Welcome to Pandora (Rimworld)

[Pandorym]

1st of Summer, 5500

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Bob and Wuz feel their eyes suddenly snap open, taking panicked breaths as they look around frantically. They're alive. They're alive! But... how? They were dead - murdered brutally by ancient mechanoids unleashed from their prison deep in a crumbling ruin. They feel their bodies - whole and unmarked - and gaze around for their former third companion. They don't find him, instead spotting a smiling older man using a crate marked 'Medicine' as a seat.

This is their new 'friend' as he calls himself - a medical professional that goes by the name of Spigot. He claims he's a renowned space doctor, but neither Wuz or Bob have heard of him. He also claims he was dead once too (and armless, says he has someone named Kalin to thank for that) and that what occurred to them was called a 'Reality Glitch': an accident by ancient things vast and unknowable. He's just happy to have his arms back, honestly.

Realizing they need to work together, Bob marshals the trio (and Wuz's pet male arctic wolf Grillz) off to a ruined building in the nearby eastern woods, thankfully it doesn't have mechs in it this time. It seems convenient, they just need to shore up the holes with some wood, build a roof and a door, then construct a shed nearby to store their stuff.

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And so the construction begins. Wuz hauls out the rocks while Spigot starts rummaging through the wreckage and bringing salvage back to the makeshift storage area. During this, Wuz and Spigot have a chat about shrubs, and then Spigot converses with Bob about drunkenness. Seems the two of them are eager to crack open those bottles of wine.

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As Bob and Spigot work to put together the storage room and shore up the house (having a strange conversation about demons whilst doing so), Wuz proceeds to light one of the smokeleaf blunts and blaze it. That dependency is no joke. He's only got 9 more of those things, let's see how long they'll last.

The work is slow going however - Spigot has 0 Construction skill and while Wuz has a Construction skill of 2, he seems completely unwilling to work, especially while stoned on smokeleaf. After chowing down on some packaged survival meals (and joking about lovin' at the same time), Bob tries to resume building, but decides to open up a watermelon soda and light up some smokeleaf instead. Which, you know, doesn't really help his construction efforts. At all.

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At last night falls completely, and as the light flees everyone realizes that there's no point in continuing for the day. The trio sets up some sleeping spots in the cleaned-up ruins (and an animal spot for Grillz) and tries to relax as best they can on a cold stone floor. Eventually everyone drifts off to sleep.

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Moods are level - no one is terribly upset, but no one's really happy either. Except Spigot, of course.

We "Wuz" Kangs

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Billy "Bob" Billy

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Antonio "Spigot" Soderini

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END OF DAY ONE

What actions should we pursue after finishing the barracks and storage area?

• Growing crops
• Research
• Further construction (kitchen, workstations)
• Hunting
• Your own option

Also, apologies men for the change in narration style. I can't manage to keep the dialogue flowing the way it should, and it takes much too long as well. This is the best I can do, especially with starting a new job.

 

[Tovias]

I don't think work can be done without a proper meal, I say we go out there and shoot whatever seems to be edible

 

[Pandorym]

I'll play more than one day at the same time in later updates - just wanted to get the initial post out.

 

[Azira]

Many of your images wont load.

Also, look to Grimwulf's LP. You want me on your team. Really. You do.
I can do wonders with dirty socks and anal candles.

 

[a bear named spigot]

there will be no (medical) anal candles as long as I'm alive and armed. build up the basics first.

 

[Azira]

there will be no (medical) anal candles as long as I'm alive and armed. build up the basics first.

Nothing a session or two won't cure.

Also, my pal, the spacecop Kalin is a perfect candidate for this colony as well.

 

[MZeta]

Sign me up as well.
And go for more cooking / butchering / crafting thingies

 

[Bliblablubb]

See? That is what happens when you don't have an adorable multiheaded cock aubergine with a slighty overpowered laz0r to protect a colony consisting of useless.. mostly useless... Kalins.. ugly two-eyed meatsacks.

Most likely a result of having filthy things like:
- Bourbon
- KKKapitalism
- even more useless Kalin
- bourbon flavoured icecream
- no anal candles

Still, if you make it far enough to expand your roster, feel free to add me as something NEW of your choice. I'll roll with whatever you come up with.

 

[Pandorym]

Many of your images wont load.

Also, look to Grimwulf's LP. You want me on your team. Really. You do.
I can do wonders with dirty socks and anal candles.

