What game are you wasting time on?

[circ]

Finished HITMAN ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS

Eh. Nice enough story if kind of confusing at times not to mention padded to fuck and plotholey. Frustrating checkpoint system too and I had to savescum like a motherfucker. Except when trying to kill the Messican as the Patriot. Fuck that shit would just not let me get away with it so I said fuck it and went with option 2 which was to drop a big pile of shit on his ass. WORKS FOR ME.

Full ghost because I fucking had to because the gunplay is goddamn atrocious. Even the killcam is unimpressive. Stealth completely ignores sound, well almost. If someone's back is turned and you're crouching you're invisibal! Very nice and varied kills though and level design was excellent, and the VO from Keith Carradine and Powers Boothe is god-like. So. Take Dishonored, remove the shitty stealth crap and level design and mix with HMA and you've got a far better game. Anyway it's been so long since I played the first HM and never cared for the sequels, I can't tell if the gunplay was always this horrible.

 

[Volrath]

HITMAN: ABSOLUTE SHIT

Well actually.. It's not too shabby. Better than Dishonored so far. Better level design. More solutions through objectives than climb pipe or don't climb pipe. Multiple ways to murder people. Shame it's just so heavily ghost centered on score. Also the polish is nowhere to be seen and the AI at times just makes you go what the fuck are you doing? This with the Arkham Asylum studio working on it might have been something.

of circ. Dishonored and Hitman: popamole are both fucking shit.

 

[sea]

Hitman Absolution gets better about halfway through. The stealth becomes quite challenging and the levels are much, much larger. But it still doesn't change that instead of featuring open-ended levels that let you accomplish objectives the way you want to, it's basically a linear Splinter Cell derivative with assassinations along the way (usually for absolutely no reason justified in the story either, other than "he's in my way"). And that goddamn checkpoint system lost me more progress than I probably made throughout the game.

It's sad that the best thing about the entire game is this song:

Spoiler

Oh, and that part where you drive Lenny out in to the desert and force him to dig his own grave is pretty hilarious.

 

[Admiral jimbob]

HITMAN: ABSOLUTE SHIT

Well actually.. It's not too shabby. Better than Dishonored so far. Better level design. More solutions through objectives than climb pipe or don't climb pipe. Multiple ways to murder people. Shame it's just so heavily ghost centered on score. Also the polish is nowhere to be seen and the AI at times just makes you go what the fuck are you doing? This with the Arkham Asylum studio working on it might have been something.

of circ. Dishonored and Hitman: popamole are both fucking shit.

He's been forcing himself to play absolute shit and get angry about it itt for weeks. Stockholm Syndrome had to set in eventually.

 

[Erebus]

I recently borrowed Dragon Age Origins from my cousin (OH NOES ! PIRACY !) and gave each of the origin stories a try, except for the Dwarf Noble, which I already knew because of the LP.

First observation : Health Regen is ridiculous. Even on the hardest difficulty setting, it doesn't take more than 15 seconds to regain all of your HP outside of battle.

Secondly, I seldom felt emotionally engaged.

The first origin I tried was the Dwarf Commoner. It was okay. The setting is pretty decent. We start in an interesting situation : part of a despised class, working for a crime lord, burdened with a drunkard mother and hoping our sister will be able to seduce a noble (nice link to the Dwarf Noble origin). The fights aren't that entertaining, but it's the same in the other origin stories (probably in part because our party is so limited in number).

Then I tried a mage. The test was decent, though Obvious Demon was very obvious. The tower wasn't that interesting, however, and the "friend" that keeps pestering us is so annoying that I didn't feel like finishing this origin story.

My third try was the Human Noble story. It suffers from being highly unsurprising : you just know that pretty much all of your family is going to get killed very soon. And when it happens, it has little impact because we barely knew them anyway. Also, the way Duncan recruits the PC is rather WTFesque. In the other origin stories I've played through, the PC pretty much has to take the black join the Grey Warden in order to escape a death sentence. But the Human Noble doesn't have any good reason to join the Wardens (outside of Duncan assholishly putting pressure on a dying man to get his child to accept a lifelong, highly dangerous commitment).

My fourth try was the Wild Elf story. Didn't see much of it : I was trying Nightmare difficulty, got killed by a giant spider and didn't care enough to reload. I just don't like the elves in this setting. The dwarfs of DA:O are okay : they're reasonably interesting, neither too close to the stereotypical dwarf nor too different. The elves feel uninspired. They might as well be half-orcs (in fact, it'd suit the whole persecution thing better).

I finally tried the City Elf. It wasn't great : the villain was too mwahaha!evil and the elven culture is much more dreadful than what I could observe in the Wild Elf story. The arranged marriage simply isn't interesting.

