Let's Rip Off Something Awful - Dark Omen or No Love For 56K

[Brother None]

Of course, I just replayed the first battle agains the undead and had a zombie regiment flee, rally and then kill two of my Grudgebringer cavalry (max armor) with the remaining 2-3 zombies. That's a fucking joke.

I don't think those were zombies. Ghouls can flee and rally, if zombies flee they crumble to dust.

Also, J-dude, watching the elves die was a pleasure, but that was a pretty sucky battle in which you gained little. Still, nothing lost either, so meh.

 

[Jasede]

Claw, you are confusing zombies with ghouls. Zombies are the one necromancers summon. Ghouls on the other hand are also not immune to fear, but have high attack and will not die once they flee, but rather, regroup and kill your troops.

The ghouls are to the left, the zombies to the right. Note how the zombies are dying automatically after they flee.

 

[Claw]

Claw, you are confusing zombies with ghouls.

No, I'm not. Ghouls have a cross on their banner, zombies a skull. Besides, it said "zombies" when I hovered the mouse over their banner.

In an attempt to defend my honour, I have re-created the error. It took me until the last unit in the battle, too.

I'll have you know I played tabletop Warhammer, and I know my undead. I am also convinced the GW guys hate the undead, because they suck.

 

[Jasede]

That's weird. So far, the zombies always died when we made them flee. Then again, I did not pay much attention to this until later. Maybe in the first battle or two, they are actually scripted not to do that so the battles become harder?

 

[Claw]

No, they usually crumble to dust. Like I siad, that's the last unit in that battle.

 

[puppyonastik]

MOARRRR SLAUGHTER

 

[Shannow]

MOARRRR SLAUGHTER

...fish...

 

[Jasede]

Okay okay... Jesus...

...well, at least somebody actually reads this! I will try making an update soonish. I want to get this game over with and it's not long anymore. Counting the mission I already completed, there are four missions left, five if you decide to do an optional one.

 

[Brother None]

...well, at least somebody actually reads this! I will try making an update soonish. I want to get this game over with and it's not long anymore. Counting the mission I already completed, there are four missions left, five if you decide to do an optional one.

Finish the fucking story man! What happened? What about the glands?

 

[Jasede]

Sorry, I died and can't continue quickly. Jesus has allowed me to use his laptop from time to time though.

Did you know God is a woman?

 

[Shannow]

Sorry, I died and can't continue quickly. Jesus has allowed me to use his laptop from time to time though.

Did you know God is a woman?

Yeah, Rufus told me.
And now stop stalling *g*

 

[Kingston]

I want to see you handle the final battle. So get to it! That lick king won't kill himself.

 

[puppyonastik]

That lick king won't kill himself.

kinky. Didn't know Dark Omen was that kind of game.

 

[Top Hat]

Sorry, I died and can't continue quickly. Jesus has allowed me to use his laptop from time to time though.

Did you know God is a woman?

Do we need to chain some kind of "Haste" spell with a "Resurrect/Raise Undead" spell?

If I say "Jasede" into a mirror five times, will you be able to finish it first before you kill me?

Jasede Jasede Jasede Jasede Jasede
Cedric Cedric Cedric Cedric Cedric (just to be on the safe side).

 

[Jasede]

Currently uploading the screenshots for the next mission, calm down. It will be done by tomororow for sure~

Also, I will update faster over the weekend. Maybe we can even get the game complete. After the next choice I won't need your input anymore and it's just a horrible monster of depravity versus the Dread King.

Oh wait.

(Actually, I was too busy trying to 1CC Touhou 6 with Marisa A on Hard, as well as having fun with DoDonPachi. I wish we had arcades in this town, I would love to try my hand at Mushihimesama, even though I am not very good at these games yet.)

