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Let's LARP the Emperor's Finest - a wh40k IF

Kayerts

Arcane
Joined
Jan 28, 2011
Messages
883
I mean, the Codex has a chance to betray someone here; let's not pretend that there's any other choice. 2.

Edit: although I will say that I'm kind of disappointed that this didn't turn into Paperstamper 40K, with our new end goal set as discovering the most powerful requisition form in the galaxy.
 

oscar

Arcane
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2

Looks like it was for the best we didn't scramble for command, but played it cool and low
 

Esquilax

Arcane
Joined
Dec 7, 2010
Messages
4,833
Wow, well that certainly backfired. Fuck it, we've just gotta grin and bear it.

2
 

oscar

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2

Saddest thing is that it makes sense as well. Holt's not the kind of guy who wants a sycophant. We would have had a nice promotion as well instead of leading a suicide charge if we'd taken the offer..
 

Jick Magger

Arcane
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New Zealand
PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria
2, I've got a sinking feeling that if we try to go AWOL, Commissar Holt will personally hunt us down and have us pimped out as his personal servitor. I suppose this is what we get for trying to brown-nose him.
 

Kayerts

Arcane
Joined
Jan 28, 2011
Messages
883
I don't know what you bros mean by this talk of our plan backfiring. There is no greater honor than to die in the service of the Emperor. And it looks like where we're headed, there's going to be honor out the ass.

2
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
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Vault City
2


At least it wasn't Commander Boreale with a bunch of egocentric Space Marines going in to "show the Imperial Guard they can't win wars and serve only as cannon fodder to buy time until the SPEESH MAREEHNS arrive"

I hope I'm not giving root ideas with this comment.
 

Cassidy

Arcane
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Messages
7,922
Location
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2


At least it wasn't Commander Boreale with a bunch of egocentric Space Marines going in to "show the Imperial Guard they can't win wars and serve only as cannon fodder to buy time until the SPEESH MAREEHNS arrive"

I hope I'm not giving root ideas with this comment.

*Edit: LOL I missed that the Holt update was already done. In any case, better to die a glorious death for the EMPRAH than to live into the obscurity of paper-pushing or hiding like a coward... only to probably end in the clutches of Chaos horrors.
 
Self-Ejected

Ulminati

Kamelåså!
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Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
20,317
Location
DiNMRK
Serves you bitches right. "OMG HOLT SQUEE! CAN I BE YOUR BUTTBOY!?"

1. So far we've been a paper-pushing limp-wristed faggot sissy. May we well stay true to the previous choices.

Considering you blew your chance to get onthe commissars good side and the men lost respect for a paper-pushing sissy 2 updates ago, let me tell you how 2 is going to end: Spectacular failure, humiliation and if you somehow survive, holt will shoot you.

But hey, at least we had time to prepare and have an ace up our slee--- oh, wait. No we pushed papers. Well, at least we're a commanding officer whom the men respe-- oh, wait. they don't anymore. Well, maybe we get to bone the commissa--- right, she hates our guts. Well, at least our guys are specialists in assasulting trenche--- nope.
 

Commissar Draco

Codexia Comrade Colonel Commissar
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Insert Title Here Strap Yourselves In Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Divinity: Original Sin 2
Serves you bitches right. "OMG HOLT SQUEE! CAN I BE YOUR BUTTBOY!?"

1. So far we've been a paper-pushing limp-wristed faggot sissy. May we well stay true to the previous choices.

Considering you blew your chance to get onthe commissars good side and the men lost respect for a paper-pushing sissy 2 updates ago, let me tell you how 2 is going to end: Spectacular failure, humiliation and if you somehow survive, holt will shoot you.

But hey, at least we had time to prepare and have an ace up our slee--- oh, wait. No we pushed papers. Well, at least we're a commanding officer whom the men respe-- oh, wait. they don't anymore. Well, maybe we get to bone the commissa--- right, she hates our guts. Well, at least our guys are specialists in assasulting trenche--- nope.

:lol: Missed the lost update, and :codexisfor:landed me in Adeptus Kitchenus... If I knew I would vote for some pussy to play with... OK we had chance for promotion or play two commisars gaining either nice commissar pussy to bone or friendship of THE HOLT..... LORD COMMISSAR HOLT and we choose to be asslickers instead. Now Manginas there's only way to regain our balls and honor:

2 ONWARD! Through STEEL AND FIRE! EMPEEEEROR PROTEEEECTS!!!!!

art-08-1.jpg

GLOORY FOR THE FIRST MAN TO DIE! FOR CADIA ARMAGEDON!
 
