NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[dnf]

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2013/05/08/ea-registers-battlefield-13-20-domains-but-who-got-21/

EA are a company that thinks ahead. The Battlefield series may only be working on its 4th pure edition right now, but the publisher has just registered domains for www.battlefield13.com to www.battlefield20.com, ensuring that they’re secure for at least the next few Christmasses.

But Rock, Paper, Shotgun is a company that thinks further ahead. RPS is a business that doesn’t rely on such medium-to-long-term thinking. And so it is that we will be the first place for all your www.battlefield21.com news.


As reported by Joystiq, spotted by Fusible, EA have squatted their cyberbottoms on the domains for 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20. They already owned 1 to 9, but have missed out on 10, 11 and 12. (Don’t visit 11, btw – Chrome warns me it’s a phishy site). Clearly realising that this was a problem that was only going to continue growing, the scooped up 13-20 last week.

EA previously paid $80,000 for battlefield.com. I imagine they probably spent about $100 in a bulk deal on the most recent eight. We paid £25 for www.battlefield21.com.

On the assumption that BF becomes an annual treat, split amongst two dev teams, come 2030 we are quids in. (What’s $80,000 in Futurespace Dollars?)

Slightly more helpfully, the pic at the top is a new screenshot released today – you can click on it to make it big, to reveal BF4 in all its pale grey glory.

There are no known numbers higher than 21.

Is this supposed to be funny?

 

[Spectacle]

A waste of money, EA will run the Battlefield franchise into the ground long before BF21.

-Spectacle

 

[Brinko]

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/cas/3791812553.html

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.

 

[circ]

This never would have happened had you gotten your kid a Genesis instead.

 

[Cassidy]

This never would have happened had you gotten your kid a Genesis instead.

Then Chris-Chan would have happened instead. Not sure which is worse.

 

[Jaesun]

I always wanted a Genesis too. But we were poor.

 

[evdk]

This never would have happened had you gotten your kid a Genesis instead.

Then Chris-Chan would have happened instead. Not sure which is worse.

Chris-chan. This dude(?) at least has a chance to get some pussy.

 

[Whisky]

This never would have happened had you gotten your kid a Genesis instead.

Then Chris-Chan would have happened instead. Not sure which is worse.

Chris-chan. This dude(?) at least has a chance to get some pussy.

But Chris-Chan has gotten some, granted he hired a hooker and he's still acting erratically, but he got some!

 

[Jaesun]

Brian Fargo ‏@BrianFargo3m
We are soon submitting a final version of Bard's Tale on @playouya. It looks and plays great. Only format missing now is microwave oven.

 

[Menckenstein]

Brian Fargo ‏@BrianFargo3m
We are soon submitting a final version of Bard's Tale on @playouya. It looks and plays great. Only format missing now is microwave oven.

...which Bard's Tale?

I saw Choplifter HD on origin

 

[Gerrard]

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2013/05/08/ea-registers-battlefield-13-20-domains-but-who-got-21/

EA are a company that thinks ahead.

Indeed.

 

[dnf]

GO HOME AND BE A SERB.

insert (1) coin to remove kebab

 

[Ninja Destroyer]

Don't forget Street Fighter condoms. Those wacky Asians .

Spoiler

 

[Clockwork Knight]

http://www.destructoid.com/warren-spector-so-tired-of-stuff-like-wolfenstein-253257.phtml

Wolfenstein: The New Order was announced only this morning, but game creator Warren Spector has selected it as the ambassador of all he hates in the industry. Questioning the need for its existence, Spector has expressed dismay at yet another shooter.

"Did the world really need another Wolfenstein game?" he asked on Facebook. "Did we need a generically dark, monochromatic, FPS, kill-the-Nazi-giant-robot game? Uh. No. The world did not. I am so tired of stuff like this.

"Oh, and could we all just agree we'll never use the generic gravelly-whisper trailer voice guy ever again? And one more thing: Please stop using Jimi Hendrix to promote your adolescent male power fantasies."

Later on, in response to the heat his opinion drew, Spector revealed a little more motivation behind his attack on the freshly announced game, expressing disappointment that he struggles to get his own games green lit while these ones exist.

"You're welcome to write off my opinions but I have a right to express complaints about people recycling work as old as I am. I'm allowed to complain about the difficulty of getting new stuff green lit -- new IP, new game styles and so on given my perspective as someone who's constantly fighting the pressure to 'just make a shooter.'

