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Long story short, I had to abandon my old landlord/rantier way of life in order to help my good friend with his new post. Now both of us work for the government, and this work is asss (no offence to Putin intended). I have to wake up at 8 am and come back home at 8-10 pm.
SO, further updates are scheduled every Saturdays and Sundays. You can now throw potatoes at me. I will eat them all.
Dont get fooled guys, the true Grimwulf has already been sent to re-education camp on Chukotka, the impostor is for sure an FSB agent, probably named Iwan Nikolajewicz Putinow.
Long live the proletariat, death to Putin the Tyrant!
Feels just like my homeworld. Now, where did I put that flask..?
6th of Winter, 5501
I feel sorry for you, Ian. You have to live in this... cage. While the rest of us sleep in luxury like kings. Come on now, join us!
You'll have to castrate me first.
Uhh, do you mean that... literally?
I still have some dignity left, Shrek. That's what I mean.
Meanwhile.
*yawns* So. What's the plan for today?
You and Kalin dig for iron and granite. We'll need a LOT of iron and granite.
Maybe Dreaad or hello friend could help?
No. The green guy will cut stone blocks and talk some sense into that Ian gal. Guy? Whatever. As for Dreaad, he's kind of fishy. Can't trust him such an important task.
So, I'll have to endure Kalin's presence the whole day? You're not making my life easy, Grim.
Kommissar Grim. Doctor Azira.
Why is he calling you "Doctor", Azira? Aren't you the WORST healer among us?
Maybe I'm not as skilled as the rest of you men. Maybe my hands are shaking. Maybe I don't know shit about doctoring.
Maybe.
But it doesn't matter if you like what you do. Now THAT's important. Am I right, hello friend?
... Do you like hurting other people?
Gotta be prepared, they might come for me at any time. Should write in Russian to throw them off, can't let them figure out I'm not actually a Kommunist. Blyat, what if he finds out.... хахаххааххаха... ха ха. No....no, won't panic, better to pretend I don't know that he knows that I know. Yeesss. Так будет охуенно.
I know he told Kalin to watch me, he's always pretending to sleep, waiting for me to slip up.
Yes, Grimwulf is good. Today he approached me while I was practicing my squat, asked me how I was getting along with the others. I distracted him with one of the jokes I learnt during the infiltration training. You won't catch me off guard that easily!
"Comrade Wulf, good news! I was looking at our supply books earlier, we have harvested so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!"
“God does not exist Dreaad,”
“Exactly, Neither do the potatoes. XAXAXAxaxaxa... xa..."
"XAXAXAXAXA, alright, back to work comrade."
It seemed to work. Maybe he doesn't know? Or maybe he's luring me into a false sense of security? Ryan seems alright, probably another agent.
The OTHERS though! Тьфу. Пидоры, all of them. Kalin....
WANTS to be a cop? A cuck job, through and through. Ха ха ха, that actually explains the pigtails. I should get rid of him first and hide the body in the battery room. К черту его.
Azira is the worst of course. Both of them are good-for-nuthin' grognards, but at least that Kalin guy is lazy, stupid and ugly.
But Azira? Hello friend told me what happened to 'Sparkles'. Poor thing was tortured to death by the mad doctor. I gotta watch out around him. He's a clever one with plans of his own. Better not get injured. Ever.
Ian is... Sigh. Блядь.
That crazy bitch wants to molest me, I swear! I know that frantic smile and shining eyes, I used too much of my empath powers. I can't seem to contain it sometimes.
Ну и похуй. At least she's locked up for now.
Chort! Gotta stop writing now. Grimwulf is coming. Probably has another 'crucial mission' for me. Again.
Later that day.
You there, green dude!
Hello friend.
"Friend"? That's Kommissar Grim for you. Actually, can you pronounce "Generalny Sekretar"?
No, I mean my name is hello friend. You should know it by now, Generadony Sekretat.
You ain't no friend to me. Call me Gensek Grimwulf. Anyway, why is stonecutting going so slow?
I have to travel far in order to find raw chunks.
Maybe if Azira or Kalin were mining granite near the base...
Negative. They will be diggin' iron until we run out of space to store it. And you, private Greenbutt, should move those legs faster. Much faster!
*mumbles* At least I'm more popular here than you, Gensek Grimwulf. One day I will rule this place. One day.
Meanwhile.
Dreaad? Came all the way here to look at real men doing real jobs?
