Let's LARP the Emperor's Finest - a wh40k IF

[Azael]

Obviously, Twitch should be sent unseen behind enemy lines and then blown up instantly due to not actually be as hidden as he thinks, Ziggs will then miss his big bomb because he can't aim for shit.

I'm going to go with 3 here, it's obvious that the men left don't respect us at all and the same is true for the commissar We will get respect when we earn it through actual actions in the field, not by posing and/or brown nosing.

EDIT: On hold for now.

 

[ironyuri]

Voting 2 because it's time these faggots tasted some C&C.

 

[Darth Roxor]

There is no time to be lost.

Brothers in arms! Guardsmen! Today the enemy is in our trench. We know our duty and we will do it. We fight for our honour, as Steel Legion, as Imperial Guardsmen, and we fight in the name of the Emperor.

If we die this day, we die in glory. We die heroes' deaths! But we shall not die, no, it is the enemy who will taste death and defeat!

As you know, most of our brothers in arms are stationed in bunkers, prepared to suicide rush! Our perimeter has been prepared in the event that our enemies would be so bold and so foolish. We have placed numerous trenches, allowing for multiple, simultaneous and devastating defensive human waves.

The Tactica Imperialis calls this manoeuvre Bumrush. We will charge into the foe, we will overwhelm them, we will leave none alive! Meanwhile, our bunker forces will assure the full defence of our headquarters.

We are the Imperial Guard! We are the Emprah's Fureh!

2

 

[Ulminati]

you're clueless as to how to make men respect you again after being demoted to quartermaster. doesn't seem all that farfetched.

BLAM!™ the commissar. Rape corpse. Pass it around to the men afterwards. Nothing like bonding over shared corruption points. The survivors were all scum of the earth. They aren't going to be choosy when it comes to trench pussy.

 

[lightbane]

OH well, that was a short LP. The Codex cannot into wh40k. There's only one option left: 2. Charge, die and hope our MC is reincarnated into something better.

 

[Omicron]

2

 

[Ulminati]

OH well, that was a short LP. The Codex cannot into wh40k. There's only one option left: 2. Charge, die and hope our MC is reincarnated into something better.

So the Codex cannot into Pathfiinder, 40K or World of Darkness. What will we fail at next? Mouse Guard?

 

[Kayerts]

The Tactica Imperialis calls this manoeuvre Bumrush.

A rousing speech, Lord Cypher Roxoros. But I believe this veritable rain of Steel Legionnaires that you propose has a different name.

Let's recap our previous choices:

All valid points, but the title of the thread isn't "Let's play strategically through a 40K IF." Making character background decisions based on what we think would be useful in our particular predicament ("man, you know what would be handy right now? ovaries!") doesn't seem to jive with what root's going for. A large part of the appeal of a 40K RPG is in how horribly fucked up the world and everything in it is, so avoiding those situations from the onset seems self-defeating.

 

[oscar]

So the Codex cannot into Pathfiinder, 40K or World of Darkness. What will we fail at next? Mouse Guard?

Hey shut up. We've done pretty awesome with Tony. Though the Polish Sabbat one ended with us being dragged in a pick-up truck with several werewolves in pursuit..

 

[Ulminati]

Just saying if we're limpwrist mcfaggot (as dictated by previous choices), developing a sudden case of "FOR GLORY!" now is both a) going to end badly and b) breaking character.

"man, you know what would be handy right now? ovaries!"

10 things you never expected to hear from king Mjolnir...

Don't get me wrong. Even if we had picked Derp Korps of Krieg, not killed the quartermaster, were a female who was best buds with the commissar and somehow respected by our men, who had spent the time until holts arrival whipping people into shape and who didn't suck up to Holt, we'd still have ended up on a suicide mission. It would just have beena suicide mission with more of our squad alive, people willing to at least try to work with us and a fighting chance at blowing up some xeno/heretic/mutant scum before we got horribly killed.

 

[Storyfag]

So the Codex cannot into Pathfiinder, 40K or World of Darkness. What will we fail at next? Mouse Guard?

Hey shut up. We've done pretty awesome with Tony. Though the Polish Sabbat one ended with us being dragged in a pick-up truck with several werewolves in pursuit..

