It looks like it's going to be a long, hard slog of getting good for me. After restarting several times, I've come to accept that there's no way I'm going to improve at fighting anything other than basic bitch brigands unless I savescum some. I'll save the ironman playthrough for once I'm actually somewhat decent at the game.
Honestly, there's not really a way to get much better at game start.
Your bros just suck too much and with limited amounts of brothers in your band as well as enemies, there just aren't many strategies available.
IMO, the only thing you CAN do is stop relying on crap weapons at the start. E.g. most range weapons are just plain useless unless wielded by someone with good ranged stats - which you won't have at the beginning (maybe with the poachers origin exception).
At some point, you just learn to give everyone shield + spear until they had a few levelups.
Spear/shieldwall can carry you through most of the early game (if you avoid undead).
But even with that, the start of the game is just too hard if you don't pick the highest starting gold. I always end up savescumming a lot as I just don't want to restart all the time until I get lucky enough to survive the first bunch of days.
And then gradually reduce it and start accepting losses when it no longer ruins me or would cause me to lose too much time on building up new recruits.
The biggest problem really is the recruit system.
How anyone can play without the mod that clearly shows recruit stats is beyond me. The default recruit system is just plain dumb, even when you spend the tryout money, you only learn some mostly irrelevant traits but not even where the recruits stars are.
At the very least, tryout should show stars and the two or three best stats.
Also, recruits should start at higher levels as your band average level rises (or maybe with an option to buy them at a higher price for a higher level) - there is no challenge in levelling up a fresh recruit (just carry him to battles while keeping him safe), it merely wastes lots of time.
On a different topic:
Is it just me or are improved dog armors (from wolf skin) pretty much useless?
I couldn't really tell a difference between a normal dog armor and the improved variant. I was so happy to finally have something that would make my doggos usable without being in extreme danger all the time - only to find out they still die just as quickly in a few hits (or one lucky hit).
On one hand, I get it. They are dogs. But why even bother with improving armor if it doesn't do anything?