Give it a rest, Kalin. Say, Dreaad... You look a bit pale. Luckily for you, I came up with a new method of treating pale skin. Well, formally it's still "experimental", but--
Carry on, komrades. I'm just here for the iron.
I'm keeping an eye on you, Dreaad.
Azira was right about one thing - we need some means of communication with other factions and with planet's orbit.
Initially I planned to set it in comms room, but then it became guest room, and, well... Hey, what's that? A bit of shashlik under the table? Yummy.
Anyway.
I've already finsihed trade beacon in the storage room. Storage cave? No matter.
However, it's not EMPOWERED yet, HA HA. Good one, Grimwulf.
All done. Now if any starship arrives, we can sell stuff from the storage.
Dreaad is acting suspicious lately.
I know we have a rat amongst our glorious ranks. Someone is working for the deers. No way Deer Bond could sneak inside the base on his own. Either Dreaad, or Greenbutt. Hmm, maybe Kalin? Naah, the bastard is too lazy to even make an effort. Besides, the beasts took his eye. Azira? No, he killed a score of deers on his own.
Gotta be Dreaad. Or private Greenbutt.
Awright, back to work. That power cable ain't gonna build itself.
Later that evening.
Oh, come on. Tell me you can feel it too, Azira!
Feel what?
Today's food, urrrgggh. It doesn't sit well in me. Doesn't feel rite.
Gensek Grimwulf says that every hardship we endure makes us better citizens.
He also says that deers have evil intentions, and friendly fire is nothing personal. Urrrrgghhhh, my stomach aches.
Stay calm and keep mining, Kalin. The Kolony needs granite and storage space.
If I die here, in the storage room, I want you to kill Grimwulf and others. And yourself. And YYYUUUUURRRGGGHHHH
*sigh* My new boots, Kalin.
BLEEEEEEEGHH
I wonder if vomit is coming out of empty eyesocket as well? Mind if I take a look?
*pssshhhhh* KOMRADEMEN, we have a situation! Meet me at the chokepoint ASAP! Over!
*pshhh* What happened, Grim?
In short, I managed to connect that comms console to an abandoned satellite in SPACE! The signal is weak, but I saw a group of people coming our way. They don't look like traders.
A bit later.
What, that's all? Where is Dreaad and private Greenbutt?
BAAAARF!
I think he ate Ian's meal again.
Fuck you all! I specifically ate shashlik with "for Kalin with luv" written on the plate!
Hur hur hur, I knew you'd like it. No homo.
Where is your Peacekeeper, Kalin?
What? Wait... I'VE BEEN ROBBED! FUCKING DREAAD STOLE IT!
Shhhh. They are coming closer.
I'll be right back.
NO! We have no time for that! You will beat them all to death on my command!
WHAT?!
Stay here and wait for my command, damn you. Azira, open fire!
*bang*
Missed! It's dark and I can't see shit, Grim!
Keep the pressure!
Second target spotted!
She's coming for that natural cover that WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DEMOLISH!
Not on my watch! HURRAHHHH!!!
FEEL THE WRATH OF KOMMUNISM, BITCH!
Damn, she made it to the cover!
I got it, Azira. You just focus on the sniper.
Aye aye, cap'n. *bang*
A mighty fine shot.
Take her down alrea-- ARGH
Grimwulf?
Just a fleshwound. ANOTHER ONE COMING! EAT LEAD!!
Shit! That's one tough grandpa!
FALL BACK! FALL BACK!! Kalin, get ready!
*breathing rapidly* Come on, you piece of shit. I don't need a baton to turn you into a bloody mess.
HAAAAAAA!!
That was easy.
One down, two to go. CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!!
Damn, that sniper is going for the cover too! AZIRA!
*bang* GOT HER!
The third bitch is trying to escape! Azira, we go after her! Kalin, you capture that sniper woman and drag her to the guest room!
As long as you don't shoot me, Grimwulf.
Hehe, she thinks she can break the door open.
OPEN FIRE!!
RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHH!! That's what you get for being dirty capitalist weeaboo liberul furry ponylover scum. *spits*
What? Nonsense. Once we have our Great Wall built, we'll not think of the centipedes ever again. First the security of the colony, then we can turn our minds to other matters. The 'pedes were an early obstacle. A test of our will and resolve, and we passed.
You will tell me everything. Names, places, dick sizes. Everything. Just... oh, ff-- BBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH
Excuse me manners, deary. People call me Disgorger sometimes. BAAARF!
Get a damn grip, Kalin.
