Last time on
Let's solo Baldur's Gate 2, we survived a prolonged cutscene and some inane Imoen dialogue. After that, our hero leveled up and realized, he has been deprived of all his possessions.
And now, it's time to move on.
My Spider's Bane. My boots of evasion. My bow of marksmanship! My helm and cloak of Balduran! My fucking robe of fucking neutral archmagi! That wizard is going to pay for everything he took, tenfold.
Pay for
everything he took? Your virginity too?
He did not take- Wait. Did he?
You tell me.
Well, he did look a bit gay. And I'm a very handsome idividual, too... He's a fucking dead man! I wish I could kill him more than once!
Be careful what You wish for.
Before we go, here's the second - and final - change made with ShadowKeeper. I switched the 'good' bhaalspawn power Slow Poison to the 'evil' Horror. Hope everybody can live with that.
Our current spell list looks like this.
Can we fucking move on already? I'm bored.
Right, let's go.
There are two people locked in cages here.
They look kind of familiar too.
Geez, not this guy.
Hell, I don't remember Minsc being so talkative before.
Hurts to break it to you, big guy, but The Codex works alone.
What the fuck? I thought that line before would end the conversation.
Right...
What!? That's some fucking bullshit, man! Minsc has what, 18/93 Strength? Mine is 19 and I sure as hell wasn't able to bend the bars of my cage! And his looks more durable too!
Yeah, it's called gameplay and story segregation, just roll with it.
No, it's called bullshit! And I'm not going to roll with or in it!
This is one of the rare times when the in-game script offers me a line I would've said anyway.
Yes, fuck you, go away and stop talking already!
Oh great, it's Jaheira. If even Minsc would not shut up for ten minutes, I predict spending at least half an hour locked in this dialogue.
We have
not traveled together for any time, you delusional bitch!
Ok, I'm done. Not listening. Just call me when she finishes.
Oh yeah, tell me where Khalid is. I am
very interested in that.
If this bar-bending thing shows up here as well, consider me out of this game.
Finally, some real choice. Fare well, Jaheira. Or I should probably say, rot well.
We enter the nearest door, finding a few containers and a golem.
The cache behind the painting is trapped. The trap is not very dangerous and is here to teach newcomers to the game to use their detect traps skills. A nice touch. If BG2 was made today, there would surely be a huge popup saying "REMEMBER TO CHECK THE SURROUNDINGS FOR TRAPS, MORAN!' upon entering the room.
If it's trapped, there must be something interesting behind it!
Besides being trapped, the cache is also locked. What's more interesting is the ridiculous amount of experience gained for disarming the trap.
1750? That's... insane.
Yeah, That's actually more XP than we gained in the first two updates of the first LP. The few mods I installed did not give me the option to reduce these amounts and I was too lazy to look for a specific one. Besides, it will be fun to see how high a level The Codex can reach within the original game design parameters (except, of course, removing the XP cap).
Lockpicking also grants a lot of experience. I wonder how much it would hurt them to base the rewards on the lock difficulty. Lazy design at its best.
Oh wow, what a hefty loot.
The bad news is, there should be Golden Pantaloons here. And there are not. That means we'll have to cheat to see the ultimate BG2 easter egg. Oh well.
What do you mean?
Oh, You'll see.
The unguarded and unlocked chest contains four types of armour, a helmet and a shield.
Very convenient.
On the table, there are weapons of various kinds, including the very rare katana.
I can only imagine the joy felt at this point by someone who invested points in katana proficiency.
Our first magical weapon.
Awesome. Except it sucks.
I'm a junk-collector type player, so as long as there's inventory space, I'll take everything not nailed down. This is how The Codex' inventory looks after looting the first room.
I'm carrying three armours and a halberd in my backpack. Not to mention other stuff. Talk about realism.
We also found the key to Jaheira's cage.
Good.
One of the installed tweaks switches the inability to use spells / thieving skills in heavier armor to negative modifiers, dependant on armour type.
The Fully Equipped Codex' combat stats are as seen above. Two attacks at 8 THAC0.
We also get the two-handed weapon style bonuses.
The golem does not provide a worthy conversation.
And I still prefer talking to him than to Jaheira, for example.
Moving beyond the door guarded by Jailkeep Golem, we meet our first opponent - a Smoke Mephit.
A smoke what-the-fuck?
Mephit. They're kind of flying magical imps, often serving wizards and other mages.
I see. I'm sure they'll prove to be interesting enemies, and not annoying at all.
Before we can do anything, mephit turns invisible.
I understand that my prediction might not have been completely accurate.
Soon, it appears and shoots The Codex with 'Sooty Ball', which makes our hero temporary blind.
Oh, the little rascal!
Luckily, status effects caused by mephits' abilities don't last long. If they did, that would move the flying farts from 'irritating' to 'dangerous' category, and we wouldn't want that at the beginning of the game, would we?
