Jackalope
Arcane
Bound to bed by a nasty flu, I decided I have nothing better to do than replaying the original Dungeon Siege. I'm a sick, sick man! It's a game from 2002, made by Gas Powered Games and released by Microsoft, if anyone is curious. And it's an action RPG, whatever that means. It's main innovation was the pack mules, that allowed you to lug all that loot with you. I played it 12 years ago, though I never finished it. I don't know what the last boss is, but I hope it's a Diablo knock-off. We'd see.
It all starts with a quick, but loud installation. I was immediately assaulted by a booming epic music that sounds like something rejected from the Star Wars prequels. And no mute button, I guess it's too epic to mute. Whatever, it's all worth it for the mules!
And it's time to begin!
Wait, Dungeon Sege?
Oh, that's better... The logo I actually like, and the sliding sword is pretty creative.
A look at the options shows maximum resolution of 1024x768... No way I'm doing that. A quick websearch later I managed to increase it to 1680x1050 with very little effort. (I just replaced the values in the .ini file)
Now let's make a character! Sorry, I mean let's '"Choose Hero".
Unfortunately most options are pretty bad looking, the default male looks like a Sasquatch.
And there are some very odd skin tones.
Since I don't want a character that looks like a WW2 propaganda poster, I'm going to stick with a simple white dude dressed as a sheep. Say "Hi" to Wooly, our hero in this journey.
So let's siege some dungeons, shall we?
Aww, that spider is way too cute!
We have a narrator spewing some generic stuff. Something about destiny or fate or greatness. I don't know. Also, he mentions an elite 10th Legion, which founded a kingdom of freedom to the west that lasted 300 years.
This flag looks suspiciously 'merican to me. Maybe it's all the stars and stripes. :kwafuckyeah:
The narrator continues to talk about this glorious kingdom, though we are looking at a chicken coop. Maybe it's supposed to be a joke?
Hey, this is Wooly's farm! He seems to be digging into some chicken crap, poor soul. Even his dog seems bored.
Then an old man runs up and tells you the Krug attacked his farm. He tells you exactly what to do and having fulfilled his role in this game dies immediately. Goodbye, you old friend, we knew you well!
A quick search around the farm and Wooly grabs every shovel, hoe and garden tool in his sight. The dog left though, couldn't find him. Not the loyal kind. Too bad.
Wooly's house is a complete dump.
I wanted to burry the guy, just to be descent. I have a shovel, right? At least cover the corpse with a tarp and move it from the middle of a bridge. But the programmers didn't think of that, sorry old man. Nothing I can do. You and that bridge are bound forever.
That dead grandpa's house seems a bit more impressive than Wooly's, though I'm not a fan of all the fire. A magic scroll awaits. And chickens. Though the chickens aren't really intractable.
I kill a couple of krugs. They are small, ugly, easy to kill and drop even more magic scrolls. Magic scrolls everywhere!
Seems Wooly's farm is in the middle of the forest, which is kind of strange. Shouldn't there be villages or something? Anyway, next I slaughter a bunch of mosquitoes. And some weird one-eyed land fish?
Also, I kill a krug dog. Maybe it wanted to help me, dunno, seemed kind of cute.
Another krug appears and he's pissed. Probably because I killed his dog.
Hit detection with my melee weapon seems wonky, so I switch to a bow, just to see how it feels. Pretty good actually, Wooly is pretty accurate with the thing and it does good damage, so I keep it.
I continue my travels until I encounter a cabin in the woods!
Inside is another old man and some dead krugs. The poor guy uses his very bad voice acting to explain I shoud clean his basement from the krugs and I can keep anything I like. Sure, why not. (Krugs are useless. I probably killed around 20 by now, I could sneeze on one and it would die from the shock.)
The basement is pretty large, puts the cabin to shame.
I even find an elevator to a sub-basement filled with more stuff, including some sweet robes.
At this point I realize my inventory can't contain all the junk I lug around. So I must level my magic spells to level 2 and learn transmute. This would allow me to turn those useless chair legs, pitchforks and old rags into pure gold. But first I must get to level 2. With a "Zap" spell. I start zapping. It's pretty dull, doesn't do as much damage as the arrows so it takes longer to kill guys.
Zap. Zap. Zap. Yawn.
A cave!
In it awaits an elite krug with big nipples and a blue diaper.
I kill the krugs and zap a bit more until I reach level 2. Then I transmute all the junk.
Unfortunately, pretty much everything I transmute is worth 1 gold, so I'm not impressed by my new magic abilities.
