Competition Score access to the Divinity: Original Sin ALPHA - just fill in the blanks!

[you know what time it is]

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead

Macaulay Culkin​

 

[Kem0sabe]

Are chipmunks squirrels? I'm watching Alvin and the chipmunks on TV atm with my niece, and i'm getting more and more curious about these demonic sounding creatures, anyways, here are my entries:

1. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Message In A Bottle

To whomever finds this message,

From a knife to the back to a kick in the nuts, life has seen fit to dish out a truly sad spectacle of misfortunes onto my person.

As i stand stranded in this tiny inlet with little more for company than a few trees a a truly mischievous looking squirrel, i have decided to impart a few words of wisdom to all who may find themselves running fowl of fate, the gods or an angry wife...

Do not trust anyone to do for you what you cannot do yourself, for there are no free meals.

Regards,

Yolo Eggnogling
​

2. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Personal Pet

A squirrel named squirly.

This squirrel is the squirliest of squirrels. You know he is up to no good by just looking into his shifty little seedy eyes, so it is often with little surprise that you find yourself missing more than one nut.​

4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods

Beware of squirrels, they will have your nuts and then your life.

​

 

[SuicideBunny]

1. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Message In A Bottle
Name: A barely readable message on a singed parchment.
Message: Don't trust a single word out of an imp's mouth!

2. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Personal Pet
Name: Emergency ration
Description: A shaggy mixed-breed Dog with terribly sad eyes.

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead
name: Yolo the Jester

9. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item
name: Minor mana potion
description: health potion colored blue.
descrition text: Use to restore 40 mana.
when used, displays flavor text saying: "Mmmmh, tastes like chicken." above character that used it and has a random food item effect.

 

[SuicideBunny]

excel saga?

nope, i was reading about korean food.

 

[Correct_Carlo]

1. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Message In A Bottle

Dear Hero,

I know this message will surprise you. Please accept my quest. My name is SIR COMMANDER RHODE. I am the leader of (DRAGON SLAYERS LTD) located in Farglow town. I was betrayed by my subordinates and wrongfully imprisoned by the Aleroth guard and turned to stone by the wizard Bellagar. My condition is hopeless to survive. Nobody to summon for help. I am using my last magic to send you this message. I want you to take over my treasure in Farglow of $10,000,000.00 silver pieces and send a rescue expedition. I will offer you 12% for your commitment. Presently I cannot respond you, please contact my lieutenant Marius who direct and arrange release of the funds to you.

Yours faithfully, SIR COMMANDER RHODE, ESQ. Ph.D(Dragon Slaying)

This one is great because using RPG logic some random dude asking you to give him your bank account details to help him from being wrongfully imprisoned wouldn't be questioned by most players while playing a game, whereas if they get the same e-mail in real lifee they'd instantly delete it. So it's not just a parody of Nigerian spam e-mails, but it's also, more generally, a parody of the "NPCs as mechanical quest dispensers" approach to RPG quest design, which is always random strangers asking for favors and the hero going out of his way to meet them, with rarely any level of guile or suspicion or ulterior motives involved.

I think you could rework it to make the satire a tad more biting/humorous, but otherwise it's a good idea. In fact, it'd be kind of hilarious to design a whole quest line around this (i.e. you actually go and get to meet the Divinity equivelant of Nigerian E-mail spammers and get caught up in their shenanigans......the possibilities there are endless).

So, yeah:

 

[a cut of domestic sheep prime]

1. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Message In A Bottle

Alright, here are the tickets. I'm ready. - Bryce
​

2. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Personal Pet
DraQ - a naked homeless man who snarls and babbles incessantly about something called "Requiem".
Example:
"Snarl! Growl! Requiem! Blahahahaha!"
"Good boy, DraQ! Here's a treat!"
"Ruff! Ruff!"

3. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Dual Dialogue

'sup Drog.
No u.
​

4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods

Fate Unlock Code: MMX2-GTF6-5555-1210-****

The last few digits appear to be scratched out. Looks like you'll have to search elsewhere...
​

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead

Vorlourn - He should drop an "Honourblade" if possible.
​

6. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Summon
Andhaira - An imp of some sort. Should randomly spout discussion topics. "Meat vs potatos: which is better and why? Discuss!"
7. Divinity: Original Sin Design A Henchman

Rex Exitium - Not much is known about the young squinty-eyed mercenary other than that he is said to have once been a ruler of great renown, wielding the mighty "Ban Hammer" in the kingdom of Codexia. It is rumored he was cast down from his tyrannical throne by the hero called "Vault Dweller". Why he ended up a washed up sword for hire afterward is anyone's guess - though most say it is because he's kind of a git.
​

8. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item Combo

Cake + Oven = Burned Cake - What did you think would happen when you put an already cooked cake in the oven, you ninny!?!
​

9. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item

Honourblade - An ancient blade, rumored to have belonged to an immortal Emperor from another dimension. Each strike absorbs 1% of the enemy's heath, magica, etc...

(See "Epic" in the Let's Play forum.)​

10. Divinity: Original Sin Design An NPC

Lambchop - a female elf with major boobage, wearing red.​

 

[Metro]

1. Fate Unlock Code: Don't actually say what it is but in conjunction with #4 (tree message) split up an ACTUAL Fate Unlock Code between the two locations. Either a Steam key or the DRM free whatever version from Wild Tangent.

2. Wannabe -- a dog adorned in a crappy 2nd grade art project dragon costume.

3. "Have you ever had this feeling you were meant to be someone else?"
"Yeah… sometimes when I'm alone at night…"
"You want to be a dragon?!?!"
"What?! No, I was going to say a man (woman, depends on gender). You want to be a dragon?! You're sick!"

4. See #1

5. Name of Undead: Peasy Gamming

6. Jarlg'drekar the Former Vice Assistant Pencil Sharpener to Haj'mathon but Now Doing Contract Work for Swen Vince.

7. Gibelon the Not So Surprisingly Chaste: Gibelon is a 'Dragonmage' with no real powers to speak of. He can 'breath fire' by combining alcohol and a torch or 'confuse' his enemies for X turns with a pathetic 'rawr' scream. After the initial confusion they will focus target him gaining +whatever to attack.

(Will think on the other stuff later.)

 

[Jaesun]

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead

The Prosperous Undead

 

[Dexter]

2. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Personal Pet

Please provide a name for the pet, and a description of what it should look like. (E.g. a black cat, a white dog...) We don't have all the animals available, but we'll try to provide as much as we can. Your pet will show up in your game, and if you play in co-op, your friend will also see this message.

Requires: Name, Description​

​

In my mind there seems to be only one right answer for this question.

Spoiler

 

[duchU]

4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods

The owls are not what they seem - Giant

 

[zelda64whatagreatgame]

Divinityriginal sin name a personl summon
Kishi the bad lampshade

Divinityriginal message in the woods
Dark now my pies
Partly buried by the roots is a small, empty box.

9. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item
A magical statue that changes shape, blurs partly in and out of existance.
If anyone touches it with their bare hands they fall down and start talking in tongues, not much else happens. The point of the statue is that it makes the player capable
of communicating with some sort of god or some creature while they're in the altered state. The only way for the player to find out where to use the statue (in proximity to this creature or god) is to find out which god or creature it is, and that could be a quest.

 

[Chunkyman]

4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods

"Play a better game, play Diablo 3."


8. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item Combo

Fedora-like hat + Jar of acne ointment = Potion of Euphoria (+5 Intelligence for 10 turns, or something)


10. Divinity: Original Sin Design An NPC

Kihl Bosbie, local pudding merchant of Cyseal. Dark skinned and male.


9. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item

"Genie Lamp"

It's a standard genie lamp. Upon clicking on it, you are told that you can get one simple, small wish granted. You are then prompted to say one of three options:

1.) "Some gold would be nice." (Get moderate amount of gold)

2.) "How about making me a bit healthier?" (Get +1 attribute point to distribute)

3.) "Uhhh.... Surprise me!" (Summons a high-level demon that is virtually guaranteed to kill your team)

 

[Zep Zepo]

7. Divinity: Original Sin Design A Henchman

Name: Gichard Rarriott

An old, washed out wizard always babbling about avatars and virtues and claiming to be the Lord of something or other. His only distinguishing feature is a 16 inch rat tail descending from the back of his balding head. He also claims to have visited the heavens in a flying machine.


Zep--

 

[sser]

9. Divinity: Original Sin Design An Item

Please describe an item. Give it a name and a backstory. Also describe, if applicable, what it can be used for. Please keep your item within the fantasy realm. You can create an item that can be picked up or a heavy, unmovable item. Your item will be in the final game for everyone to find and use.

