So things were boring for most of the way through, dealing with more primals, beastmen etc. And then Ishgard came along. Things got pretty good from there. I liked the way the Ascians were brought back, the Scions actually become a decent fighting force, and the main plotline was finally driven forward past the primal shit.
Then I got to the final cutscenes. WTF.
(I wrote all of this out while having the text on manual advance mode, which allowed me to process this colossal shitfest piece by piece...)
When Sultana Nanamo announced her intention to make Ul'dah a republic I thought "What fucking decline". Republics are almost always worse than monarchies and especially constitutional monarchies where the monarch reigns de jure, but elected officials rule in their name. The problem with Ul'dah was the officials were almost all (except for Raubahn) corrupt pondscum. And the Sultana thought the way to resolve it was to throw in the towel and let the people elect their leaders in a republic? In a city state where the corrupt officials are bound to get votes due to voter intimidation? Fucking decline. Idiotic writing.
I was hopeful however that the Japanese, understanding the notion of constitutional monarchy, would roll it back a little in the end and have the Sultana acknowledge her mistake and understand that nations must have a figurehead to keep people together, while having elected officials do the politicking....
But Teledji was a massive cunt - maybe one of the biggest cunts in video gaming. Of course, you see his betrayal coming a mile off (though maybe not the assassination). But it was the behaviour of everyone else that fucking pissed me off. First, the player character. Surrendering to the guards when they burst into the Royal Chamber. Here is where the linear storytelling of Final Fantasy got in the way of player expectations. I felt like I should have been able to shout, "DIE YOU FUCKING CUNTS!" and carve my way out of there in a Kill Bill-style bloodbath. By this point I've got a fucking cool armour set, taken on the Garlean Empire and dealt with ancient utter bastards in the raid. I should have been able to deal with Teledji's thugs enough to get back to the feast hall to join with my pals.
Also, the guys from Ishgard should have told Teledji to fuck right off. And then when Teledji kept spouting his mouth everyone should have charged forward and killed the fucking lot of the traitors. Not just Raubahn. His response was utterly justified, but came after so much fucking talking back and forth.
When Raubahn acts in a completely justified and rational manner, the other nations of Eorzea (the guys we've just been fighting for, and in some cases alongside for the entire game to this point) just... leave. What. And Ilberd, traitorous filth, took off Raubahn's arm, the greatest warrior in all the realm. I guess Raubahn was too upset over losing his Sultana? All of this fucking happens while your character is on the floor in handcuffs, because you decided to give in to Teledji's thugs instead of fighting them.
Of course, Ilberd admits to killing the Sultana. Only after all the biggest bastards in Eorzea have left the room. And they left the room because Raubahn killed Teledji. Either they are butthurt little fucking bitches and can't understand a fucking plot against them by utter cunts, or they were bursting for a piss. Maybe it was the latter as that makes more sense. What the bleeding fuck? When Raubahn attacked Ilberd after his taunt about killing the Sultana, all the Scions present in the room (they are all there at this point) should have charged forwards, attacked all the traitors, raped them and killed them and raped their corpses again, using their blood as lubricant. Instead, they all just fucking watch.
So, Thancred is a fucking bro, my character started as a Gladiator so I've been with Thancred and Ul'dah from the start and he was the only. Fucking. Scion. to actually do anything at all in this shitfest. All credit to him for not giving in.
That whole segment should have had the Scions, the leaders of the other Eorzean nations, the Ishgardians and loyal Ul'dahnians hacking their way out of Ul'dah, with blood dripping from their clothes and bitten off flesh hanging out of their mouths. Yes, I know some of the Scions stay behind and there's some good fight scenes but they aren't angry enough, and they come far too late - being completely ineffective, they should have come much sooner during the banquet room sequence.
Also, Raubahn should have bled to death quite quickly after losing his arm - but Japanese gonna Japanese I guess.
As for the final cutscene... Urianger is a traitor too? Who isn’t a traitor at this point? Minfilia best not betray me too!
