Here is a list of 10 reasons why Baldur's Gate 3 isn't worth playing. The numbers don't represent anything other than a way to organize them. I challenge you, if you read this list and find your blood pressure rising, ready to type out an angry response, to take a deep breath. Then when you are relaxed, type out your own list of 10 reasons why you think Baldur's Gate 3 is worth playing. Not a retort to this as much as you forming your own opinion, your own list as to why someone should play. I am of the belief that nobody will be able to come up with a convincing list of 10 reasons of their own.
1. Fanfic Writing - Sarcastic undertones to most conversations. Zoomer speak. If you don't mind spoilers, watch any video on youtube featuring cutscenes. There are plenty. The humour, the cringe, the zoomer speak, the petty arguments, it's terrible. Everything has this sarcastic undertone to it. Like how every character is trying to be witty, every dialogue choice is trying to show you the player how light hearted they are, how funny, and fun loving they are. Like if you watch any modern buffoons playing D&D. It's a social session, not in character roleplaying. It's like how each player is trying to one op the previous players joke. That's how this games dialogue is. Always trying to be the life of the party, but instead they just turn into the irritating class clown. The problem is, the clown, is you, the player.
2. Choice and consequence - your choices will be between the reddit teir faction or the twitter tier faction. The consequences will be having reddit like you or twitter like you. Go watch some videos. The choices that are available for you to make, almost without fail, are embarassing. Who gives a shit what the consequences of your actions are if there isn't a likeable faction, a likeable companion, a likeable NPC, a likeable outcome.
3. Companions - They are all garbage. You have a flamboyant vampire who likes bestiality..a black guy who needs his dick stroked to make his spells work. A rude lesbian who wants to make you her bitch. The white dude who represents weakness and frailty (of course). Some pignosed bitch for those of you to scared to take the bestiality plunge and prefer to keep it safe with a different kind of beast. A tiefling who talks like a valley girl (nick cage's favourite) A druid who likes to fuck people as a bear. A square jawed non binary drow. And two OG's so Larian can give them the modern treatment. If I forgot anyone, it's not my fault, as they all are shit.
4. Romance - It is featured heavily as being a core part of the game. Just take a look at their featured trailers. Don't want romance? You will need to wade through flirting and degeneracy often. Read above for your selection of romance options. It's embarassing, it's degenerate, without merit, and gets in the way. And fuck you if you are straight and white and male. You only get ugly shit because fuck you. Mod it if you dont like it is the new Larian motto. Ugly characters everywhere, because it's 2023, and resetera demands it.
5. Homosexuality - Having homosexuality be so prevelant in the game world is entirely unnecessary. It has no purpose other than to pander to degenerates. Homosexuality is more common than being straight in BG3. It is also the preferred method of procreation. I'll let you figure out how that works.
6. Zoophilia - They are attempting and succeeding in normalizing Zoophilia. It has no place in any game. It is not for laughs. The squirrel doesn't represent a comical moment. People tell themselves that because they like what they see so they argue "it was just a joke! see the squirrel dropped his nut". Ok that is kind of funny, but still. Normalzing zoophilia is the goal with that scene and the scenes you haven't had the displeasure of seeing yet. Wait and see you sick fucks. It's going to get much worse than that.
7. No Day / Night Cycle - Games have been doing this for many years. It adds to the immersion. It makes you aware of the passing of days. It provides different color schemes and feels to the same zones. It happens organically, not through a load screen or because you made camp and came back. It opens the opportunity up for seasons that pass as the days and weeks pass. There is no waiting until nightfall to commit evil deads. There is no excuse not to have a day / night cycle in a game purporting to be this ambitious.
8. Basic NPC AI - They have no schedules. They stand around, waiting... waiting for you to engage with them. No home to go to. No actual urgency to their days. The blacksmith never needs to go to the inn to get an ale. They don't need to go in when it rains. They don't need to shovel snow outside on their walkways. They might as well be statues. They have no lives, just like you.
9. Silent Protaginist - This by itself isn't a bad thing. But when done how Larian chose to do it, it becomes embarrassing. Watch any cutscene with the player character in it. It makes your character look foolish, standing their slack-jawed, nodding, while your tumblerina companions say the most inane shit. A smug look spreads across the players face at a time you wish your character was anything but smug. Your character standing their, mouth agape (just like your asshole from the bear) while you listen to to the twitter argument between your superiors. You will be a smug, sarcastic, mouth breathing fool, and like it.
10. The Players - There has never been a worse fanbase than this games fanbase. I find myself sickened at the blatant disregard for not people realizing and recognizing the issues listed above. I have seen people posting in this bloated thread, singing the praises of this game while at the same time posting in the gaming drama forums shitting all over other games that have done a lot less than this, and still, they are defending this game and all its issues. Its hypocritical. Lets not even talk about the reddit BG3 fans. I dare you to go over there and read the gushing. How about youtube comments? "Best game of the decade!" "Best RPG of all time!". What makes this the most sad, the most pathetic, is that the codex, the codex of all places, has just as fervent fans looking forward to the degeneracy, looking forward to the zoomer speak. I thought this would be a haven for talk about world design, deep dives into the lore, and of course the combat. What happens instead? Talks about homosexuality, blacks, , foot fetish (sorry jarl), mommy issues, pegging, cuckholdry, and of course zoophilia.
And remember guys, the next time you feel like giving shit to anyone about the games they like, after having spent 100 plus hours getting your asshole stretched out and filled up by a bear, after you stroke a black guy off while he berates you for slavery, after you get pegged by a square jawed lesbian who tells you what useless man you are, take a good cold hard look in the mirror.