*coughs and moans*
Fuck you. You can all go to hell. The Gods of Space bestowed two major talents upon me: bashing prole skulls and molesting female prisoners. Today I've done enough skull bashing. Now it's MOLESTING TIME!
Don't touch me, you filthy one-eyed animal!
Or what? You will spit in my face? Threaten me with a scary gaze? Throw in some swearing, maybe?
What. The fuck, Kalin? This woman is barely breathing!
Asthmatic bitch is probably used to it anyway. Come 'ere, you old slut!
EEEEEEEEEHHHH, get off me, fuckface! I will tell you everything! Ask your questions, damn you!
Heheh, this one will be easy. Behavior like that will get you very far here in the Kolony. You might even get food.
Trust me, you DON'T want to eat the vile stuff they serve here.
Now what's your name and where did you come from?!
I-I am Kimmy. From the District.
I am nobody! Just a town guard. It wasn't always like that.
I used to be a doctor. Worked on several warships back in my homeworld.
A doctor, eh?
Learned from the best. I even served with the famous professor Spigot once.
Never heard of him. Why the FUCK did you attack us?! *bitchslaps* WHO GAVE YOU THE ORDER?!
AAAEEEEE!!! THE MAYOR! MAYOR KIT!
Jeez, Kalin. You guys surely know how to make friends.
Shuddup, you ballzy whore. Now, Kimmy. Look me in the eye. Deeper. Now pray tell, do you really think I'm gonna believe this load of horseshit?
*sob* Yes?
*chuckles* You'll have to work harder than that.
W-work? Do I have to?
HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?! *bitchslaps* WHO SENT YOU?! WHO GAVE YOU THE ORDER?!
FEEL LIKE TALKING NOW, HUH?! AND NOW?! I WILL TEAR YOUR FUCKING GUTS APART, YOU LYING WHORE!
Hrmrhpf, the fuck is all the rucku-- KALIN! Alright, that does it!
Oh, you want to DANCE, Grimwulf?! You had it coming for a loooong time. RRRAHGH
Hurrr
Hahaha, that's gotta hurt, eh?! I have more from where it came from.
You motherfucker!
KALIN, STAHP!
He's gone mental, Azira! We must take him down!
You... fffucking... cunts.
I think I have a concussion. Can't see very well. Gotta take a nap.
Fucking hell, Kalin.
7th of Winter, 5501
Cheeki breeki.
Dreaad! I'm so happy you are unhurt, love.
The night was pretty rough, got a couple close calls. But I can take care of myself.
You are my hero.
Be quiet, Ian. I'm trying to help this woman.
I'm so jealous! Why don't you help ME first?
Give me a break, Ian. Jeez, was that wound inflicted by a fist? Kalin must have some beastly fists then.
Fist me, Dreaady.
Meanwhile.
I will kill him.
Pretty sure both of you had enough. Here, let me wipe your face with another sock...
It is clean, right?
A perfectly clean dirty sock. There you go.
...
Eh. Good enough. Did what I could, blah-blah, you're welcome.
I'm not even mad.
I hope you at least managed to find out who sent those people?
Lying whore keeps telling me they came from the District. Yeah, right. Three men.
Could be a scouting party before full-scale attack. Seems like the war has finally begun.
Why don't we hand over your head to Mayor Kit, along with our sincere apologies? This war is your fault, Azira. You should have let Sparkles go.
She killed my brother, Kalin.
And you've tortured her to death!
I was trying to save her!
Like hell you were! And now we are at war with the fucking District! Great fucking job!
Fuck you, Kalin. *psshhh* Dreaad, can you contact the District? Tell them that Azira wants to have a word with Mayor Kit.
*psshhh* Horosho!
Hello? This is komrade Dreaad speaking, of Kodex Kommunistic Kolony. I-- uhh-- wai-- HOW DARE Y--
*psshhh* Azira?
*psshh* Yes, Dreaad?
Let me put it this way: there will be no negotiations with the District in the forseen future.
Meanwhile.
I did what I could, Gensek Grimwulf. But your right eye...
Just call me komrade Wulf. We're friends now.
Uhh, ok. Can you call me hello friend then?
Sure, corporal Greenball. Don't worry about the eye, I can still see... something. Something weird, honestly. Hello? Huh.
Err, komrade Wulf? Are you alright?
No, corporal. I am not. Pretty sure I can see dead people now. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Why don't you just close your right eye and use the left one? I mean, you were doing that before. Every day. Walking around the Kolony with one eye closed, shouting at people with that creepy look of yours?
