NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[SCO]

Don't derp yourself.

 

[~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸-AIN'T]

And who said that statistics wouldn't be used?

Rock Paper Shotgun

Maybe so, but it didn't say within the specific text you quoted that there wouldn't be any statistics. RPS posts so much derp, there's no reason to have to pick things that don't necessarily have derp and add it yourself if you want to be mad at those dudes. I still say that what that guy posted sounds more like BaK than anything else, and that's without a doubt some of the good shit as far as RPGs are concerned.

On the other hand, I don't deny that my bro Surf Solar and I may just be some sort of derping men.

 

[Multi-headed Cow]

I think we need a separate thread for RPS.

We need Meltdown to raise our spirits with some dirty pictures. Help get all this depressingly retarded RPS shit out of our heads.

Speaking of RPS, started Arkham City today. A thug said he was going to make Bruce Wayne his bitch, and Two-Face called Catwoman a bitch a few times after she tried to steal something from him. Truly a horrifyingly sexist video game.

 

[Majestic47]

Shut up you cow.

 

[Oriebam]

Shut up you cow.

 

[Teepo]

http://www.reddit.com/r/rpg_gamers/

Stinger already started.

"Can't get into Planescape Torment
Is this even possible? I've heard amazing things of this game, and even had it called the best RPG of all time. However, I couldn't get passed the boring gameplay in the mortuary. Tell me that it gets better, please."

"Planescape Torment: Who thinks they should re-release this game with better updated gameplay and graphics, possibly in 3D?"

"Classic RPG recommendations

Hey guys! Sorry if this is the type of thing that gets posted a lot (I'm new to this subreddit), but I'm looking for some recommendations for older RPGs to check out. I'm at my parents' house for thanksgiving, so I have access to some older systems that I can bring back with me to school, and I was thinking it would be a cool opportunity to check out some games I missed.

My consoles include:

Genesis (plus all the shitty add-ons)

Saturn

Dreamcast (noticing a pattern?)

Playstation

N64

All the nintendo handhelds

Xbox"

I like to directly compare their subreddit's quality to the quality of this forum.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/ ... -so-simple

Right, so I picked up Dragon Age 2 yesterday and played it for... a long time.

The game is stream-lined, not simplified. Combat is faster, not less tactical. Liberal use of the pause function to issue commands is necessary even at normal difficulty. Well, in some battles anyway. You can still get wiped out by the various 'boss' and 'elite' enemies if you don't pay attention and have a bad party set-up.
The world map is far more functional, indicators given where quests are available, no travel time between areas (yay) but, adversely, no random encounters (I... have mixed feelings about this.)
Conversation wheel is 'immersion breaking' in that you don't feel like you are Hawke so much as you're playing Hawke. It's Hawke's story and you're along with the ride.
Conversation wheel works. You get a symbol along with a brief line which actually matches the dialogue. Admittedly I'm still on my first play through so I haven't had much opportunity to see all three branches.
Also, gathering information, having certain party members with you, being a certain class, actions in previous quests and even having certain stats unlock different conversation options on top of the 'default three', so there actually is a bit of variety in what you can say based on a number of factors and your actions.
As for choice/consequence, I'm going to have to wait till my second playthrough to comment, but thus far there have been 'looming' consequences but none really stand out.

For context, I now have a home in high town so I'm past the prologue and "first chapter", now starting the second.

Dragon Age 2 is accessible, not simplified. It is streamlined, not dumbed down.
Anyone who says otherwise hasn't played it. Even if they think they've played it, they haven't.
I feared for the game with every change they mentioned, but it all works.
Oh, and if you're in it for the story, the characters are fucking brilliant, although Fem Hawke sounding a little like Leliana, and Mother Hawke sounding like Noble Origins Mother is a little.... disconcerting.
It is not a button masher unless you allow it to be.

For reference: PC version.

But it's not , so it's not.

 

[Teepo]

Oh wow. I thought Stinger had to like search deep in the bowels of the subreddit to find something about Planetscape torment. I guess some guy made a thread about it just recenty.

http://www.reddit.com/r/rpg_gamers/comm ... e_torment/

This guy can't get into Planetscape torment. Is there any advice we could give him?

 

[Majestic47]

But it's not , so it's not.

It ain't simple. It's stupid.

 

[Renegen]

Oh wow. I thought Stinger had to like search deep in the bowels of the subreddit to find something about Planetscape torment. I guess some guy made a thread about it just recenty.

http://www.reddit.com/r/rpg_gamers/comm ... e_torment/

This guy can't get into Planetscape torment. Is there any advice we could give him?

Yeah, he should start to read. The first time I played Torment I didn't read anything, played it like it was BG. Then the second time I read everything, got into every conversation. From the very beginning talking to Morte, reading that special book and talking to the old sage the game seemed amazing.

