From Software Elden Ring - From Software's new game with writing by GRRM

[Sunri]

I think Roderika have worst voice actor in the entire game, not even bad funny like snake guy

Spoiler

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[Eyestabber]

You know that super cool weapon that would totally be worth a replay to make a build around? 20 hours in guarded by a boss with a 5 hit 360 combo. And it's useless because it's going to take another 20 hours to upgrade it. Btw, can I interest you in this Moonveil I got over here?

Is there any purpose in golden seeds other than upgrading your flask? I have four extra seeds, but my flask is already at max so they are kinda useless.

They need to make the goddamn stash shared between characters, so your next guy could use those extra seeds and late game weapons. Actually, you can do this IF you get a friend to help you "mule" stuff over. So I guess on top of mocking you for being incel, ER also shits over the fact that you have no friends to help you twink a new character. =\

Anyway, I wanna add one thing: Caelid gets a lot of shit, but I think it's thematically interesting. It could've been populated with better dungeons and less retarded mobs, but I think aesthetically Caelid is pretty decent. You know what looks like dogshit, is a CHORE to traverse and is also 90% empty and worthless? Mt. Gelmir. That place should get MORE shit. If Volcano Manor got moved somewhere else Mt. Gelmir would no longer have any reason to exist. Terrible place.

33% less landmass would INSTANTLY improve this game dramatically. Mt. Gelmir is IMO the first place that should be ditched.

Oh, and by reading the Wiki I learned the +magic damage talisman is part of a quest I missed (Seluvis) and can't get it now. Nice. Yet another reason to bother a friend for help =\

 

[Surf Solar]

Man I'm gonna have to respec again so I can use bows. I'm late game and I don't have hardly any long range attacks and it's getting me smoked. Best I got right now is kukris and a weak ass fire ball.

If its just for long range utility, a shortbow should suffice with barely any stat invesrment.

Radahns Bow is really good btw, both for pve and pvp, just incase someone wants to try out a greatbow

 

[Yosharian]

Horn Bow is pretty good

 

[Efe]

did you test "preferred arrow" dmg boost for bows?

 

[SumDrunkGuy]

I went with the Pulley Bow because it only required me to put one point in dex.

 

[deem]

I don't even negative rate messages at this point - because negative ratings actually REWARD the idiot with the heal and make it more likely that the message will continue to appear, and people can't actually tell whether a message was rated positive/negative, it only displays total ratings.

I knew that the number next to the message is the total of positive/negative votes but I'm not sure about the negative ratings healing and boosting the message. Did you read it somewhere? If it's true then it makes zero sense.

 

[mediocrepoet]

This is interesting, I'd been curious what the hell they're singing about.

 

[SumDrunkGuy]

Okay so I killed Godfrey and now I'm not sure what else I have left to do in Leyndell. I feel like I've been everywhere. Any ideas?

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

The immense faggotry one has to undergo to not go for Ranni is unfathomable.

Few posts back I wanted Fia but you know the truth? Fia is a ho. You approach this bitch in her deathtrap dungeon and you're fighting all her simps, one after the other. So you beat them up including that one fat fuck "Lionel" and then Fia's like, "yeah it's cute you still want hugs but I'm gonna fuck this guy in the tree here so if you're cool with that mind finding me some ornate centipede gizmo?"

Nigga you got me all fucked up. Thinking I'm gonna be going on some sort of journey just to get cucked. So anyways I did this (stfu Codex) and let's just say I'm happy at the grand conclusion of that little plotline. She got the D all right, hehehehe. Just not mine!

But that's cool because Ranni is a more fulfilling, more goth, more pure girl. And she has four arms. Do you know the time you can make doing dishes with those numbers? Or how many babies you can hold once I breed that doll-pussy up? Huh? Do ya?

Yeah, Elden Ring made me get married. Cool game, huh?

flicks toothpick

I said "cool game."

 

[Jaedar]

So I got to the capital. This map is kinda crazy. Feels like you could have put it in deus ex, and no one would bat an eye (and if you put it in say, dishonored it'd be the best map in the game).

Unfortunately I seem to be a bit underleveled, and it crashes my game every 10-15 minutes. Not a great combo.

The main dungeons have been suspiciously good in general actually. Did from hire a superstar level designer or what?

 

[Bigg Boss]

So I got to the capital. This map is kinda crazy. Feels like you could have put it in deus ex, and no one would bat an eye (and if you put it in say, dishonored it'd be the best map in the game).

Unfortunately I seem to be a bit underleveled, and it crashes my game every 10-15 minutes. Not a great combo.

The main dungeons have been suspiciously good in general actually. Did from hire a superstar level designer or what?

NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I HAD TO RIDE A HORSE TO GET THERE.

 

[Gromlintroid]

I fought my way up through a dungeon to Altus Plateau without realising there's elevators you can take when you get the medallions.
Also, the Eternal City/underground areas are pretty cool.

