NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Jasede]

Sounds like "Cocksuck" to me.

 

[Chinese Jetpilot]

Anyone up for photoshopping this?

My brother did a commercial on BRAVO a few years ago about a half-boy/half-dolphin creature (Dolphinus); even made a few shirts. I'll see if he can E-mail me a few pictures.

Anyway, I'm going through a bad case of food poisoning, so I have time to kill.

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/9541/fuckedcopyir3.jpg

 

[MacBone]

According to this article cited on Wikipedia, solitary dolphins are sometimes sexually attracted to humans, but Vipera already knew that.

 

[Texas Red]

Viperia, do you become aroused *only* by dolphins? Or would sharks and fish serve as jacking material for you also? Or perhaps *all* of the animals?

 

[Vipera]

I saw some gay dolphins having sex on TV once. No joke, really.

Yep, all Bottlenose Dolphins are bisexual. Males will engage in anal sex with other males if there isn't a female around, and females will masturbate each other by using their echolocation to buzz each other's slits.

You're a riot, sunshine.

First, for a straight male you sure have an uncannily precise knowledge of the male ejaculation, which possibly results from a lot of arduous study.

And second... you are not advocating /anal/ sex with a dolphin?

Why thank you.

Yeah, I pride myself on my knowledge of sexual trivia and anatomy. I've considered minoring in sexology, so actually knowing something about the subject isn't unusual.

No, but they do have amazing cocks.

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/9541 ... opyir3.jpg

Dude, that's fucking awesome! Would you mind if I added it to my photobucket? :D

According to this article cited on Wikipedia, solitary dolphins are sometimes sexually attracted to humans, but Vipera already knew that.

Indeed I did.

You see, dolphins are the horniest motherfuckers on the entire planet, and they love sexual stuff. When courting, foreplay lasts around 45 minutes to an hour, with actual coitus taking only 15 to 30 seconds. They'll usually repeat the process multiple times after taking a few minutes to rest.

Dolphins also masturbate; males have been known to "hook" trainers with their penis, and females will swim around suctioning objects.

Who wouldn't want to fuck a cooter that can suck?

Viperia, do you become aroused *only* by dolphins? Or would sharks and fish serve as jacking material for you also? Or perhaps *all* of the animals?

Nope, just dolphins and humans.

I remember hearing a story about a dolphin that liked to masturbate using a herring, though. They don't really care what it is they're fucking.

Oh yeah, that's hawt.

 

[Vipera]

Whoops, missed one:

Vipera...When exactly was it when you started liking Dolphins, again?

Back when I joined the ESF, I think. I only accepted it as part of my sexuality in December.

 

[SlavemasterT]

I keep finding myself thinking about whether there are any really practical ways to track Vipera down and physically kick his ass out of my state.

 

[Vipera]

Bring it old man!

 

[Texas Red]

I cant decide if Viperia is actually a dolphin fucker or he is just pretending.

 

[SlavemasterT]

I cant decide if Viperia is actually a dolphin fucker or he is just pretending.

Um, does it make a difference?

 

[Ahzaruuk]

Um, does it make a difference?

Quite

And he hasn't done anything other than post a story yet, so nothing really to be done.

 

[Vipera]

I cant decide if Viperia is actually a dolphin fucker or he is just pretending.

I assume it's my complete lack of concern for what you dudes think of me that is causing this indecision?

The former holds true.

 

[Sovy Kurosei]

I've seen everything now.

 

[ixg]

Get the fuck off my internet.

 

[Ahzaruuk]

I saw some gay dolphins having sex on TV once. No joke, really.

Yep, all Bottlenose Dolphins are bisexual. Males will engage in anal sex with other males if there isn't a female around, and females will masturbate each other by using their echolocation to buzz each other's slits.

You're a riot, sunshine.

First, for a straight male you sure have an uncannily precise knowledge of the male ejaculation, which possibly results from a lot of arduous study.

And second... you are not advocating /anal/ sex with a dolphin?

Why thank you.

Yeah, I pride myself on my knowledge of sexual trivia and anatomy. I've considered minoring in sexology, so actually knowing something about the subject isn't unusual.

No, but they do have amazing cocks.

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/9541 ... opyir3.jpg

Dude, that's fucking awesome! Would you mind if I added it to my photobucket? :D

According to this article cited on Wikipedia, solitary dolphins are sometimes sexually attracted to humans, but Vipera already knew that.

Indeed I did.

You see, dolphins are the horniest motherfuckers on the entire planet, and they love sexual stuff. When courting, foreplay lasts around 45 minutes to an hour, with actual coitus taking only 15 to 30 seconds. They'll usually repeat the process multiple times after taking a few minutes to rest.

Dolphins also masturbate; males have been known to "hook" trainers with their penis, and females will swim around suctioning objects.

Who wouldn't want to fuck a cooter that can suck?

Viperia, do you become aroused *only* by dolphins? Or would sharks and fish serve as jacking material for you also? Or perhaps *all* of the animals?

Nope, just dolphins and humans.

I remember hearing a story about a dolphin that liked to masturbate using a herring, though. They don't really care what it is they're fucking.

Oh yeah, that's hawt.

:shock:

Everyday I learn something new

 

[Vipera]

Yeah, so Cow Guru's "Hatchet Meets Genitals" is regarded as pretty "Meh." I write a *gasp* story about fucking dolphins and it's all "Let's get the pitchforks and lynch this motherfucker."

Sweet!

 

[SlavemasterT]

I said in that thread that the stuff there highlighted the necessity of Biblical death penalties for certain sex acts. My only inconsistency is in merely advocating your exile from this fine state, rather than stoning.

 

[KreideBein]

Yeah, so Cow Guru's "Hatchet Meets Genitals" is regarded as pretty "Meh." I write a *gasp* story about fucking dolphins and it's all "Let's get the pitchforks and lynch this motherfucker."

Sweet!

Your memory sucks. When Jimbob first posted that video, the general reaction was something to the effect of "HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU'RE DISGUSTING", and yes, it was usually written in all caps. And besides, while someone chopping up their genitals is certainly disgusting, a story about a man having intercourse with a FUCKING DOLPHIN is worse. Perhaps in your land where social mores don't have any meaning it's perfectly fine, but for the rest of us, it's fucking loathsome.

 

[Vipera]

I apologize for taking a whopping shit on your values, KB. :D

 

[KreideBein]

I apologize for taking a whopping shit on your values, KB. :D

For fuck's sake, take a Goddamn sociology class.

 

[Hazelnut]

Yeah, so Cow Guru's "Hatchet Meets Genitals" is regarded as pretty "Meh." I write a *gasp* story about fucking dolphins and it's all "Let's get the pitchforks and lynch this motherfucker."!

You are aware that most of the Codex ignores stupid shit like this... woo, you stirred up a handfull of people - whoop de bloody doo.

 

[Vipera]

I apologize for taking a whopping shit on your values, KB. :D

For fuck's sake, take a Goddamn sociology class.

Funny you should mention that; I'm starting one next quarter.

 

[Vipera]

You are aware that most of the Codex ignores stupid shit like this... woo, you stirred up a handfull of people - whoop de bloody doo.

I didn't do shit, it was you guys who started this.

 

[Zomg]

This is the first interesting thing on the Codex in months. Caper nimbly in thy dolphin's chamber.

 

[SlavemasterT]

Perhaps in your land where social mores don't have any meaning it's perfectly fine, but for the rest of us, it's fucking loathsome.

Don't impugn the rest of us; most Floridians don't view the dolphin exhibit at SeaWorld as a hook-up center.