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Thanks for the explanation, that was interesting and also very gamey. Ended up reading up on repeaters, wave repeaters look pretty cool. Are you planning to automate anything at a later date? Perhaps a job for Sukha?
Thanks for the explanation, that was interesting and also very gamey. Ended up reading up on repeaters, wave repeaters look pretty cool. Are you planning to automate anything at a later date? Perhaps a job for Sukha?
Aye, we will definitely need power. Building a waterwheel or a windmill isn't difficult at all, but power generation is useless if we have nothing to power up.
Later on we'll see Sukhavati going full engineer on Redlabored, putting those skills to good use. Right now we should focus on more pressing matters, like Kommissar's Quarters.
It doesn't need to be constantly up to date. RL censuses are done once in a decade. Once per DF year should be more than enough and you can limit records to skill lvls 3-5+.
This is Grimwulf, a legendary wordsmith. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. This object menaces with spikes of drama. On the item is an image of dwarves in vain. The dwarves are laboring.
My current plan is therefore to try to fudge/misrepresent the numbers or manipulate the minutes of various meetings in such a way to get Grimwulf to open up all priority jobs to everyone, or at least to as many unskilled dwarves as needed to complete them. Failing that, I'll suggest something he can't refuse: total equality. All jobs are equally enabled and prioritized to everyone!
You need to convince either Grimwulf or Helly. Won't be easy.
Roll a d6 with an advantage. If you roll 6, all workers in Redlabored except military dwarves will be assigned to all labors (everyone is free to choose whatever job they want). Otherwise we stick with Helly's algorithm.
advantage means you throw two d6, only one of them needs to be 6 (since you are trying to convince Grimwulf OR Helly
The effect will last one Season.
Also, you have about 12-16 hours to do it before I finally get drunk enough to play next Season.
1st Granite, 126, Early Spring
The Outpost
Late Night
Evruthang iz FINE! Relax Grim! Live a littul, have a drink! See... Iz a problum of motivaishun ok. Not dat im lazy... u just havun challenge me enuff. IF ah bust ASS training the fucks 1) my get TIRED 2) mite sprain ankul kickin butts 3) don see anutha dime! If u wan DEATH DRILLS ah wan BONUS when trader cums, snazzy shit!
A BONUS? Not only I will cut your wages IN HALF, but I will also close the fucking KITCHEN for you AND your sorry squad! I will make you eat SQUIRREL CORPSES RAW!
*grumbles* Still better than horse-eye lasagna.
As for Marko - cant spare him, vitul for oppraishuns an sheit... Guess he CAN kraft sum woodsie weapuns tho - but DAS IT!
It's all fun and games until the deers come. Then we'll see if you can keep your smug attitude.
SMAK DIS *grabs crotch*
HURLY! I want to hear your plan NAW!
So, we're missing all our miners, our carpenter and out kitchen makers. Great. Great indeed.
If you're gonna be prissy about it, I could release Mustawd from internship, due to his ineptness, then take on Baud, who is sure to be just as bad, if not worse. Ah, the joys of teaching!
Actually, I had a chat with Baud just recently, and he thinks that Reinhardt should see you more often, doctor Azira. She doesn't seem to mind, judging from her moanings. Hard to tell for sure.
What, a volounteer? Of course, I did do a bang-up job with the plastic surgery, so no wonder she comes back for more. What say you, Helly? Ready to make a little exchange?
Well, I know a good deal when I see one! Reinhardt will be a great doctor one day. Now give me back my miner!
He's all yours.
Still waiting for that PLAN, Hairy!
We need people to keep creating the wood factory, I reckon.
That's not how we voted. Food District comes first, Kommunalka next, and only after that we focus on "wood factory".
According to our Honored Leader, My global goal is to make all three facilities happen this year. As the manager, I say we start with wood processing facilities.
After you finish my Quarters, damn you!
Naturally. I will assign Sukhavati and Wayward Son to work on the Wood District. It's their full job for now.
What a shame. Your husband was just starting to get good at making charcoal.
I'm with Helly on this one. Redlabored has more than enough charcoal.