I don't understand what you mean. Every time I look at the images they're fine, even from different viewpoints such as mobile, another PC, etc. Am I missing something?

Also, welcome aboard! May be some conflicts between the new doctor and the old doctor though.

Nothing a session or two won't cure.

Also, my pal, the spacecop Kalin is a perfect candidate for this colony as well.

Ha! If Kalin wants to join, he's more than welcome. By all means. As I said in Grimwulf's thread, I considered the titanic effort of continuing the Kolony LP, but that vatnik's RP is matchless.

Sign me up as well.
And go for more cooking / butchering / crafting thingies

Welcome aboard!

See? That is what happens when you don't have an adorable multiheaded cock aubergine with a slighty overpowered laz0r to protect a colony consisting of useless.. mostly useless... Kalins.. ugly two-eyed meatsacks.

Most likely a result of having filthy things like:
- Bourbon
- KKKapitalism
- even more useless Kalin
- bourbon flavoured icecream
- no anal candles

Still, if you make it far enough to expand your roster, feel free to add me as something NEW of your choice. I'll roll with whatever you come up with.

Certainly! I don't have the Elder Things mod, but welcome aboard nonetheless.

 

[fredsteel]

I suggest we grow crops, the longer we wait for the less harvesting we'll be doing! Though I suppose a mix of hunting and crops can be achieved.

Also hey! It's very nice to see more people tuning in the adventures of We Wuz, I feel like we'll have some very grim and horrible stories together, exciting! Maybe that now we have all these new recruits with us we could do a mix of all the things you suggested to have an operational base as soon as possible.

 

[a bear named spigot]

I don't understand what you mean. Every time I look at the images they're fine, even from different viewpoints such as mobile, another PC, etc. Am I missing something?

i get a 404 on most of the images (PC and mobile), the bottom 3 with the char moods work though.

 

[Pandorym]

I don't understand what you mean. Every time I look at the images they're fine, even from different viewpoints such as mobile, another PC, etc. Am I missing something?

i get a 404 on most of the images (PC and mobile), the bottom 3 with the char moods work though.

Dammit. Alright, let me see what I can do. If I can't fix it then oh well.

 

[Pandorym]

Day 2

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Man, even being baked as shit don't make sleeping on this rocky ass floor any easier.

Quit yer bellyachin', there's work to be done so get yer fat rear movin'. You ain't gonna wander around stoned and do nothin' all day like before. Yer gonna work today boy.

If I might make a recommendation with that - perhaps it would be best for a round of proper introductions first? After all, you're easier to treat when I know what ails you. Besides! The sun is only just rising. We have time.

Hmph. Fine. But since yer so keen on introductions, yer goin' first. Tell us 'bout yerself.

Certainly. Let's see, where do I start...

My childhood was one of illness and isolation. I had no friends, but learned much about the medicinal arts.

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When I was released, I returned to the commune I had been quarantined from. Unfortunately my mentor had passed away - Space Gods protect his soul - which left only me able to tend to those who needed help. I became even more skilled with medicine and herbalism as a result.

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Naturally, medicine demands quick hands and deep concentration, which has rubbed off in all aspects of my life.

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Thanks to all the death, gore, and horrible things I've seen, I discovered that things can always be worse, and every cloud has a silver lining.

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However, I've never quite recovered from whatever mysterious malady afflicted me when I was young. As a result, I tend to get sick easily, but I'm more than capable of treating myself should the situation arise.

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Well that's a helluva background to say the least. Just try not to catch the flu and keel over dead during an enemy assault or somethin', you old invalid.

Anything else? Sounds like we might've lucked out here, bruh.

I am hands down the best surgeon and doctor you will ever find on this gods-forsaken hellhole of a planet. I even had an apprentice once - a man named Azira. Don't know what happened to him, last I heard he'd possibly died. But I doubt it. He has some... unorthodox treatment methods for certain, but he's tough.

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Well that's good at least. Suppose I'll go next. Name is Billy Bob, but everyone calls me Bob. Or else.

Fucker said he shot his own dad when he used his first name. Asshole ain't joking either.

Lemme see... I was raised in the country, brought up to righteously fear the Space Gods and work hard to earn that tip o' the hat respect. You hear me, Wuz? EARN respect. Ain't just given.

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Man, quit being a fukkin busta and keep talking. I ain't gotta take yo shit.

When I got big, I found I liked huntin' down criminals and bringing the law to 'em, one way or another. Made me some gud money.

