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Let's LARP the Emperor's Finest - a wh40k IF

Discussion in 'Choose Your Own Adventure Land' started by Holy Cow, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. Baltika9 Arcane

    Baltika9
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    Glad to see the 'Dex is keeping the old tradition of voting ourselves into early graves alive.
    As for the vote, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away, but there's not much to be done now anyways.
    Our commissar isn't respected by the men anyways, she may be an SoB, but so what? It's down to five people, against an entire trench.

    By the way, Root, is Khorne home, I'd like to call in some heresy, after we bolt the bolter-bitch first, of course.
    If not, then voting for two and hoping you'll push the reset button soon.
     
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  2. lightbane Arcane

    lightbane
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    2, if we're going to die, at least we'll die trying to act cool...
     
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  3. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria
    1. way I see it, we've long-since passed the point of no return in regards to bonding with our squad. We aren't Ciaphas Cain and we don't have the luxury of having personally saved the fellow squadmate's lives, so they like us about as much as the next officer. At most, they trust us not to be as much of a miserable fuckup as the guy who thought CAPTURING AND ATTEMPTING TO INTERROGATE AN ORK was a good idea. The Commissar is likely the most combat-able and least likely to betray and/or rout out of what's left of our unit.

    Apathy isn't gonna get us anywhere, either. If we wanted to die then we'd of joined the sergeant on his jolly endeavour. Dying for the Emperor is good, but only when it has a point.

    Once again, I TOLD YOU DAWGS. I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD OF GONE WITH THE KRIEG.
     
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  4. exe Augur

    exe
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    FFS guys, we aren't fighting Orks. That was another planet. We don't actually know who we fight yet.
     
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  5. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria
    What if we're fighting Slaaneshi heretics? I'd imagine the interrogation session would've gotten awkward quick.

    Christ, we could've had the German Imperial Army who're experienced with dealing with all enemies and experts in this kind of terrain. But no, we went with the guys who specialize in shit that's more or less useless in trench warfare and adept at fighting the one kind of enemy that we're explicitly NOT facing because LOLGASMASKS AND YELLOW UNIFROMS!

    What is it with us and making really fucking bad decisions in 40k LP's?
     
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  6. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

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    Well, we're fighting something that uses Artillery firing explosive shells.
    Nearly all Xenos we know of prefer hit&run or at the very least non-attrition warfare, which pretty much rules them out. tyranid might like it 'cause biomatter, but they don't have artillery in the classic sense and the biomutated flora and fauna should've been evident by now if it was them. Necrons might go for attrition warfare of a sort too, but they use magic space laz0rs, not explosive shells.
    The Big Bad chaos factions (CSM/Daemons) don't use artillery outside orbital bombardment. Also, not big on attrition warfare since Khorne decreed that it's for pussies).

    So what's left?
    Orks - Looted dakka
    Traitor guardsmen - Basiilisks, except unclean
    Sevrely under-supported chaos cultists and/or mutants, who killed the guardsmen/pdf and took their basilisks.
     
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  7. Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis

    Darth Roxor
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    Could be a genestealer cult :martini:

    It was explicitly stated at the start that we shouldn't base our regiment choice on the planet we are on now.
     
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  8. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    True, I'm probably just being drunk and cross right now.

    Maybe cultists/traitor guardsmen supported by The Iron Warriors? I wouldn't say the iron warriors are here in force, because if they were then we'd all be dead by now.
     
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  9. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

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    Hell-o Fantasy flight games!

    Show Spoiler
    [​IMG]

    Nested spoiler time. I found this lovely page while waiting for IBS to spit out ~80k lines of data for me:
    http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Imperial_Guard_Regiment_Creation_Tables
    So I went to random.org and rolled up a regiment. Anyone else got something cooler?
    Show Spoiler
    [Regiment Origin]

    Regimental classification: 3 (Imperial guard)

    [Regiment Demographics]

    Recruitment Criteria: 97 (Roll again) 2+1 -> 32, 3, 19 (Nobility, all female, all-male) (Guess the last 2 cancel each-other out)
    Nature of Recruitment: 4 (Elite Tithe, best of the best)
    Regiment homeworld: 58 (forge world)
    Home world Predominant Terrain: 71 (Wasteland)

    [Regiment Tactical Information]

    Regiment core units: 74 (Drop)
    Specialization: 4 (Lightning Strike)
    Loyalty rating: 3 (Fanatical. No remorse, no retreat, no fear!)
    Specialized equipment: 66 (Augmented Troops)

    [Regiment Relations]

    Regiment Creed: 93 (Steel Over Flesh: This regiment believes the way to victory is through machine augmentation)
    Regiment friends: 77 (Imperial Navy)
    Regiment enemies: 46 (Tyranids)


    STEEL WILL FIX ALL YOUR FLAWS!
    :neveraskedforthis:



    :bounce:

    True. Hot interspecies rape of commissar still possible
     
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  10. Zwist Learned

    Zwist
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    Grow a monocle, will you?
     
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  11. Storyfag Perfidious Pole Patron

    Storyfag
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    2 please.
     
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  12. Hellraiser Arcane

    Hellraiser
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    2) BROS BEFORE HOS BROS

    Also we might as well try to act like a fucking officer for a change.

    Who's fucking bright idea was it to kill the quartermaster?
     
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  13. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

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    Pretty much everyones. It's dumb in retrospect but the choice was given without any context. Heck, I read the OP as "The quartermaster is dead. Was it you or someone else who killed him?"
    And we could've avoided 95% of the repercussions of killing the QM if people hadn't been faggot-ass bitches and gone adeptus kitchenus instead of working with the commissar, taking command on their own, or having picked conscript/enlisted so that being made QM would've equalled a promition.
     
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  14. Renegen Arcane

    Renegen
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    I just wanted to say root that these updates are a bit faster than even 1 a day. I failed to vote to charge blindly because I happened to be asleep.

    I vote 1 for this round, fuck the chain of command, we're 5 people and we need to become a band of bros.

    edit: I didn't vote to kill the quartermaster :smug:
     
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  15. Jaedar Arcane Patron

    Jaedar
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    Project: Eternity Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    1

    The men don't respect us, they never will. But they can be made to fear the commissar, which is not ideal, but better than nothing. Besides, if we get 3 more corruption points we might get a malignancy which ain't cool at all.
     
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  16. ironyuri Guest

    ironyuri
    :codexisfor:

    So many votes to be a limp dicked faggot and beg the Commissar not to BLAM us. Awesome. Limpdick McFaggot shall ride again! (Just not the Commissar)
     
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  17. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

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    At least he's CONSISTENTLY Faggot McLimpdick
     
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  18. Stygian Lurker Scholar

    Stygian Lurker
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  19. CappenVarra phase-based phantasmist Patron

    CappenVarra
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    2 and damn the torpedoes
     
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  20. Excidium P. banal

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  21. Kayerts Arcane

    Kayerts
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    Also remember that three guardsmen thought they had a chance of overpowering one of the enemy, taking him prisoner, and making him talk. In fluff, that limits the list of possible enemies to (non-enhanced) humans, because everything else would laugh at three bros with flashlights.

    Could be random planetary rebels, though.
     
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  22. Saark Arcane Patron

    Saark
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    A Beautifully Desolate Campaign
  23. ironyuri Guest

    ironyuri
  24. ironyuri Guest

    ironyuri
    Even if we go rogue now, this is our future:

    [​IMG]

    Limpdicked, with style.
     
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