Dragon Age: Inquisition Pre-Release Thread

[Glaurung]

Watching Angry Joe's playthrough, infuriatingly retarded as he is, kind of made me excited about playing this shit. About the same way that I'd watch a Marvel CU super-hero movie - guilty pleasure almost guaranteed to end in disappointment.
Then I saw the list of party members. Sweet Sauron, there is absolutely nothing to choose from, it's a collection of the most absurd, over-exaggerated twisted mockeries of human (elven, dwarven, bovine) beings I've ever seen in a video game. There's the obligatory overly-masculine bearded dark and gritty warrior, an absurdly stocky cow with enormous horns and an eye-patch, that obnoxious lady with a non-descript fake accent from Dragon Age II, Varrick makes a comeback, an emo guy with the worst haircut, a caricaturely gay guy with a comical mustache straight out of the Blue Lagoon, and... what the shit am I looking at?

What a colourless bunch of dorks and freaks, it's like Bioware is making a caricature at the typical demographics that enjoy playing their gaymes. Seriously, who am I going to pick for my party if I do decide to give this a try? Beard guy, cow guy, and Varric? Nah, I never used Varric in DA2 and I'm not going to now. Cole, gay stache guy and hideous bald elf? I just hope the game will give me the option to permanently kill off all of these tools.

 

[cvv]

Bioware fans getting sexually aroused by walking fridges with huge goat horns, why am I not surprised

Hey!

 

[Stainless Veteran]

Bioware fans getting sexually aroused by walking fridges with huge goat horns, why am I not surprised

Oh, if only they'd be aroused just by horns.

NSFW (slight sanity loss)

 

[nikolokolus]

I can't wait for Ebola to mutate and go airborne.

 

[Night Goat]

From LameSpot.

Here's the original source of that, which also mentions BG2 and 90s RPGs in general: http://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/2014-11-03-biowares-inquisition

Q: It's been a few years since the last Dragon Age, does it feel like the audience for this genre has changed?

Mark Darrah: Skyrim changed the landscape for role-playing games completely. I mean Oblivion probably sold six million units, basically that range, Skyrim sold 20 million. So that, to some degree, changes everything.

Now the expectations of your other fans, they're changing too. People age, they typically have less time for games, so it changes their expectations in terms of gameplay segments. It also results in some nostalgia. so they may become even more firm in their attachment to previous features. Now suddenly you have 15 million people that have basically had the first RPG they've ever played as Skyrim. They have totally different expectations of what storytelling is, what exploration is, and I think exploration is really where we've seen the biggest change.

Games haven't been this big in ten years: Baldur's Gate II was this big, or close to this big. It's not just Bioware, really nobody was this big - games were getting smaller and smaller. I mean look at Uncharted, that's a four hour experience. There's nothing wrong with that, it's an amazingly polished four hour experience, but it's not a big experience. Whereas if you look at role-playing games from the late 90s, I mean Daggerfall is 65,000 square kilometers.

The hardware has brought back the ability to do big again and I think that's what's bringing role-playing games back to the forefront. What we've traditionally seen is that as a console generation turns over the dominant genre has changed. Shooters weren't the dominant genre a generation ago, it was racing games. If you go back before that, to the PlayStation 1 era, it was actually role-playing games. I think that's what we may be seeing here. I don't know that role-playing games will be necessarily dominant but I do think we may see open-world exploration games being the dominant genre of this generation.

"The hardware has brought back the ability to do big again"

 

[Dreaad]

Yeah it has nothing to do with the wild success of Skyrim.... it's because of the hardware. Did we mention the hardware has also evolved and now you can fight dragons tactically.

 

[Diablo169]

I doubt even Bioware would be this stupid.....but if this game gets an faux artsy completely unsatisfying ending like Mass Effect 3 the amount of butt-hurt would be delicious.

 

[abnaxus]

I'll follow Steve's LP with great interest, that is all.

