Kodex Kommunistic Kolony in Rimworld, Season 1

[Bliblablubb]

Kommunism does not need money, potatojuice is vaild currency. Supremacy of Kommunism is achieved by removing all Kapitalist pigs from the premises.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Kommunism does not need money, potatojuice is vaild currency

This is true comrade, however we're already making do with testicle shashlik.

Capitalism however needs money so we must take it and make it all ours. THEN wipe out all capitalist scum.

 

[Grimwulf]

Grimwulf's Captain Log

A little update on men's duties. Totally skippable.

1. Firefight - the flames of liberalism must not engulf our Kolony! We must all contribute to firefighting.
2. Patient and Doctor - we are all equally shitty at doctoring, and completely out of meds. Dirty socks or yellow snowballs? It makes little difference.
3. Bed rest - is important.
4. Flick - clicking buttons. Should be prioritized manually when needed.
5. Warden - Dreaad and Hello friend are equally good at wardening prisoners.
6. Handle - we have neither animals, nor experts in this field. Better leave it alone. Grimwulf has 4 in case some slaughtering is needed.
7. Cook - Grimwulf takes care of shashlik. Despite having better things to do.
8. Hunt - both Azira and Grimwulf can hunt, but it's nothing urgent. We still have plenty of raw meat, and traversing large distances through snow-covered tundra is a time sink.
9. Construct and Repair - mostly Grimwulf, sometimes other lazy bastards help. No need for more builders, since we lack raw materials.
10. Grow - as soon as growing season starts. Growing indoors takes a shitload of energy, which we simply don't have.
11. Mine - Kalin is the main digger around, occasionally joined by Azira and others.
12. Plant cut - not much to cut. Dreaad and Hello friend can take care of that.
13. Smithing, tailoring, art - no tools, no materials, no need.
14. Craft - cutting stone blocks is a primitive and stupid work. In addition, it doesn't really improve Crafting skill. Low-level crafter cuts stone block only slightly slower than master crafter, and therefore it's decided to let Hello friend do it instead of Kalin.
15. Hauling - we all contribute to good old scavenging if we don't have anything better to do.
16. Clean - Dreaad is responsible for cleaning the Kolony.
17. Research - no research table, and no actual researchers as well.

HAHA! EAT DICK, MOTHERFUCKERS! I woke up first!

Spoiler

What ails you, Kalin? Who does that?

Asshole.

Now I see why you don't have friends, mr. Kalin.

Pppfff. As if I needed friends. Friends. I'm perfectly happy on my own!

Spoiler

5th of Winter, 5500

Grimwulf is asking around for opinions on thrumbo situation. What do you think about it?

Spoiler

Let sleeping dogs lie. Give peace a chance. Live to fight another day.

And I say... psst. *whispers* We get the elk to attack it..... and make the other deer agro on it.

The elk?

Yeah, you know. The one that wandered here without proper papers? I will convince Grim the elk would make a worthy addition to our defenses. Ffs one of those things crippled Kalin for life.

You are highly disturbing today, Dreaad. Err, I'd better go check Ian.

You do that. Meanwhile, I will begin Project Battle Elk. Haha... HAHAHAHA

*Backing away slowly*

Spoiler

So. Are you hungry, Ian?

Yes. Hungry for love. Where is Dreaad?

He was sent away as our Ambassador, so you won't see him for a cou--

DREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!

Spoiler

Cheeki breeki! I'm here.

Your schedule for today: clean everything up; move your bed back to the guest room.

What?! I'm not gonna sleep there!

No, that bed will be unnocupied. And you will sleep in the House of Edgelords from now on.

Suka blyad! Well, fine. But I want to ask something in return. I have a cunning plan on making an ultimate war machine - a beast of infinite power and cunning!

Yeah-yeah, just gimme a moment to grab a sna-- WHAT THE FUCK!

Spoiler

... Grimwulf?

