Since I am contractually obligated to write a review now that
the Let's Play is finished, here goes. By the way, quick pro tip for you guys: don't trust Tyranicon when it comes to compensation. Our contract clearly stipulates I should now be paid my weight in belgian fries; but he's trying to weasel his way out of it, and insists he should only pay me my weight in inferior french fries. The cur. Has ever a more deceitful man existed?!
So then, Memoirs Of a Battle Brothel.
Final rating: weird annoying gem/10. Meaning it's a good game, portent of a promising future for its developer, but rough and with one truly awful defect.
The good.
– Porn.
There were breasts! And I was a woman, so double the breasts! Then... even more breasts! 17/10; have already ordered a super custom RealDoll™ in the likeness of Lady Bathsheva.
– Music.
It's no Tengai Makyo Zero or Unlimited SaGa; but while I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to this game's soundtrack in my everyday life, the only real, non-petty criticism I can levy against said soundtrack is that it lacks the distinct and perfectly cohesive direction a single composer can bring. Instead, what you get here is pretty much the next best thing, i.e. a careful selection of various talented artists whose works comingle well with one another.
Indeed, no matter whether they strive for an atmosphere of energetic combat, a feeling of deep unease, or even the occasional sheer faërical whimsy, tracks mesh aptly with the general ambience of the game; and they do a good job in heightening it all.
– Artworks.
Quality stuff; outright great in places. Here, you won't see highly idiosyncratic drawings on the level of people like Tomomi Kobayashi; whether we're talking important characters as they appear during conversations, or the various depictions of locations, things are a bit more... standard, more common if you will. Still, a sizeable portion of the cast benefits from gorgeous portraits, and a good number of slides manage to evoke a unique feeling perfectly befits the tone of the moment, like
this one for example, or
this other one.
My only actual complaints: there are not nearly enough artworks (though of course they doubtlessly cost a pretty penny); they could be peppered more judiciously throughout the game, at certain points during the main questlines; and at least one rather important character is strangely bereft of any portrait during conversation.
– Pacing.
Very good. Long stretches during which naught seems to happen; short bursts during which events succeed to one another in breathless fashion, making it impossible to appreciate them; periods of unnecessary combat after combat after combat after yet more combat while all you want is to get out of that damned dungeon; times when the game seems to hesitate, wondering if it should dwell a bit more on what just happened, or finally move on to the next beat. All these things bother me in a lot of games, but no so here.
The beginning—say, the first two hours or so—is rather slow, that much is undeniable. But once the game finds a steady and satisfying pace, it pretty much never lets go of it.
The neither good nor bad, or a bit of both.
– Porn.
No bust size option during character creation? Meh. But still... breasts! 10/10.
– General visuals.
Made with RPG Maker, so it wouldn't be exactly fair to expect a really strong and unique aesthetic. Still, while it's not the prettiest example of an RPGM game, on the level of something like Theia: The Crimson Eclipse, it's certainly not the ugliest either, being markedly prettier than most RPGM games. Also, funnily enough, while Tyranicon considers certain combat animations as "shit" to quote him, I for one find them cute enough they possess a charm very much their own; and in fact an appreciable amount of other combat animations or effects are quite good.
More than anything, I would say the lighting holds the game back visually. Tilesets and sprites and most everything else is fine enough in my opinion, but the game simply looks flat—almost flattened even—by a lack of various lighting sources and effects such as fog or others of a like ilk.
– Difficulty.
Like stealing candy from a kid, minus the malign and vaguely sociopathic satisfaction.
But in all seriousness, it is arguably the easiest game I've ever played. Aside from a possible spike in difficulty during the early game—spike predicated on pursuing a certain questline before any other—the difficulty is almost non-existent. Should you choose to do so during your first and thus blind playthrough, beating the whole game while using a single character is easily doable; no careful planning required. So if you're looking for challenging combat, setting your sights on even Stardew Valley would prove a good idea.
For various reasons I personally place this in the 'neither good nor bad' category, but had I to venture a guess, I'd say a lot of players will consider the difficulty—or lack thereof—a detriment to their enjoyment of the game.
Importantly, it does have the occasional unfortunate effect of flying straight in the face of what the game might tell you. Careful: here come the most elitest of elite troopers from the Imperium! But they all go down in a single hit, from unoptimised and under-leveled characters... Oh no: we were ambushed a moment ago during a scene, and some of us are gravely wounded, having been shot by a sniper! But still we start the following combat at full strength, with not even an impairment or any kind...