DIE, MOTHERFLYING FILTH!
'Motherflying'? Ok, nevermind.
'The mechanism that operates this does not have a conventional lock, and may be warded against simple spells.' Uh huh. So, what does this mean?
You can't lockpick this. We probably need a specific key, or maybe find some other way to open the door.
A specific key? For a door that doesn't have 'a conventional lock'?
It may be some kind of ward stone too.
But it can also be a specific key?
Yes.
For a door that does not have conventional lock?
Yes... Your point?
Oh, no, nothing. No point at all. Fucking railroading.
We move the only other available way, finding some dead bodies on the way.
Well, this is kind of new. Usually there are corpses lying everywhere only
after I move through an area.
In what way exactly does this machine look dangerous? Or ok, whatever. My keen intelligence tells me the control device, that will allow me to turn it off, is at the end of the cable extending from the machine.
Oh, look another mephit.
How swell! I see great potential in them.
You do?
Great potential to be this game's fucking gibberlings!
Ow! You've just doubled the pain you shall feel till the end of your life! Which is imminent!
I'll say that's one damn useful switch!
2000 XP for flicking a switch? I bet all the sirines from the previous game must feel pretty fucking cheap now.
Down you go!
Yet another mephit has to be defeated before we move on.
Lightning Mephits do not induce status effects, so they're not as much a hassle to deal with as some other types.
We soon enter a strange looking room, or rather an adapted natural cave.
Looks rather nice too.
A few steps in, we are greeted by Aataqah.
Dude, where are your legs?
He's a genius.
Yeah, I'm a genius too. 19 intelligence, if you forgot. And my legs are just fine.
Not that kind of genius. I mean a jinn, djinn, genie, or whatever You call it.
Oh, that kind.
Somehow, I predict another long conversation.
Cool, a riddle!
Um, wait, not so fast...
I'm confused and stopped listening in the middle. If I
push the button, something awesome will happen, right?
Well, not that I really expected three hot chicks to appear, but an ogre mage is kind of a letdown.
Not a real challenge for our hero.
Not much can be a challenge for me, considering I defeated Sarevok, and alone too.
Alone, not counting fifty summoned dogs, gnolls and hobgoblins.
Details.
If this advice is all you can offer, I hope this Rielev guy is otherwise easily missable and meeting him will really make one hell of a difference.
The corridor to the west is kind of long, so we decide to check out the shorter, northern one first.
We encounter goblins!
Goblins.
Yes.
Just goblins. Not even hob-goblins?
Right.
Let's just stop here for a second. I'm trying to understand this. Hobgoblins were not a challenge for me, even at level one. And they are stronger than regular goblins. I'm what, level eight, nine now?
All true.
Why the fuck is this game throwing goblins at me, then?
So you can feel all strong and awesome killing them?
Oh. I guess that makes sense.
Mwahahaha! Slaughter!
Yeah, I think you would feel right at home exploding darkspawn in Dragon Age 2.
Loot dropped by these goblins is semi-random. Sometimes that means it doesn't make sense at all. This one here had five magical slingshot bullets.
Maybe he thought they were gemstones?
And for a moment there, I thought getting two possible routes really means getting two possible routes. How naive of me.
Back to the longer corridor, we meet some more goblins.
A lot more goblins actually.
Still about one hundred too few to become a threat... I know! No way they are servants of that wizard guy. Must be an infestation, like a kind of bigger rats. Later he might even thank me for killing them.
Mwahahahaha! Slaughter!
MwaHahAHAHa! Slaughter!
Some of the goblins drop bows and arrows.
It's a long bow, which I'm now not proficient in, but still better than nothing.
Now I feel relatively well prepared for upcoming threats.
Due to lack of proficiency, we only get 2 attacks at THAC0 = 10. It should be sufficient to fight goblins and mephits.
Moving through the next door, into a room filled with strange containers, The Codex gets ambushed by a Steam Mephit.
That's a new type what do they-
They stun.
Our hero recovers not a second too soon, having his HP almost depleted.
Fuck, being killed by a mephit would be really embarassing.
Indeed.
Death count: 1
Loading.
The little fucker is going to pay for that!
My fault, actually. I clicked on the healing potion, but forgot to first switch bow to sword, and the mephit got +4 to hit.
I would tell you not to ever do that again, but you being you, I know many stupid mistakes like that await me in the future.
Using our meta-gaming knowledge, we hide in shadows before entering the room.
Two-handed sword is unsuitable for backstabbing, but that's not the point here. We get the first strike and force the mephit to fight in melee. Being lucky, we also get a critical hit.
It still manages to stun The Codex. We should probably work on our saving throws.
DIE, FUCKER!
As said before, mephits' status effects don't last long. Our hero soon recovers and kills the annoying enemy.
In a nearby crate, we find a short bow.