I exit the cave and switch back to the bow. I found some new armor, which looks nice and has 10 defense, so I can't complain.
Look, mommy, I'm a ranger!
I reach a broken bridge and an NPC that sounds black, but he's not. He tells me krugs blew up the bridge - so dear Wooly must go trough some crypts. Actually the bridge doesn't look too bad, but I guess the designers really want to show off those skeletons. Maybe we'd find something awesome in the crypts. Probably not.
So this is the end of part one. No mules yet, so I'm kind of sad. I'd probably reduce the game resolution, because right now the UI is pretty tiny and hard to read.
It all starts with a quick, but loud installation. I was immediately assaulted by a booming epic music that sounds like something rejected from the Star Wars prequels. And no mute button, I guess it's too epic to mute. Whatever, it's all worth it for the mules!
And it's time to begin!
Wait, Dungeon Sege?
Oh, that's better... The logo I actually like, and the sliding sword is pretty creative.
A look at the options shows maximum resolution of 1024x768... No way I'm doing that. A quick websearch later I managed to increase it to 1680x1050 with very little effort. (I just replaced the values in the .ini file)
Now let's make a character! Sorry, I mean let's '"Choose Hero".
Unfortunately most options are pretty bad looking, the default male looks like a Sasquatch.
And there are some very odd skin tones.
Since I don't want a character that looks like a WW2 propaganda poster, I'm going to stick with a simple white dude dressed as a sheep. Say "Hi" to Wooly, our hero in this journey.
So let's siege some dungeons, shall we?
Aww, that spider is way too cute!
We have a narrator spewing some generic stuff. Something about destiny or fate or greatness. I don't know. Also, he mentions an elite 10th Legion, which founded a kingdom of freedom to the west that lasted 300 years.
This flag looks suspiciously 'merican to me. Maybe it's all the stars and stripes. :kwafuckyeah:
The narrator continues to talk about this glorious kingdom, though we are looking at a chicken coop. Maybe it's supposed to be a joke?
Hey, this is Wooly's farm! He seems to be digging into some chicken crap, poor soul. Even his dog seems bored.
Then an old man runs up and tells you the Krug attacked his farm. He tells you exactly what to do and having fulfilled his role in this game dies immediately. Goodbye, you old friend, we knew you well!
A quick search around the farm and Wooly grabs every shovel, hoe and garden tool in his sight. The dog left though, couldn't find him. Not the loyal kind. Too bad.
Wooly's house is a complete dump.
I wanted to burry the guy, just to be descent. I have a shovel, right? At least cover the corpse with a tarp and move it from the middle of a bridge. But the programmers didn't think of that, sorry old man. Nothing I can do. You and that bridge are bound forever.
That dead grandpa's house seems a bit more impressive than Wooly's, though I'm not a fan of all the fire. A magic scroll awaits. And chickens. Though the chickens aren't really intractable.
I kill a couple of krugs. They are small, ugly, easy to kill and drop even more magic scrolls. Magic scrolls everywhere!
Seems Wooly's farm is in the middle of the forest, which is kind of strange. Shouldn't there be villages or something? Anyway, next I slaughter a bunch of mosquitoes. And some weird one-eyed land fish?
Also, I kill a krug dog. Maybe it wanted to help me, dunno, seemed kind of cute.
Another krug appears and he's pissed. Probably because I killed his dog.
Hit detection with my melee weapon seems wonky, so I switch to a bow, just to see how it feels. Pretty good actually, Wooly is pretty accurate with the thing and it does good damage, so I keep it.
I continue my travels until I encounter a cabin in the woods!
Inside is another old man and some dead krugs. The poor guy uses his very bad voice acting to explain I shoud clean his basement from the krugs and I can keep anything I like. Sure, why not. (Krugs are useless. I probably killed around 20 by now, I could sneeze on one and it would die from the shock.)
The basement is pretty large, puts the cabin to shame.
I even find an elevator to a sub-basement filled with more stuff, including some sweet robes.
At this point I realize my inventory can't contain all the junk I lug around. So I must level my magic spells to level 2 and learn transmute. This would allow me to turn those useless chair legs, pitchforks and old rags into pure gold. But first I must get to level 2. With a "Zap" spell. I start zapping. It's pretty dull, doesn't do as much damage as the arrows so it takes longer to kill guys.
Zap. Zap. Zap. Yawn.
A cave!
In it awaits an elite krug with big nipples and a blue diaper.
I exit the cave and switch back to the bow. I found some new armor, which looks nice and has 10 defense, so I can't complain.
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