the Nerevarine supposedly ends up in the land of dragons during the time of Oblivion)
- HGEC Body
- Companion Vilja (pretty cool mod)
- Viconia DeVir: the Underdark Saga (pretty lame mod)
- CM Partners (for NPCs)
- Estrus (had to give you guys an easy reveal on the gag, outside Viconia)
- Midas Magic Spells of Aurum (very cool mod)
- Red Rose Manor (nice if you like that sort of thing)
- Kvatch Rebuilt (adds some needed story depth to a bland story)

I almost used Claudia's Little Secret and Apachii Goddess Store, but that would have been overdoing it. Hell, Estrus was probably overdoing it...

I also grabbed some screen shots here at the Codex and a few other places I found on Google. I was going to replay and take screen shots, but I just couldn't make myself go through this game again, even though it's been a few years since I beat it.

Oblivion already had a review that really couldn't be topped, by Vault Dweller, so go read that: http://www.rpgcodex.net/article.php?id=129

And that review had a rebuttal: http://www.rpgcodex.net/article.php?id=142

I'd be damned if Oblivion would have three real reviews. It doesn't warrant the attention.

The Morrowind review will come sometime this summer (playing on and off, and 1/3 done with the review, but I'm doing Serpent in the Staglands first...) and then Skyrim towards the end of the year.

 

[Infinitron]

Isn't the "land of dragons" Akavir?

 

[Wayward Son]

Isn't the "land of dragons" Akavir?

Yeah and in Oblivion, one rumor some Dark Elves will say is that Nerevarine went missing in Akavir.

 

[Bumvelcrow]

This was a fun experiment. Out of the folks that responded, some obviously didn't read the entire review but instead gave a knee-jerked response, others took just enough time to rant about Oblivion, and a handful of prestigious gentlemen figured it out without having to come back later and edit their posts. No one publicly noticed that I haven't actually completed the Morrowind review I kept referring about.

It's one of those days - the lack of Morrowind review didn't even register. I presumed I'd read it and forgotten about it. Only afterwards did I realise the last one I remembered was your Battlespire review.

I read about half before coming to comment so it had just got confusing but not obviously a fake.

Looking forward to your Morrowind review, you fucktard.

 

[Xzylvador]

Yeah and in Oblivion, one rumor some Dark Elves will say is that Nerevarine went missing in Akavir.

Storyfag confirmed...
Why said fag is playing Beth games, however, is still beyond me.

 

[Wayward Son]

Yeah and in Oblivion, one rumor some Dark Elves will say is that Nerevarine went missing in Akavir.

Storyfag confirmed...
Why said fag is playing Beth games, however, is still beyond me.

Sadly enough, modern Bethesda games were my first "RPGs". On the topic of the rumor, I just heard it as I was randomly wandering the IC

 

[Azrael the cat]

April fool's jokes should be confined to 1. of April, delete that shit when the day is over or put a huge disclaimer in the title at least. The articles on this site are the only ones I read when it comes to CRPG news or CRPGs in general, and there's nothing weird about doing an Oblivion retrospective now that the game turned ten.
Or at least make the jokes more obvious from the start on, the way this devolves into increasingly silly bs might be nice and all but it still wastes my time with reading the first paragraphs.

Both the review and the entire thread should be deleted from the Codex. Otherwise it will give things away and ruin the fun when we start posting the 'hidden evil ending' as rumour on rpgwatch, the Escapist, etc.

Anyone here familiar with the running communal 'drop-bear' joke that Australians play on visitors from the US? It's a national thing, where we go around telling Americans that there's a carnivorous, highly aggressive, cousin of the koala that will ambush you from above, shredding the shit out of your face if you manage to survive (you usually add some humiliation next, like saying that you have to smear vegemite on the back of your neck so that the smell deters them). Now it only works if everyone does it, and more importantly, you have to do it when you run into Americans outside of Australia, so that they go home and tell their friends about the drop-bears, and they believe it because they met you travelling through France, not Australia, so you had no reason to lie to them about it.

And the awesome thing is, everyone in Australia is in on it, and they pretty much all contribute. We even manage to get the New Zealanders to join in, with a few 'oh, you off to Australia next? Geez, be careful of the dropbears, my friend needed 63 stitches from one of those buggers.'

I vote we delete this thread, and then go forth and independently spread the news of the hidden evil ending as the Neverarine in Oblivion. Deny all knowledge of each other, and of the rpgcodex. Wherever you see someone posting about the hidden evil ending in a forum, and other people are calling bullshit, tell them that you found it too, that it was pretty lame, not really worth it in your view, but definitely in the game. I mean not anything you'd bother going back for - plenty of content, I mean it's solid 8 hours at least and changes the last 2 chapters of the main quest, but really, it's not that big a deal, definitely not worth spending weeks replaying the game to try and find or anything...