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I'll always tell ya exactly what I think o' ya too, no white lies, no sugar coatin'.

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Well, honesty is always good, but perhaps you might want to work on your... technique a little.

I'm also a tough son of a gun, so I ain't goin' down easy. Yellow bellies will hafta shoot me full o' holes before I drop.

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The sound of bullets flyin' is music to my ears too, so rest assured that I'll get six shots off at a target 'fore Wuz here even has a chance to fire two.

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Ya ain't never even seen me pop a cap off in a sucka, what makes ya think you're a better shot than me? I got mad skillz thanks to ma video gaemz.

If'n you want to test me, yer more than welcome, but I wouldn't want to shoot ya - don't want yer fat pooling outta yer belly and splattering all over the ground.

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Man, fuck you. It's mah goddamn turn now finally. Be ready to be amazed! I'm We Wuz Kangz, but y'all call me Wuz. First off, when I was young I was all up into VR games! I had such skills that I even got kidnapped once but managed to escape cuz I was just that good!

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After I got mah degree in programming I start developing sum turn-based combat games, but motherfuckers weren't smart enough to see their brilliance, so the shit didn't fly off the shelves like it should've.

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That just helped sink in that the real world sucks, along with everything in it. I don't care what bullshit ya be spouting off Spigot, it's the truth. Fuck this noise.

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Oh come on, it isn't that bad, I promise. You'll see.

Whatever. Anyway, bitches always be hatin' and talkin' about ya behind ya back and shit, so I be hatin' right back. Don't need dem fukkin thots and hos.

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And tha next fuck that says shit 'bout my style and threads gonna get a swift kick in the dick, ya hear me? I ain't got no fukkin monkey face!

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Yeah you tell yerself that, jello bowl. Is there anything yer actually GOOD at?

Fuck yeah! I'm smart as a whip, a tru intellectual! Ain't nobody here better than me when it comes to thinkin'! *mumbles* And makin' dem drugs...

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Well, that's all very interesting. Do you have anything else we should know about? Health problems, mental issues, anything? I like to have a proper medical dossier to make treatment more effective and efficient.

Nah man, I'm good.

Spoiler

*bork!*

Oh yeah! Before I forget, dis is mah dog. I call 'im Grillz cause his teeth is so shiny.

*wags tail*

Right. Well this is all well an' good, but we need to git to work. This place ain't gonna build itself.

Shall we get some food first?

Good idea man, I'm fukkin starving.

Ya would be, ya cow-sized tub o' lard. Fine. Let's go stuff our faces then git goin'.

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This is sum hot work even when it'z cold. Gonna get me a soda. YO! Old man! You want one? Dey good!

Sure, I'll try one. Why not. *cracks open soda with a hiss* Mm... refreshing.

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HEY! Quit standin' around and git back to work!

Some time later...

There, storage room is finally done. Just gotta chop these trees down so I can roof it. WUZ! Git off yer ass and come cut this wood! And where the hell is Spigot?

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*taking it easy watching the clouds*

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Need a hand, men?

About goddamn time, Spigot. Thought we was gonna have to do all dis shit ourselves.

Apologies for the delay. One must appreciate the little things in life, after all. *starts cutting into the trees like an absolute boss*

An hour later.

Hey, I just got a great idea for a new game! Tree Chopping Simulator! All tha fun of bein' a lumberjack without gettin' covered in wood chips and sap!

Honestly... that sounds horrible, Wuz. Who would ever play something like that?

Fuk you, old man. My ideas are goddamn genius! What do ya think, Bob?

I think ya should quit barkin' and git back to choppin' 'fore I decide to see how far this axe can go inside that mound of marshmallow you call a stomach.

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Two hours later.

Alright, trees are gone and storage room has a roof. Wuz, ya go start on filling them holes in the barracks.

I keep tellin' y'all I ain't no fukkin construction worker!

*gun cocks loudly*

Fuck you, you fuckin' fuck. *grabs a pile of wood indignantly and goes to the barracks* Asshole muthafucker, treat me like I'm sum kinda bitch ass ho... *shoves the rickety wood in various broken spots without even looking*

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Did you need some help over there Wuz? I'm free.

Fuck naw. With mah luck you'd scrape yourself on a nail and get goddamn tetanus or somethin'. Just leave it to me.

I CAN pull my own weight, you realize.