"And given the venom aimed at Disney Epic Mickey by people with no concern for how hard the team worked I don't think I need any lectures about that," he continued. "I know how hard developers work -- better than most people -- but I wish all that effort were spent on something that pointed toward gaming's future rather than looking toward our past."

It does strike me as a little bit hypocritical that Spector bemoans criticism of Epic Mickey by people who don't know how hard it was to make ... after pouring scorn over a game of which he has zero development knowledge. He can claim authority on the level of effort expended to make Epic Mickey: The Power of Two, but is it not wholly arrogant for him to act like the effort going into The New Order means nothing, just because it doesn't coincide with his vision for what a game should do?

He literally does not know what's going on with this game. How can he then deride those for not knowing what went on with his?

The market is definitely saturated with a handful of ideas, and variety is sorely needed -- but singling out a new game and dumping on it after seeing nothing but a teaser trailer is a downright odious way to go about making the point. We're better served arguing for more games, not pushing to have games taken away. The answer is more new IP, not less sequels. One thing does not have to exist at the expense of another.

It's a shame because, on one level, I totally agree with Spector. On the other, he kind of made himself look supremely bitter in this instance, and that'll only serve to undo any merit his points may have.

Oh, Warren.

 

[Angthoron]

Butthurt detected in Spector's rear warrens.

 

[Crooked Bee]

He has a point: the world doesn't need the new Wolfenstein game.

Too bad he wants the world to choke on The Walking Dead and Heavy Rains instead.

 

[Spectacle]

The world needs another Wolfenstein game more than it needs Warren Spector, though neither need is great

I'm actually looking forward somewhat to this game. Fighting giant robots is at least a bit more interesting than fighting generic infantryman #286, whether he's wearing a nazi, russian or jihadi uniform.

If they go for a lulzy, iron sky like portrayal of the nazis as well, it could be quite fun.

 

[Angthoron]

Maybe Warren is actually a giant nazi robot in disguise and is upset to be marginalized like that.

 

[Infinitron]

http://www.gamespot.com/news/spector-apologizes-for-wolfenstein-comments-6408092

Spector apologizes for Wolfenstein comments

Deus Ex and Epic Mickey designer Warren Spector has apologized forspeaking out against the recently announced Wolfenstein: The New Order. In an update to his Facebook page, the industry veteran apologized directly to the team at MachineGames.

"I'm sorry. I owe the Wolfenstein team an apology," Spector said. "I wasn't trying to diss you or your game. I have total respect for anyone making a game. I know how hard it is… And to everyone who pointed out that I didn't know enough about the game to judge, well, you were right. Consider this my mea culpa."

Spector went on to explain that he was not motivated to lash out at the Wolfenstein announcement over his most recent games Epic Mickey and its sequel coming up short. In fact, he argued the opposite is true.

"No sour grapes here. None. I'm disappointed that people assume they know my motivations for saying what I said," Spector said. "I'm not bitter about the 'failure' of the Disney Epic Mickey games--I don't consider them failures. They're the two best-selling games I've worked on!"

Though Spector said he is sorry for describing Wolfenstein: The New Order as a "generically dark, monochromatic, FPS, kill-the-Nazi-giant-robot game," he maintains that there is not enough variety in games today.

"Though I was wrong to take out general frustrations on an individual game and on a single team, I'll stand by my overall statement about lack of variety and innovation in mainstream gaming," Spector said. "I was simply expressing, once again, my long-held belief that we make too many shooters, lots of which look, sound and feel like basically the same game dressed up in different clothes. I've been saying that for years--it's nothing new. Wolfenstein got in the line of fire, but I've been shooting at this target for a long time."

Spector's full apology note is available on his Facebook page.

 

[RK47]

 

[Lagole Gon]

Well, that was quick.

 

[Lancehead]

I'm disappointed that people assume they know my motivations for saying what I said

People go by what you say, and if you say what you don't think, stop saying. /Internet 101

 

[Ninja Destroyer]

"I'm not bitter about the 'failure' of the Disney Epic Mickey games--I don't consider them failures. They're the two best-selling games I've worked on!"

 

[Infinitron]

That might be true for first month retail sales or whatever, but I'd be surprised if Deus Ex hasn't outsold them if you include lifetime digital distribution sales.

 

[Roguey]

That might be true for first month retail sales or whatever, but I'd be surprised if Deus Ex hasn't outsold them if you include lifetime digital distribution sales.

The lifetime sales of Deus Ex in 2009 were a little over a million. I doubt it's significantly increased since then.