"You are a farkin' disgarce. ALL OF YOU!"©Grimwulf. Battle Brothers Legends Mod

[Dayyālu]

1. B
2. A

It's [current year] after all you delightful, trade expert extraordinaire biggot, and as Brother Frank said, you will be in the land of SWEDEN YES! so suffer the consequences of it.

Women in armour are my fetish. Go for it.

 

[Andnjord]

Women in armour are my fetish

Impudent wench!

 

[Reinhardt]

After looking at pathetic attempt of fake merchant i decided to pick up torn and dusty Lion Tamarin banner. My internet is complete shit these days tho, so it's double ironman - i can be just cut off for weeks or even months, as it was already happened before. Personal record is 1,5 months - from jan 20 to mar 1. Even just uploading pics to imgur is slow af. Also there is this dumb "war" thingy going nearby. Well, whatever.

Latest Legends version, permanent destruction on, expert difficulty - don't want dumb tacticool zombies from legendary, this shit thraumatized me. Wommynz allowed, layered armor is mandatory now, so full circus mode. Guess "magic" is mandatory too. Disgusting. Just like before i have no idea what they added to the mod in recent years.
Same map seed as before - Redlabored, but because game and mod versions are different map is different too. Unexplored map.

12 retarded peasants in the middle of nowhere.

 

[Reinhardt]

Most important question - Kommissar Grimwulf, Kalin, son of Kalin and Good Doctor Azira. Well, at least Azira is still here...

 

[Azira]

You rang?

 

[Andnjord]

I demand a pitchfork! Peasants of the Codex, unite!

 

[Reinhardt]

First comes - first served.

Most balanced character in our army. Both hates and fears nobles. Hesitant lumberjack Grand Kommissar Grimwulf.

Kalin, son of Kalin. Night owl fisherman who's afraid of cute wood creatures.

Huge pessimist, gravediggerDoctor Azira.

Brother Mother Frank. Lucky poacher. And she's actually gud this time. Especially for peasant horde, where it's really hard to get decent archer. High ranged attack roll, stars in ranged attack and stamina, high melee attack roll, so can serve as early game backrow polearm fighter.

Militiaperson Normie. She's probably our best melee fighter - brave, athletic, with some stars to support melee career. But she's ugly, bald, mystery meat mutt wommyn so i see no promotions in her future.

Short sighted and ambitious farmhand Andnjord. You asked for pitchfork - here is your pitchfork background.

This peasant horde is better than previous. Characters are overall stronger. We also have some real weapons this time. And only one potato sack "armor". 11 hats - almost enough for everyone. No shields tho.


Btw internet disappeared for 6 hours ~15 minutes after i made previous post. Dis gon b gud.

 

[Andnjord]

A new Battle Bros lp can only mean of the Codex.

 

[Reinhardt]

btw men have more hp than wommynz.

 

[SmartCheetah]

Count me in bro! No real preferences for a specific skills. Can be just anything.

 

[Andnjord]

Looking at my dude I’m seeing bonus double stars in MDef and Health, guess I’ll make a good m’eatshield, m’ladies.

*tips straw fedora*

Also, what’s the bottom left stat where I have my two other stars?

 

[BrotherFrank]

Promising starting crew as far as peasants go.

Also, what’s the bottom left stat where I have my two other stars?

Initiative, so you could potentially be a more dex type of tank, will sort of depend on what kinda rng skilltree you get from the mod.

 

[Reinhardt]

Sorry, couldn't resist. Traditions are important. I hope drunk and clumsy bear named spigot will bring exceptional luck to this run too. Also he's leech peddler.

Dastardly and pessimistic shepherd InD_Imagine(dafug with these names...)

Another militiaperson. Bloodthirsty SmartCheetah and zheir steady paws.

only 3 most speshulpromising recruits left.

 

[Helly]

Count me in!
Stoning nobles is a way of life so if possible gimme a rock or a sling so that I can throw stuff at people but I can take whatever is left anyway

 

[Reinhardt]

I can take whatever is left anyway

sure

 

[Reinhardt]

Boooooooooooring! Not enough people. Will do it hard way then - commence ukrainian-style street recruitment campaign.

Fat baker Helly. She's actually only wommyn with hp higher than most men in our warband.

Superstitious disloyal minstrel Lagole Gon. Because it's another Prolebashers tradition.

And final champion - vazha. Asthmatic fainthearted thief. Picked him because he was already recruited into Kalin's quest for bonaz but didn't met horrible death.

Next time we roll.

 

[Baron Dupek]

Dire times ahead calls for new members. For that I'm dropping "Baron" title and grab the pitchforks.
Let the fate takes me from daily struggles.

 

[Lagole Gon]

I'm not a poser!

 

[Reinhardt]

I'm not a poser!

Prove it!


Smol update about our situation. After redistributing equipment our militia looks like this.

Grimwulf, Azira, Poser and Kalin - frontline. Brother Mother Frank and that guy with strange name - slingers. Normie, vazha, Andnjord and SmartCheetah - pitchforks. Helly and spigot just standing back unarmed in case we will need meat shields.

Lets visit our friendly village.

Just as we approached it random peasant group spawned, trying to repeat rape scenario which finished our first run. Sadly, no unholds this time.