Whatever, I'm fuckin' done anyway. I'm gonna go relax for a bit. Fuck all y'all.

Yes, you do that. Meanwhile, I think I'll have another one of those sodas, and maybe convince Bob to try one too.

Spoiler

Mm... that ain't bad. I'll take another one.

Go right ahead. In the meantime I think we should discuss what to do next now that our shelter and storage are up. I firmly believe we should continue building up the basics such as a kitchen and perhaps a small room for some production.

Nah, that'll take too long. Right now I should take my rifle and go hunting - those packaged meals taste terrible and won't last us forever.

The hell you two on about now? We need to start growing some crops fuckers! It's cold as shit out here even in the middle of summer and it's only gonna get worse!

Look, we've got plenty of meals, at least forty or so. That's enough to keep us for quite a while. I must insist we get proper workstations up. After all, what's the use in hunting game if you've no place to butcher it or store the meat?

He's got a point I guess - I'd like to get some place where I can do some research and show off my mad smarts.

Alright, fine. We'll build a damn kitchen and maybe a tiny room for some other things. But that's it! My ass needs some meat, dammit, and I'm not sitting here letting you lot lollygag around.

Here, take a look at this: there's a perfectly viable stone building practically right next door that only needs a little fixing up. That can be our kitchen.

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And then just to the north of it we build a small wooden room for other things such as Wuz's research, maybe a crafting table for warm clothes, and possibly some form of entertainment.

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Alright, fine. Let's git to work then. WUZ! GIT OFF YER FAT ASS AND GIT OVER HERE! Spigot ya cut down those bushes and trees in the way, and haul the wood to the storage.

I'm on it.

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Yeah, ya right Bob, ain't nothing like a good bell pepper in a gumbo or stew. Mmm.

Damn right. Say Spigot, ya look like a Gods-fearing man. What do ya know 'bout demons?

Demons? Not a thing I'm afraid, but I can tell you about the Old Gods. Perhaps another time though, more to do before nightfall.

Hours pass.

Finally they're done. I'm gonna git something to eat and another one o' them sodas. Y'all with me men?

Sounds divine.

Hell yeah! Count me in.

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We made some decent progress today, but not enough. There's still more work to do before Winter comes. The cold here is bitter and unyielding.

Screw you man, I'm tired as shit and my body hurts all over. Fuck dat noise, I'm gettin' some sleep.

I agree. Let's rest for now. We can worry about this in the morning.

Fine. But I swear Wuz, you snore like an hog one more time and I'll jam one o' my socks right in your mouth.

Ha, there's a funny story. Did I ever tell you about my apprentice Azira and his fixation on using socks in treatment? Well...

Spoiler

 

[Azira]

 

[Pandorym]

I hope the images are working properly this time. I'm in the midst of disgorging another update - keep yer socks on for the ride men.

 

[Pandorym]

Day 3

That's it! I can't take it no more! We have GOT to get some goddamn beds in this place, you hear me Bob? Fuckin' BEDS! Mah spine feels fit to break!

If it'll shut that gaping maw ya call a mouth, then fine. You're so weak, can't even sleep on the floor like a real man.

Well honestly I wouldn't mind having beds either. The ground does wonders for your back, but I'd prefer a little more comfort when I rest.

Yeah yeah, alright. I'll get on it sometime today. Just mark out where we should 'em and I'll handle the rest.

Gotta blaze it first before I do anything. *inhales* Aw man, dat's the good shit. That chronic dat makes ya bones relax.

Lightin' up already huh? Well, whatever makes ya work. Gonna grab me a meal.

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And... there. Got it all lined out and ready. I'll see if Bob won't mind giving us a couple of torches as well, much too dark in here.

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Hey old man, got a minute?

What can I do for you Wuz? Does something ail you?

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Naw, nothin' like dat. I just... had a question I guess. Yesterday you mentioned something about the 'Old Gods'. What's dat all about?

*silent for a long moment*

Uh... you okay bruh?

What? Yes! I'm fine. Just fine. *unconsciously swings his arms back and forth*

Then answer, yeah?

...Look, Wuz. There are many things in this world that mankind was not meant to know. Ancient beings from beyond the stars, monsters that time forgot, werewolves, vampires, crystalloids, wizards.

Werewolves? Vampires? Crystalloids? Wizards?

Well, maybe not that last one. The last magic caster died out over two hundred years ago.