Oh, yes!
Three attacks at THAC0 = 8. Much better.
We also decide to rest before moving on.
Wait, have I just rested here for two days, while generally trying to run away from this place as fast as possible?
Yup.
How does that make... Oh, fuck. It doesn't make any sense!
Resting will probably be The Codex' main mean od healing in this game, especially after Spellhold.
Why? What is Spellhold?
All in due time.
There's another mephit in the back of the room. An ice one this time. It doesn't cause any status effects, but has some kind of low-damage auto-hitting attack.
Annoying little prick!
EAT STEEL!
Good thing You remember where all these traps are while I have the skill to detect and disarm them.
Oh, look, there's a magic stick inside.
A standard quarterstaff +1. Move along, nothing to see.
We find some dead creatures inside the tubes here.
Well, I wouldn't decorate my lair like this, but you can't argue with personal taste.
Others seem to still be alive.
Well, good for them. Let's go.
We find another mephit behind the next door.
Oh, joy.
'Mineral mephit'? Is it some kind of joke?
At least this one here did not cause any problems.
Potentially, there's a lot of stuff to find here.
Like hell. A lot of barely protected containers equals shit loot. If it was one heavily guarded chest, then we would be talking.
Told you.
Ok, I stand corrected. At least a little.
No, You were actually right. That's a complete junk in this game's scale.
Oh? I might like it here after all. In time.
What are these?
Oh, these are the new standard healing potions. They heal 27 HP, or so.
That's quite the jump from the previous ones, which heal what, 9?
Something like that, yeah.
We enter another fascinating conversation with a golem.
Whoever programmed these, did one lousy job.
Do we really have to go through all these lines?
Yes.
Why do I want this stone anyway?
It will open the 'fuck your lockpicking' doors.
Oh yeah, these.
That's the second hint to find this Rielev. I hope he really is that important.
Another room, and another two golems.
Can we skip talking to them?
They have nothing to say anyway.
Whew, what a relief.
We will destroy them instead.
What, why?
Just trust me.
No fucking way! They're going to kill me!
Well, that did not go 100% according to plan.
Death count: 2
Loading.
Fuck you!
Yeah, sorry, I overstimated Your combat prowess.
My combat prowess is just fine. It's just you are a fucking moron!
If I'm to fight golems, I want at least Mirror Image to protect me.
One down!
And the second one!
Moving on, into another group of goblins.
This cracks me up every time.
I'm beginning to think that a simple 'thank you' won't suffice. The owner here will owe me quite a sum for cleaning the place of these green pests. They are much worse than rats after all.
Not as bad as molerats, though.
True.
In the next room, we finally find the famous Rielev.
And another instance of the in-game dialogue perfectly fitting what I wanted to say. Gotta cherish these rare moments.
He also owes me a hefty amount for degoblinization, not even mentioning my lost equipment.
And virginity.
Stop that!
Yeah, I seek power too, and tend to find it, so no biggie. Tell me the relevant stuff!
Ok, this doesn't lead anywhere. Good fucking bye!
We find the golem stone on the table.
I feel cheated. This Rielev guy was one fucking overrated conversation partner.
Some more healing potions.
And some more goblins...
And the bill keeps rising...
Back to the golem.
I swear, it's the last time I do a fetch quest for a mindless automaton... Oh, wait, I forgot you will be the player till the very end.
We got 3000 XP for carrying the stone from one room to another. No comment on that. Also, the golem has opened previously closed doors for us.
I have a feeling, I should save my game before venturing forth.
Yeah, somehow I expected to see something like this and not a bunch of naked dancing nymphs.
Otyugh proves to be immune to our +0 piercing damage.
I am NOT going anywhere near this thing, forget it!
We give the beast Magic Missile treatment, but that's not sufficient to kill it.
Two more Magic Missiles fail because of the armor The Codex is wearing.
Ok, fuck this. Give me my sword.
Die, abomination!
It dropped a key of some kind.
Where exactly did the otyuck keep... Wait. No. I am not picking it up.
Of course You are.
It's the first one of the series of wand keys we will find here. Their main purpose is to clutter up the inventory.
I get the feeling, the owner here is at least slightly paranoid.
Some moderately interesting loot.
Oh, look, a Helm of It Sucks To Be a Human.
I swear, someday I will replace You with Lady Gaga.
We also find an Oil of Speed and some last-season healing potions.
This is as good moment as any to show one exploit we will not be using in this game. We found a scroll of Flame Arrow, which is a Level 3 spell The Codex already knows.
We have the ability to remove it from the spellbook.
And learn the spell again, using the scroll.
With 19 Intelligence, the chance of failure is rather insignificant.
Voila, free 3000 XP. Ok, not completely free, since we could sell the scroll for some minor gold, so rather: very cheap 3000 XP.
We will not be doing this again.
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To be continued.