 

[Jasede]

Chapter 15 - I Do Not Know Any Original Chapter Names Anymore. Also, I Like Olives, but Only Because of the Brine

Hey guys. I am sorry this update took so long. I wasn't feeling so hot. Anyway, let's get this dumb game finished. Actually, it's a really good game, but at the moment, it feels like shoes made out of concrete. I wish we were done! The good news is that, counting this update as a battle we still have to cover, there are only four missions left, five if you decide to do an optional one. Let's get it over with, then.

If you remember, last time we killed o^H^H^H^H^Hsadly lost the good elves in a fierce battle. Since our valiant heroes think it's, like, totally unpossible to find King's Glade without an elven guide they tuck their tails between their lacks and return the march towards Moussilon...

But what ho! A terrible surprise lurks on the way there! An AMBUSH!!! Of the undead, no less! Who could have expected this!?!?

Battle 22 - Let's Abuse Crossbowmen and Shitty AI for Fun and Profit

What do you notice about this configuration of units?

That's right, I forgot to deploy my ogres. Yes, forgot. Yeah, shut up, play this yourself instead of complaining. Jesus! Oh well. What's this battle, then? Well, check the map: a river with a little island in the middle, and we have to cross it. Or as they would say, FORD IT. Only trouble is that there is a shit ton of archers blocking our path. And with a shit ton I mean about six regiments, I did not really keep count. Suffice to say that walking towards the shallow where you can cross the river (near the island) will get your slaughtered. Harshly. So it's time for some AI abuse! I do think the game expects you to do this, though.

The mortar and cannon give those skeletal archers south of our deployment zone a workout. The AI retreats them far too slowly.

Guess what treatment the skeletons (which are, as you may have not been aware, just skeletal archers without a ranged attack. Yes, skeletal archers kick as much ass in melee as the undead stock infantry. This is a Bad Thing.) receive? Amusingly enough, the AI reacts to this by ordering the skeletons to cross the river near the isle and advance to our position. Alone and without backup. You'll see that later.

While they advance, we abuse the fuck out of our mortars and cannons some more, raping the island in the middle. Cheap? Hell yeah. This game is a bit too difficult not to be.

Enemy skeletons get ready to cross the river. They are level 2 and would hurt a lot in melee.

However, we just bomb and burn the shit out of them since they come all alone.

The second unit of skeletons receives the same treatment, perishing as quickly as the first.

For our next trick, the ice mage casts his "make unit 95% immune to missile fire" spell on the crossbowmen.

...which proceed to annoy the skeletal archers, which retreat a little because they have no way of touching our crossbows. Trouble is, all this kinda pissed the wights off. Oh dear, whatever shall we do?

The obvious! Abuse the AI by making the wights follow the archers while bringing our wizards in position!

And now it's bright magic face time! Oh yeah.

Wights are, however, rather tough and can take a lot of punishment...

Oh well, we'll kill them in melee. What do we have those fagellants for, anyway? Notice how I don't use the Grudgebringers anymore. You got max experiences, buddies. Take it easy. (Actually, I think they could theoretically reach level 4 in this game. However, to get enough experience for that all the other units would have to forego many level ups that will be a lot more useful than level 4 Grudgebringers.)

Us killing wights. Exciting, innit?

Remember those archers that retreated southwards? Sure you do. They conveniently retreated right into our mortar, cannon AND crossbow fire range.

I am not complaining.

More luring tactics ahoy! We move Ragnar's men, the wizards and the crossbow dudes to the shallow to mop up the surviving archers with our incredibly cheap missile immunity spell.

Moving into range...

...kicking ass...

...luring out another batch of enemies... wait, what? Just a necromancer?

There he is.

He died after a single salvo. A single salvo. Take that, elven archers!

I pull Ragnar's men closer for protection as we continue the archer-rape, and to spot new victims.

They did very well at that, we aggro'd four rather large units of undead melee troops!

And by four I meant five. Retreat to the shallow!

Very epic: five large units of undead, never breaking formation, storm upon our little entourage, under heavy fire from our crossbows and wizards.

Oh shit! They aren't even very impressed by all the bolts and magic! They just keep on coming!