But the other stuff is actually REAL? You gotta be kiddin' me. Still... Shit man, I could go for being a vampire. Immortal bloodsucking powerhouse, just like in da games.

No Wuz, you really don't. Just... just trust me on that, alright? Power corrupts and shatters the mind. I know all too well. Can we change the subject?

Well alright. Say, you're a doc – ever had or seen any botched surgeries?

Have I? Oh boy. Let me tell you about a man named Kalin, and how he somehow managed to cut off a person's arm attempting to place a wooden hook hand on his stump.

A little later.

I see Bob's been workin' on those beds. Lemme see if I can't get sum light up in this bitch, make it brighter. Now, how'd dat Minecraft recipe for a torch go...?

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Oh good, some light. *mumbles a weird cattle wrangling tune as he builds*

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There, beds are done. Now maybe they'll stop complainin' and start acting like men. Speaking o' which... where the hell are those two? *steps outside* Spigot? Where ya goin'?

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I'm taking a break, as one should during times of labor. Watching the clouds go b is very relaxing you know. You should try it.

Ya know, ya might be a great doctor – or so ya say – but yer a damn terrible worker.

Come on sheriff, you need to see the bright side of life. The work will be there when I return.

Hmph. Just don't take too long.

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Meanwhile.

We need a floor for this workstation area. *sees giant ass redwoods everywhere* Hmm... gettin' an idea. Gonna make me a redwood floor. WUZ! Git on over here and cut this brush so I can install the floorboards for yer precious research table. Spigot, if you ain't got nothin' better to do, go gather berries. Gotta supplement our food sources somehow.

On my way.

I ain't no goddamn gardener, Bob. Only reason I'm even doin' this is so I can get mah research bench up already.

Wuz, I don't give a rat's ass about why yer doin' the work. Just do the damn work!

*grumbles loudly* Pop a cap in his ass, watch me you son of a bitch...

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Ya done with that? Good. Now go chop down them redwoods so I can git this floor started.

My body is a hate-filled factory of pain and despair right now. I'm workin' so hard I'm fukkin' drenched in sweat. How 'bout you, Spigot? I see ya runnin' around like crazy.

Oh rest assured, if I was getting paid I would be earning it right now. These aging bones of mine are creaking in agitation, and I would swear my hair was getting several shades darker from the perspiration.

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It's probably 'cause o' that slicked back hairstyle ya got. Let it loose, toss on a hat, maybe ya wouldn't be lookin' like a city-slicker that got hogtied and dropped in the woods for 'playing doctor' with a farmer's daughter.

*struggling to chop into a very large redwood* You know, you aren't really helping much. Why must you be so abrasive? Words can be just as harmful as bullets you know.

Yeah, I know. Difference between you and me though? I don't give a damn. I'll tell it like it is, whether ya like it or not. Now git back to choppin', I got a floor to put down.

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*beating down floor tiles like they owe him money* Git yerself into place just like... yeah... just like that. Damn good.

I need to take a fucking break, mah back is killin' me from all this cuttin' and choppin' and shit. And where the hell did Spigot go?!

*busy meditating on the essence of life and the universe*

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Spigot? Spigot! The fuck are ya? Bob told me to find yo ass – ha! There ya are, slurping down watermelon soda in the storage room again. How many have you had now?

Two. *burps* Excuse me. I just can't help it, they're so sweet and quite delectable.

You ain't gotta tell me twice. Move over, I'm getting me a snack.

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Later, as darkness falls.

I give no fucks about workin' in the dark – this floor is goin' down! Getting hungry tho... might have to come back to it later.

There goes dat maniac workin' himself to death over dat dumbass floor. Whatever. I managed to actually build sumthin' worthwhile: a butcher table! Now we can go hunt for meat and actually carve it up without slicing off our fingers sittin' on da cold stone floor!

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*blazin' it* Wow, never partook of such things back in the day. Small wonder Azira enjoyed his alcohol a bit too much.

Ha ha! That's da way to do it old man! That's sum good shit, huh? *munches*

*looks over at Wuz, then down at the blunt* ...I think I'll go for a walk.

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*shrugs* You do dat. I'm gonna crack open one of those last watermelon sodas. Can't let you drink it all!

What am I doing? Am I losing my edge? I mean, I suppose the stuff helps me forget, but I can't keep doing this. Can I? *meanders off into the dark woods deep in thought*

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Bob, there you is! Where da hell you been?

I could ask ya the same goddamn question! I was buildin' a floor! The hell were you doin' all day?