It didn't end. I will reanimate it one day. One day.

As for this vote, 2, of course. The Emperor protects

 

[Commissar Draco]

Don't get me wrong. Even if we had picked Derp Korps of Krieg, not killed the quartermaster, were a female who was best buds with the commissar and somehow respected by our men, who had spent the time until holts arrival whipping people into shape and who didn't suck up to Holt, we'd still have ended up on a suicide mission. It would just have beena suicide mission with more of our squad alive, people willing to at least try to work with us and a fighting chance at blowing up some xeno/heretic/mutant scum before we got horribly killed.

But we would die GLORIUS death as Heroes of Empire instead of ending up as husks possesed by demons or shot by Commissar. In WH40K you can't escape death but you can choose the way you'll got to Emprah bossom.... but you must stop playing it ''safe'' like pussy faggot. Most Codexers can't change their mind gear into the grimdark mode.

 

[Ulminati]

But we would die GLORIUS death as Heroes of Empire instead of ending up as husks possesed by demons or shot by Commissar. In WH40K you can't escape death but you can choose the way you'll got to Emprah bossom.... but you must stop playing it ''safe'' like pussy faggot. Most Codexers can't change their mind gear into the grimdark mode.

Like I said, if people hadn't been idiots in the last 2 votes, we'd still have a shot at glory. Now, not so much. We are not Spehss Mehreenz. We need people to actually work with us to Get Shit Done.

Right now, slinking off like the weasly faggoty coward we've been thus far is most likely to earn us a soft reset and a proper chance of Glory with a new protagonist. But judging from the overwhelming abount of votes for 2, codex still hasn't got a fucking clue how 40K c&c works.

 

[Commissar Draco]

That's why I want our poor faggotised Leftenent killed... but let have some hot (necro) commissar sex first.

 

[oscar]

3. Fuck 'em. Die with dignity.

 

[Darth Roxor]

1 seems pointless because not only is the stuck up bitch a stuck up bitch, but also a commissar stuck up bitch. I can't see this giving any positive results.

3 - Apathy is death.

which leaves

2. YOUR SQUAD IS YOUR WEAPON

 

[Ulminati]

but let have some hot (necro) commissar sex first.

 

[Zaan]

So much butthurt in this thread, it's glorious. Ulminati as for Codex way with wh40k it was obvious what choices most of people would take, the previous IF threads showed that most Codexers (including me) prefer to play the more diplomatic/cautious oriented characters than fighting ones.

Now I agree that this has backfired greatly in current setting when cautious meant that we become an ass licker , but I blame that on most people being afraid that the LP would end soon enough with retarded "EXTREME COLLAR GRABBING" options, just like the previous one did when everyone went DEVOUR every fucking choice. Of course now it seems obvious that setting-wise the choices we made were the retarded ones .

Anyway the current choice of leading the charge is stupid as it doesn't fit out character so I go with 1 (not that it will change much seeing how many 2 there are already), screw dying a glorious death let's get out of this shithole and join a rogue trader ASAP.

Not that this will work, my meta-gaming senses tell me that escaping = 100% BLAM! while leading the assault might just give us some small chance of survival.

EDIT:Oh well to late as root already posted the update. Going with 2 here.

 

[Commissar Draco]

1) let's try to reason with Commissar.... at this point it will blow up in our faces any way we choose.

 

[Ulminati]

As for the choices...


Ally with the commissar -- 50-50 chances of improving relations with her. No ovaries is a penalty, but petty+vain+in the shitter with you means she could be moved to work with you.
REMEMBER: NOONE LIKES THE COMMISSAR. ALLYING WITH HER WILL MAKE THE REMAINING MEN RESENT YOU.
Chance of corruption: Moderate. Chance of BLAM!: Low. Chance of getting stabbed in the kidneys: Moderate-high.