Self-Ejected

Ulminati

Kamelåså!
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Let's recap our previous choices:

1: Ork head, officer and killed quartermaster.
- Now, killing the quartermaster was accordign to root pretty goddamn dumb. We might've gotten away with it if we weren't an officer, since being made quartermaster then would effectively be a promition. It still got us blown up though.
- Nob head as our war trophy means we're likely fighting orks. This is A Good Thing. Of all the possible enemies, Orks are the ones guardmen are most likely to survive against.
- Officer is kind of neutral at this point. If we were an officer we shouldn't have killed the quartermaster though.

1/3 here. Bad decision overall.

2: Armageddon steel legion
They have valuable experience against orks, who we are likely to face due to choice #1. they also don't do trench warfare at all, which is what we're doing atm.

1/2 here. Could be better, could be worse.

3: Male, Adeptus Kitchenus
Right, here's where the ball is finally and irrevocably dropped.
1) We know the Commissar is a SoB, which by extension means she's a giant Rugmuncher. she's also described as petty and vain.
2) We know someone - presumably Derp Korps - is coming, so we're under a time limit to Get Shit Done
3) We're an officer, so we are likely to end up leading troops at some point
- If we want to have any chance of getting anything out of the commissar, we have 2 options. We can either throw her a bone (not a boner) by picking option 3, or we can appeal to her bond of Estrogen by picking a.
- If we want to have any chance of salvaging shit before derp korps shows up, we must avoid option 1 at all costs, since it'll fast-forward and all we'll gain is a reputation for being a sissy, limp-wristed faggot
- Option 2 is probably better than option 3 with the men, since we can take full credit for any success.
Looking at the above, female+2 is optimal (respect with men, respect with commissar). If we go male, we should pick option 3 to keep the commissar - who is obviously a recurring character - mollified by throwing her a bone. Picking option 1 is dumb as it loses us respect with everyone. If we MUST be retards and pick adeptus kitchenus, we should go female for sympathy points with commissar.

0/3 - Major catastrophe.

4: Browwnose Commissar Holt
Yeah. that's totally going to work. Way to gigglesquee cockdex.
At this point we're destined for the suicide mission regardless. The difference is what the options would give us:
1) Would've let us get in good with the commander. the paper shield of "we were following orders" wouldn't have protected us from Holt, but he'd be less "karma's a bitch, huh?" about it.
2) Isn't going to work against a walking plot device. As an added bonus, we earn a reputation of being a backstabbing weasel on top of the respect we lost from adeptus kitchenus. Even if we survive, our new commander is likely to hold a grudge.
3) would get us BLAM!'d. Reset button.

And now we're at 5.
We have 2 options. We can either
1) Get our men killed in a charge for glory. Shoot SoB commissar. Have desperate, unfulfilling sex with her corpse. run off and join a rogue trader. 50/50 split between odds of soft reset and getting BLAM!'d.
2) Go on a suicide mission, with a commissar that hates us and men that don't respect us. Even if we somehow survive, we're going back to a Holt that is entirely unimpressed and a commanding officer who also hates us. Worst of all worlds. Way to fuck up codex.

So there you have it. You can choose to suddenly decide for glory, even though you're Weasel McLimpdick the faggot who failed every choice so far, or you can stay in-character and see just how far into depravity we can sink. Trying for glory will inevitably result in your dismal failure and everyone laughing at you and telling you how much you suck. then you get BLAM'd. Because you picked EVERY SINGLE CHOICE that would make the suicide mission fail so far.
 
Self-Ejected

Ulminati

Kamelåså!
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DiNMRK
Hey, I liked that update Root. Besides, all the survivors were male. Desperate, unfulfilling sex with the commissars corpse in the near future was increasingly likely.
 

Commissar Draco

Codexia Comrade Colonel Commissar
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Привислинский край
Insert Title Here Strap Yourselves In Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Divinity: Original Sin 2
First "your graduation from Military Academy" and then You’re clueless as to how (act as Officer)? :?
I know we should take the 2 and act as His Emperor's Own Guard Officer for a change.... but before we all die horribly or worse we can try to bone the Commissar bitch... if she is ex Sororitas she can be usefall in battle after all.... more than the rest of wankers.
Besides the ''good ending'' is spoiled by Adeptus Kitchenus and snitching options.... Sex with Commissar corpse is all we can got.... time for some C&C M:manginas.
 

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