*falls into bed, raises swollen hands that will be blistered later* Chopping trees all day and gathering berries, as you said.

Man, I put in a fukkin' butcher table in the kitchen! You don't get to say SHIT to me! We can actually go hunt sumthin' now!

Well, not really. We still have no means of refrigeration. For that, we need power. We also need a stove to cook the meals on – I'm very much against eating raw meat.

Then we don't worry about it none, and plant sum crops instead. Get us some corn, some rice, some potatoes. It'll be good eatin' if we can't get a fridge goin'. Plus if you FINALLY INSTALL DA RESEARCH BENCH like I been ASKING, maybe I can puzzle out sumthin' better like solar panels. Or even batteries! Don't have to be power though, I can draw schemes for all kinds of things!

I ken I remember how to build a wind turbine. And there's always tossing together a wood fueled stove for cooking.

Still, it's something to consider. We've got three major options here to dedicate our time on: planting crops, doing research, and additional construction. We also need to prepare defenses in case we get attacked by raiders, and warm clothes for when winter arrives.

Let 'em come. I ain't worried about no savages. 'Sides, it's been concerning me that absolutely nothing's happened at all during these past three days. Not a thing, dead quiet. Makes my trigger finger twitch.

The morning is wiser than the evening, friends. Let's sleep on it for now.

Yeah, shut the hell up! I'm trying to get some goddamn sleep now dat we have actual beds!

Spoiler

KEY CHOICES! What do we focus on?

• Growing
• Moar construction
• Research
• Defenses

 

[Pandorym]

Randy's been leaving me alone for three solid days - wondrous and highly unanticipated. Nonetheless, we continue on! That's all the updates from me at the moment. I might be able to get one out over the weekend, we'll see. If not, expect one Monday!

Current Waiting List for Colonists

1. baud
2. Storyfag
3. tindrli
4. Azira
5. MZeta
6. Bliblablubb

 

[Storyfag]

Images are working now.

Set up defenses.

 

[baud]

I can see the last updates too.

I'd say start growing

 

[Tovias]

It'd be good to set up some sand bags in around the place, wouldn't want a shoot out with only trees for cover

 

[a bear named spigot]

start planting. gardening tools are basically big medical tools so I'll take care of that when there's no humans to cut on.

 

[Azira]

You need hops for beer. It's a no-brainer.

 

[Pandorym]

Defenses: Tovias (Storyfag)

Growing: a bear named spigot (baud, MercantileInterest, Azira)

Input accepted.

I find myself with some free time away from the spouse and child, so another update iz coming.

 

[Pandorym]

Day 4

Can't sleep anymore... hmm. I should haul these rocks away from this rich soil so we can eventually use it for planting. *picks up a large chunk of basalt*

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I wonder why Wuz has so intent about learning the knowledge of the Old Gods? I know he's got a sour outlook, but it can't be that bad. Right? I'm probably thinking about this too hard. I'm sure he's okay.

*munching on packaged survival meal* Still tastes just like military rations. Bland but filling.

Spigot.

Bob! Good morning.

Ain't much good about it. Middle o' summer and still cold as m' ex's heart. *roughly devours a meal*

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I've been thinking, Bob.

Dangerous, that.

We've been living here for a few days now. Perhaps we should name ourselves and this place, in case travelers or caravans come around?

I s'pose so. What didja have in mind?

Well - at least for us - I thought about official documents, a list of who we truly are in these harrowing times. I recommend the name Codexia.

Alright. I kin see where yer comin' from. Makes us sound intelligent too, folks mayhap less likely to draw down.

And for this area?

*from a distance* DAMN DIS BE A COLD FUCKIN' FOREST!

... *cracks a small grin* We'll go with that.

Cold Forest? A bit literal, but more than apt if you ask me.

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Welp, now that that's decided I'm off to finish buildin' that floor.

*hands start shaking from the cold, sections of potential floorboard crack as he shoves them in inaccurately and with too much force* Dammit! This chill is biting m'britches off. Come on now Billy Bob, y'can do it.

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*wandering around* Hey... da hell is dis? Got all these weird patterns and shit on it.

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Wut? ...Whispers? I can't understand ya. But these words... dey make sense. All linked together.

Sumthin' about this... I just can't... I... I gotta write this down... I hear ya...

From even the greatest of horrors, irony is seldom absent.

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An hour of frantic writing later.