Not to mention we don't even use it.
Thank, you deary. Now... Friend and Baud will be our new carpenters. One of them is bound to get good, eventually. Baud did tell me he wanted to master some craftdwarfship too. And Friend sounds like a creative-minded, dedicated fellow. They'll do.
We only have one carpenter's workshop, Helly.
Then it's high time we set up another. Right on the surface.
All. Trees. Must. Be. Mutilated.
Processed, I mean.
Riiiight.
There is but one way to save our stalling fortress. Remember that this is Kommunism! All this talk of selecting the best worker for the job is missing the point. In Kommunism, everyone must have a job! We don't need no capitalist "beauty" and "functionality" from kulak-like skilled carpenters! Here in KKK, the means of carpentry production is owned by everyone equally!
What are you implying, Sqeecoo?
I suggest something you can't refuse: total equality. All jobs are equally enabled and prioritized to everyone!
Brilliant, right? Komrades? Dwarves?
Hey, Spigot. Why are you not brewing?
My still is currently occupied. Reinhardt decided she can make some fucking beer from horse eyes and her own tears.
I can relate. This morning I was about to tend to Storyfag's wounds - there was an incident involving his foot and Brother Frank's axe, - but alas, I was too late. Wayward Son was already there, trying to stop the bleeding with paper and charcoal.
Fucking communism, eh? WELL THEN, guess I'll go BUTCHER SOME PUPPIES! And TAN THEIR FUCKING SKINS, because HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
Go for it, friend. Meanwhile, I'll build some levers and mechanisms, just to see Sukhavati's reaction.
Why is nobody building my Quarters?
Ah, you see, nobody feels like building today. Maybe next... year?
Sooo, you don't like my idea..?
NO!!
*scratches ass*
AWRIGHT, that concludes our meeting.
Posting this for those who wanted to see spreadsheets and more hard info. This is what you get. This is what I deal with every day, and I'm not even using this fancy-ass plugin when playing the game. I'm using this instead:
Anyway, if you really need to know skill levels and current assignments, here is a little quest compass:
Are we done here? GOOD.
GODDAMN YOU NERDY FUCKERS, are you REALLY trying to understand this shit?! If that is the case, OF COURSE you have questions! And now I have to chew it down. Fuck me.
I hate my life with passion.
1. Why did you assign Tindrli to stone detailing?
Because he is doing jack shit otherwise. After tinkering with his "don't want to mine" issue, I figured it is what it is - he is not in the mood for mining. Assigning him to stone detailing will make him engrave walls and smooth floors in the barracks. This will increase the created value of our fortress and make third parties more interested in raiding us, which will inevitably lead to Kalin's death and Vazha's entertainment.
2. You forgot to turn off some labors for Kalin's recruits.
I did not. They are allowed to haul stuff and construct walls/floors using stone blocks. If I turn it off, they will be loitering when not training. Which will happen a lot due to Kalin's Speshul Vizun of the training schedule. Most of the dwarves NEED to work, otherwise they get bad thoughts.
3. Helly is assigned as a Farmer ? Why?
Because there is little sense in cutting more trees than we already did. I designate trees for cutting occasionally, but honestly, we have more than enough logs for now. What we don't have is planters. Helly has been assigned to this labor since the day she arrived. Like most our dwarves, she is also hauling and constructing stuff.
4. Reinhardt is a mason?
She is Azira's little helper. Whatever he does - she does as well. Except diagnosing, which is the main purpose of CMD's existence. And butchering/tanning, because she sucks at this. Can't afford to have amateurs working on delicate matters like these. Surgery, though? Totally allowed.
5. Nobody's assigned to milking/beekeeping/lye making/whatever-other-shit
Because we have nothing to milk, no bees to keep, whatever-other-shit to deal with. The only exception here is clothesmaking and weaving (Helly's assignments) - I thought of building a clothier's shop at some point, then reconsidered and forgot to unassign Helly. Made the screenshot, noticed too late, couldn't be arsed to re-crop the whole thing again, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! Seriously, GO BACK TO THE FARKIN' UPDATE!
