I've just gone through my third venture into KoDP and came away from it the same as the last two that I've made over the years: amazing lore, amazing art, amazing concept, amazing depth -- totally unsatisfying and boring. I think the answer is that it is simply too complex, and the complexity yields a kind of sameness to the entire experience. I realize this is heresy, and I myself am a prolific recommender of KoDP, so I will try to offer some thoughts as to why I might find it unsatisfying (other than that I'm just a lousy player who can't appreciate greatness).
(1) The huge quantity of variables, some invisible to the player, makes it very difficult to know whether you are advancing or not. For example, a huge number of successful raids, driving my enemies from the land and netting me large quantities of cattle, yielding huge morale meant . . . what, exactly? I wasn't losing, but there was no clear sense I was winning, since there were so many clans that I couldn't really conquer the area, and anyway the clans I was thoroughly trouncing still could keep raiding me in perpetuity. They would offer treaties, always offering a trivial number of cows (many less than I would take in a given raid), my ring would always say that I should ask for more, the enemy clan would always refuse and hire mercenaries, and I would continue trouncing them, etc., etc. Obviously I was making some kind of bad decision, but what, exactly, was the right decision? Accepting their surrender didn't end the feud, didn't stop them from raiding and killing horses, etc., it just limited my reprisal options.
In the background is some kind of "are you playing like an Orlanthi" metavariable, but there is no way to get a good sense of it. The advice I got from my ring was consistently contradictory (which is fine and verisimilar), and eventually I won (a short game on normal) but it all sort of happened. I made the tribe because I was bored, and won the kingship because I had accrued a huge quantity of goods and could share them with people. I suppose this was all in some way traceable to my raiding, but it felt very disconnected.
(2) The huge quantity of options, without much evident distinction among them, trivializes every choice. It is totally opaque what the difference between a swine blessing and a cattle blessing and an allocation of herd magic is, for example. It is unclear why it matters which direction I choose to explore. I still have no idea what the difference between charging and maneuvering is, or why maneuvering is autoselected if charging is the default Orlanthi behavior per the manual. The fact that one can successfully (albeit on normal/short) win the game while having not even a basic understanding of the game's options surely reflects poorly on the game. It's like if button mashing worked to beat Street Fighter. I have no idea why there are so many people on the ring, or what exactly I was supposed to do with them, how exactly their abilities mattered, etc. I mean, I could guess at it, but in any given interaction it didn't seem really to matter much -- the skills were all pretty similar among potential ring members, the god distribution pretty even, etc.
(3) I think the game makes some attempts to cue the player as to what he should be doing, but those cues are themselves opaque and don't accomplish much. Sometimes they are specific, such as, "We need more cottars," a problem that is resoluble with a click of a button. (I'm not sure how I was supposed to detect the need for cottars before then, perhaps by soliciting the ring's opinion in the farming screen or something.) But most of the time I don't understand them at all. For example, I made a half-assed effort to make a treaty with the Blackrock Clan, who owed me favors, and despite having spent the game trouncing other clans, despite having a large number of weaponthanes and a great warleader, the Blackrocks wouldn't join on the ground I hadn't proved myself in battle. Clearly I was supposed to do something . . . but what?
(4) The game does a very poor job (in my opinion) of sorting between useful and useless information, which means that given the sheer quantity of information you're given, it's pretty easy to get lost. Apparently the game expects you to rely on the ring for sorting that information, but my experience was (a) it is pretty painstaking to solicit the opinion of the ring, since you have to go person by person, subscreen by subscreen, and (2) their own statements were often not helpful, such that it was hard to judge between an action item and a bit of fluff. A lot of statistics seemed to me to be handled at a level of specificity that was unnecessary (451 cattle, 29 new births, etc.). All of this together made it frustratingly easy to miss key things -- like forgetting to fill a hole in the ring or forgetting to perform a required sacrifice.
(5) Whether a particular choice yields success or failure depends on so many things -- some invisible to the player and some simply involving a RNG -- that it is hard to feel satisfied about how things worked out. Sometimes there seems to be an intelligent basis for choosing among options, but often it felt like dizzily throwing a dart at a board whose numbers were concealed from me.