Wut... wut happened? Mah fingers are bleedin'... and wut da fuck is dis?!

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*panting anxiously, overwhelmed with terror* Oh hell naw, fuk dis. I gotta get dis thing the fuck away from me!

*throws the tome into the darkest corner of the storage room he can find* Gotta relax, just gotta relax. I know!

*lights up, inhales deeply* Dat's... dat's a lil' better.

Spoiler

Man, even da good shit ain't enuff to calm my ass down. The fuck am I gonna do?

*sees Spigot hauling stones outside* Ah ha! Mah man!

Ah Wuz, there you are. Give me a hand with these, would you? Need to clear the field for crops. Wait a minute... you look like you've seen a ghost. What's wrong?

*grabs a yuge chunk of basalt* I, uh, I...

Spoiler

Come on, it's alright. I'm not going to harm you or anything. You look utterly horrified, beyond the bounds of reason. I swear that's a look I've seen before.

...

Wuz...? What did you do?

*quakes in barely restrained terror* I don't know man. I just don't know. There was dis weird ass obelisk lookin' thing, glowing with red markings. Second I saw it, I kept hearing these... whispers in mah head, stuff I couldn't grok. So I went to go check it out.

A pattern-covered obelisk emanating psychic whispers? That sounds strangely familiar...

So I went to go look at it, and after a while da whispers got clearer, and the marks started to move on their own, wiggling like dey wuz alive. Started makin' sense, all of it.

...And then?

I started writing things down trying to figure it out, and suddenly I blacked out like I'd hit too much grass at once.

When I woke up, mah fingers were bleedin' and I had dis weird book in mah lap. That thing freaked me the fuck out, so I threw it into da farthest corner of the storage room I could.

...Oh no.

Know what's weirder? When I went back to check out da thing that started the whole mess, it wuz gone. Like it'd never been there to begin with.

*white as a sheet*

Uh... you okay?

*jumps* WHAT?! Oh! I'm fine! Fine! Just... just fine. I'm just going to keep hauling.

Meanwhile.

Finally got this floor done. About time too. Need something to eat.

Spoiler

H-Hey Bob, how are you?

Spigot? You sound like you done swallowed a sand-covered rattlesnake. The hell's the matter?

Spoiler

Don't... don't worry about it. Listen - Wuz and I got the field of rich soil cleared, so I'm going to be planting some crops soon.

Okay. So whatcha plantin'? And kin ya hurry it up, I'm hungrier than a bear that jes' woke up after its winter nap.

Sure, just a quick overview. We have five fields, though only four are currently outlined. The last one will be healroot for herbal medicine, I just need to do some extra planning.

The first is a potato field.

Spoiler

The second is a paddy for rice. Rice is quick to grow and harvest, along with being a good supplementary food.

Spoiler

Third is an area for hops. You know, beer brewing. Wuz insisted on "cooking up something" once the research table was eventually put in, and I figured that if anything a decent supply of alcohol could help our morale.

Yer goddamn right. That's the best damn idea I've heard out of yer mouth this entire time.

Spoiler

Last is a designated field for growing... *sigh* smokeleaf. I didn't really want to include this, but I've recently discovered Wuz not only has a dependency on the drug, but also has undergone some recent traumatic experiences.

Spoiler

Like what?

I'm afraid I can't say - doctor/patient confidentiality agreement and whatnot. Suffice to say, that's the final field beyond the healroot. It's a start, we'll need to expand our types of crops further once our immediate needs are met. I recommend cotton.

And before ya say anythin' I ain't pickin' shit, specially not dat cotton!

You'd probably collapse and break the ground the second you bent over anyway. I couldn't care less. Spigot looks like a capable gardener, I'm sure he can handle it.

Naturally. Gardening tools are basically just large medical tools anyway. It gives me something to do when there's no one who needs patching up.

Alright. Anyway, I'm gonna go take a walk men. Y'all do... whatever until I finish thinkin' over where to start building some defenses.

A little later.

*hears odd noises as he enters the storage room* Huh? Who's there?

*looks around frantically for a moment, then spots the grimoire* No. NO. Not you. Not again. NOT AGAIN! *clamps his hands over his ears when he hears his name constantly echoing over his words* Nooooo...

Spigot? Ya okay?

*suddenly stands upright as everything stops, it's now just a normal, somewhat dark storage room* Wuz! I... I'm not sure. That book... I know that book. It's a terrible, horrifying thing.