And Harry, here's the new order list. Added some commentary so it could sink into yer thicc skull faster.
hurr durr, forgot to add Lagole Lon's training war hammer when taking that screenshot. Already fixed.
That is a long list of orders, my Kommissar.
Not as long as THE FUCKING TIME I'VE WASTED HERE TEACHING YOU BRAINLESS BASTARDS HOW TO DO YOU GODDAMN JOB, now GET FUCKING TO IT ALREADY, piece of
8th Granite, 126, Early Spring
Redlabored, Barracks
Next lessun. Marko!
*lets out a heavy sigh*Yes, Kommander?
Ye'r surrunded. In front of ya stands a FAG!
Hi.
Behind ya is KALIN, SON KALIN, da gretust skullbasha of dorven race!
*looks around in confusion* So?
I want ya to use dat pussy-tingler ya call FIST to PUNCH the fag, then TURN ARUND and DEFLECT Kalin's WAR HAMMAR!
Got it. PUNCH *hits Storyfag right in the face*
Ow.
Then, uh--
*kicks Merc's butt* I am BEHIND YA, stupid asshole! TURN FASTAR! Again!
*punches Storyfag*
OW!
*kicks Merc again* Y U NO TUUUURN?!
Dammit, Kalin! What do you want from me?!
TURN! TUUUURN! I WANT TUUUUUUUURN!!
Meanwhile in Muddy Chapel
*whispers prayers to Uzol the Copper Boulder-Gravel, God of metals*
*enter the Muddy Chapel*
Your prayers have been answered, Tindrli. I came here together with my lovely intern to bring joyful news from your God himself: your future will be glorious! But only if you take the pick and start mining.
...
Reinhardt can confirm.
B-hgn-br-br-br
See? But if you need even more stimulation, I invite you to the Hospital. Right now, if you will.
No need. *takes the pickaxe and goes outside*
Tindrli is mining again, thankfully
What is wrong with you, Reinhardt? I need you to play along while we talk to the patients.
I-I-I-hhhnnnnggg
Hmmm. Seems like your speech is impaired by chronic and highly intense rectal discomfort. Which isn't difficult to fix. *pulls a dirty sock from his pocket*
N-n-n-n
Smell it. Take it aaaaall in.
H-HA?! GHAH, that smells HORRIBLE!! MY GODS!
See? Wasn't difficult. Like I told you, medical art is a ladder.
My, ah, bottom parts still hurt like hell, doctor, and als-s-s-hhhnngggg
Alas, the effect does not last very long. How do we..? What if... no, that won't work. Maybe another--
D-d-d-o-gh
OF COURSE! Do you have a piece of string, by any chance?
GGGGNNNHHHHH
No matter. *pulls a hair from his beard* Just a moment now...
M-m-m-ak-gn th-th
There you go! A doctor mask.
Doesn't make you more attractive, sadly, but I am a simple Kommanding Physician, not a wizard.
The smell is... undescribable.
This is why I only use Kalin's socks in my practice. There is something unique about this dwarf's feet, truly so. I want you to wear it at all times, as every beginner doctor does.
Why does a doctor need a mask?
So that the patients don't see when we smile.
16th Granite, 126, Early Spring
Redlabored, Entrance Area
*hauls gneiss cabinet, grumbling and cursing all the way*
Spigot! Spigot!
What NOW, you little brat?
I saw a caravan! The merchants are coming!
I got no time for your fucking pranks, boy!
I saw them coming here, I swear!
Who did you see? Dwarves? Humans?
Elves!
Fucking WHAT now?!
*drops the cabinet* ALRIGHT, YOU BEARDED SLACKERS, I WANT YOU TO HAUL 3/4 OF OUR FOOD AND 3/4 OF OUR DRINKS TO THE FUCKING TRADE DEPOT! MOVE IT! Until the damn caravan leaves, I AM IN CHARGE HERE!
Most of the dwarves have "haul trade goods" enabled, and this job is coded as high-priority in DF.
*walks out of the barracks* Doncha forgit to buy me a SNAZZY armor, old cunt.