Right.
That works.
A bit later.
Seems like Kommissar has a concussion, after all. Talking about dead people, promoting me to corporal all of a sudden.
Everything goes according to plan.
Your Master Plan?
No, Master Plan was a failure. Plan B and Plan C didn't work out too. So I've came up with Plan D. EVERYTHING played out just as I planned! Хахахаха... ха.
Alright. What's our next step?
Next step is very delicate. Only a true Master of Intrigues can pull something this grand.
What are we talking about?
Bribing. Grimwulf.
Later that morning.
Grimbro, I've brought you some shashlik! You do want shashlik, right? It can be yours if y--
What the FUCK took you so long?! Gimme dat shit.
*nom nom* Well? Are you going to stand here all day, or maybe you'll get back to work?
I, err...
Go, go, GO! Lazy-arse basterd.
One hour later.
I am a corporal now, Ian. That's very high in the local hierarchy.
Not interested, Shrek. Dreaady, do you need any help?
His most recent plan failed miserably just an hour ago.
No worries. Plan E is almost ready. Hey. Kimmy? Are you asleep?
Unconscious.
That arm doesn't look right.
Uh-huh.
*psshhh* Grimwulf, come in. We have a situation with a prisoner here.
*psshhh psh* Grimwulf?
Must build turrets. Protect the Kolony.
Shit. Kimmy, you hold on there.
*moans* Is this Hell?
No! This is Kodex Kommunistic Kolony! A paradise of justice and equality, where everybody get what they need! A place of joy and labour, led by a visionary leader who will soon be replaced by ME, хахахаха... I'm joking.
KKK? Oh my god...
Three hours later.
... And that doesn't even BEGIN to describe how cool is this place! Join us now, and I will look after you. I promise.
I'll pass.
I AGREE!
Eh? Y-you what?
I AGREE! Now go ahead and look after me, tee-hee.
Holy. Fuck. Let's talk this over real quick, Ian.
Shhhh! We have all the time in the world to talk. But don't call me Ian, this name is so yesterday. Call me... Lacgirl.
Lacgirl? As in lactose? Eww
Come, love. Show me your bedroom. I'm only here in this Kolony for you.
Look. Ian.
*whispers in Dreaad's ear* Lac. Girl.
*gulps* Lacgirl. I'm kind of hungry right now.
I'm doing the cooking from now on. Go hunt me the largest beast you can find, and bring the meat over here. I will make you strong like a God of Space.
Hunt? You mean kill something? Ummmm, yeah. Okay. I'll bring some meat.
I'm waiting. Let me kiss you for good luck.
BETTER NAUGHT! Time's a wastin'! *power walks outside*
Later that evening.
Hey there, Shrek!
Ian?
Lacgirl, tee-hee~
How did you manage to get out?
I am Dreaad's girlfriend now. We're about to get married!
Uh. Huh. Hold on a moment, plox. *pshhh* Komrade Wulf? It seems like we have a new recruit. Over... *pshh* Komrade Wulf, come in?
Meanwhile.
Shut up. I know how to build turrets.
No, you don't. That barrel is way too short. The curcuit board is garbage. Motion alram system won't even work, unless you--
Arrrr.
Bury the corpses, Grim. These poor souls deserved their final rest.
If that what it takes to shut you up...
Corpses can wait. Defenses come first. Always.
Hey. Grimwulf.
WHAT?!
Kill Azira for me. Please?
Sparkles, that's enough. How many times do we have to discuss it?
You can go to Hell, Nelson. I want your brother dead.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, in the name of Space Jesus!
Fuckin 'ell, the dead are annoying. *psshhh* Dreaad, come in.
*psshh* Grim!
Tell everybody I want a Kolony gathering in the morning. Over.
Fucking Dreaad woke me up again. I'll never get a good night's rest in this place.
This night Grimwulf is even more weird than usual. Running around the Kolony, mumbling and screaming to himself. Builds something, drags corpses to the graveyard. That idiot.
Servant, Nelson, Sparkles and a whole bunch of nameless bastards. It's getting rough out here. If I want to deal with incoming issues, I'll need something more... convincing.
PEACEKEEPER MK.2
100% granite, of only the best craftsmanship!
Need to take a break. Eat something edible for a change.
You again?
Came for another round?
I will beat you 1 on 1 any day. Bring it on, old man!
I hope you choke on dog testicles, Kalin.
Yeah, yeah... Huh. Automatic door isn't working?
