Watch me play a shitty game (Fallout 3) (COMPLETED!!)

[DriacKin]

Part 3 – Silence of the GOATs

Here’s where we left off:

MOAR BIRTHDAY PARTY?!!

No. Today’s not your birthday.

Why not? It’s been six years I turned 10. Today should be my birthday.

It’s not exactly 6 years. More like: “About Six Years Later”

No party?

No party.

But, today is a special day, son.

SPECIAL DAY!!

Today, you get to take your GOAT exam.

Lame. I want MOAR PARTY.

This test is important. We’re born in the Vault. We die in the vault.

Each person is tested to determine their strengths and abilities: that they may work for the betterment of all Vault residents.

Why do we have to die in the Vault? Can’t we ever leave?

You may never check out. You may never leave.

FACT: Fallout 3 is not perfect.

Wait a second. How do you know what it’s like on the outside? You’ve never left the vault. Right?

Well…um…that’s not what I meant. I…just…um…assumed it was really shitty up there.

Maybe it’s really awesome up there. I mean, it’s been like 200 years since the war. Maybe one of us should go up and check if...

So, everyone here was born in the Vault?

That’s not very convincing. Are you sure you’re telling me the truth?

Of course I am. I’m your father. I would never lie to you. Anyway, quit asking me questions about Fallout 3’s obvious plot holes.

You need to concentrate on the GOAT exam. You’re future depends on this.

What’s wrong with becoming a garbage burner?

Nothing’s wrong with that... But…um…wouldn’t you rather become a super [intelligent] doctor like your old man?

…

FACT: This conversation is finally over.

We go over to Daddy Neeson’s desk and find this Bobblehead doll. We decide to steal it from daddy.

FACT: Collecting dolls makes you smarter.

We also go over to Daddy Neeson’s computer and check out his top secret files (which he didn’t password protect or anything). Here’s the only interesting file on Daddy’s computer:

Conspiracy!!
Anyway, the game doesn’t give us any dialogue options to talk to our Daddy about the suspicious files.

So, we decide to ignore that and head over to the classroom to take the GOAT. But, on the way there…

…we meet some of our old friends. Butch and his buddies are making fun of our best friend, Amata.

FACT: After six years, Amata is still incredibly ugly.

Won’t you please help me? Maybe you can do something about them?

Well, why don’t you just get out of the way or something? I mean, you’re just standing there. It’s not like you’re actually doing anything to stop them.

But…I don’t want to do that. Help me. Please?

No Bitch. You deal with them yourself.

FACT: This isn’t misogynistic. I mean, what’s wrong with portraying a completely helpless woman who can’t do anything until a man comes and helps her out. Not misogynistic or sexist. Not at all.

Dude, I think it’d be smart to help out your girlfriend.

WTF? Who ever said that ugly bitch was my girlfriend?

Well... I just assumed. I mean, she’s the only girl that actually talks to you.

Well, you assumed wrong.

Dude, think about it. You’re stuck in this vault. There’s not that many options. This might be your only chance.

:sigh: Fine… I’ll help her out.

(^_^)

So, we head over and confront Butch: the leader of the gang.

:sigh:
This crap is sillier than all of New Reno put together.

Anyway, we successfully pass a speech check, and get them to stop bothering her. Had we failed the speech check, we still could have selected option 2 and beat them up.

Thanks for getting rid of them for me. Stupid Assholes.

Whatever. I’m expecting my reward later on tonight. :wink:

So… we finally head over to the classroom to take the GOAT exam.

We need to sit at the desk to start the test. We do this by walking over to the desk and pressing ‘E’.

We only hit him because he was yelling. Only crazy people yell. Had he been talking normally, we would have been ok with it.

Only pussies scream for help AND WE AIN’T NO PUSSY.

Where’s the option to kidnap and sexually molest the little kid?

Umm…since when are there only 3 positions in baseball? Unless, this question is actually supposed to be some weird sexual innuendo?
Also, Soccer is for PUSSIES. (I live in the US)

Where’s the option to ask granny why she wants to kill the dude? I mean, diplomacy is a good thing. Right?

FACT: Fallout 3 does not let you “shoot locks off” in the actual game.