 

[Yosharian]

I fought my way up through a dungeon to Altus Plateau without realising there's elevators you can take when you get the medallions.
Also, the Eternal City/underground areas are pretty cool.

Dude the whole game is pretty fucking cool

 

[Lyric Suite]

Meh, pvp is pretty cancer in this game.

I thought at low SL and low weapon upgrade i would be spared some of the try hard shenanigans, but nope. Bleed bleed bleed and net code is shit with constant lag and disconnects.

Also, blue ring doesn't seem to be doing much. I got more pvp using the co-op staff than with that thing.

 

[Bigg Boss]

PVP mostly enables with coop.

 

[Villagkouras]

I fought my way up through a dungeon to Altus Plateau without realising there's elevators you can take when you get the medallions.
Also, the Eternal City/underground areas are pretty cool.

I think this is the "intended" way, the medallion halves are somewhat missable.

 

[Jaedar]

I fought my way up through a dungeon to Altus Plateau without realising there's elevators you can take when you get the medallions.
Also, the Eternal City/underground areas are pretty cool.

I think this is the "intended" way, the medallion halves are somewhat missable.

The crones explicitly tell you of both paths. I assume it was intended as a "do you want to solve this with exploration or combat?".

 

[Eyestabber]

FINISHED THE GAME!

So apparently taking a break works. That and going on a bonfire rush in Haligtree and grabbing the Dragoncrest Greatshield Talisman. The last 3 bosses' damage was scaled back to non-retarded levels after I equipped this talisman, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

In other news:

Ranni ain't no thot, if you wanna tap dat blue witch booty you have to marry her.

And that's my dude:

Yep, hit lvl 150 exactly after beating the Elden Beast. Overleveled because I genocided A LOT of sad frogboys.

Stats:

Random thoughts:

- Radagon is a cool boss, but his sole purpose being wasting your flasks is a huge fail and drastically limits his potential. Btw, most of his attacks are safe to block, a decent shield makes this fight MUCH easier. Elden Beast was yet another giant monster clusterfuck. I did a couple of tries and eventually won. No idea what I did better, except maybe killing Radagon more effectively.
- Late game fatigue is real and I think I'm gonna ditch the game for now. It was...good. I rank this above DS 3 for sure. Funny how they advertised GRRM and this is the WORST souls game when it comes to writing. I have no fucking idea what the story is about. I'm not a storyfag so I don't need much reason to whack a boss to death. "He drops X weapon and Y souls" is reason enough to kill a boss. NPCs too.
- It struck me as very odd how the two casters before Loretta have more HP than the boss herself. I'm 100% convinced that AT SOME POINT during ER development Billy the Intern was tasked with running a script that multiplies enemy HP by a certain number. There is absolutely no logical explanation for the HP discrepancies you find in ER and previous games didn't suffer from this issue.
- NPC questlines are a MASSIVE pain in the ass. 100% impossible to complete without help from the Wikia, fail states with absolutely NO FUCKING WARNING, this is very bad. I noticed a trend of patches making questlines more "tolerant" but still, this game has AWFUL side quests.
- Mechanics wise this has the potential to be THE BEST souls game of all time. It's not there yet, due to the garbage balancing, BUT it's well within the realm of possibilities. This is the main reason why I think ER is good, even with all my many, MANY, complaints.
- Bows got MURDERED this time around. Low damage, inexistent scaling, like WTF!? They are only good for applying status and managing enemy aggro, using them for direct damage is simply masochism.
- I hate the crafting system. And I hate having to chase down 9890908098 merchants around the map. I started killing them all after I learned about their bell bearings. Good riddance. I think all the "main" items should have people that sell infinite amounts and fuck crafting. Eg: rot cure is still craft only. Hope it changes with patches.
- Grindy quests should go fuck themselves. I'm not bothering with the deathrot, dung eater (lol @ that name), Hyetta and whoever else asks me to "bring X items". Most of the fatigue of ER comes from the constant jumping through hoops to get something you need, like upgrade mats.
- The overall risk/reward ratio of fights in this game is pretty bad and should be adjusted somehow. Going through a level "normally", fighting everything, exploring every corner, grabbing every item is simply a recipe for headache and absolutely not worth it. Once you're past Liurnia mobs start becoming unmanageable. Big fucking coincidence that the encounter design turns to shit as soon as the network test areas are done, isn't it?
- Game would improve a lot and the world would feel much more alive if all the patrols you have on the map actually met each other at some point. Aren't the big bosses supposed to be Lords who hate each other? Then why don't we see their armies duking it out?
- Tracking and player hurtboxes need to be improved somewhat. It's REALLY stupid how often you can swing at a gigantic enemy and miss him entirely, despite being glued to the motherfucker.
- Giant stuff needs to be less...giant? Srsly, I HATE these fights where every attack comes from off screen because shit is so huge it doesn't fit on the screen (eg Fire Giant).
- Maliketh >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Radagon + EB, difficulty wise. Fight me.
- Sorceries are awfully bloated with spells that are very similar and frankly 90% of the spells in this game are utter garbage. It's like the person who designed the spells imagined DS2 style enemies, but the bosses were designed with DS3 in mind. Huge difference.
- Weapons and shields are also pretty bloated. 19 straight swords and guess what? They all fucking suck because Katanas exist.
- Armor does...almost nothing? The survivability increase from equipping the correct talisman is HUGE, but poise seems to be the only reason to equip heavier armor.
- Several late game enemies need nerfs to their damage. Sorry kids, but 50+ vigor characters should never get 1-shot. And I consider a 5-hit combo on a single stunlock as 1-shot.
- Input queuing and no pause = retarded jap shit. It's unjustifiable nonsense.
- Level design and quality of the IMPORTANT areas (mines and catacombs need to die in a fire) is superb and yet another reason to praise ER. Irithyll of the Boreal Valley and Anor Londo (DS 1) remain my greatest "woah, that shit is awesome" levels.
- Bosses and some enemies (looking at you, ninja knights at the Mountaintops) should NOT be allowed to dish out a 5 hit chain AND THEN immediately back off and avoid melee retaliation. I have no clue how people with slower weapons can handle certain enemies. Add that to the long list of reasons to use a Moonveil: L2+R2 hits enemies after they back off.
- This is the WORSE multiplayer experience of all Souls games. DS 3 butchered the invasions but AT LEAST coop was still fun. Not in Elden Ring. Because bosses are such insane BS most of the time you end up with hosts getting instakilled 9/10 attempts, and cooperators are simply sent back home with nothing to show for it. Previous Souls games had more reasonable HP scaling for coop, but this time it's complete dogshit and as a cooperator you will run out of flasks while the boss is at half hp or so. Using a +10 Mimic Tear is the better choice in every scenario, except when the boss doesn't allow summons for some reason. Again, fuck Maliketh.
- No pyromancies, no hex = decline. Inb4 "ackstually": what I mean is that there isn't a hexer build like in DS2. Fire stuff got shoved into the Faith build and Dark got sprinkled around. No Pyro-style spellcasting (magic that everyone can use and has no stat scaling).
- No covenants = . The "convenience" argument is stupid since covenant-like NPCs are still present. IMO there should be a bonfire right beside the covenant NPC and DONE. Convenient enough.
- Dedicated button for jumping was such an obvious thing to implement yet it took 3 games of dying from falls because the stupid jump input was wonky af. Jumping attacks are also much more consistent.
- Alexander...

