Secret Military Union, match day 3, first half
We meet again, battle bruvas. Another glorious day when the ENEMY will taste DEFF AND DEFEHT.
Our adversary today are Muscle Daddies, coach Drogg's porn daemons.
Sup, drogg
Khorne daemons make for a rather silly team, especially at very low levels. All of their players, except for bloodletters, have frenzy, which makes them always follow up blocks, and block again if the result is a push. This means that if you are not a tactical genius (CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED) that can employ this to a good end, you should probably stay the fuck away from this team. The highlights are definitely all the daemons, which have horns+juggernaut, which makes them hella scary blitzers, as well as the Bloodthirster, as it starts with claw.
Fortunately, this team is still seriously underdeveloped, having only 1 dodge and 3 blocks. But the bad news is that Block is very much a hard-counter to their inexperienced Frenzy shenanigans, but we are missing two important block players for this match - General Motors the thrower and Major Glory the blitzer.
Heed this briefing, brothers. The enemy is not to be underestimated, despite their treacherous wehs. Should any of you have any doubts concerning our GRORIOUS VICTOREH, say it now, before the cleansing begins...
DAEMONS WILL APPEAR FROM THE WARP WHEN YOUR BACK IS TURNED
THE SEHVANTS OF PORN CANNOT WITHSTAND OUR RIGHTEOUS MIGHT.
Being one-player down from 11, we get a merc lino.
Always bet on tails.
We'll try to receive and go for a quick score.
The plan is as follows: bash the linos' heads in, then proceed through both flanks with catchers, blitzing any juicy av7 bloodletters along the way, and marking everything possible.
It seemed like a good plan until...
DAEMONS HAVE APPEARED FROM THE WARP
BY THE EMPRAH, THIS CANNOT BE
This completely fucked up my early offensive plan because I was down 3 key dudes already at the damn beginning (guard blitzer, blitzer, guard ogre), and had to relocate dudes just to bash the LoS.
Still,
All the pit fighters on the line are down (one stunned), and the ball is ours. And this was my first big derp because it left a catcher and the thrower way too easily marked.
Turnover
Loner lino hits the dirt.
Corporal Punishment the catcher gets marked, more daemons move along the left.
Private Capacity evades frenzy.
Major Surgery gets blitzed by the bloodthirster...
Fortunately non-fatally, but the greater daemon then marks the thrower.
Turnover.
There is an opening here in the middle, but it'll require sum minor funky stuff.
Corporal Cloth 1-d blitzes a cultist. All he needs is a push.
But manages to knock him down. Good, then General Specific will need a dodge + pass. Fortunately, with his AG4 he is, for all intents and purposes, an elf.
Which means he succeeds
Last, 2nd catcher dodges away from a marker.
Turnover
The enemy coach begins with a 1-D frenzied block with no block...
So bold and so foolish.
INTO ANOTHER 1-D PUSH EFFECTIVELY SURFING PRIVATE CAPACITY INTO THE CROWD
NO! FUREH!
Major Key is the next one to get downed.
And then comes the dodger-blitzer herald...
That's his first reroll. Rerolls are more than worth their weight in gold for Khorne daemons.
AND OF COURSE THE FUCKING THING PICKS UP THE BALL WHEN FOLLOWING UP THE BLOCK
Turn ends as another lino on the right gets downed, while a cultist fails a doge out of the ogre's loving embrace.
The bloodthirster pisses me off because it's so fat it keeps hiding dudes behind it.
A bunch of humans get close to the ball carrier, and a cultist is smacked down by General Specific.
Corporal Punishment goes forth as a possible future pass target.
Turnover
A shame it's the one blocker cultist.
Major Surgery is down, but there goes drogg's second reroll. I double dare you to try any frenzy foolishness now.
Well, shit. The herald dodges out
And blitzes Major Key out of the field
Finally, the Bloodthirster gets a luckerfag 1-D frenzy
Turnover.
This is not looking very good. Most of our battle brothers are stationed away from the carrier
And the only thing we can do is blitz a cultist to mark the herald.
And get Major Minor to the scene as well. In retrospect, I probably should have done a GFI here.
Panzerkampfwagen Ogre stuns a cultist under his iron treads. Turnover
No, NO! WE HAVE FEHLED!
BUT WE SHALL NOT FEHL!
Cloth will move in to assist with doge + gfi. Then loner lino will try a doge + 2d blitz. Hardly a friggin optimal choice but you gotta improvise at times.
no... we have... fehled...
... the emprah
Turnover. He's probably gonna score now...
But what the fuck, he doesn't
Zeb Atlas the BT gets trolled by General Specific, AND HE AINT GOT ANY REROLLS LEFT
This is our chance for redemption bruvas. STRIKE 'ARD!