(6) Even the things that are supposed to be momentous -- completing a hero quest, driving an enemy from their tula, forming a tribe -- didn't have any more "oomph" than things that were totally random, like the results of an enemy raid upon you. There were no lasting goals to work toward -- the only really significant thing you can do in terms of the tula is building your defenses, but those were trivially cheap and also almost never referenced in the game, so I'm not sure to what extent they mattered. (From time to time in enemy raids, there was a mention of enemies stuck in a ditch. I'm not sure if that's because I built a ditch, as I think it might be the default defensive structure.) From time to time there were epic-seeming tasks (like maybe I once had an chance to fight some monster), which I failed at despite the resources I expended, but those never seemed to invite me to come back and revisit them. The single major multi-event arc that I got involved some guy being mutated by the Tusk Riders, and the amount of story effort devoted to this plot seemed totally disproportionate. (It ended with my failing to get him a wife, then he died in battle sad that he never got a wife. Amazingly, this arc apparently is meant to go on even further....)
I realize there are some players for whom figuring out the rules of the game is a huge part of the fun, and I suppose that for them KoDP is a great game. And then there's another set of players for whom the rules of the game are an obstruction to a walking/ruling simulator, and so just being able to do whatever and have interesting things happen is awesome, and I suppose that for them KoDP would be great too. For me, though, the game's lack of goals and steps to achieving those goals is more or less fatal. Everything about it is great, except the game part.
The game really doesn't give you much of an idea as to what your goal is supposed to be in the game when you start out. It's fairly trivial for most players to assume they are supposed to be taking over territory or forcing their enemy out in an attempt to become king or something. However, this is not your typical Sid Meiers (American) Civilization game. Your main purpose IS to become the King, but how you do that is quite a bit different than in most games.
I have a bit of insight which might help ya out here, I have quite a familiarity with this game, having beaten the long hard game a couple times over the years.
1.) So, having several on going feuds isn't typically a good idea. You can definitely play as a war tribe, and raiding is respected in Orlanthi society, but so is benevolence and reconciliation. Raiding your neighbors into near extinction is seen as wicked or un-king-like and will net your clan a bad reputation amongst their peers. While some raiding is expected, once your neighbors are begging for a ceasefire, its probably a good idea to cut your losses, resolve the feud and pick on someone else. The clan isn't exactly surrendering either, their are merely seeking a ceasefire to rebuild, but they still hate you for all of their people you killed, and, more importantly perhaps, all the cows you stole.
I'll touch more on the Orlanthi "metavariable" (I like that term) as we go, and try to summarize at the end.
2.) So, as for those two blessings specifically, a cattle blessing is always going to be more worthwhile than a swine blessing. As cows are counted on the screen as an important resource, and it is how goods are measured (for instance, 100 goods is actually 100 cows worth of goods) they are the main sign of wealth in Orlanthi culture. Having a large heard of cattle is good. 600 is nearly poor while 1200+ is wealthy. Cows can typically be traded for anything you may need, and in the case of attempting to trade for them, other clans may refuse more often if they are not in dire need of what you're offering in exchange. Also, when an emergency is required, cows are worth more food, although you'll almost always have 2 to 3 more times as many swine or sheep, and they aren't worth near as much (though killing too many can peeve your cottars).
As for combat options, this is somewhat dependent upon any number of things:
If defending: Consider your defenses and the number of defenders to attackers ratio. If you have the advantage, with a bit of magic, a charge can typically sweep the field. Sacrificing to Orlanth will also help. If you are outnumbered, it may be a good idea to evade and try to survive. If you have a wall and pits, using maneuver can also allow your fighters and fyrdwomen to launch missiles at the enemy as they are attempting to attack. Sacrificing to Humakt will cause your warriors to fight with his goals in mind. Choosing to attempt to kill as many enemies as possible will improve your odds of winning, however, you may incur more casualties as well as a result of sacrificing to Humakt. This will also empower your Humakti warriors to perform better or your Orlanthi conversely if sacrifices are made to Orlanth. Its a good thing to remember if an event comes up in that battle concerning a warrior of either sect.
Another great way to cut down on homefront raids is to ally with your immediate neighbors and only feud with those who would have to cross their tula to attack you. Often times your allies will just send their asses home.
As for ring composition, a good rule of thumb is to use the best YOUNG people of their fields and make sure the leader slot (that is the first on the left) is always occupied by a noble who follows your patron God. The first thing I typically do when starting a new game is find a leader, and then use him to replace or empty the rest of the ring. Then I click on all of the categories and select the youngest people with the highest skills. Its also important to have a balanced ring in both gender and faith, meaning you typically want only one of each worshipper, with a focus on certain ones (you can look up the bonuses that each nobles faith contributes to the clan, it typically only comes up during select events and when allocating magic for the year.) Btw, Tricksters (worshippers of Eurmal) may be a pain in the ass from time to time, but they are definitely worth it, and their opinions on different issues are typically comedic gold, just don't listen to them in like 99% of cases!
