In Progress There can never be enough FF-faggotry - LP Final Fantasy 3/6

[GarfunkeL]

Dammit BN, it's still the nineties! No Battle Royale, Audition or Ichi the Killer yet! So no, you can't replace Edgar's arm with a chainsaw

 

[Brother None]

You know I rewatched Audition with a friend of mine earlier, and his pointing out how well that film sets itself up, with the slow pacing at the beginning, made me realise it's actually just a good film. Unlike Ichi and Battle Royale, which are both pulpy gore fun.

As for "it's the nineties so no chainsaw-replacing-hand", uhm...

Yello?

 

[GarfunkeL]

Hey, don't blame me if Japs have never seen Army of Darkness. I bet Squaresoft guys atleast hadn't when they made this game.

Yes, Audition is actually a very good suspense movie. It was awesome to see it in a movietheater, how people started running out during the final scene because most of the movie had not prepared them for the gory ending. The budding love story was actually kinda touching, though there was the typical japanese loli undercurrent.

Anyway, update soon - need to visit the outside world now that sun has set.

 

[GarfunkeL]

We enter the Returner's Hideout.

Polite, aren't they?

This is one of the few instances in the game where it wrestles control from the player. It is bit weird - in Figaro Castle player had to keep up with the guide, here we automagically follow him.

Chuck Norris approves. Except they must be really crappy soldiers since Terra has trouble destroying shrubberies with her weakling Fire-spell.

Uh-oh.

Too bad the Japanese don't have any myths of their own so they have to recycle Greek ones.

Dun-dun-duu!

And as the grumpy old guy that he is, Ganon gets to bed. This is a signal for the hideout-wide wild drunken orgy where Terra services all the men present, most of who haven't seen a woman in years. The following debauchery is too much for even desensitized weaaboo-faggots like Clockwork Knight who turns away in disgust.

Hence, it shall not be shown in this LP - rather we skip to the next morning, as the Bukkake Queen wakes up with slightly stalkerish Locke waiting next to her bed:

FIGHT THE POWER!

Sad emo girl. Atleast she's not spiky haired and pretending to be a guy, like the faggots who will follow her as "heroes" in the future instalments of FF.

WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE!

Unfailingly polite to the end! I'm sure the sailors who were bleeding to death in Yamato's sick bay apologized profusely to the doctors as they soiled the bunks with their innards.

Sounds bad.

Aww, the tough little brother who secretly cares for his big brother. SO SWEET!

Clever Edgar. Don't waste your breath though, because:

Let's choose NO. I imagine Terra saying something like this:

"You have absolutely no chance to win against the Empire! They have the resources of a continent poised to strike against you, while you have been unable to even unite the various towns on this continent! Throwing my lot in with you guys would be suicide! You only want to use me as a weapon of sorts in your futile fights! What the fuck is wrong with you heartless bastards? SCREW YOU GRAMPS!"

Banon doesn't react that much:

AAAAAND nothing. Yup. You can choose no but it's not like it actually means anything. Except, you can choose it and quit the game and go jerk off or whatever.

Bah, let's just say YES and get on with this:

Yeah, awesome. I hope that "hope" isn't an euphemism for some really sick porn.

Really?

He actually gives us a crappy relic named Gauntlet. It allows one to hold a weapon in both hands, slightly increasing the damage that you do. It's worthless.

Yeah, this will end well.

Five minutes later it's background and plot exposition time:

Yeah. This is also some serious foreshadowing for the future, naturally. At least you can't blame Squaresoft that the "plot-twist" concerning Terra comes completely out of the left-field.

Sabin, surprisingly, is the voice of reason here. Squaresoft failed characterisation every now and then - here Sabin is the calm one. Pretty soon he will turn back to his happy'go'crazy-persona.

DUN-DUN-DUU!

OH NO! Activate the planetary shield and charge the ion cannon! We can only spare a pair of X-Wings for every transport. Ground forces will delay their assault so... Oops, wrong universe.