...
REROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL
Loner'd.
The less said about this last turn the better because it was the hardest derp in this match for me. I completely forgot that I could do the same doge+blitz with an actual BLITZER standing right next to the loner lino. But I forgot about him completely because he was down the previous turn, and my brian was under much tension ;_;
BUT NEVERMIND
THERE ARE STILL MANY TURNS LEFT FOR RETRIBUTION
Lino is still badly hurt, but who cares about linos. The other two KO'd dudes get back up.
We've got two turns to score. This will require some risky shits, but it's very much achievable.
Especially since suddenly...
The sky has suddenly turned black, as battle barges of the Astartes have covered the planet.
And multiple, simultaneous and devastating defensive deep strikes have started hitting the pitch.
Unfortunately, two stray drop pods also stunned the ogre and Corporal Cloth, but they also eliminated four of his dudes, creating a vital opening!
The Codex Astartes names this manoeuvre STEEL REHN
Thanks, Boreale
Lino cultist is knocked down, after which Major Key pushes a bloodletter away in a blitz.
General Specific picks up the ball
And hands it off to Corporal Punishment
Who runs the fuck away, while Private Industry marks a pit fighter.
Two more linos move in to provide vital tackle zones.
WE ARE THE SPEHS MAHRINES! AND WE SHALL NOT FALTER!
Turnover!! @____@
Merc lino escapes certain deff as the Bloodthirster gets wild animal'd
Also, he was too COWARDLY! to try and blitz Corporal Punishment with the marked pit fighter. Only placed him close for marking.
THE COWARDS! THE FEWLS!
Bloodletter only gets a push!
And finally, the herald attempts a blitz through three (3!) dodges and DROPS ON HIS FEHS!
So bold and so foolish!
TURNOVEEEEEEEEEER
That's a 1:1 draw. No changes in the dugouts because there was no one there to get up.
Final turn for los-bashing purposes. Allow me to sacrifice sum linos to Khorne.
WHEN SUDDENLY!
This was a hilarious moment actually because I just took all the linos away to the back.
Not quite realising it doesn't quite work that way, and I got three random dudes placed in random los places....
The bad news was that they turned out to be a thrower, a blitzer and a lino
Lino and thrower go down without injuries.
BUT THEN MAJOR SURGERY IS KO'D
And finally he attempted a foul on General Specific, only to have a cultist sent away with a red card, inflicting just a stun!
HALF-TIME!
Fortunately, Major Surgery gets up no-problem. Woulda been a serious fuck up if that "perfect defence" left me with a worse state than default.
Still, even with that one dude sent away, we are 1 down because of our badly hurt lino, and his 1 pit fighter sub.
On alert, brothers. There is more valiant struggle yet to come.
Our adversary today are Muscle Daddies, coach Drogg's porn daemons.
Khorne daemons make for a rather silly team, especially at very low levels. All of their players, except for bloodletters, have frenzy, which makes them always follow up blocks, and block again if the result is a push. This means that if you are not a tactical genius (CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED) that can employ this to a good end, you should probably stay the fuck away from this team. The highlights are definitely all the daemons, which have horns+juggernaut, which makes them hella scary blitzers, as well as the Bloodthirster, as it starts with claw.
Fortunately, this team is still seriously underdeveloped, having only 1 dodge and 3 blocks. But the bad news is that Block is very much a hard-counter to their inexperienced Frenzy shenanigans, but we are missing two important block players for this match - General Motors the thrower and Major Glory the blitzer.
Being one-player down from 11, we get a merc lino.
Always bet on tails.
We'll try to receive and go for a quick score.
The plan is as follows: bash the linos' heads in, then proceed through both flanks with catchers, blitzing any juicy av7 bloodletters along the way, and marking everything possible.
It seemed like a good plan until...
BY THE EMPRAH, THIS CANNOT BE
This completely fucked up my early offensive plan because I was down 3 key dudes already at the damn beginning (guard blitzer, blitzer, guard ogre), and had to relocate dudes just to bash the LoS.
Still,
All the pit fighters on the line are down (one stunned), and the ball is ours. And this was my first big derp because it left a catcher and the thrower way too easily marked.
Turnover
Loner lino hits the dirt.
Corporal Punishment the catcher gets marked, more daemons move along the left.
Private Capacity evades frenzy.
Major Surgery gets blitzed by the bloodthirster...
Fortunately non-fatally, but the greater daemon then marks the thrower.
Turnover.
There is an opening here in the middle, but it'll require sum minor funky stuff.
Corporal Cloth 1-d blitzes a cultist. All he needs is a push.