 

[Arkadin]

God I so wanted to be the first one to post "My Minotaur" in this thread

 

[Zeriel]

Watching Angry Joe's playthrough, infuriatingly retarded as he is, kind of made me excited about playing this shit. About the same way that I'd watch a Marvel CU super-hero movie - guilty pleasure almost guaranteed to end in disappointment.
Then I saw the list of party members. Sweet Sauron, there is absolutely nothing to choose from, it's a collection of the most absurd, over-exaggerated twisted mockeries of human (elven, dwarven, bovine) beings I've ever seen in a video game. There's the obligatory overly-masculine bearded dark and gritty warrior, an absurdly stocky cow with enormous horns and an eye-patch, that obnoxious lady with a non-descript fake accent from Dragon Age II, Varrick makes a comeback, an emo guy with the worst haircut, a caricaturely gay guy with a comical mustache straight out of the Blue Lagoon, and... what the shit am I looking at?

Spoiler

What a colourless bunch of dorks and freaks, it's like Bioware is making a caricature at the typical demographics that enjoy playing their gaymes. Seriously, who am I going to pick for my party if I do decide to give this a try? Beard guy, cow guy, and Varric? Nah, I never used Varric in DA2 and I'm not going to now. Cole, gay stache guy and hideous bald elf? I just hope the game will give me the option to permanently kill off all of these tools.

Yeah, I have the same feeling. Good news is I actually like Varric. Sure he's a midget, but he's unusually amusing for Bioware-tier writing from time to time, and he never tries to bang your butts or anything. The rest are a real shit show, though. I kind of liked Cassandra (well, not liked, but didn't actually hate intensely) in DA2, but the new voice actor makes her sound awful. And everyone else is amazingly grotesque. I really don't get it. Why do the party members in Dragon Age games always seem remarkably ugly? It's not even a game-world thing. The NPCs often look much better than the PCs.

 

[set]

Watching Angry Joe's playthrough, infuriatingly retarded as he is, kind of made me excited about playing this shit. About the same way that I'd watch a Marvel CU super-hero movie - guilty pleasure almost guaranteed to end in disappointment.
Then I saw the list of party members. Sweet Sauron, there is absolutely nothing to choose from, it's a collection of the most absurd, over-exaggerated twisted mockeries of human (elven, dwarven, bovine) beings I've ever seen in a video game. There's the obligatory overly-masculine bearded dark and gritty warrior, an absurdly stocky cow with enormous horns and an eye-patch, that obnoxious lady with a non-descript fake accent from Dragon Age II, Varrick makes a comeback, an emo guy with the worst haircut, a caricaturely gay guy with a comical mustache straight out of the Blue Lagoon, and... what the shit am I looking at?

What a colourless bunch of dorks and freaks, it's like Bioware is making a caricature at the typical demographics that enjoy playing their gaymes. Seriously, who am I going to pick for my party if I do decide to give this a try? Beard guy, cow guy, and Varric? Nah, I never used Varric in DA2 and I'm not going to now. Cole, gay stache guy and hideous bald elf? I just hope the game will give me the option to permanently kill off all of these tools.

Woooow. Okay, well, I don't know the personalities yet, but I'd probably go with Sera, Blackwall and Cassandra. Not because they're any good, but the appear to be the least insufferable by appearance - but I imagine they will all still be insufferable in their own ways.

How does a cast like this even inspire you to buy the game? There's nobody in that group that even looks like someone you want to have a conversation with. It looks like a disgusting crew of deviants crafted for some particular person's far-out-there bondage fetish. Half of them could be mistaken as oily gimps if you put a cowl over their eyes.

Cole looks especially boring. I'd prefer DA2's cast over this shit.

 

[Dreaad]

Yeah I don't think I'm going to play SJW Privilage Inquisition: The Diversity. Where are all my pretty heroes , not even one?! That and they STILL haven't got scabbards... just big floating weapons located 3 inches from char's back.