These are ELVEN merchants, you halfwit. If you want a wooden armor - go ask your errand boy Merc to craft you some.
Meanwhile on the surface
I've never been in a dwarven fortress before.
They prefer "Dwarf Fortress", barbaric as they are.
I've heard their giant halls are made of stone, and walls engraved with intricate images of-- Oh, Gods. This is not real. This can't be real!
Merciful flowers...
They killed all these trees!
*comes out of the Outpost* 'sup, elves!
What's happening here? Why did you butcher so many trees?
*shrugs* I dunno. My dude Wiseau was burning logs.
B-BURNING??
Aye. Now I'm carving chairs and stuff. Oh, since you are here, do you think this chair is finished?
Been working on it for three days at least. Looks finished to me.
Just tell us where is your fortress?
Oh, use the slope over here.
Slope? This hole in the mud is where you live?
Yup. You'll find the trade depot right at the entrance. Have fun! *sits on the newly-crafted chair*
*cracks and falls apart*
Guess it needs more polishin'.
Meanwhile in the Barracks
*makes a pathetic swing at Kalin using the training axe*
*doesn't even twitch upon being hit*
Oh, COME ON! How am I supposed to fight with THIS?
See, THAT what happens when you replace a real carpenter with someone like Baud!
Yer problum is not the absuns of wepun, but the absuns of BALLZ. In fack, NUN OF YA has ballz!
I have.
Heh heh, PROVE IT!
*raises her training axe*
Dis gonna b gud. *grips his war hammer and takes a battle stance*
*with a war cry of a fucking banshee, launches a frenzied assault on Kalin*
*masterfully avoids every attacks, performing counterstrikes at the same time*
*panting*
Heh. Lives lik a pussi, fites lik a pussi!
AAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEE
Take it easy on her, damn you! You are going to kill the poor girl!
*desperately tries to catch breath after taking a blow to the abdomen*
Wutch 'n learn, Marko. Dis gurl is more of a dorf dan ya'll evar be!
*points the axe at Kalin* I will fucking chop your nipples off!
DAS RITE! ANGER! SHOW ME SUM FARKIN' ANG-- AAW, FUCK!
EEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
Cunt belib you akshully GITTIN' GUD!
Right. That's exactly how you fight with an axe. *sigh*
I'm not done with you yet! *attempts another assault*
17th Granite, 126, Early Spring
The Outpost, Trade Depot
*enters the Depot*
Greetings, dwarf. Allow me to introduce ours--
I don't give a shit. You here to trade? Let's trade.
*stares at the barrels in horror*
What?
WHAT?! Da farkin' carpenter is too busy being gay! Other carpenters suck ass at making barrels. So maybe my barrels are leakin', who cares?
I'll give ya a discount.
Oh, for fark's sake!
MAKE YOUR KEY CHOICE, SPIGOT
I have to halt this update because I Spigot fucked up.
a bear named spigot, only now you remember that elves will freak out if you try to sell them anything made of wood. That includes wooden barrels.
Due to DF being weird at times, it's easy to forget that moving goods out of barrels is impossible during trading. You can sell, let's say, toys stored inside wooden bins without selling the bin itself. But selling cookies stored inside a barrel without selling the barrel? Madness.
The Kommissar won't scream at you too much if you find a way to fix your mistake and get us out of this ass. Here is the full list of goods the elves brought:
You might notice there is no price. You can evaluate weight of goods, but not the price. This is because you suck at trading (zero Appraiser skill). And yet you were elected as the broker.
For a moment you wonder what kind of hypocrite sells wooden barrels, but considers making wooden barrels in general to be a crime against nature? But then you notice they sell grown wood barrels - a material only produced by elves.
Elves in DF are like vegetarians dressed in woolen sweaters in RL. Shearing doesn't kill the sheep. Peeling off some bark doesn't kill a tree - that kind of stuff.
You try to find something valuable among the goods. Redlabored has no use for wooden weapons and armor, or anything else made of wood. We can make this stuff ourselves.
We can certainly use new clothing. Kalin is running out of socks.
We can always use edibles for cooking and brewing.