I'll look it up tomorrow. *yawns* Well, time to get back to my warm and cozy room.
Light is flickering. Oh. Fuck.
Oh. Fuck.
This night ain't gonna be warm, Grimwulf.
Shit.
As they say in Motherland, the morning is wiser than the evening. Enough decisions for today.
The question for tomorrow is, what shall we do with Kimmy?
1. Release and get rid of this headache.
2. Heal and release. Returning unharmed prisoners is the only way to improve relations with the District, since Mayor Kit refuses to negotiate.
3. Euthanize / Execute - we are very tight on food.
4. Heal and recruit. Might take a lot of time.
5. Keep around for slave trading / organ harvesting. Don't try to recruit.
6. Put her in one of those cryo caskets for experimental purpose.
Another queston, what is more important - solving power crisis or building temporary turret solution? We are too short on iron to finish both projects quickly.
1. Power is more important. Another solar generator, wind turbine and a couple more batteries - this should be our main project.
2. Turrets. We can turn off some lights and freezer and whatnot. Besides, we only have power shortage at nights due to zero output of solar generator. We'll manage.
Pesky problems, pathetic raids, annoying dead people - they won't stop Grimwulf from building Kommunism.
Yes, but we get heat during the day. It takes time for the temperature to drop down, so it won't be cold enough for us to die from hypothermia. Kolonists will be unhappy to sleep in the cold, and maybe suffer from minor hypothermia during early mornings, but that's it.
Kimmeh: Heal and release Kimmeh. We have enough useless KommuKolonists for now, might as well try and reduce the amount of angry peasants knocking on our wooden door.
Power: IF it is possiburu to switch off our stuff only in case of an attack and power the turrets we can focus on turrets. IF everything attached needs power all the time, well then of course we need power first. Can't have the Komissar freezing in his dacha!
In the middle of the night, the mists of the Grimwulfian sleep a figure appears. His body armour stained, the movements, choppy.
The Spirit of Kommunism has let me come to you, Kommissar. He Who Watches from above is pleased with your progress. Plus, I'm cheaper than any other way to communicate with you, as we Conscripts have a 100 bucks price tag.
Your doubts are many. But you must choose wisely. Let me show you. Don't worry about pixels. Life, and graphics, were simpler back then.
This is smaller power plant. Little energy. No defenses. Building slow. No backup. When the Germans come with helicopters, you fail Motherland. Then they win and people suffer indignities and lack of Kommunism.
This is bigger power plant. He gives you hunldreds of units of power. You get power. Missiles keep firing. Capitalist Helo rush is defeated. Then you can build better defenses. Then you can build wall.
Strong wall to keep out your foes. Many turrets to shred enemies. Flak and missiles to watch the skies. Faithful dog companions to keep you warm in the night.
Also, recruit more bodies. Give them communist guns and send them to fight for Motherland. Always wins.
We will.... watch you, Kommissar. Be careful, there are traitors.... in the darkness. They long for power and female companionship, they do not love the Machine and the People. Bur remember: He Who Is killed thousands of Comrades for the good of the Proletariat. Sacrifice what you need.
Keep the lights off and get *a* turret up and then focus on fixing the power situation.
As for Kimmy: 2
Healing's good practice for the doctor and, while the relations boost won't make them non-hostile, it'll be a small improvement towards that goal. She has decent stats overall, particularly the shooting, but we've already got duplicates of her other skills.
Edit: Also, I find it hilarious how you're spamming autodoors everywhere this early on.
We will.... watch you, Kommissar. Be careful, there are traitors.... in the darkness. They long for power and female companionship, they do not love the Machine and the People. Bur remember: He Who Is killed thousands of Comrades for the good of the Proletariat. Sacrifice what you need.
I only place autodoors in places of intense activity (Grimwulf's Dacha is one exception, though) - they save time and increase the overall tempo. More importantly, autodoors are invaluable during combat.
I could understand using them where there are large temperature gradients as well as heavy traffic (Front entrance, freezer), but why bother with that investment when a stone door that's held ajar is so much cheaper? Shit, the time you save from most of those autodoors is less than the extra time hauling the material to them for the initial construction. Let alone the time Grim loses to the snow between his room and the main base.
Heal and then release Kimmy. Even if our dead Comrades urge us on to fight the Capitalist pigs, we have to make sure that the state will survive. Also build a turret and then fix the power. Is the power an issue during the night because of need for warmth? Will people get hypothermia or something without it?