– Game world.
It feels lived in, so to speak. You get a distinct impression that the world existed before you created your character; and that things are the way they are for valid, sensible reasons.
Could have been good, could have been great in fact and wholly engrossing, were it not for the fact that the game does a weird job of ever keeping you at arm's length. It's almost impossible to ask questions, so if the game doesn't outright talk to you about what topic interests you, chances are you won't learn more about it. Combine that with Tyranicon being overly enamored with the concept of obtuse crypticisms slathered more thickly than SPF 60+ sunscreen on an naked albino roaming the Gobi desert, and the result is a world that actively prevents you from truly diving into it.
– Story.
It would be harsh but I almost want to place this under the 'bad' category. I think it's a rather good story overall, evidently begat by earnest lucubrations, but... as I progressed through the game it grew into a mess that rather soured my enjoyment.
At one point, become annoyingly confused as to why a lot of things were the way the were, I wrote a non-exhaustive list of what I did or did not understand about the story; to which Tyranicon replied thus:
Lol, I fucked up.
You have to play the previous game.
Memoirs is set up to satisfy the curiosity of those who played Singularity, and I see now why you, and probably a decent portion of the playerbase, are confused why certain things happen they way they do.
There's a lot of missing knowledge that would've filled in some holes neatly.
Also, I should note that one could excise massive parts of the story, and the game would be all the better for it. Too much time is spent dealing with events and people almost entirely disconnected from the main thread. It's genuinely a weird thing. I think the game needed either 50% more work put into all story lines to fully flesh them out as they deserve it, or 50% less work, to make the overall story a more focused and effective one.
The bad.
– Porn.
Named my female character Lycia Naff, but she still only had two breasts. 3/10; disappointed by the lack of easter eggs.
– Combat system.
I strongly hesitate to put this in the above 'neither good nor bad' category. The combat is... there. It works. A number of its ideas are nice and promising, even. It's not outright bad, but for a variety of
reasons it doesn't work that well.
Combat maps are very small and character mobility very high, thus range is never an issue, so the question of which combattants to bring—long-range or melee ones—never surfaces, as they all perform well all the time.
Height variation is non-existent. It's something extremely important for a tactical system such as this one, but possibly it's something difficult or even outright impossible to implement with RPGM?
There is a quite a bit of crowd control available via things like Freeze, Fear, Stun, Sunder Weapon, Fire Wall, and the likes; but past a few hours into a playthrough most enemies being to die in one hit, so it renders a lot of the skills useless.
Characters also have much—and I mean way too much—options available. In one turn with a fighter-class character, you can autonomously do everything follows: increase your base mobility; increase your attack; increase your damage resistance; increase the likelihood of attracting enemy attacks; recover HP; recover SP; dash across multiple squares; and finally festoon the walls and ceiling with your opponents' inmeats.
The noisome and execrable, for which Tyranicon should be banned from these here illustrious premises, then immured alive in the nethermost part of some chasm-deep, windless vault. (or at least some Tabasco sauce should be rubbed into his balls)
– Porn.
Kaywin flirted with me, then rejected my sapphic advances. -23/10; am presently plotting to give Tyranicon AIDS.
– Choice and consequence; railroading.
Yes, this one deserves its own category, because boy—I say boy oh boy!—it's a doosy an' a half.
Some of my favorite games have quality C&C in abundance, while others have exactly zero C&C. So it shouldn't matter to me one way or the other.
But Memoirs Of a Battle Brothel does something infuriating: it gives you the illusion of meaningful choices, with momentous consequences limned over the horizon—while in fact it railroads you so fucking hard it becomes almost impressive. It's difficult to really express just how bad it is without indulging in a lot of spoilerwork.
One main questline is centered around a man called Iron Gregarion, captain of the Iron Cartel. No matter what you do, his masterplan comes to fruition. You can work with him, or try to work against him, or even ignore him entirely as did
BrotherFrank in his playthrough; yet the ultimate end result is
exactly the same. At one point, the game will actively make it seem you can work towards Gregarion's demise, offering you multiple consecutive choices to that effect; but then—at the penultimate second—the game pulls multiple switcheroos because the story imperatively requires it. The worst were my underlings asking me to make a choice between three available options, only to then override my decision, with no possible recourse on my part.
It's honestly difficult to properly convey just how infuriating it is. It needs experienced.
/e: typos.