 

[sea]

Dwarf Noble is by far the best origin story. Any game that lets you play as royalty and have random people executed or assassinated on a whim is incline in my book. Once you get out of the origins themselves, you only really have some decent combat to look forward to. The uniqueness of the origins is still the best story-related part of the game though.

 

[Sranchammer]

I've been trying for days to create a Disunited States situation in Vicky2: APD only to be constantly disappointed as none of the powers create alliances. Instead they fight one by one against the USA and are annexed within a year. At least my Holy Texas is a juggernaut

 

[ohWOW]

The Dark Eye Chains of Satinav. Fuck man, this shit is amazing, and God damn this, has beautiful graphics and music score.
Although similiarities to Deponia in the concept: a hero that is disliked by everyone, a girl from other world that is a bit dizzy and lost and he's in love with, both on the run to avoid supreme enemy that's going to destroy the world can be pretty disappointing. But fuck this, when it's so fucking beautiful.

 

[Erebus]

Dwarf Noble is by far the best origin story. Any game that lets you play as royalty and have random people executed or assassinated on a whim is incline in my book.

In the end, I decided to play the Dwarf Noble story, even though I already know what happens in it.

It is fucking better than the other five.

 

[Brayko]

Baldur's Gate TYEW

Still great, makes you wonder the quality of Bioware games if they didn't embrace the decline so dramatically. OF course i haven't played it in about 10 years so I guess you see the brighter side of things considering all the shit released within that time frame.

Oh, and Hitman Absolution sucks. More features and a popamole rewards system doesn't make it better than the first two Hitman games.

 

[DalekFlay]

Hitman Absolution gets better about halfway through.

Hmmm. I got to the wrestling match and moved on. Should I go back?

 

[Metro]

Borderplands 2. Started as a Gunzerker but didn't think that skill was very interesting (seems like you need two good pistols or assault rifles) so I settled on Siren and the bubble thing is more fun. Soldier is pretty lame, just drop the turret and hide. Ninja guys seems pretty crappy solo. Game is what I expected it to be. They just took the first one and added a few tweaks. It's more like Borderlands 1.5

 

[circ]

TOMB RAPER. ERm. TOMB RAIDER.

First impressions, need to shower, buy some groceries, and maybe I'll continue later. Well it should really be called, see Lara get fucked over every 5 seconds.

5 seconds into the game, a cutscene. Lara almost dies. Oh...k... HORRIBLE MASSIVE SCREEN TEARING. I SUSPECT THIS HAS BEEN OPTIMIZED FOR CONSOLES, I MAY BE WRONG BUT. ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE LOOKING SUBTITLES. WHERE IS THE QA?

Oh well, let's continue. Lara almost dies again. UH OH I'M KIDNAPPED. Oh also, Lara's VO is one of the worst voice actors I've ever heard in any media and seems to have been chosen by how loud she screams and moans more than any other talent.

Anyway. I'm tied up in a really weird thing. A retarded puzzle has me swing until I'm loose ok... I drop down and am impaled through the side of my abs by some metal object. I'M HURT BUT I'M GONNA MAKE IT.

This is an injury that would incapacitate even an extraordinary human being, but hey Lara is a vidya game character, let's drop all pretence of reality fuck yeah. I hit E very quickly to pull the metal object out of my sides. Because I'm Rambo? Very exciting. Well atleast it's not A. Maybe it is on consoles. AWESOME. My vision is blurry because an injury like that should leave your vision blurry? I venture forward, walking sort of, nevermind that ANY NOERMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD BE CRAWLING IF THAT. OOH DEAD BODY HANGING.

Ok, time for a shower.

 

[DalekFlay]

Borderplands 2. Started as a Gunzerker but didn't think that skill was very interesting (seems like you need two good pistols or assault rifles) so I settled on Siren and the bubble thing is more fun. Soldier is pretty lame, just drop the turret and hide. Ninja guys seems pretty crappy solo. Game is what I expected it to be. They just took the first one and added a few tweaks. It's more like Borderlands 1.5

I thought the Siren was basicaly a support class and was shit for solo? I don't know, haven't played, just asking as that's what I read.

 

[Liz]

TOMB RAPER. ERm. TOMB RAIDER.

I hate how they tried to make Lara more masculine, but instead they made her some over-sexualized nympho.