Village itself is nice - it offers 2 different trade goods, which we can buy cheap, thanks to our starting relations boost.

Or we could if village was not besieged by beasts and bandits.

Beasts are out of the question tho i tried to negotiate anyway and surprisingly after i just tried it went

So looks like we have to be careful with pay negotiations.

Now that's concerning. Looks like we spawned farther to the north than i would prefer. Even basic barbarians are much more dangerous than bandits because almost all of them has throwing weapons and can kick our collective shieldless butt(btw no shields for sale). We will have to do it anyway, for better prices. But a bit later.

Another contract is to find location. I usually avoid them - pay is shit, directions are vague, time is lost.

Now third one is one of the more promising - kill bandits and return stolen item.

And that's what we will do next. And barbarians after it. I hope removing ambushed trade roads and rewards from both contracts will be enough to buy salt and iron and move to the next village.

 

[Reinhardt]

Bandits fled to the forest, which is annoying.

But they are even worse than prolebashers.

First blood in this playthrough by Brother Mother Frank. And of course it has to be by accident.

First kill goes to her too. Guess what? By missing her actual target again. Poser engaged in some bard duel, i think...

For 3 rounds...

Easy victory.

Brother Mother Frank got shitty bow, Helly got shovel, Spigot got hoe. No more lazing around.

Now barbarian camp

Only 5 of them, but as expected they are armed with throwing weapons so we charge.

Spigot and Kalin recieved some good beating. Spigot got almost one-shotted by javelin, Kalin caught headshot.

Nothing notable happened after this. Next round we killed them all.

Now only beast problem remains in our home village, but still prices are now much better.

Even after buying everything we still have enough geld for 4 days. Grabbed first ambition - Lion Tamarin banner. Will probably have enough money for it after selling our current trade goods.

Our situation after first day. Gave bear hat and our only shitty shield to Grimwulf. His unique skull hat went to our only archer so she would be useful in night battles.

And that concludes "tutorial". Next time we will leave our home village and start exploring map.

 

[Andnjord]

I volunteer to carry our glorious banner into battle.

 

[oasis789]

send me into the meat grinder

 

[Reinhardt]

I volunteer to carry our glorious banner into battle.

Nah, from all our recruits only Azira and Lagole Gon have necessary perks for potential sergeant, but Poser has overall shitty stats for the job.

 

[tindrli]

Any open spots? I want in

 

[Reinhardt]

Moving to the next village just down the road.

Even more fucked than our home. Btw that's something new. Mod thingy, i guess.

Here (((they))) sell drugs, rare beast parts and named equip.

Regular market has iron, peat and furs.

Also they have cheap peddler for hire

5 contracts. Beasts, which we ignore again, return stolen item, retrieve relic from some ancient tomb, find location and remove barbarian camp. Interestingly both retrieve relic and find location ask fro same place. In regular game it can be cheesed to get double or even triple, if certain event triggers, reward for one location. Not in iroman tho.

So our plan is simple. Kill bandits > retrieve relic > hire peddler and sell salt while relations slightly improved but ambushed trade roads still here > kill barbarians to remove ambushed roads > buy iron and maybe furs > move to the next village.

Bandits.

Even weaker than previous bandit encounter.

Enemy bard hits Grimwulf bear hat with his lute for 2 damage and stuns him, our bard breaks some bandit's face with his lute...

Last bandit fmanaged to flee.

Now that's bad news. Ancient legion banner.

Yep.

We waiting until they do all the walk and then trying to swarm them with numbers and managed to kill one auxilary.

But then our overall shittiness showed itself. Next turn we only managed to kill one more auxilary but both legionaires still stand and easily remove vazha.

Again - full round to kill one enemy. So many misses like this.

And lone legionaire still killed a bear named spigot before going down. And you know how last skellington died? He was beaten to death with lute. Codex........
At least we got some equip upgrades - two helmets and a pike. Also two first level ups - Azira and Normie.

Vazha survived but suffered permanent injury - collapsed lung. Ironic, onsidering he already had asthma.

After returning to the village hired peddler. He's bad.

Prices BEFORE and AFTER i hired trader. Already visible.

Now to remove barbarians.

Enemies almost never miss our peasants. Annoying. All our fighters who engaged in melee suffered serious damage.

Probably some layered armor shit. I mean does it look like leather cap to you?

We prevailed in the end and no one died. Also almost everyone is level 2 now. Actually, i was distracted irl between battles and forgot to level Normie and Azira.

Some gud loot. ~400 gold in cash and amber, more armor upgrades and most important - two spears, which will help with our main problem - frontline can't hit anything.

But best thing happened AFTER battle.

Noticed some building in for of war while moving to barbarian camp and decided to check it. It's fort. And map edge, so we don't need to bother with it anymore.

Time to return and get our reward. We even briefly had 2000 geld but i spent part of it on iron and shield to make our frontline stronger before leaving city screen. Btw while all other goods are already sold below their maket value, furs are still very overpriced despite removing ambushed road. I dunno, maybe because we ignored beast hunting and they ate hunters or something.

And that's our new friend. We call him Baron Dupek, because it's funny. We, civilized people, are very clever. He's our best fighter right now. 3 stars in melee and level 3 already. Also high morale. Gave him shield and axe.