Acquiring more barrels wouldn't hurt, since our worthless carpenters can't make them fast enough.
Musical instruments would be useful in the Grand Hall (when it's done) and temple (praying is one thing, but religious music is also important for religious dwarf).
You also notice a toy boat (maybe it will keep that annoying brat Shorast busy) and a puzzlebox.
Finally, you take note of animals: cockatiel, dingo, warthog, anole, and lion tamarin (not LION, but lion TAMARIN).
The elves are waiting. Make your KEY CHOICE:
1. I suck at this shit. No trading for today. Elves will be disappointed, you say? AS IF I GIVE TWO SHITS
2. I fail to see the problem. Sell them BOOZE AND FOOD, buy whatever we can use! Barrels, my ass.
3. Two unarmed elven girls come to a fortress full of dwarves. Sounds like a joke without punchline. I say we SEIZE some/all of their goods, consequences be damned! (specify which goods do you want to sieze, e.g. "all clothes / all edibles / jute left glove, etc")
I'll give it a day and throw a d3 in case you don't reply. You seem like a random-decision person anyway.
As a final note, no other key choices are present, because Spring has just begun.
nonsense! so maybe my ethusiasm for trading is more in the abstract, and less from any practical skill or experience, but I think I can make this work!
now, I can't actually see anything in our list of stock that isn't in a barrel, so what exactly is available for trade on our end?
I mean it. Unless you want to start selling boulders, everything we have is either made of wood, or stored inside wooden barrels.
Okay, there is also assorted collection of seeds, pieces of string and cloth, a few bags we use for storing seeds, aaaand that's it. In other words, everything we have is worthless.
truly unfortunate! "seize" is a similarly unfortunate choice of words for what would more reasonably be considered a fair redistribution of wealth. what would be the likely consequence of "talking" these elves into "lending" us some of their goods in the spirit of fair-play?
Let's just take their stuff and get on with it. If you don't I'll do it myself.
We have enough work as it is not to spend our time dealing with *elves*.
nonsense! Spigot is an old dwarf, seen a lot, time to put his many years of respecting commerce from a distance to good use, I think I can safely speculate as to what we can take with an IOU in return
let's grab that puzzlebox, the lion tamarin, all the socks, gloves and mittens, and those cherries and walnuts
My ploy failed! Still, I'll be better at it next time. I feel the crew should have responded better to the THIS. IS. KOMMUNISM! idea even if they didn't take the actual suggestion of total equality... Could it be that they lack ideological conviction? Something to note in one of my books, surely.
But my basic desire to enable more unskilled carpenters looks to be happening, which was the basis of the suggestion. See, I'm bending both the character Grimwulf and the REAL Grimwulf to my will while they gruffly make fun of my apparent failure!
Next step: BINS. You cannot have a fortress without BINS. Ffs we have insane capitalistic luxuries like beds but we don't have simple BINS to put the fruits of the workers' labor into? BINS. They are important. BIN there, done BIN. I'm not a fan of Bin Laden, but I'm a fan of LADEN BIN, etc. etc.
War with elves makes no sense. We should plant the seeds of revolution in fertile elvish soil first (if you get my meaning), and use force to bring Kommunism to them only as a last resort.
Seize the bourgeois Elven means results of production!!!
Assuming we were to find a source of metal for our weapons (whether through honest dorfen mining or ''shudder'' bourgeois trading) and our military was even half trained, how threatening are elven sieges considering they only have wooden weapons? Back when I played it I never got into wars with elves so I really have no idea :D
Also, I'm assuming there shall be no premature candy extractions, correct?
how threatening are elven sieges considering they only have wooden weapons? Back when I played it I never got into wars with elves so I really have no idea :D
Some would consider this information to be spoilery. I'm not gonna dive into much details, but consider this:
1. They don't' normally "siege" you like goblins, but rather ambush your fortress. At one point it's all fine and dandy, the next moment half of your dorfs fall dead with their throats slit. Dominions players have a saying:
2. Elven bows are naught to be underestimated.
3. Elven armies are often supported by a great variety of tamed beasts.
