NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

http://z8.invisionfree.com/Community_Ch ... ntry462232

 

[JarlFrank]

http://z8.invisionfree.com/Community_Chaos/index.php?showtopic=28&st=0&#entry462232

Okay, here's a short erotic story I wrote, it's only 946 words so don't worry about it taking much time to read.
--------------------------------
It was the first time Dave had ever been this close to a dolphin, and so far he was enjoying it immensely. He had always been enamored with them, and on occasion seen them from the beach; but never before had he actually touched one!

This was enough to make me laugh.
Actually, I also stopped reading at that point. The rest of the story would not be able to match the hilarity of the scenes playing in my mind now.

EDIT:
I read on. And it actually was even more hilarious than what I imagined.
The author must have got some serious Zoophilia.

 

[Chinese Jetpilot]

As Dave followed him out, he took one last look at Cassidy. “I’ll be back.” he mouthed. Cassidy responded with a wink and a smile.

FOR FUCKS'S SAKE! DOLPHINS!!

Her muscular vaginal tract went to work on his member, working up and down the shaft. He began moving in and out of her, lovingly caressing her rostrum as human and dolphin made love. Dave tried to hold his orgasm off as long as possible, but when Cassidy’s tail brushed his scrotum he let go, emptying his balls into her with a groan of ecstasy, and delighting in the feeling of her own orgasm as his semen spurted onto her vaginal walls. Cassidy went limp, rendered temporarily motionless by the waves of pleasure still wracking her body.

Don't flatter yourself, kid. She faked every second of it.

 

[Vipera]

Critique please.

 

[Jason]

o_o

 

[Khajjit Overlord Rainer]

Critique please.

Rainer: what the hell is the matter with you?

Xaana: ...

Krizdick: ...

 

[OccupatedVoid]

Critique please.

From furry to fishy(i know dolphins are mammals but wtf cares)!

 

[SlavemasterT]

For the love of God, one of you admins needs to forward that story and Vipera's IP to the folks at SeaWorld - anything to give them a head-up, as the little perv certainly lives within driving distance. Think of the dolphins.

 

[KreideBein]

o_o

 

[OccupatedVoid]

Think of the dolphins.

No...

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!111

 

[Vipera]

I take it you can't find any fault with my story, then?

 

[KreideBein]

Fine then, three things:

1) It was poorly written.

2) The "plot" was horrendous.

3) You're a disgustingly sick motherfucker.

 

[Jasede]

...
...
...
o_o

http://www.zoophile.net/dolphin.php

 

[JarlFrank]

This is just plain sick.
Vipera, go see Sigmund Freud, he might be able to help you.

EDIT:

Q5) Is their any way I can invite a dolphin to be masturbated?

Where is my pukebag?

 

[franc kaos]

I take it you can't find any fault with my story, then?

Actually (assuming you're for real), a short paragraph or so on dolphin sexuality would've been helpfull, (like do they do it for fun or what, mating habits etc) and maybe a little background bit on the guy. As for you being sick, well probably, but at least you're not boring... (I've read a lot of books in 40 years, yours is the first dolphin sex one I've ever come across - so kudos for originality).

 

[whatusername]

A look of dawning comprehension crossed his face. "She’s in heat!” he thought, “And there aren’t any males in her tank!” Dave smiled ruefully. “Well, that’s not quite correct; after all I’m here.” He started swimming back towards the tank’s ladder, intending to report the dolphins amorous behavior to the trainer, when he felt what he now new to be a sonar pulse hit his groin. His penis became turgid almost instantly, and he gasped at the alien sensation.

classic. Good one Vipera.

pls write more?

 

[Top Hat]

Think of the dolphins.

No...

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!111

What children? Vipera's spawn with dolphins?

Uhhhh............

 

[Vipera]

Jasede, whoever wrote that is a dumbfuck. Just because a dolphin can ejaculate 14 feet doesn't mean shit. The world record for human male ejaculation is 18 feet and the average male shoots 6 feet. Think of a supersoaker; do they cause serious injury? No, because there's not much pressure behind them, and they shoot much further than 14 feet.

Not that I'm advocating anal sex with a dolphin.

For the love of God, one of you admins needs to forward that story and Vipera's IP to the folks at SeaWorld - anything to give them a head-up, as the little perv certainly lives within driving distance. Think of the dolphins.

Well, I'm getting my license this Saturday, but there's more than enough wild dolphin pussy in Florida so fuck fence-hopping.

Actually (assuming you're for real), a short paragraph or so on dolphin sexuality would've been helpfull, (like do they do it for fun or what, mating habits etc) and maybe a little background bit on the guy. As for you being sick, well probably, but at least you're not boring... (I've read a lot of books in 40 years, yours is the first dolphin sex one I've ever come across - so kudos for originality).

Thanks. I tried to throw in a few facts, but I'll be sure to go into detail next time.

Fine then, three things:

1) It was poorly written.

2) The "plot" was horrendous.

3) You're a disgustingly sick motherfucker.

1) Any suggestions I might be able to use in any future installations?
2) Well, it is the first story I've ever written outside of school assignments.
3) Fully agreed.

 

[Romanian_Dude2005]

You're a disgustingly sick motherfucker.

 

[dongle]

I saw some gay dolphins having sex on TV once. No joke, really.

It was on some nature show, Discovery channel type thing. They swim in vertical circles, one clockwise, and one counter clockwise. At the top of the circle one passes by underneath the other and wriggles his dorsal fin along the above one's underside, specifically the penis area, which was just a little lump type thing, nothing graphic. When they passed on the bottom I think they reversed it and the one doing the tickling on the top of the circle got tickled himself on the bottom. They do this for hours on end, apparently.

Just wanted to share that. . .

 

[OccupatedVoid]

Vipera's spawn with dolphins?

Anyone up for photoshopping this?

RFOTD: Did you know that Google caches the RPG Codex. When someone types in Vipera in Google they'll find this shit.

 

[Zomg]

A star is born.

 

[Cthulhugoat]

Hey, at least dolphins tried to rape Jessica Alba.

 

[Jasede]

Jasede, whoever wrote that is a dumbfuck. Just because a dolphin can ejaculate 14 feet doesn't mean shit. The world record for human male ejaculation is 18 feet and the average male shoots 6 feet. Think of a supersoaker; do they cause serious injury? No, because there's not much pressure behind them, and they shoot much further than 14 feet.

Not that I'm advocating anal sex with a dolphin.

You're a riot, sunshine.

First, for a straight male you sure have an uncannily precise knowledge of the male ejaculation, which possibly results from a lot of arduous study.

And second... you are not advocating /anal/ sex with a dolphin?

 

[Ahzaruuk]

Vipera...When exactly was it when you started liking Dolphins, again?

Rainer: what the hell is the matter with you?

Xaana: ...

Krizdick: ...

Speak for yourself. How many Times can one butcher the name "Krozuk?"