I want:
- Big, class-defining abilities,
- Meaningful itemization,
- Differentiation between classes,
- Interesting group content,
- Interesting party dynamics,
- Healers who focus on healing
- Interesting crafting system,
- Interesting gathering system.
I think you just picked the wrong FF MMORPG. You want FF XI, preferably pre Wings of the Goddess expansion, not FF XIV.
Classes are sharply varied with unique methods of playing their roles. Crafting is some of the most involved I've ever experienced (time of day, weather, phase of the moon, day of the week, and compass facing all play a role). It has some of the most satisfying grouping dynamics ever, the Weaponskill/Skillchain/Magic Burst triad are both impactful and involving to play. Area design and music are superb. Itemization is really good. Attributes and stats matter; +3 STR is a noticeable difference over +1 STR on an item, for instance.
It's also the first MMORPG I played that encouraged me to have multiple specialization "sets" of equipment that I used all time, rather than switching from one spec to another. For instance, as a Dark Knight I had one set of equipment I used for normal fighting; another used for Weaponskills, with some overlap; and another for casting my spells. It sounds cumbersome, but it actually feels great in practice and allows for skill expression through itemization (you'll quickly notice the difference in effectiveness between players who gearswap and those who don't). Swapping itself is also relatively painless; the entire process can be dealt with through hotkey macros.
The dungeons of FF XI in particular deserve a mention, you actually feel like you're spelunking in dangerous and fantastic locations, wondering what's around the corner, excited to see what drops and treasure you'll get. Imagine a game with dungeons of the complexity and fun of Chardok, Sebilis and Guk, going from level 10 to 70. Now imagine all those dungeons, in addition to named monsters that drop good loot, also have actual treasure chests with difficult-to-obtain keys, that contain unique loot tables. That's the FF XI dungeon scene.
It comes with its own problems though. Raid content is pretty bad, with lots of kiting and running in and out of combat. The UI was designed with PS2 limitations in mind and Square Enix never allowed the amount of customization even EQ had by that time. Several systems were obscenely opaque (some aspects of crafting, for instance, still aren't completely understood to this day). Initial Weaponskill design had atrocious power scaling mechanics, which wasn't fixed until very late in the game's lifecycle. And it is perhaps the pinnacle of SE's JRPG grind mindset (this is not necessarily a problem for me, but I recognize it's a huge turn-off for many). Graphics are pretty dated, although the art style and direction still hold up to this day. The story after the base game (Shadow Lord) is pretty shit.
Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now.