Edgar assumes the mantle of leadership. Now he shows why he's the king!

Locke is on the ball immediately - awesome!

Oh no, don't go into fullblown emorantmode, I though this game didn't yet have that shit-

Ooh, you cockblocker you! High-five!

Yeah yeah, you are serious Sabin. We get it.

You are just as useless as Mon Mothma was. Disgusting.

Edgar da man! TAKE COMMAND MILORD!

And gimme some sugar, baby!

Aww, everyone wants to make sure Edgar doesn't get any. Bastards!

We get to choose our route through the rapids few times. There's some treasure but naturally I remembered wrong so I didn't get anything. Boo-hoo.

Sabin shows why Pterodon's are not in UFC - the pussies would not survive a single round against the fighters there.

Yeah, you can miss the savepoints if you choose bad routes. C&C baby!

Something purple and violent with tentacles...

Witty fellow.

I'M AN ANIME CHARACTER FACING A TENTACLE MONSTER!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE ALREADY!

Ultros has semi-funny comebacks for your attacks, which makes him the second best boss in the game.

Also, Ultros is the only boss in the game who has the sense to retreat instead of getting killed.

NOBODY expects Ultros!

Tentaclerape, incoming!

Edgar doesn't want to share.

Smooth words, old man.

What? What happened to the calm, sensible, rational, mature personality you were supposed to have!

YEAH SNAP HIM OUT OF IT!

What? Aaaaand he dived into the murky waters. Yeah, 'cause kung-fu is good underwater when facing giant squids. Good thinking man.

REALLY EDGAR? YOU DON'T SAY!

What kind of question is that?

As if.

Actually, he shots from the water and flies away. I didn't get a screenshot because I suck.

That sentence must be a translation error. It doesn't make any sense. He's little bit too perky as he flies through the air and splashes on the river?

YEAH MAN YOU DO THAT YOU FOOL!

There he goes...

Whew! So, to actually turn this into a Let's Play instead of Watch Play, which of the three scenarios we shall do first? Mind you, we do have to tackle each and every of them.

 

[GarfunkeL]

SO.

I'll collect votes and stuff, atleast for a couple of days or something. Like anyone cares. To encourage people, your voting makes the difference!

Since next time we either encounter this:

along with this:

probably doing something like this:

OR

we could meet up with her:


so Terra could have some fun in the future:





YOU DECIDE!

 

[lightbane]

The last two images don't show up...

 

[GarfunkeL]

Reload / Refresh or something. Everything shows up fine for me.

 

[ghostdog]

Yep, something strange is going on with the last 2 pics. If I choose view image I can see them in a separate tab but in the main page I can't even if I refresh.

Anyway I choose the second path.

 

[Brother None]

Reload / Refresh or something. Everything shows up fine for me.

Try a hard reload and you'll see they're not working. Both being blocked from hotlinking, I guess.

Male gay or female gay sex? Considering the pixel size how do you even tell? Anyway, I guess I choose the second path too.

 

[lightbane]

I just say to go with Terra's path, it's the most fun of the 3, and the shortest one if I recall correctly.

 

[Sovy Kurosei]

Sabin's path is longer than Terra's and Locke's paths put together.

I'll vote for Terra's path. Better to get the worse one of the three out of the way first.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Ack, naturally. I'll have to remove them or think something else.

Anyway, ghostdog and BN, by second path you mean Sabin's patch, right?

So 3 votes for Terra and 2 for Sabin - no love for Locke?

 

[GarfunkeL]

Okey, the pics should be working now.

I don't want to influence the voting but I just found out this heart-warming picture. I can so imagine little Marine-chan bursting with strange feelings as she played the game and afterwards drew this:

Or then it was some greasy otaku while fucking a body-pillow.

