Fond memories aside, I was actually kind of disappointed with my return to the game. I wasn't naïve enough, of course, to think that I'd be walking into it with the same mindset of my younger self, but it still surprised me how ultimately underwhelmed I was by the whole thing. There was a time when I thought that Duke Nukem 3D was outright awesome. The violence, the attitude, the sexuality; to a nine-year old in 1996 a game with honest-to-god boobs seemed like a revolution. In 2014, on the other hand, it's a game that feels goofy at best and mildly uncomfortable at its worst. The fact that the game focuses so heavily on captured, imprisoned and sexualized women (many of whom beg you to kill them) just really rubbed me the wrong way as an adult.
It didn't help that the Duke himself kind of fell flat for me. This was an especial disappointment because, back in the day, I thought Duke Nukem was just about the coolest protagonist around. I loved everything about him, especially his one-liners which were always my favorite part of the Schwarzenegger movies the character was actively aping. This time around, however, I wound up turning the sound right off. Granted, I did that partly so I could watch House of Cards while I played, but that aside, you can only hear "hail to the king, baby" so many times before you start rolling your eyes.