As for skills, I recommend you look this up as well just to save space, but they typically effect the individuals opinion during events and effect the outcome if they are chosen to act during an event. The easy one is combat. Exploration should be led by able combatants, along with war parties. Bargaining is for traders, so when organizing a trade mission, pick your best bargainer. Custom is typically good for events concerning Orlanthi society, matters of kinslaying and "who gets to marry the girl" (p.s. she doesn't have a say) etc. Magic is for situations dealing with divination, spirits, talking foxes, omens, etc.
3.) So.. this one is a hard one. It depends on the size of land you have, how many people you need to feed, etc. Cottars are farmers, obviously, and if you don't have anyone working the fields, your harvests will suck. However, sometimes the game will prompt for more cottars due to an expansion of land which may have included your farms. Its typically good to get blessing like Field Song from Barntar etc to allow your cottars to do as much work as possible. How many farmers you really need is something you'll have to gauge for yourself based on how well you are meeting your food demands every year. Other blessings can help with this, like Preservation to keep food from spoiling, etc. On the year cap screen at the beginning of every new year, you can see just how much food everyone consumed last year, and plan accordingly based on births, new adults, etc. 1 food == enough food to feed ~8 people that year, barring feasts. Nobles and Weaponthanes eat the most, so keeping reasonable numbers of weaponthanes can counteract food consumption to a degree.
Clan relations goes back to how you are seen by the rest of your community. Even though they are saying they need to see you raid more, it could be you are raiding too much, or maybe that is just their excuse to stay out of an alliance with you. This is easily effected by simply resolving some feuds (get ready for a LOT of gifts) and feasting your immediate neighbors. The different people and leaders you meet in this game can and will lie their ass off if they need to. The only thing they are forbidden to lie about is if they will not kill you, or mean you harm (for instance, taking tribute from a tribe and then attacking them is nearly akin to murdering your brother/kin in Orlanthi society, you are just not supposed to do it.)
4.) This one should be fairly short. Your clan ring will typically consist of a bunch of narcissists. They all have their own goals and agendas, and sometimes they have great advice, other times not so much. The main things to always make sure you are doing (and this will see you through most years without issue) is to honor and be true to your ancestors:
For instance, if you were hostile to dragons, make sure you attack them when you see them and don't ever keep Dragon Paraphernalia. Destroy it or trade it away. If you chose trolls as your enemy, never accept a ceasefire DIRECTLY. For instance, if you chose beatfolk as an ancestral enemy, when the beastmen come to demand that you stop harassing their ilk, you can ignore them, and then cancel your tribute from the ducks on your tula and stop raiding any other beastfolk you find without betraying your ancestors without incurring a magic penalty or being seen as weak by your neighbors.
Also, follow the tenants of Orlanthi society:
Basically, think about how life functioned back then. When you're given the option of marrying a young girl off or letting her choose her husband, think about what was accepted. If your women come to you complaining that there are no more men left and one of the options is to allow them to form joint households, don't pick that one! Most of the events are easily navigated by learning and knowing Orlanthi law and culture. The game is a lot like a roguelike in this respect, since it will likely take you many failings before the pieces start to fit together.
5.) This is my major gripe with Hero Quests and the like. Usually, having an experienced clan ring and choosing options based on those found at the end of 4.) will give you the highest percentage chance for success and not making a right ass out of your clan. However, there is that RNG factor which may just critically fail you anyway, and you'll have to find another way to make up for that loss. This is part of the challenge, you just do your best, but then shit happens, hopefully you can be resourceful and survive. You'll have some bad years, your best hope is that they don't happen consecutively.
6.) Much of this is purely subjective, and I can't really refute how you feel. I can't say, even though I personally enjoy the game, that you're wrong. However, what I can say, is that maybe if you go back in and set your own goals, take baby steps till you're a bit more confident, maybe you might get more into it. Maybe. I definitely see your point though, and to a degree, it is just a ruling sim. It isn't about conquest, it's more about survival. I think maybe you were looking at it in an unfavorable light, and instead of trying to understand the mechanics, you just kinda smashed square pegs into holes hoping something would fit, and I mainly would blame your first impression of the game on this, as you said, when comparing its design (rather unfavorably, if I might add) to Street Fighter.
Maybe another go with a new perspective will change your enjoyment of a thing. Maybe not.