Retreat! Retreat!

A huge melee errupts and my lack of ogres punishes me HARD.

Of course in the end, we manage to whittle the undead forces down...

But at what cost? A pyrrhic victory indeed, many of our men laying slain upon the blood-baptized battlefield.

It may not look like it, but we did make a profit. Not a large one, but a profit.

Grudgebringers: Level 3
Crossbows: Level 2, very close to 3
Bright Mage: Level 2, not going to reach 3 anytime soon
Flagellants: Level 1, very close to level 2 which will increase their damage potential manyfold (!)
Ogres: About to reach Level 1, making them better at hitting people. Yay!
Ragnar's: Level 1 real soon
Cannon: level 1, halfway to level 2 (which improves accuracy & reload time)
Mortar: level 2! It doesn't need more XP since level 3 only gives more health anyway, and in Dark Omen, a minute increase in reload time. But it's as accurate now as it will ever get. Going to use it less, unless I have to.


Finally, we reach a town with a name that's too hard for me to spell. Just know we were sent there to receive those guys:

They are like Grail Knights, just not that tough, which makes them about as strong as Ragnar's men. Which is, let me tell you, very, very good. Just a shame it will be hard for them to still gain decent XP.

Also in that town...

Morgan you asshole, you're too late as always. I'll go ride to Mouselion, kthx.
:evil: 'k.
Yo dawg, those knights the king sent us? They want to help this village and attack some orcs that plan to attack it. We better help out, dude. But we might lose valuable time, etc.
:evil: THIS IS A REALLY LAME MEEEEEEEEEME!!!!

So yeah...

A - Help the fuck out of those guys (hardest battle so far, optional, oh god please no)
B - Just ride on (this, please, come on...)

 

[Brother None]

'bout time

Killing yay!

As tempting as it may be to send you into pointless melee, you don't need the XP and it'll probably toughen up later battles, knowing this game.

B - ride on. Fuck the town.

 

[Otingocni]

Since you seem so aware of the methods and traditions of the LP threads of Something Awful: you know that when ever possible, the rabble should try to punish the LPer by making gameplay harder. With that in mind, option A, full steam ahead! :twisted:

 

[thras]

I vote that you should throw the switch and let the magma wipe out all of the elephants that currently surround Boatmurdered.

 

[Whispers of Sorrow]

I've never actually taken this path, so in the name of curiosity option A it has to be.

 

[puppyonastik]

A. More blood, xp, and money. :twisted:

 

[Shannow]

For A, For Ogre xp, For Free Beer, For Fucks Sake!

 

[Jasede]

This mission is buttrape!

Fine...

 

[Shannow]

This mission is buttrape!

Fine...

Butt that only hurts if you are on the receiving end

If you had helped the elves and aquired the archers it'd be a walk in the park...*whistle* Nothing to see here. Move along.

 

[Jasede]

Chapter 16 - Saving That Village, or: Thanks For Making This Thread Last Even Longer, Assholes. No Ogres or Flagellants This Update For You in Return! Take That!

Last update I unwisely allowed you to decide what branch to take: just get on with the main mission, doing the last three battles all nice and tidy, or, instead, do an optional mission that isn't very rewarding at all and also insanely difficult.

I should have known better. I am not bother with the dialogue at this point unless it's funny. This time it isn't. Here's a summary:

I am a total bitch and you waste time. Blah, blah, I ride ahead.
:evil: I say really badass things because I am badass. Get it? And it's COMMANDER.

So without further ado...

Battle 23 - Waaagh!

Battle 23 is a battle against orcs. Our very last battle against orcs, in fact. That's right, after this mission we'll be only fighting undead, for better or for worse. This battle is notable because its difficulty falls somewhat between maddening and buttrape.

Which is why those are the only troops I deploy. This battle is simply too difficult to control more units than those. When I brought the trusty flagellants and ogres, they just were too difficult to control and I suffered too many losses. Deal with my playstyle!