You thought you could hide in my freezer, pretending to be dead? *chuckles*

Spoiler

Nice try, liberul scum. Nice try.

Spoiler

"Sent away", huh?

He came back already! What a surprise! Uhh, I should go now.

Spoiler

There was a elk in our freezer, can you imagine? AN ACTUAL LIVING ELK, lurking in the shadows, ready to ambush and murder every human passing by! I took care of that Elk Bond in the name of Kommunism. Now, what was that plan or whatever you wanted to discuss?

... Nevermind. You know that you're not very popular around here, right?

On the contrary. Working class can grumble and complain all they want, but they know I'm the best man for the job.

Technical note

Just in case it wasn't clear before, a graphical explanation.

So, as you can see here, Grimwulf is only mildly amused by Kalin and Azira (+15 towards each of them). Kalin is quite supportive of Grimwulf (+21), and Azira is very loyal to him (+42). Hello Friend and Dreaad are both neutral towards Grimwulf. The sentiment is mutual.

Socializing with good friends increases joy meter faster. Negative relations might trigger social fighting and rivalry. Other aspects of everyday life are affected by social relations too, but I'll leave them for later.

But how can you be the leader if... how do I put it politely? Your social skill is not... particularly impressive?

*sigh* What do you think we're doing here, Dreaad? What's the ultimate goal of this Kolony?

Hm. To build communism?

To build communism. Who is the best builder among us?

Spoiler

That's not how it works.

Speaking of work, those floors ain't gonna clean themselves.

Spoiler

Later that morning.

You wanted to see me, Grim?

Yeah, just a second. HEY, GREEN GUY! We have a private conversation here!

Spoiler

Sorry, Kommissar Grim. Doctor Azira.

See you later, hello friend. Hm. That didn't sound right.

We have matters to discuss, Azira.

If you want my opinion on that thrumbo, I say leave it be. We should focus on building the base, not shooting at a docile creature. At least not one that can easily kill us. At the very least, not while we still have dog testicles to feed to our reluctant recruit..

That question is closed. You and green guy voted for ignoring the thrumbo; Kalin doesn't give a damn as long as he's not involved; my head voices mostly say DON'T DO IT; and Dreaad wants a pony.

Alright. What did you want to discuss then?

You see, I'm almost done with Town Hall and private housing...

ALMOST DONE? Grimwulf, this place is ruins.

Hey, hey! I'll make some final touches here and there, but it wasn't supposed to be pretty! Are you even a communist? You shouldn't feel relaxed and cozy at home, you should feel BAD and MISERABLE. So that you'd want to come back to work asap.

But we don't even have proper working places! No workshops, no labs, no warehouses - nothing.

Azira, my friend. You completely misunderstand the concept. A true Soviet Kolony looks like that: tiny neglected houses kommunalkas inhabited by angry poverty-drenched working class...

We have that. Check.

Endless potato fields...

We have fields all right. Somewhere under that layer of snow. Check.

And the best military power on the fucking planet.

Oh. So you want to discuss turrets again?

Turrets my ass. We need real defenses, and soon. Yes, I will build a couple turrets as a temporary solution. Right here:

Spoiler

It's a nice defensive spot, after all. We have three suitable gunner positions, no real need to construct anything. Except for a power cable. And maybe ground that rock formation to the south.

Spoiler

Well, I COULD turn this spot into a full-scale fortification, but what does it gain us? Protection of that little chunk of land we call home? Let's face it - we live in a shitty spot. Secluded - yes. But also shitty.

So, you're gonna build two turrets. In case of invasion, we can hide behind those rocks, using them as a cover, and hold our ground.

If the enemy comes too close, they will try to destroy our turrets first. And they will. Turrets are costy resource-wise and very fragile. This kind of defense will only save us from one half-assed enemy attack, tops. The turrets will explode, we will have enough time for tactical retreat, and so on. But restoring that sort of defense after every battle is resource-demanding, time-consuming and honestly pretty stupid way to deal with hostiles. We want a long-lasting defense - one that doesn't need to be re-built from scratch after every major battle. A fort.