 

[Villagkouras]

The crones explicitly tell you of both paths. I assume it was intended as a "do you want to solve this with exploration or combat?".

Sure, but the Caelid part is in Dragonburrow if I remember correctly which is supposed to be a much more difficult area than the Atlus itself. Btw, I used the lift at first and Atlus Plateau seemed like a joke compared to North Caelid.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

In other news:

Uh... hey dude? Kinda my wife there. Mentioned it a few posts above, heh.

Can't just go in and swoop her like that. I put a ring on it first. Check like her other right hand. Why don't you take that Melina girl instead? She's nice and has one eye and look at that, you're Eyestabber! Match made in Hecken.

 

[cvv]

Good writeup Eyestabber, subscribing most of it, with a few differences.

Crafting is actually good, meaning the shit you can craft is really good.
As for weapon bloat - eh, yes katanas exist but they're either missable or late-ish game. Straight swords are WAY more accessible from the get to...but yeah, gear bloat in general is real.

Reinforcing the point about spells - they're almost all trash, compared to weapon skills. Spells and incants do less damage, take longer to get off and are more expensive than skills, why would you ever bother with them. There are a couple of sorceries that are solid...you're still better off spamming Moonveil's or MGS' skills.

Well they took months to hit the right balance in Souls games. In ER it could take years.

 

[Eyestabber]

Why don't you take that Melina girl instead?

Welcome back! I would if I could, but she is a bit...too hot for me.

Well they took months to hit the right balance in Souls games. In ER it could take years.

Yeah that's my hope too. DS2 got a gazillion balance patches and the game was completely different by the time SOFTS came out.

Crafting is actually good, meaning the shit you can craft is really good.

Sure, you can craft good shit like rot arrows, but I wish I could just buy them because I'm not into hunting butterflies and goats.

 

[perfectslumbers]

Few posts back I wanted Fia but you know the truth? Fia is a ho.

Well she is a prostitute who goes around fucking people to steal their lifeforce so she can lay down with a dead noble (and give birth??? Maybe???) Guess From Soft wanted a romance path for all the polyamorous folks!

 

[Efe]

whats grindy about hyetta?
shes literally a stone throw away from first 2 grapes and 3rd grape you naturally get while exploring.
only last one is off the beaten path