From the makers of The Outer Turds™, South Park: Dick of Truth™, Upcoming Honey I Shrunk The Kids Clone™, and the company who fired Master Chris Avellone well over 4 years before he was formally accused of bad romance, now comes a new role playing epic in the vein of Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Avowed. Join us on a journey to the fantastical world of Eora, where NPCs have Kickstarter dialogue, vampires are fampyrs, kobolds are xaurips, and you are a dumbass. Wield a sword in one hand and a spell in the other, because that is the best way to guarantee that the combat will have zero depth but enough spamming to compete against Bethesda's best. 4 mouse clicks and you will have landed 2 sword attacks, 2 fireballs, and one shout at the dragon facing you (who is also incidentally your father). The simple combat system will leave you with more time to admire your companions, who aside from having deep background stories, deeper pool of genders, yet deeper pool of cross and intra-gender relationship options, and yet deeper still quest-lines should you choose the wrong gender approach to their current gender mindset, also come with advanced BrilliantAI™, which will let them wear pots on their heads dynamically, as they travel around.
We feel like modern RPGs have turned away from their glorious past and the central role of the protagonist. Now you feel like a mere cog in the machine in games like Witcher 3 or Kingdom Come: Deliverance, so in Avowed, we avow that your character will be truly special. Every NPC in the game will end every dialogue wheel option with "Master of the Universe, Queen of Dragonborn, first of xir gender". All the quests will allow you to impose your will and footprint on the world of Eora. Gone are the days where an early RPG hero would clear basements of rats, in Avowed your 4 hour long tutorial quest will force you to select the reigning King of Eoras's largest nation, Sawyeria.
We are also well aware that Obsidian's reputation has always rested on the laurels of choice and consequence, and with Avowed, we avow to push the envelope in this direction as well. Every quest will have multiple solutions, and every solution will be internally analyzed by our proprietary Justice™ Engine and given a score of 0 to 10 on the spectrum of social justice. Solutions ranked below 8 will cause your character to lose experience, while those below 6 will results in your companions leaving you. Scores of below 4 will results in Justice™ Engine scanning your computer for personal information and posting it on the appropriate Twitter antifa feed.
9 years ago, Skyrim changed the game with its accessible gameplay and the wonder of being a man-dragon. Now, the journey continues with the next epic open world RPG, where you can be a dragon of various genders and the game is so accessible, your grandma could play it with with both legs tied behind her ears. Go avow yourself, friend, for the future of gaming is upon us!