Go on.

Here is what I'm thinking. Right after I'm done with temporary-turret-solution, you and me will begin working on a new wall.

Another one?

Another two even. First one here:

Spoiler

Second here:

Spoiler

So you wall an entire... My, that's a lot of land.

Spoiler

Surrounded by mountains and walls of pure granite, hard as Trudy's iron ass. And the only entrance to Kodex Kommustic Kolony (now ten times larger than before!) will be through this gap:

Spoiler

That's the place I want to fortify. Throw everything we got to make it happen. Build a small stonecutter's workshop in the area, maybe even move Ryan and Kalin's beds there. They will cut stones and dig iron, while you and I build that fort.

I don't know, Grim. It's very far away. Especially considering all that snow.

And THAT, my friend, is our first priority. A shortcut AND escape tunnel.

Spoiler

We need it anyway. I mean, ok, imagine the bad guys will attack us out of the blue. We're doing our best, but losing ground rapidly. Eventually we are forced to retreat here in the Town Hall. They are bangin' at the front door. What will you do?

Fair enough. But what if they try to use this tunnel for invading us?

Relax, I'll make double doors or something. While they break one door, I can trap the tunnel. It's gonna be fine.

Can you hear yourself? "Azira, you and other kolonists will live in shit, sleep in shit, and eat shit for god knows how long. Because I need everything focused on some fort project. It's gonna be fine."

Spoiler

Think of ALL THE LAND, Azira.

Spoiler

We don't even NEED that territory. Most of it will be neglected. Useless. Abandoned.

*whistles Soviet Anthem*

Spoiler

*sigh* You should at least ask the others. I recommend a subtle approach.

A few hours later.

AWRIGHT, LADIES! Everybody take a pamphlet right now.

Spoiler

Uhh, what's that, Kommissar Grim? "Your ass is a fort - defend it with your life"?

I'm not very good with slogans.

Propaganda pamphlets? Really?

It's our 5-year plan. I hope we complete it in one season, though.

Wait... It IS about fort. A literal fort!

We didn't vote for building any forts, Kommissar Grim! We need houses! And a finished Town Hall! And...

Sorry, gotta go! See you around, men.

Later that day.

I KNEW you will come back eventually, love!

Hey, take it easy!

Spoiler

Alright, here is the deal. Grimwulf is a decent builder and a shitty cook. Also, the only cook among us. He plans to build something inan-- I mean, grand, but nobody here can replace him on kitchen.

We don't need these people, love. Let's escape from here, just you and me! Release me!

Spoiler

It's really not that bad here, Ian. Give Grimwulf a chance, he can be fair and just. Generous even.

*psshhhhh* DREAAAAD, you lazy goddamn

*psshh* What?

I'm moving out of House of Edgelords. Got my own crib from now on.

Spoiler

Okaaay. Congratulations?

You will sleep on my former bunk. Brace yourself. It's not what you'd call comfortable.

Spoiler

Later that evening.

*knocks on the door* Kommissar Grim?

I'm busy, whaddya want?

Umm, we're missing a LARGE amount of elkhide from the storage. Do you happen to know where is it?

Spoiler

No idea. Find it. Or kill more elks. In fact, forget about first one - just kill more elks! KILL THEM ALL!!

Meanwhile.

That tunnel is convinient and everything, but WHERE IS THE GODDAMN DOOR?!

Spoiler

I'm sure Grimwulf is busy with something extremely urgent. Have faith, Kalin.

Grimwulf's Captain Log

Today was a good day. A productive day. The most important building, the very Heart and Soul of the Kolony, is finished. I'm rather content with the result.

I wanted to build houses for other Kolonists at first, but it would destroy our unity. Our community spirit!

Now. Something buggers me a little.

Ah, yes. Of course.

There! I'ts perfect now.