 

[HiddenX]

Both the review and the entire thread should be deleted from the Codex. Otherwise it will give things away and ruin the fun when we start posting the 'hidden evil ending' as rumour on rpgwatch, the Escapist, etc.

 

[Bumvelcrow]

Well done, Azrael the cat - could you maybe have shouted that idea a bit louder? Now the Germans know our plans.

 

[Gentle Player]

The best part of this gag was the reference to the Morrowind review. I only read this article today, without checking its date, and had no reason to believe it was a joke having read the same author's other ES retrospectives. So, the first thing I did before even reading the full article was to search Codex catalogue for the Morrowind review and after failing to find anything, but thinking that it was a mistake on the part of the Codex news archives, I took to Google to search for it before eventually shrugging my shoulders and just reading the Oblivion review. Then I realised my folly

 

[Crispy]

I totally knew this was a joke. Totally.

 

[Jedi Master Radek]

April fool's jokes should be confined to 1. of April, delete that shit when the day is over or put a huge disclaimer in the title at least. The articles on this site are the only ones I read when it comes to CRPG news or CRPGs in general, and there's nothing weird about doing an Oblivion retrospective now that the game turned ten.
Or at least make the jokes more obvious from the start on, the way this devolves into increasingly silly bs might be nice and all but it still wastes my time with reading the first paragraphs.

Both the review and the entire thread should be deleted from the Codex. Otherwise it will give things away and ruin the fun when we start posting the 'hidden evil ending' as rumour on rpgwatch, the Escapist, etc.

Anyone here familiar with the running communal 'drop-bear' joke that Australians play on visitors from the US? It's a national thing, where we go around telling Americans that there's a carnivorous, highly aggressive, cousin of the koala that will ambush you from above, shredding the shit out of your face if you manage to survive (you usually add some humiliation next, like saying that you have to smear vegemite on the back of your neck so that the smell deters them). Now it only works if everyone does it, and more importantly, you have to do it when you run into Americans outside of Australia, so that they go home and tell their friends about the drop-bears, and they believe it because they met you travelling through France, not Australia, so you had no reason to lie to them about it.

And the awesome thing is, everyone in Australia is in on it, and they pretty much all contribute. We even manage to get the New Zealanders to join in, with a few 'oh, you off to Australia next? Geez, be careful of the dropbears, my friend needed 63 stitches from one of those buggers.'

I vote we delete this thread, and then go forth and independently spread the news of the hidden evil ending as the Neverarine in Oblivion. Deny all knowledge of each other, and of the rpgcodex. Wherever you see someone posting about the hidden evil ending in a forum, and other people are calling bullshit, tell them that you found it too, that it was pretty lame, not really worth it in your view, but definitely in the game. I mean not anything you'd bother going back for - plenty of content, I mean it's solid 8 hours at least and changes the last 2 chapters of the main quest, but really, it's not that big a deal, definitely not worth spending weeks replaying the game to try and find or anything...

Why give bad games any kind of cool rumor? Do it for good games.

 

[Trash]

Nice and fun review. Morrowind itself was such a massive let down that I stopped caring about Elder Scroll games. Watched a roommate play and decided that this Disney World version of a fantasy setting wasn't worth going back for.

Anyway, can we expect a Skyrim april fool's review as well?

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

April Fools' Day things should stay on April Fools' Day. This 'article' should get removed from the front page or at least get an April Fools' tag in the title or something.

Agreed. I am extremely disappointed to see "jokes" on this web site outside of the annual International Jokes and Japery Day (a day inspired by The Purge in which, for 24 hours, jokes are legal and may be told without fear of punishment) and am considering legal action for the emotional trauma inflicted by my exposure to words and indeed entire sentences that proved, once read, to be for entertainment purposes and of little to no educational value in our esteemed area of study.

 

[Delterius]

Why give bad games any kind of cool rumor? Do it for good games.

Don't be silly, where's the fun in tricking people to play good games?

 

[Nines]

Yes, Oblivion is a bizarro world RPG where you want to avoid leveling up. It may be the only RPG that has ever caused min-maxers to play with the intent of dragging out level ups. It works like this. You can choose seven skills as your major class skills. I typically lean upon Blade, Marksman, Security, Heavy Armor, and Stealth skills, with various magic skills for backup. I hardly ever use Mercantile, Hand-to-Hand, Armorer, Alchemy, Blunt, Destruction and Speechcraft. So of course I choose the latter as my major skills, and take the hit of poor starting scores for the skills I will actually depend upon in practice.

This is the quintessence of the Zenithesda's incompetence at making RPGs. Really, this paragraph is everything you need to know about Oblivion.