Requires: Name, Description

Olmegg's Teeth.

A terribly gluttonous fool by the name of Olmegg ate every animal in his village, including the pets! Including his own pet, a dashingly handsome chickadee that never saw the betrayal coming. The gods saw it fit to punish the hideous Olmegg, and in doing so fastened him with magical teeth far too heavy to open. Thus, the filthy man was resigned to eating through his nose which, everyone had always assumed, was ill-designed for food consumption. The gods failed to foresee both the glutton's persistence in feeding, and his abnormally large and abetting nostrils. With two newfound "mouths", Olmegg vacuumed many a critter into his belly, and soon he was found eating as he slept! His intake doubling and tripling, and the villager's livestock dwindling, the gods sighed and struck the man down with a single lightning bolt. They say it was a very blue day with not a cloud in the sky, but soon after nature's nonsequitur it was raining in a "thickly manner."

The teeth rested in the grasp of an almost jurassic and geological shape. You assumed it was a nugget of silver, but was shocked to see a skull nod forward upon the item's retrieval. It smells of chocolates and you don't know why. You feel hungry and your sense of smell is sharpened.

 

[soulburner]

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead
Justine Bieber

6. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Summon
Name: Soulburner
Description: a golem-like entity which consumes souls. Instantly kills a single target upon touch each turn. After consuming a randomly determined amount of souls it becomes self aware and hostile to both the players' enemies and players themselves. After becoming aware it behaves like an average summoned creature, whatever those are like in the game.

 

[DwarvenFood]

4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods
Everything is shit.

 

[Don Peste]

1. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Message In A Bottle

Free our brothers.
Anonymous

 

[DwarvenFood]

Message in a bottle:

some should do a medieval variation on:

Fuck you. Fuck you all. I hope you die in a fire. I hope dogs piss on your grave. You fucking cunts. You have nothing better to do than troll all day? You no-life assholes, I steal art assets from the rich to give to the poor. I'm like the fucking Robin Hood of strategy games. You retarded little shits.

http://www.new1000ad.com

It's free! Come give it a try.

 

[Baron Dupek]

1.
Name: Dear customer
Description: We send you solution for yor problem with broken doors. Our best specialist said that you need to open them and close. Hope it will work, just like for our specialist. In case of any problems please send us a letter.

2.
Name: Fishhole Invader
Description: This ferret smell like flowers. Propably some endangered one.

4.
Description: Free candies. Just push the rock from that cave entrance.

5.
Name: AfterhoursForEver

6.
Name: Memory of the Old Winds
Description: Air Elemental. Propably the greatest lover of cabbage. The source of his mystical powers is still unknown.

7.
Name: Skald the Pusher
Description: wandering plumberman and wagon thief, outcast from his motherland where group of RedBands' agents introduced ironhand reign, in reality just destroyed the whole land. Will work for cat food.

9.
Name: Red Comb
Description: You can notice a remainings of virginal mustaches. His owner, leaded by false promises, sacrificed his life in battle, propably result of the failed diplomatics. Like every contemporary war...

10.
Name: Nub the Freshwater
Description: Simply clever. I hope so...

11.
Name: Cat in the bag (what it could be?)
Description: What do you expected?

 

[Azrael the cat]

Well, as much as I'd like to appear as a certain cat with a taste for small blue humanoids who's constantly hamstrung by the idiocy of his master, surely there's only one plausible suggestion for the Codex pet: Andyman Messiah.

Basically you get to 'buy' a horse incredibly cheaply - spare change for the player at that point of the game - as part of a quest reward. The horse is called Andy, and before you can even pay for him, the old geezer you were going to buy him from dies of a heart attack. You then get an option to try riding the horse, but it simply refuses to move while you're sitting on it. It also refuses to carry any of your inventory, but nonetheless follows you around and prods you to feed it. A few times later in the game you wake up to find that 'someone' has put all of Andy's gear on your back - i.e. his oats, spare horseshoes and sugarcubes are all tied to a sack around your neck; you look up and see Andy - if a horse could talk you'd swear he was saying 'yeah, let's see you carry someone else's shit, bitch. Now get down and give me a fucking piggyback into town.'