Act like an officer -- Would've been brilliant if we had set ANY FUCKING PRECEDENT FOR BEING A CAPABLE COMMANDER.
The men are all scum. Acting like an officer is as likely to backfire as it is to work. Especially because you went with fucking adeptus kitchenus. Commissar is probably going to be upset you used her as a threat and subsequently ignored her.
Chance of corruption: Low. Chance of BLAM!: Moderate-high. Chance of getting stabbed in the kidneys: Moderate-low

Apathy is death -- The men don't like you. The officer don't like you. You're all fucking dysfunctional and nothing is gonna get accomplished. since everyone hates your guts, your squad is going to dissolve the moment you meet an obstacle and you will die an ineffectual death like the shitstain you are.
Chance of corruption Low to moderate-low. Chance of BLAM!: Moderate-high. Chance of gettign stabbed in the kidneys: Moderate-high.


You may wonder why none of the choices lists a "chance of acheiving even marginal success with the mission and surviving". That is because there is none. You dun fucked up. Pity about the lack of being competent and/or ovaries and/or having a chance at improving shit before Holt arrived. As far as I recall, Spehss Mehreen had a pretty convincing competent IG that Got Shit Done.

Spoiler

That said, 1, 'cause there's a miniscule chance of boning the commissar before we die. Also, more corruption.



As an addendum, if people could make their vote and only their vote stand out in huge, angry, red letters it'll be easier for root to tally.

 

[Commissar Draco]

but let have some hot (necro) commissar sex first.

Problem Private Ulminati?

 

[ironyuri]

The adventures of Lt. Limpdick McFaggot continue.

The reason these men are fucked, is because the officers commanding them have been utter faggots up to this point. The men resent us, and will resent us regardless but they have two options: Follow us resentfully to death, or kill us and return to their lines to be BLAMMED by LordCockCommander Holt.

"Try to make your men respect you more by acting like an officer ought to act. You’re clueless as to how that would make them respect you again, but you’re bright enough to find a way."

Our character IS an officer. He might have been demoted to quartermaster, but he remains a Lieutenant. These men are between a rock and a hard place and the only thing standing between them and BLAM is discipline and tactical intelligence.

I vote B, act like an officer. The men need someone to take the lead and pull them through. The Commissar, if we actually act like we should rather than being a faggot, might see us as a man for a change and then decide to fulfill her own role and watch our back/inspire the men.

 

[Darth Roxor]

The men are all scum.

You know, this is not a penal legion. Just because they've been chosen by Holt on a suicide mission doesn't mean crap, especially since Holt is a meganazi and likely to assign people to suicide squads simply because they looked at him funny.

Even the worst members of the Steel Legion are some of the better guardsmen you can find.

 

[Ulminati]

You know, this is not a penal legion. Just because they've been chosen by Holt on a suicide mission doesn't mean crap, especially since Holt is a meganazi and likely to assign people to suicide squads simply because they looked at him funny.

You survey the assembled troops: Corporal ‘Nibs’ Niebben, a known petty thief. Private ‘Twitch’ Jansen, a capable but unreliable marksman. Specialist Martin Zigg, explosives expert and dangerous freethinker. Last and least, fresh from the Schola Progenium, Commissar Johanna Lied.

A thief, a coward, a heretic and a bolter bitch.
Either 1 or 2 could work. 3 is loldumb. 1 has higher risk of corruption and smaller risk of getting killed by "friendly fire". Both 1 and 2 has a 0.0001% chance of completing the mission, as opposed to the flat 0% of 3.
The main difference in the approach between 1 and 2 is 1 has you going "IGs gonna IG" to the commissar and you both agree to BLAM anyone who steps out of line since grunts are worthless shit. 2 has you going "Well, the chain of command is FUBAR, but let's try to be BROs about this BROs" to the men. the only way you're goign to win the mens respect/sympathy is by doing things of which Morrigan Johanna disapproves

 

[ironyuri]

The men are all scum.

You know, this is not a penal legion. Just because they've been chosen by Holt on a suicide mission doesn't mean crap, especially since Holt is a meganazi and likely to assign people to suicide squads simply because they looked at him funny.

Even the worst members of the Steel Legion are some of the better guardsmen you can find.

Too bad our LT is a limpdick scumfaggot.

If we start acting like an officer and step up, the men might step up.

Think of our relationship with the Commissar as being like an ex-girlfriend. TAKE ME BACK BABY I LOVE YOU.

She'll BLAM us in the dick for being limp faggots. We need to man up and show her we have a dick, use it on some orkz and maybe if we come through, she'll want to suck it one day.