Building houses: DONE.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Good slogans, O great leader.

 

[Reinhardt]

Now noble of you. You decided to teach people of kolony what revolution really is.

 

[Azira]

Our leader has spoken! We must build a fort. Get to it men.

 

[Kalin]

Spoiler

This is exactly how I "relax socially" in real life too.

 

[ThisNameIsFree]

I suggest build greenhouse kolkhoz around steam geyser and plant corn here before building fort. Plants don't grow at night so you can get enough energy for sun lamp using only one solar plant. Don't connect it to your central energy system and it will work fine.
Corn have several advantages:
- it have best ratio yield/day
- it grows very slow (~7 days) which means you don't need waste much time gathering/replanting compared to potato/rice/strawberry
- it can be eaten raw (no negative thoughts) so you can be free from kitchen and start doing actual work
- it been promoted in Soviet Union by Nikita Khrushchev so it's obviously Kommunist plant

 

[Grimwulf]

I suggest build greenhouse kolkhoz around steam geyser and plant corn here before building fort. Plants don't grow at night so you can get enough energy for sun lamp using only one solar plant.

We have plenty of raw food. Besides, a new deer herd wandered in the area just recently. We don't really need food at this point. Another cook wouldn't hurt, though.

However, solar lamp demands whoopin' 1600 W to work. One solar generator doesn't cut it, coz it outputs 1700 during daytime and 0 during night. At the very least you need two solar generators. We don't have any iron to spare. As soon as Kalin digs some, I plan to build dem temporary turrets (in case of sudden raid) and a comms console. We have plenty of wares and silver for trading.

 

[ThisNameIsFree]

I suggest build greenhouse kolkhoz around steam geyser and plant corn here before building fort. Plants don't grow at night so you can get enough energy for sun lamp using only one solar plant.

We have plenty of raw food. Besides, a new deer herd wandered in the area just recently. We don't really need food at this point. Another cook wouldn't hurt, though.

However, solar lamp demands whoopin' 1600 W to work. One solar generator doesn't cut it, coz it outputs 1700 during daytime and 0 during night. At the very least you need two solar generators. We don't have any iron to spare. As soon as Kalin digs some, I plan to build dem temporary turrets (in case of sudden raid) and a comms console. We have plenty of wares and silver for trading.

Plants don't grow at night so you can shut off lamp and save electricity. Or you can connect lamp and solar plant directly (avoiding connecting to your main cable) and lamp shut off automatically. Still need second solar plant thought.
Not sure how much help 2 turrets will be (need about 3 to ohko 1 human and after this they are recharge for a long time). Basically turrets suck unless you use them for explosion or in extreme numbers. I rather build 1 tile wide corridor full of granite traps and quick double doors route for your colonists nearby.

 

[Grimwulf]

Plants don't grow at night so you can shut off lamp and save electricity. Or you can connect lamp and solar plant directly (avoiding connecting to your main cable) and lamp shut off automatically. Still need second solar plant thought.

I think we can survive this Winter as it is, food-wise. Then we'll see how growing season goes. If it will be an unlucky one, well, gotta build greenhouses then.

Not sure how much help 2 turrets will be (need about 3 to ohko 1 human and after this they are recharge for a long time).

Spoiler

I'm mostly worried about savages - we can't stop an army of melee fighters. Turrets can. Not by shooting them to death, but rather by exploding.

You can kill a human with only one turret, or even two humans with a single turret - it all depends on how long does it take for a human to get to your turret. Usually I scatter (otherwise useless) metal chunks for slowing down the targets.

My last non-Kodex fort was kind of shitty due to general layot and fucked up distance between turrets, but it still did the job.

In my defense, weird configuration was dictated by the geyser. Short distance between turrets is unforgivable, though. Fucking chain explosions.

 

[ThisNameIsFree]

Spoiler

I'm mostly worried about savages - we can't stop an army of melee fighters. Turrets can. Not by shooting them to death, but rather by exploding.