*silent for a moment* ...Ya want a soda?

*crack open watermelon sodas with delight and relief*

Spoiler

I can't stay in here, not a minute longer. I'm going to go plant the crops.

*sowing hop seeds* Just calm down old boy, take a deep breath of good dark soil and green grass. That's the ticket.

Spoiler

Later.

...And that's when he gave his beer to his horse! The damn thing was so drunk it couldn't even walk straight and fell over three times on the way home!

*chuckles a little* Dat's sumthin' alright.

Spoiler

Alright now, what in the blazes is the matter with ya? Yer usually yellin', or going off about yer weird game ideas and sitch. What bug's gotten in yer britches to make ya so much more down than normal?

Well... say sheriff, you believe in the Gods right?

Always have, all three o' 'em. Why?

Wut if... wut if there were sumthin' else out there, sumthin' strange and all-seeing that didn't care about ya, but would give ya power if ya asked?

The hell you talkin' about boy? Ain't nothin' like that. And even if there was, don't sound like no right and just god to me.

Ya wouldn't be tempted, even a bit?

The laws o' the Gods are there fer a reason, Wuz. They weave our fate, subject it to their whims, and then end it when they choose. What's left beyond that is fer men and men alone to decide.

Yeah... maybe. I ain't so sure tho.

Tell ya what - go busy yer hands. It'll focus yer mind, maybe git ya to shake this loose. We need a stove, right? Yer smart, go put a fueled one together.

...Sure. I'll go do that. C'mon Grillz.

Spoiler

Meanwhile.

*planting healroot* Okay, feeling better. Wait, what's that in the sky?

Spoiler

Cargo pods! Wonder of wonders! Let me go find out what's in them, I hope it's something useful.

Spoiler

Grapes. Well, waste not, want not. The Space Gods are merciful and random in their ways. Should be tasty if I cook them up with some meat once we get a stove built.

Spoiler

Ah, gardening always takes one back to their roots. Feels good. Wuz! Bob! There you are. How're you two doing?

Been cuttin' trees for more wood so we can finally get around to buildin' my damn research table.

Just keep puttin' yer back into it, Wuz. I finished that floor and been planning where to put up some sandbags to keep us from gettin' shot. Goin' for a smoke an' a snack now.

Spoiler

*lights up* Hm? The hell is this book doing here?

Remember what I wuz talkin' about earlier? Dat's got sumthin' to do with it.

...It's jes' a book, Wuz. This is th' thing that was causing ya so much aggravation?

Dat ain't no ordinary book Bob. It ain't. I promise ya.

Ya want me to get rid of it?

Nah... just... just leave it there for now. Never know when it might be useful.

Alright, yer call. Whatever.

Later that night.

*planting more healroot and humming a sea shanty* I should probably get to bed soon - Bob and Wuz are likely already asleep.

Spoiler

Spigot... Spigot...

What?! Huh?!

SPIGOT.

I need to go to bed RIGHT NOW! *runs off to the safety of his bed*

Spoiler

An eerie silence encompasses the night air. Pages flutter unseen in the shadows, markings shimmer with crimson glow and writhe. Something is watching. An eye that sleepeth not.

 

[Pandorym]

Alright, ACTUAL last update from me until Monday. Sunday iz the busy times, got things to do.

We got sum KEY CHOICES though!

No. 1: What do we do with the book?

• Research it. Even though its contents may be mind-shattering, no doubt great power lies the turn of a page away.
• Get rid of it. Regular research will eventually give us access to advanced technology, and there's way too many other strange beings out there.

No. 2: Defenses are going up. Sandbags, embrasures, or a giant wall?

• Sandbags
• Embrasures
• Giant wall

No. 3: Research will come eventually. What to research first?

• Power! Batteries and solar panels.
• Brewing! We aren't growing hops for nothing.
• Microelectronics! Will give us access to a comm console and other interesting tidbits.
• Drug production! Make some good shit. Medicine too, eventually.
• Weapons! Kill them to save ourselves!

No. 4: Gotta keep building out. What's next on the list? (Choose two and put them in order of preference)

• Private houses
• Town hall
• Guest room
• Prison
• Hospital

No. 5: Workstation area is ready. What goes in first?

• Research bench
  
• FORBIDDEN research bench
• Stonecutting bench
• Sculptor's table
• Smithy

Also, how's my dialogue and pacing? I'm no Grimwulf, but I hope it's at least entertaining.