 

[thesoup]

Tell him he should make a generic fighter character and not bother with int / wis / cha.

 

[Stinger]

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.269873-Dragon-Age-2-aint-so-simple


But it's not , so it's not.

The OP's name is Trolldor

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.325360-What-makes-a-game-a-RPG

Now here's a subject that should breed some lulz.

I disagree. Final Fantasy is generally accepted to be an RPG, it isn't factually an RPG. Many people disagree about what an "RPG" is, and since the whole idea of an RPG is not a natural concept (it's a man-made idea) that also means that there is no "factual" definition, and therefore no "factual" RPGs.

Oh dear.

 

[Awor Szurkrarz]

Tell him he should make a generic fighter character and not bother with int / wis / cha.

 

[Majestic47]

Yeah I'll LP torment this xmas- herpaderp edition like that MAX CON AND STRENGTH BEbbEH.

 

[Flatlander]

From the Escapist thread

Being completely governed by hidden dice rolls and Stats.

This. It should come down to your character's skills, dice rolls and tactics. Not the players skills/reflexes and ability to mash away on the buttons.

But these days, every shitty action game that has a few RPG elements is considered to be a RPG.

User was suspended for: Skyrim Child Killing Mod. (14 days)

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/ ... 2#13307141

Why are you asshats trying to relate killing kids in a game to real life ?

User was suspended for this post.(14 days)

 

[Awor Szurkrarz]

 

[hoopy]

http://borderhouseblog.com/?p=6895

It was actually quite interesting in that, as with a lot of these games [MMOs], there is a male and a female avatar, which is obviously a huge decision to make when you’re kind of trans.

Well obviously! Huge fucking decision. Everyone knows you gotta play fantasy games with an avatar that resembles you as closely as possible.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

But...my immersion

I'm a trans afro-american muslim dutch babyfur, why am I being forced to roleplay a blonde, burly man? This is so offensive. It's like the developers didn't even stop for a minute and think about all the trans afro-american muslim dutch babyfurs that would want to play their game someday.

edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNuFNZijnCo

 

[Teepo]

Not everything a developer does is done because of the reaction they want to incite/avoid. People have the right to control what is and isn't included in their product, and Bethesda has made it clear that they don't want to devote resources to allow sick people to enact personal fantasies of infanticide. Its the same reason why I wouldn't expect them to include a feature that lets you rape woman and mutilate bodies. Its simply a moral black hole that the game would rather tactfully avoid rather than try to shatter the narrative tone for the sociopath market.

I don't want Elder Scrolls trying to ram hardcore dark fantasy down my throat like every pretentious RPG today, I want the game to be fun, and if people can't have fun without seeing dead children then I simply have no words for them.

Besides the point, if you just really cant get off without seeing dead children then download the mod, Bethesda won't stop you. But don't try to say that you are somehow entitled to your right to kill kids in a videogame. The only way I could see it tastefully handled is if it was similar to the original Fallouts, where killing a child resulted with all NPCs in the area turning hostile, an instant demotion to the special lowest karma rating, most quest givers/merchants refusing to talk to you and occasionally groups of bounty hunters attack, really just a non-standard gameover.

Also: cocks.

 

[Teepo]

What does it say about your mental health that you want to kill children in a videogame?
Would you do it in real life? No. The other day, around 2am at Jack in the Box some 14 year old fuck was giving me and my buddies shit. For a solid hour. We're adults, early to mid twenties. No one was there to help him and even the workers expressed the desire to throw him out on his ass.
He did not leave until I threatened him with a knife. Would I have seriously hurt him? Not with the knife, but it got my point across.
So you know what I do in Skyrim? Ignore the shits.

Who cares if you could do it in earlier games? Who cares if the community wants it? IT'S.FUCKED.UP. And you're fucked up for wanting it so bad. Get help, and stay the fuck out of my neighborhood because if I saw you I would think of the kids next door and run your ass over without thinking twice.

Next time you're on a date/talking with your significant other, tell her about how good it makes you feel to kill kids in a video game, see how it goes.

Wow.... That 14 year old must've been 6'4. Also you carry a knife to Jack in the Box? Yo nugga, shit gets real at Jack in the Box.

Yeah the guy sounds like a psychopathic bully. You need a knife to threaten a 14 year old? Fists won't do?

 

[Admiral jimbob]

I showed my girlfriend the Skyrim child murder with my Anders Breivik character and she laughed. Will LGB send me a present now?

 

[Clockwork Knight]

I've been reading that trainwreck of a thread. I regret it deeply.

To be honest I think there needs to be some kind of database list with the names of anyone who downloads this mod because to be quite frank it's sickening.