You can kill a human with only one turret, or even two humans with a single turret - it all depends on how long does it take for a human to get to your turret. Usually I scatter (otherwise useless) metal chunks for slowing down the targets.

My last non-Kodex fort was kind of shitty due to general layot and fucked up distance between turrets, but it still did the job.

In my defense, weird configuration was dictated by the geyser. Short distance between turrets is unforgivable, though. Fucking chain explosions.

Actually you somehow generated world where they are not an enemy (not hostile). So the only thing you need to worry about pirates and town you pissed off.

Spoiler

 

[Grimwulf]

Actually you somehow generated world where they are not an enemy (not hostile). So the only thing you need to worry about pirates and town you pissed off.

You underestimate the Kodex Hivemind.

Spoiler

It's been like that since page 10.

 

[Bliblablubb]

Finally a proper 5-year plan. And THAT'S why Kommissar Grimwulf is in charge. He lives Kommunism. He breathes Kommunism. He IS Kommunism.

A great mind like him deserves a proper dacha while the working masses dwell in conditions that make the middle ages look like a beach resort. Won't be long until the unwashed masses will be drawn here to find their home in this shining beacon of planned economy. Well, at least when the potatofields are harvested and party issued potatojuice rations for everyone are available.

 

[Dreaad]

Cleaner

Actually easy, lazy and safe job. While still getting the same pay as everyone else. Thank Komunism. Puts in his earphones, turns up the volume, finds the 'cleaning' playlist on the Komupad and rolls up his sleeves.

 

[a bear named spigot]

it's not the doing of things with the land that is important, simply the having of. our prestige will be greatly increased in the eyes of the lesser folk that we graciously allow a share in this planet's wonderful bounties.

 

[Kalin]

What could possibly go wrong?


Oh yeh and what's with the shoddy gear? Can't we have Azira or one of the wussy brainiacs craft a Super Sledge and some Panzer Cop armour?

Don't wanna fight raiders an sheit with my crappy club and Servant's old jacket, need snazzy gear!

 

[Bliblablubb]

Kommunism grants huge tracts of land. Well known fact.

Don't wanna fight raiders an sheit with my crappy club and Servant's old jacket, need snazzy gear!

Stop being so needy, our glorious Kommissar already granted you the neandertal club. A true hero of the Kolony would charge any potential enemy bare-chested wielding that club overhead! Okay, normally he would be piss drunk, but our lack of potatojuice means we have to improvise...

 

[Grimwulf]

Oh yeh and what's with the shoddy gear? Can't we have Azira or one of the wussy brainiacs craft a Super Sledge and some Panzer Cop armour?

We need a smithy in order to forge stuff. We can craft primitive weapons like clubs, bows and spears, but you have your Peacekeeper already. I say we focus on temporary turrets + full-scale fort.

Also, further updates might be less frequent than usual, due to irl fuckery. Will do my best. If anybody feels like taking over, feel free to ask.

 

[Kalin]

IRL fuckery is double-plus counter-revolutionary.

 

[Wayward Son]

Just finished catching up and three things:
Hilarious
Thanks for teaching me Russian
Please add me to the chopping block recruit list. I want a kommukolonist who can either shoot or Doctor good and preferably is psychopath. If you ever get through the rest.

 

[Azira]

...further updates might be less frequent than usual, due to irl fuckery...

 

[Grimwulf]

Long story short, I had to abandon my old landlord/rantier way of life in order to help my good friend with his new post. Now both of us work for the government, and this work is asss (no offence to Putin intended). I have to wake up at 8 am and come back home at 8-10 pm.

SO, further updates are scheduled every Saturdays and Sundays. You can now throw potatoes at me. I will eat them all.

 

[Azira]

A 60 hour work week? Yech..

Yeah, then those weekend updates might actually represent a longed-for reprieve from the daily grind, eh?

 

[ERYFKRAD]

So you're with the KGB now?