So why is this battle difficult? For one, we can not use our trusty luring tactics since the orcs simply attack you and will not, in fact, wait for you to make the first move. This results in massive orc and goblin waves moving towards you at all times. Greenskins that have level 3 (!) and huge unit sizes, at least fifteen each, but usually twenty.

Bombarding the advancing greenskins with our cannon and mortar accidentally makes us hit a little hut in the centre of the map, containing a hidden potion of strength.

Which the rather heavy orc infantry snatches.

The first wave of orcs are about to attack... but sounding the Horn of Urgok makes them flee! Excellent. This buys us more time to weaken the advancing swarm.

And what a swarm it is! Large regiments of night goblins, goblins, orcs... and a shaman a bit further to the north!

And this is where the magic happens: Horn of Urgok makes all three of them flee! Had it not, I doubt I could have won this battle so relatively easily as I did.

Once they are fleeing, crossbowfire, cannonballs and mortar shells reduce the greenskin units to size.

Uh-oh, the shaman is moving into range!

We react by aiming everything we have at him!

This is the ice mage's Tornado spell. It is very useful as we will see later. For now I am just casting it to get the shaman to move away, as well as to damage the advancing heavy orc infantry.

"This was a triumph!"

Sadly, a few goblins managed to get to close and melee our shiny new cavalry. They even kill a good deal of them. I think they may have been armed with spears or something! Or I just got unlucky. No matter.

A cannonball hits the orc shaman, killing him. Cannonball or orc shaman not pictured.

Horn of Urgok! Isn't it lovely? Yellow arrow means the unit is fleeing, white flag on the unit icon means that they won't regroup this battle.


Well, as you can tell I am doing this battle the most cheap way possible. Try doing it without the Horn, but don't come crying.

More greenskins to annoy with missile fire.

I'm loving it!

God, those orcs are persistent. They just keep on coming! Anothe few units...

Actually, they're rather large. Notice how the ice mage's Tornado spell has a long range. We'll get to observe more of that later.

Please note that you can not actually aim the spell this far. You can only aim it a certain amount of yards. However, the spell will travel further than that. So you have to vectorize where to best aim it, taking into acount the speed and direction of the incoming greenskins, if you want to actually hit them at this range.

Good I am not too bad at math.

Leveling up the ranged troops really paid off. The unit of goblins has no chance at all. Are we done yet?

...you GOT to be joking! I told you, this is a tough mission. More heavy orc infantry, aided by large units of goblins.

All we can realistically do now is fire and pray. And sound that bloody horn each turn.

As useful as it was, all the greenskins make their fear checks. Again and again. Melee will be inevitable. And it's going to be rough, against level 3 heavy infantry orcs!

I really didn't want to use the Grudgebringers, but now I have no other choice. At least they are heavily armored and have three hitpoints, which is very, very tough, so they won't be in much danger.

It might not be that clever, but I throw the crossbows into melee to be done with this battle faster.

Huge success! Only those goblins left, and an orc ballista far away.

After the goblins are dead I aim the tornado spell towards the direction of the ballista.

Yes, it actually travels the whole map! I manage to kill two of the three orcs that control the ballista, but don't manage to hit the third. Ah well.

Anti-missile spell + Shield of Ptolos and the Grudgebringers are good to go! Why not the new cavalry instead? Easy. They lost a whole of ten men and if I use the six men left, they might get unlucky with their melee rolls and lose another. And they're 200 gp a pop! I am not risking that and use the Grudgebringers instead. I know they're too tough to be in any serious danger at this point.

All that's left is destroying the ballista and, oh shock horror, an orc rock lobber at the very end of the map! Didn't actually expect that one. Shucks,

Meh. And that potion of strength? The orcs who picked it up fled the map.

We meet this fellow! He wants to rob us. But not really. He's just joking, you see, and wants to join us since we're fucking rich. Yeah, whatever dude. We only have 15K.

...!

To be continued...