If you're on the 'I just want a realistic representation' bandwagon then I still think you should not want the chance to kill kids. If you want realism you shouldn't be walking around with fire balls, killing giant spiders, or instantly healing a percentage of your hitpoints by consuming a plant or combination of plants you picked up off the ground, or imbibing a red fluid. Maybe you should just imagine that in this world, kids reign supreme as a silent mass of influential, omnicient beings.

 

[thesoup]

From the Escapist thread

Being completely governed by hidden dice rolls and Stats.

This. It should come down to your character's skills, dice rolls and tactics. Not the players skills/reflexes and ability to mash away on the buttons.

But these days, every shitty action game that has a few RPG elements is considered to be a RPG.

User was suspended for: Skyrim Child Killing Mod. (14 days)

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/ ... 2#13307141

Why are you asshats trying to relate killing kids in a game to real life ?

User was suspended for this post.(14 days)

The moderators on that forum are so retarded it's actually impressive. I got warned / suspended (don't remember) for using the word "retarded" and it wasn't even directed at anyone. It was something like "that game mechanic is retarded".


edit
Someone should point out these escapist morons that you can kill children in Deus Ex; no mods necessary.
It would probably become the most offensive game ever on pair with games like Path of Cleansing.

 

[Awor Szurkrarz]

Jesus fucking Christ. These people are mentally ill. And what the fuck, why kids?
Didn't Todd Howard talk about how it's funny to kill an old lady and put her head on cup-board?
Hey, asshat, do you know that that old lady could be someone's MOTHER? And maybe she wanted to live, not to be brutally murdered for fun? If it's so real, then why are you turning kids into orphans, you fucked up sicko?

What does it say about your mental health that you want to kill children in a videogame?
Would you do it in real life? No. The other day, around 2am at Jack in the Box some 14 year old fuck was giving me and my buddies shit. For a solid hour. We're adults, early to mid twenties. No one was there to help him and even the workers expressed the desire to throw him out on his ass.
He did not leave until I threatened him with a knife. Would I have seriously hurt him? Not with the knife, but it got my point across.
So you know what I do in Skyrim? Ignore the shits.

Who cares if you could do it in earlier games? Who cares if the community wants it? IT'S.FUCKED.UP. And you're fucked up for wanting it so bad. Get help, and stay the fuck out of my neighborhood because if I saw you I would think of the kids next door and run your ass over without thinking twice.

Next time you're on a date/talking with your significant other, tell her about how good it makes you feel to kill kids in a video game, see how it goes.

Wow.... That 14 year old must've been 6'4. Also you carry a knife to Jack in the Box? Yo nugga, shit gets real at Jack in the Box.

Yeah the guy sounds like a psychopathic bully. You need a knife to threaten a 14 year old? Fists won't do?

Yeah, sociopaths can't into morality. Nothing new.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

However, this is a COMPLETELY different thing than feeling justified in killing children. The kids are little shits who obviously can only be corrected with the cold kiss of hard steel to their faces. What you are talking about is ENTITLEMENT to kill adolescents, whether virtual or not. As soon as you talk about your right to take your anger towards obsequious behavior out in the form of murdering younglings, all reason and logic has left your argument. Instead of realism in a game, you instead insist on the ability to create a simulacrum of hate, an effigy you can burn, and a figure upon which you can transpose a real-world frustration on a virtual one...you haven't even remembered that the scene you so long to "re-enact" is one of the events that pushed a hero toward the darkside. Let us also not forget that you may take those frustrations and angers out on EVERY...OTHER...form of life in Skyrim, regardless of whether Polar Bears are endangered or not...the position you take is diminished considerably when you take into account that you are raging against something that you are not allowed to do, rather than focusing on the myriad of disturbing things you are allowed to do. It smacks of only being interested in the cookie jar when it is placed atop the refrigerator.

In that regard, I applaud Bethesda for keeping out of the controversy in keeping their children immortal due to player action (but come on, they can die for the sake of plot, can't they?), and further respect them for sticking to their guns when confronted about it. Pete Hines should get a raise.

"I work with my mother-"
"NOT ANYMORE! *AXE*"

Seriously though, "Broken?" I find it hilariously pathetic that some (note: SOME) PC gamers seem to feel they were entitled to be able to commit attrocities such as slaughtering children.

Oh, internet.

why

i loved you, god

i spread your word, i prayed every night, i donated to church

why are you doing this to me

why is this happening

edit:

Other games like "Fallout 2" allowed you to kill kids if you wanted to, and really we've been seeing the game industry backpedaling from things like that. At one time Bethesda was one of the edgier game developers.

You are aware Fallout 2 was not made by Bethesda right?

That's it, I'm worshipping Satan from now on.