As I'm apparently not a learning animal, I attempted to win Incursion again. My last attempt failed because the game started crashing whenever I tried to descend to level 8 (after having gone down there and reascended at an earlier point). I'd never heard of that happening to anyone else. What are the odds, eh?
I've long had the ambition of beating every major roguelike out there, and I'm probably fairly close to completing that goal, depending on what you class as major roguelike. There are a few left to go - IVAN, Caves of Qud, Cogmind (which is going to be a struggle because whenever I've tried it in the past I just cannot stand it, it's so fiddly and boring), and not least the original Rogue - but I've always felt pretty confident I could get to the finish line. Until now.
The game was pretty simple by and large, playing as a Ranger with a couple of levels in Rogue. I stayed at level 5 for ages while I took every non-evil god up to favour level 3, as the bonuses you get by doing this are insanely good. Then I switched to Asherath, jumped up to char level 10 (taking the Intensive Study - Caster Level feat twice so I could cast Haste and a good selection of buffs like Cat's Grace, Bear Endurance, Barkskin, etc) and dove down to dungeon level 10. The lower levels were, as ever, hellish, purely because of the huge groups of monsters constantly fighting each other and spamming messages. I didn't have to worry about anything hitting me because I had something like 40 defence and 15+ in all armour categories. Will and Reflex saves were nearly 20 each, so the only real danger I faced was dying to something stupid like a nymph's Unearthly Beauty. Thankfully things that need a Fort save seem to be pretty rare in Incursion.
The keep on the last level was a novelty but also a slog, because of the insane numbers of goblins, giants and ogres. None of them gave me any bother apart from Shadowdancers summoning shadows faster than I could kill them, but with 250% movement speed (Athletics + Haste) I could always run away and then come back. I was using a light flail of disruption + 5, which had the added bonus of stunning things constantly, and even the viziers and mind flayer mages died in two or three rounds each. Nothing could get a spell off, as I was too fast and accurate (30+ Dex yo). Murgash nearly put up a fight with his +5 unholy scimitar of withering - he actually managed to hit me and get through my armour - but he still died in like four rounds before I was even at 2/3rds health.
Huzzah, congraturations, game over, a winner is you, right? Nah, you gotta go back to the top. Alright, let me just pick up all Murgash's shit and his corpse and be on my way. Cue tortuously trying to find the upstairs on every level, because on my descent I mainly just descended through chasms. Cue spamming dimension door potions just to avoid huge groups of mobs that lag the game to death.
So I finally get to level 7's up stairs, go to climb them... and crash. Oh no.
Oh no, no, no.
I reload the backup I made from right after killing Murgash and ascend again, taking a different route, only to crash again when trying to ascend to level 6. I can immediately see that I'm screwed. There's no Word of Recall, no Shafts, no way for me to skip level 6 and get back to the higher levels of the dungeon and finally see that coveted ending screen. Despite completing the objective and being effectively immortal, I can't actually win the game. It's fucked me over again.
And that's why I know I'll never technically beat every major roguelike. Incursion's beaten me, instead. I'm not putting myself through this shit again. I've completed my share of difficult feats in roguelikes. Beating DC:SS with a Formicid Berserker (Formicids cannot go berserk) was a favourite. But this is my Waterloo. Julian Mensch's incomplete coding has succeeded where Argoniel and Elandar, Fey's Final Puzzle, and the Serpent of Chaos all failed.
To any young people just starting to get into roguelikes, I can only hope I serve as a warning. Some day someone may come along flashing their cool, retro roguelike. 'It's based on D&D', they'll say. 'All the feats and magic items you know and love'. 'Build your character any way you like', they'll bend down and whisper into your ear from behind like they're Joe Biden and you're a ten-year-old girl.
Don't listen. You're chasing an impossible dream, and it costs you more than it ever gives you. Just say no.