Update!!
Part 6 – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
I wanna meet more people.
Calm down. We are meeting people.
Well, after being stuck in that shithole for 19 years with Amata, Butch, Overseer, etc., I just wanna meet someone who isn’t annoying as hell.
You do realize we’re should be looking for daddy?
That can wait. I wanna explore some more!!
Fine... Let’s go into this store:
This is The Craterside Supply. We can buy general supplies here. We can also talk to...
...Moira Brown. She owns this shop.
Hey, would you be willing to do me a favor?
Umm... What kind of favor?
Umm... ok.
Great. Just tell me what it’s like to live in a vault all your life.
It sucked. The Overseer was a fucking psycho and all the chicks were ugly.
What kind of book are you writing?
I suppose that could be useful. I’m new to the Wasteland, and I could use some advice.
Great. I just need someone’s help to do some research for me. Don’t worry. I’ll pay you for your services.
Well, I don’t know how much help I’d be. I mean, this is my first day outside of the vault.
Don’t worry. You’ll do fine.
If you’re making a book about the dangers outside, wouldn’t it make more sense to get somebody who’s actually experienced with that stuff?
Nah. You’re perfect for this. And plus, I’ll pay you well.
Fine... what do I have to do?
WTF is wrong with you?
Like I said, I need this research for my book.
What the hell will me getting irradiated possibly teach that you don’t already know?
Why the hell would I intentionally irradiate myself?
Well, in that case... I’ll do it.
FACT: This is Bethesda’s attempt at writing humerous tongue-in-cheek dialogue.
Remember that big unexploded bomb in the middle of town? Well, it’s surrounded by radioactive water.
Drinking the water gives us radiation poisoning fairly quickly.
Dude, are you feeling ok?
Hft alsdfi gradfg jtyfgj?
Come on. We need to get you back to the crazy book lady.
“over the Geiger counter”? Really?
Umm... I think he’s about to pass out.
This’ll be great for my research. Just hold on and try not to move. So, tell me how it feels?
What the fuck does that dialogue option have to do with [Perception]?
Jlkj Uasdfkj ewr?
Mutation?!?!
Hold on a second. Everyone else around here exposed to intense radiation becomes sterile or develops cancer. Why do we get a beneficial mutation?
I’m not complaining.
Well, I am. That was fucking stupid.
FACT: This is another one of Bethesda’s attempts at writing funny tongue-in-cheek dialogue.
Anyway, she gives us some anti-radiation medicine as our reward.
See? I told you that would turn out fine!
...
So, you wanna do some more research for me?
You crazy. There’s no way I’m doing that again.
Don’t worry. This time, it’ll be a lot easier.
What exactly do you need me to do?
WTF? How does that even make sense? How the hell would a store deserted 200 years ago still have edible food and usable medicine? Wouldn’t that stuff have expired like 195 years ago?
Well, there’s no harm in checking anyway, right?
Whatever. As long as she’s paying us, we’ll do it.
Fine, but there’s still more stuff to do in Megaton first. Let’s go to that saloon that Daddy supposedly visited.
This is Moriarty’s Saloon. Daddy Neeson supposedly was seen here not too long ago.
Anyway, there’s a bunch of people in here:
Like Lucy West.
I’m just an adventurer strolling through town. By the way, if you’d happen to have any lame FedEx quests, I’d be happy to do them for you.
Yay!!
Hey dude, I think that chick over in the corner there might be a hooker!
Really?! Sweet!!
Meet Nova, the town’s hooker.
*drools*
I think my friend wants to get laid. How much you want?
I Accept!!
She tells us to meet her up in the room upstairs.
After we sleep in the bed, we wake up and see her lying there.
That was it?!! I didn’t even get to see her naked shoulder?
Where’s my sex card? Shouldn’t I at least get a sex card?
Lame.
Well, enough bullshit. We should get back to the main quest. Let’s ask around about Daddy Neeson.
Meet Gob. He's the bartender here. He’s also a ghoul.
FACT: In Fallout, ghouls are people who were exposed to severe amounts of radiation and kind of look like rotting zombies.
This guy is the bartender here, right? Maybe he’s seen daddy?
He tells us that he remembers seeing daddy here, but he doesn’t know where daddy went after that.
Well, do you know where we could find some info on daddy?
FACT: Moriarty is the guy who owns this establishment.
Well, apparently this Moriarty guy might have some info on daddy.
OK. Let’s go find him.
FACT: Colin Moriarty has a heavy Irish accent.
So... what do you do around here?
Apparently, “keeping these yokels knee deep in poon” translates to: I have only one hooker for my customers to bang.
So, have you seen my daddy? He’s a middle-aged guy.
He recognizes you?
How is that possible? I was born and grew up in the vault.
Daddy lied to me?
Dude, are you ok? Anyway, where’s daddy now?
Why daddy lie to me?
Fuck that. We’re not paying any money. We’ll just hack into your computer and figure out where Daddy Neeson went.
I don’t care anymore. Daddy lie to me. I don’t care about him no more.
Well, don’t you want to find out why he lied to you? Plus, we can beat him up when we find him.
Hmm... That sounds kinda fun.
So, we head over to Moriarty’s computer. We need a 50 science skill to open it, and ours isn’t high enough.
So instead, we break into Moriarty’s cabinet...
This is Fallout 3’s lockpicking minigame. It’s miles ahead of the lockpicking minigame from Oblivion; but it’s still pretty tedious.
Thankfully, Moriarty leaves a piece of paper with his password inside his cabinet. We use this password to hack his computer.
Here’s what Moriarty’s file tell us about Daddy Neeson:
Daddy went to “Galaxy News Radio” in the middle of the capital? Why he go there?
It doesn’t say... Why do I get the feeling that once we do find out, it still won’t make any sense?
Anyway, Moriarty apparently keeps dirt on some of the other residents in town and writes about it in his computer:
Some dude named Jericho (we haven’t met him yet) tried to rape Jenny Stahl.
This entry is about Billy Creel (he’s the pedophile). Moriarty suspects that Billy actually killed Maggie’s (the 7 year old) parents.
This entry is about the town doctor. Apparently he used to work for some slavers.
Yay! Moar stuff to blackmail people with!!
Nope. Fallout 3 doesn’t let us blackmail any of these people. No new dialogue options with any of them.
Whatever. Let’s just get out of here.
Not yet. There’s still that one creepy guy in the corner over there that we haven’t talked to yet.
FACT: Mr. Burke dresses like a 1930s gangster and wears eyeglasses.
Umm... you’re kinda creepy. What you want?
You wanna destroy this place? Why? What’ll that accomplish?
This is the only motivation he gives us. He doesn’t tell us why he hates this town or anything like that.
Well, what’s your plan for destroying this town?
But the black sheriff guy who thinks he’s Clint Eastwood told me to disarm the bomb.
Hey, just ‘cause he’s black don’t mean he’s an idiot. That’s racist.
He promises to pay us some money if we do this task for him.
I’m going to stop here.
This update was annoying, especially the parts with Moira Brown. It was almost too stupid for words to describe. Literally. I had trouble writing commentary to adequately describe how silly it was.
Even the Beth fanboys hate this character.
But anyway, we’ve come to the point in the game that was ridiculously hyped up by Bethesda: Do we listen to the black guy who dresses like Clint Eastwood and decide to disarm the bomb, or listen to the creepy guy who dresses like Al Capone and destroy the town?
Which is better any why? DISCUSS!!