Where’s the option to do nothing? I mean, having a 3rd hand would be pretty damn useful.

Option 4 reminded me of the Hitma n games. I wish I was playing that instead of <s>Oblivion With Guns</s> Fallout 3.

This is a shitty question. Get it? Shitty?

This poll is missing an option. I vote kingcomrade.

Anyway, the test is finally over. We walk over and talk to this middle-aged guy to get our test results:

I guess our dead mommy’ll be pretty disappointed in us.

Just between you and me? This whole game is a joke.

WTF? Whatever happened to integrity?

The GOAT’s entire purpose is to suggest 3 tag skills to you. Tag skills are given a +15 bonus.
The test recommended me: Explosives, Medicine and Sneak. Instead, we go with Lockpick, Small Guns, and Speech.

FACT: The entire test was useless. Most players decide to choose their own tag skills instead of using the suggested ones.

Next update: We finally get out of this vault.

Due to popular request, I decided to go with no mods, as this will be a LP of vanilla Fallout 3.

 

[catfood]

I'm glad I never even bothered to torrent this POS.

 

[Pliskin]

Damn, and with all the "don't worry, it's not that bad" foreshadowing leading up to the GOAT(se), I was expecting it to start with a pelvic exam, or sumfink...

 

[someone else]

G.O.A.T.! That's more funny than G.E.C.K.! HAHAHAHA!

 

[JarlFrank]

G.O.A.T.! That's more funny than G.E.C.K.! HAHAHAHA!

Fun fact: in the German version of Fallout 2, the GECK is called GEEK.

 

[Brother None]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

"We're born in the vault, we die in the vault" is so lame. I remember how much Bethesda pushed that in their PR, expecting it to be picked up as an uber-cool super-written line. Poor guys, they don't even know they're horrible writers.

Also, what surprised me most about the GOAT is how insane the Q&As are. Yeah I know, I guess it's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but if a 16-year old kid notes he'd ask for a minigun to execute someone at granny's command, I'd lock him up and throw away the key.

 

[Angthoron]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

Also, what surprised me most about the GOAT is how insane the Q&As are. Yeah I know, I guess it's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but if a 16-year old kid notes he'd ask for a minigun to execute someone at granny's command, I'd lock him up and throw away the key.

Absolutely, I was quite surprised as well. If they were really going for a tongue-in-cheek approach, they could've looked up JA2 test - it had the "insane" options that were actually pretty amusing at times and the test still managed to make sense. Oh well, they could have looked up the first two games too, but there's a lot of things they could've done and hadn't and wouldn't.

Speaking of stupid, the whole Vault part struck me as rather retarded, and I'm not even sure which of the sequences is qualified to take the crown. However, the very beginning of the game had me face-desking for several days. I mean, here's how it went:

Liam, faking interest: "Let's see, are you a boy or a girl?"
Player: [Click Boy]
Liam, faking excitement: "Oh, Catherine, it's a boy!"
Catherine, sounding like she could use a break from her asinine husband: "A beautiful baby boy! We did it, James, we did it!"
Liam, ignoring his wife's extreme exhaustion from just having given a birth: "Now, your mom and I were going to give you this name..."
Player: [Type in BootyShakerNinjaFox]
Liam: "It's a good name... Your mother liked it. Now... What will you look like when you grow up?"
Player: [Creates a purple-haired douchestache monstrosity that looks more like a Vorlon from Babylon 5 than a human being]
Liam, unphased: "Look, Catherine, our beautiful son!"
Catherine, rapidly losing the will to live, delusional/sarcastic: "Oh, he looks a lot like his dad!"
Liam, ignoring his wife's deteriorating condition and snide remarks: "Now, son... What will you be like when you..."
[Mother fails her saving throw vs retardation and dies. Who wouldn't. Guess you're a victim of a bad fiction cliché now, kid, mother died at birth, that's what, every 2nd fanfic topic?]

I mean, I get it, they wanted to be loyal to the "You tell about yourself" thing they have going for the TES series, and I have to admit it sort of works there (though the Emperor asking you about your sign is a little... yeah), but here it completely fails. Oh yeah, we have a dying wife over there, so what's your shoesize going to be?