Also, in the first town you stop in after buying Andy, some beggar happens to be revealed as a fraud just as you're passing through, and to avoid punishment he points at Andy and claims that he must be some sort of mystical savior of a horse, to magically give him his 'missing' leg back. Word spreads, and every place you go you encounter an increasing number of followers of the cult of 'Andy the horse-man Messiah'.

 

[Zeriel]

Message in a bottle:

some should do a medieval variation on:

Fuck you. Fuck you all. I hope you die in a fire. I hope dogs piss on your grave. You fucking cunts. You have nothing better to do than troll all day? You no-life assholes, I steal art assets from the rich to give to the poor. I'm like the fucking Robin Hood of strategy games. You retarded little shits.

http://www.new1000ad.com

It's free! Come give it a try.

Spoiler

Screw you. Screw you all. I hope you die in a fire. I hope dogs piss on your grave. You miserly scoundrels. You have nothing better to do than laze about all day? You penniless vagrants, I steal priceless paintings from the rich to give to the poor. I'm like the damn Bellegar of board games. You uneducated little dungheaps.

Fifth Avenue, Rivertown, #59
Games of Chance

It's free! Come give it a try.

 

[Coyote]

I love how that dogma7 parody quote is still making the rounds two years after the fact. Makes me feel like I've truly joined with the hivemind.

(Link for anyone who has not yet experienced the joys of the New 1000 AD thread. Give it a try, it's free!)

 

[Dreaad]

2. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Personal Pet

Name: YOLO
Description: A phoenix that constantly lies or gives dangerous one liner advice to the player like "I bet you can take him!" / "Don't worry I give you fire resistance."


4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods

Watch out for the snakes on level 5.

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead

Name Jichael Mackson (preferably comes with glowing yellow eyes)

 

[Awakened_Yeti]

10. Divinity: Original Sin Design An NPC

Please choose a name for an NPC, race, and gender.

Hormb "Lich Nailer" Greasebone, Dwarf, Male


You can choose what it should look like to a certain extent.

Hormb is a bit skinny for a dwarf, but he makes up for it with an even greater profusion of body hair than the average - enough so that he has braided his back hair into his massive mutton chops, which joins in encircling the back of his head, which is topped by a massive afro (referred to as a "fuzzboulder" by dwarves). He also has a profoundly thick, deep and rich mustache - but prefers his chin freshly shaved. He spends his off days tanning under a light magnification crystal of his own design, and by now has achieved a nice brown leathery skin tone. When out and about, Hormb always wears a custom suit of scale mail fitted with very large pieces of padded steel, under which he remains completely nude, and well oiled. There is an especially convenient mechanism for genital access through the codpiece region.


Requires: Name, Description

He enjoys lewd dancing, drunken piss fights, and pig gargling. However, Hormb's most favorite pastime of all is hunting down Liches, and just fucking the shit out of them. It doesn't really matter what state they are in - whether they still are up and about, flailing around as they try to escape being drilled by his short (but girthy) dwarven member... or simply a pile of dessicated remains, freshly slain or otherwise. It doesnt even matter what gender they are - as a skeleton or rotting corpse has many holes to choose from.. and if not, he can just make his own. Over the years he has constructed many strange devices, weapons and gear for achieving his greatest pleasure, and is widely considered the most capable Lich hunter of the alternative undead hunting scene. It is often said that "old Lich Nailer Greasebone always gets his Lich". This is not an exaggeration.

 

[zwanzig_zwoelf]

1. Divinity: Original Sin Personal Message In A Bottle

"My name is Arlene. Ding Dong Bannu arrived to our land. Please, save me from him! He keeps me in the basement and rapes me every evening! Though I don't know how this quest marker thing works, so I attached it to the message. Save me!!!"

or simply

"sup drog"

Oh wait, I have another idea:

"I know this is a fantasy world, but once you invent the nuclear bomb, please target the following adress:
Electronic Arts Ltd.
Privacy Policy Administrator
PO Box 1096
Guildford
GU1 9JN
United Kingdom

kthxbai"

2. Divinity: Original Sin Name A Personal Pet

Name: Infinitron

4. Divinity: Original Sin Message In The Woods

"Cromagnon forces will never take me alive. Never. NEVER! Come to my bunk and we can discuss the end of the world. Regards, Cleve."

5. Divinity: Original Sin Name An Undead

Crispy.