But manages to knock him down. Good, then General Specific will need a dodge + pass. Fortunately, with his AG4 he is, for all intents and purposes, an elf.
Which means he succeeds
Last, 2nd catcher dodges away from a marker.
Turnover
The enemy coach begins with a 1-D frenzied block with no block...
INTO ANOTHER 1-D PUSH EFFECTIVELY SURFING PRIVATE CAPACITY INTO THE CROWD
Major Key is the next one to get downed.
And then comes the dodger-blitzer herald...
That's his first reroll. Rerolls are more than worth their weight in gold for Khorne daemons.
AND OF COURSE THE FUCKING THING PICKS UP THE BALL WHEN FOLLOWING UP THE BLOCK
Turn ends as another lino on the right gets downed, while a cultist fails a doge out of the ogre's loving embrace.
The bloodthirster pisses me off because it's so fat it keeps hiding dudes behind it.
A bunch of humans get close to the ball carrier, and a cultist is smacked down by General Specific.
Corporal Punishment goes forth as a possible future pass target.
Turnover
A shame it's the one blocker cultist.
Major Surgery is down, but there goes drogg's second reroll. I double dare you to try any frenzy foolishness now.
Well, shit. The herald dodges out
And blitzes Major Key out of the field
Finally, the Bloodthirster gets a luckerfag 1-D frenzy
Turnover.
This is not looking very good. Most of our battle brothers are stationed away from the carrier
And the only thing we can do is blitz a cultist to mark the herald.
And get Major Minor to the scene as well. In retrospect, I probably should have done a GFI here.
Panzerkampfwagen Ogre stuns a cultist under his iron treads. Turnover
Cloth will move in to assist with doge + gfi. Then loner lino will try a doge + 2d blitz. Hardly a friggin optimal choice but you gotta improvise at times.
Turnover. He's probably gonna score now...
But what the fuck, he doesn't
Zeb Atlas the BT gets trolled by General Specific, AND HE AINT GOT ANY REROLLS LEFT
...
REROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL
Loner'd.
The less said about this last turn the better because it was the hardest derp in this match for me. I completely forgot that I could do the same doge+blitz with an actual BLITZER standing right next to the loner lino. But I forgot about him completely because he was down the previous turn, and my brian was under much tension ;_;
BUT NEVERMIND
THERE ARE STILL MANY TURNS LEFT FOR RETRIBUTION
Lino is still badly hurt, but who cares about linos. The other two KO'd dudes get back up.
We've got two turns to score. This will require some risky shits, but it's very much achievable.
Especially since suddenly...
The sky has suddenly turned black, as battle barges of the Astartes have covered the planet.
And multiple, simultaneous and devastating defensive deep strikes have started hitting the pitch.
Unfortunately, two stray drop pods also stunned the ogre and Corporal Cloth, but they also eliminated four of his dudes, creating a vital opening!
Thanks, Boreale
Lino cultist is knocked down, after which Major Key pushes a bloodletter away in a blitz.
General Specific picks up the ball
And hands it off to Corporal Punishment
Who runs the fuck away, while Private Industry marks a pit fighter.
Two more linos move in to provide vital tackle zones.
Turnover!! @____@
Merc lino escapes certain deff as the Bloodthirster gets wild animal'd
Also, he was too COWARDLY! to try and blitz Corporal Punishment with the marked pit fighter. Only placed him close for marking.
Bloodletter only gets a push!
And finally, the herald attempts a blitz through three (3!) dodges and DROPS ON HIS FEHS!
TURNOVEEEEEEEEEER
That's a 1:1 draw. No changes in the dugouts because there was no one there to get up.
Final turn for los-bashing purposes. Allow me to sacrifice sum linos to Khorne.
WHEN SUDDENLY!
This was a hilarious moment actually because I just took all the linos away to the back.
Not quite realising it doesn't quite work that way, and I got three random dudes placed in random los places....
The bad news was that they turned out to be a thrower, a blitzer and a lino
Roxorowski: perfect defence
R.K XLVII: AHAHAHAH
Roxorowski: left me
Roxorowski: confus
Roxorowski: :m
R.K XLVII: oh god
R.K XLVII: he must be thinking
R.K XLVII: wtf is this guy
R.K XLVII: it must be a trap
Lino and thrower go down without injuries.
BUT THEN MAJOR SURGERY IS KO'D
And finally he attempted a foul on General Specific, only to have a cultist sent away with a red card, inflicting just a stun!
HALF-TIME!
Fortunately, Major Surgery gets up no-problem. Woulda been a serious fuck up if that "perfect defence" left me with a worse state than default.
Still, even with that one dude sent away, we are 1 down because of our badly hurt lino, and his 1 pit fighter sub.