P.S: Great thread, using it to scare away anyone that was thinking of trying this thing. Moar, please, kind sir!

 

[Unkillable Cat]

Wow. That G.O.A.T. test is on par with Space Quest 5's Starcon Aptitude Test in terms of weird answers to multiple-choice questions. And it even manages to be less meaningful too!

 

[Boyarpunk]

FACT: Collecting dolls makes you smarter.

^^
LMAO

 

[Ion Flux]

Holy cow this game looks awful. I could never finish Morrowind because it bored me, but I would never consider it to be offensively bad, just pretty and boring. FO3 looks obnoxiously bad.

 

[t]

Three updates and we still haven't got out of tutorial... nice.

 

[PlanHex]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

What the hell is wrong with Daddy's facial expressions? He looks high or something.

Hmmmmmmmhmm that's good ganja, Daddy has the munchies now.

OMG DADDY SAW CHEESY POOFS

Mhmmmmmm cheesy poofs :drool:

 

[PrzeSzkoda]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

What the hell is wrong with Daddy's facial expressions? He looks high or something.

Hmmmmmmmhmm that's good ganja, Daddy has the munchies now.

OMG DADDY SAW CHEESY POOFS

Mhmmmmmm cheesy poofs :drool:

I've picked up more of a pedo vibe from him.

 

[Radisshu]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

What the hell is wrong with Daddy's facial expressions? He looks high or something.

Hmmmmmmmhmm that's good ganja, Daddy has the munchies now.

OMG DADDY SAW CHEESY POOFS

Mhmmmmmm cheesy poofs :drool:

I lol'd pretty hard

 

[Pliskin]

No mods, plz. I assume it's funnier without them.

Fallout 3 Nexus >> Gameplay Effects and Changes >> Number of files: 996 (and climbing).

As Socrates once famously remarked: "You can't fix stupid".

 

[Jaesun]

I liked daddy better, when I played as an African American. *NIGGA*

 

[TwinkieGorilla]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

"We're born in the vault, we die in the vault" is so lame. I remember how much Bethesda pushed that in their PR, expecting it to be picked up as an uber-cool super-written line.

what's better is that instead:

[Intelligence] So you fight the good fight on Galaxy News Radio with your voice?


became the most memorable line from the game. lulz.




alsoplustoo: rofl-worthy LP, dude.

 

[Carceri]

I liked daddy better, when I played as an African American. *NIGGA*

I liked daddy better when he was unconscious.

 

[DriacKin]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

alsoplustoo: rofl-worthy LP, dude.

Yay!!

 

[RK47]

This shit is classic, well done. I would've LP'ed it if I had kept my torrented copy in my hard drive. Now I remember I always kept a save game before I exit the Vault. So I won't have to go through this GOAT again.

 

[DriacKin]

Now I remember I always kept a save game before I exit the Vault. So I won't have to go through this GOAT again.

I never bothered with that. I never expected to ever play this crap more than once...

 

[Michael Ellis]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

Umm…since when are there only 3 positions in baseball? Unless, this question is actually supposed to be some weird sexual innuendo?
Also, Soccer is for PUSSIES. (I live in the US)
Only pussies play Soccer AND WE AIN’T NO PUSSY.

Fixed.

 

[Jaesun]

Now I remember I always kept a save game before I exit the Vault. So I won't have to go through this GOAT again.

I never bothered with that. I never expect to ever play this crap more than once...

you know, my one and only time I played this, I *honestly* thought my choices in this test WOULD actually mean something. I tried like hell to answer what I though would best fit my character.

Then you get the fucking, "hey! just pick whatever you want!" after the test AND after leaving the vault "Hey change anything you want!" option.... jebus fucking christmas.

:epic picard facepalm:

 

[poocolator]

Re: Part 3 - Silence of the GOATs

What the hell is wrong with Daddy's facial expressions? He looks high or something.

Hmmmmmmmhmm that's good ganja, Daddy has the munchies now.

OMG DADDY SAW CHEESY POOFS

Mhmmmmmm cheesy poofs :drool:

 

[Carceri]

Next update: We finally get out of this vault.

You mean from the vault that no one ever enters and no one ever leaves. Umm...okay.