 

[ghostdog]

Well, I was thinking of Terra actually. But whatever.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

If you say no or yes in a certain order to a soldier in Banon's base, you get a genji glove (I think) later on. It lets you hold a weapon in each hand, instead of holding one weapon in both hands like the Gauntlet.

 

[Silellak]

I'll vote for Locke.

Also, you forgot the most important part of the raft ride!

6.5.3 - Final Fantasy III: Unlimited experience, unlimited money, 99 potions
Does this sound too good to be true? It's true. You just need to have a
controller with an auto-fire feature, and you must have Banon in your
party.

First, set your cursor option to "Memory".

Second, jump onto your raft on the Lete River. On the first part of the
river, go through it as normal.

Save your game. On the second spot, at the fork in the river, if you
specify Up as your direction, the raft will go in a loop. You'll want to
go in this loop forever, so leave the direction at Up.

Now, get into a battle. Make sure Banon uses his Health command, and the
others all Fight. Turn on your controller's auto-fire on the select
button (A on the Super NES, X on the PSX). Now, turn off your monitor
and let your game run for slightly less than 24 hours. (Careful - if
you're playing the Super NES version, the Super NES sometimes locks up
if it's left running for 24 or more hours!)

When you return to your game, you'll find your characters at super-high
levels with abundant money and 99 potions.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Ah yes, the infamous river-loop. That would have been... XTREME!

Clockie, there is no such conversation in Banon's base? Only one who has NO/YES options at all is Banon himself. You sure you don't mean some other place?

 

[Silellak]

Ah yes, the infamous river-loop. That would have been... XTREME!

Clockie, there is no such conversation in Banon's base? Only one who has NO/YES options at all is Banon himself. You sure you don't mean some other place?

Oh, I didn't mean you should use it, I just figured it should be mentioned. Gotta love those old-school "exploits" involving turbo controllers and leaving your game on for hours and hours on end.

And people think "watching the game play itself" is a next-gen thing...

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Clockie, there is no such conversation in Banon's base? Only one who has NO/YES options at all is Banon himself. You sure you don't mean some other place?

You know the guy that says "Come with me, please"? He (or another soldier who looks like him) stays somewhere on the base (maybe outside) after Banon asks you to think about helping them. You can go talk to the soldier and he'll ask something. Depending on what you say, he'll give you this later.

I'll try searching for it on gamefaqs, just a minute

edit: found it. My memory is foggy; you talk with Banon, but the guard's the one that delivers you the gloves

http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/snes/file/554041/47401

Back in the main room, talk to the guard blocking the entrance to the hideout.
He'll let you outside to see Banon. Once outside, talk to Banon. If you tell
him you'll become their hope, then he'll give you a Gauntlet Relic, which
allows you to hold a weapon with both hands for more damage. If you tell Banon
that you won't be his ray of hope three times in a row, then you'll receive
the Genji Glove Relic from a guard a few minutes later.

which is amusing because you actually told him no once for lulz, and got something you think it's useless

 

[Silellak]

Back in the main room, talk to the guard blocking the entrance to the hideout.
He'll let you outside to see Banon. Once outside, talk to Banon. If you tell
him you'll become their hope, then he'll give you a Gauntlet Relic, which
allows you to hold a weapon with both hands for more damage. If you tell Banon
that you won't be his ray of hope three times in a row, then you'll receive
the Genji Glove Relic from a guard a few minutes later.

(Retarded) Choices and (Retarded) Consequences!

 

[Clockwork Knight]

^That was p crafty of the developers, really. Reward the guy that just wants to annoy the poor npc to see if his interest in the game rises.

I like the gauntlet, tbh . I left it with Terra for god knows how long. I think I traded it for a ribbon (prevents bad status effects) WAY later on the game.

 

[lightbane]

Soo, when it's the new update (if any)?

 

[GarfunkeL]

Now. Thanks for your patience.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Actually, getting to page 5 would be great.

 

[GarfunkeL]

I agree, page 5 sounds awesome.