 

[Space Satan]

At last I've found a comic exactly depicting the past, present and the future of Dragon Age franchise

NSFW

 

[Stainless Veteran]

At last I've found a comic exactly depicting the past, present and the future of Dragon Age franchise

NSFW

Oglaf is
Still, Bioware always reminded me of another strip and not this one (mostly concerning DA writers)

NSFW, obviously

 

[Malpercio]

Well, at least these guys look memorable, somehow.

I don't even remember DA1 companions... there was Imoen and... Alister? Alistor? ALISTAR, yeah, that one AND DA2 companions were memorable in a sense that I wanted to skin alive most of them.

 

[dryan]

Watching Angry Joe's playthrough, infuriatingly retarded as he is, kind of made me excited about playing this shit. About the same way that I'd watch a Marvel CU super-hero movie - guilty pleasure almost guaranteed to end in disappointment.
Then I saw the list of party members. Sweet Sauron, there is absolutely nothing to choose from, it's a collection of the most absurd, over-exaggerated twisted mockeries of human (elven, dwarven, bovine) beings I've ever seen in a video game. There's the obligatory overly-masculine bearded dark and gritty warrior, an absurdly stocky cow with enormous horns and an eye-patch, that obnoxious lady with a non-descript fake accent from Dragon Age II, Varrick makes a comeback, an emo guy with the worst haircut, a caricaturely gay guy with a comical mustache straight out of the Blue Lagoon, and... what the shit am I looking at?

What a colourless bunch of dorks and freaks, it's like Bioware is making a caricature at the typical demographics that enjoy playing their gaymes. Seriously, who am I going to pick for my party if I do decide to give this a try? Beard guy, cow guy, and Varric? Nah, I never used Varric in DA2 and I'm not going to now. Cole, gay stache guy and hideous bald elf? I just hope the game will give me the option to permanently kill off all of these tools.

The black chick seems the least fugly (but still unattractive) and yet she's unromanceable.

 

[curry]

I don't even remember DA1 companions... there was Imoen

 

[dryan]

Well, at least these guys look memorable, somehow.

I don't even remember DA1 companions... there was Imoen and... Alister? Alistor? ALISTAR, yeah, that one AND DA2 companions were memorable in a sense that I wanted to skin alive most of them.

Alistair was memorable because he was so whiny and unfunny. I really enjoyed having him killed and then taking the crown.

 

[set]

http://a.pomf.se/mknflb.webm

 

[Wulfric Pinewood]

With box of painkillers i will be able to play this game.

 

[meanwhileInPoland]

hmmmm ... not much PR bullshit aside for that ME3 ending comment. seems to me they are not THAT big fans of skyrim but they know what sells well

 

[kris]

Our fortifications must be modelled after our shoulderpads.

I have a feeling that they are there to fend off the dragons. Still retarded though.

You stole the thunder for my joke!

"So you guys spent a fortune to buy the worlds all iron? Just so you could kill a drunk dragon as it flies into the wall?"

For a non-flying dragon they are just nice steps up the wall, very convenient.

Well, at least these guys look memorable, somehow.

I don't even remember DA1 companions... there was Imoen and... Alister? Alistor? ALISTAR, yeah, that one AND DA2 companions were memorable in a sense that I wanted to skin alive most of them.

Better to be forgotten than remembered for how awful you were.

Still. you don't remember Morrigan? Leliana and her hilariously opera song at the camp? Then it was warrior code guy/race, drunk dwarf, elf assassin. all I remember now

 

[Delterius]

For a non-flying dragon they are just nice steps up the wall, very convenient.

Hell, a flying dragon can use it as a perch.

 

[Dreaad]

For a non-flying dragon they are just nice steps up the wall, very convenient.

Hell, a flying dragon can use it as a perch.

Careful you probably just gave away the plot twist of a friendly (old god) dragon ally. Cause that's never been done before.

 

[Hepler's Vagina]

According to deviantart, their defensive role revolves around offering the dragon a way of ... pleasuring itself, thereby distracting it from its attack plans. And pleasure itself it did.