Azarkon
Arcane
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 2,989
The first piece is an excellent example of useless writing that doesn't belong in a game, unless the game is entirely made up of text.
Replace with graphics.
Replace with dialogue, and remove the repetition, not because we're Hemingway, but because it's just stupid.
You take a purse of crowns and follow Kruger through an unwinding of darker and darker streets. Soon enough, almost nothing can be seen. Wet cobblestones, licked white by strobes of moonlight, lazily guide you into what depths the city hides from those who prefer the day. Suddenly, a torch flares up and a man's face, afloat and disembodied in the dark, speaks out to you.
Replace with graphics.
"That degg here for da'fights?"
Kruger nods. "Aye, we're here for the fights."
The stranger tilts the torch forward. "Ain't asking if you was, was asking if da'degg was. Is he here to fight'r'not?"
You nod this time. "It's been brought to fight, yes."
The stranger smiles. "Alright then. Right this way, gen-teel-men. Watch yer step. All manner of piss goes downhill."
In an instant, the torch is gone. You will have to follow the man's cackling laughter.
Replace with dialogue, and remove the repetition, not because we're Hemingway, but because it's just stupid.
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