 

[Metro]

Borderplands 2. Started as a Gunzerker but didn't think that skill was very interesting (seems like you need two good pistols or assault rifles) so I settled on Siren and the bubble thing is more fun. Soldier is pretty lame, just drop the turret and hide. Ninja guys seems pretty crappy solo. Game is what I expected it to be. They just took the first one and added a few tweaks. It's more like Borderlands 1.5

I thought the Siren was basicaly a support class and was shit for solo? I don't know, haven't played, just asking as that's what I read.

There really isn't that much difference it just depends on what active skill you find entertaining. They could all be support classes depending on which talents you take.

 

[circ]

SKYRIM. ERM. TOMB RAIDER CONTINUES

I like the idea of survival elements, but it's so badly executed. Everything is badly executed. EVERYTHIINNNNNNNG. (Gary Oldman voice)

I was stuck at a shooting portion with wolves, after the trap wolves. Wolves apparently insta kill you unless you press A and D like a fucking MANIAC. I remember these sports games on the C64 that had you wiggle your joystick like a fucking retard. AND IT WASN'T THIS FUCKING BADLY MADE. PROTIP - FREE OF CHARGE NO LESS. IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR GAME SO FUCKING FULL OF QTE'S THAT YOU SHOULD RENAME IT TO QTE RAIDER, MAYBE ATLEAST MAKE IT WORK SENSIBLY? JUST SAYING. FUCKHEADS.

So I finally manage to 86 the wolves. Some cutscenes follow soon. Badly coded UI. Cutscene. QTE. OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO PRESS NOW?? RUSSIAN CHOKES ME TO DEATH. OK LET'S TRY AGAIN. HRM.
CHOKE. CHOKE. CHOKE. CHOKE. FUCK YOU. OH. NOW I HAVE A GUN BUT I MISS? UUH WHAT DO I PRESS NOW? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. WHAT KIND OF IDIOT APPROVES THIS KIND OF DESIGN CHOICE WITHOUT CHOKING DOWN A BOWL OF SHIT? SERIOUSLY?

Give up and install Tomb Raider Legend which I dug out? SOON. SOON MOTHERFUCKER. SOON. FUCKING. QTE'S. YOU FUCK. OH FUCK. FUCK. ONE MORE. FUCK.

EDIT: FUCK YOU RUSSIAN RAPIST FUCK. HOW YOU LIKE THAT BULLET IN YOUR FACE FUCKFACE. I like how it actually says MASH BUTTON TO SOMETHING. MASH. I HAVE THE PERFECT NAME FOR THIS GAME. QTE MASH.

EDIT: NOW AT INFAMOUS? WOLF CAVE QTE. OH GOD. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK IN A FUCKING LUBED UP FUCK OF A FUCK. WITH EXTRA FUCK. WHAT AUTISTIC RETARD CAME UP WITH THIS SHIIIIIIIIIITTT??????

EDIT: FUCK YOU WOLF FUCK. I FEEL LIKE I'M COMPETING IN THE QTE BUTTON MASH MARATHON. AND THE STAKES ARE YOUR FUCKING SANITY.

 

[Ulminati]

Expiditions: Conquistador.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Tetris on the Nintendo DS.

 

[Jaesun]

Re-started Torchlight II with a different build. And with my Ferret named Gragt. <3

 

[circ]

LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD


GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY GOTY

EDIT: Lara swimming in a river of blood, literally. What's wrong with you Crystal Dynamics?

 

[Clockwork Knight]

I thought the Siren was basicaly a support class and was shit for solo? I don't know, haven't played, just asking as that's what I read.

At least in BL1 the siren could take the skill that improves SMG damage along with a SMG that shoots more bullets and it would have the highest DPS of all classes. Plus their power lets them run away if anything gets too close.

The DLC/preorder Mechromancer is pretty fun for solo, I'd buy her on a sale (tried her in a copy that wasn't removed from an inventory). Her summon is a bit overpowered (then again, that's better than being useless) but the skill tree that exchanges accuracy for power lets you take on stronger enemies sooner if you can compensate for it. I found a pistol that became more accurate the longer you used it, and while it would be pretty meh for anyone else it fit her like a glove.

 

[Metro]

The siren in BL2 has a different ability -- it's a bubble the freezes enemies in mid air where you're free to shoot at them like a pinata. This actually works all of the humanoid (sub) bosses I've encountered so far making things pretty easy. Also using the tree which gives the bubble a bunch of elemental effects and can cause damage to things around it. While there's no boost to SMG damage in the trees there is a class mod that exchanges SMG accuracy for damage.

 

[Metro]

Although I'm still progressing with Siren I switched back to Gunzerker to at least get it to Sanctuary. It's a lot weaker starting out than the other characters as gunzerking (as I first surmised) does indeed suck without the benefits of two good weapons and a couple dozen levels of talents augmenting it. Another issue is that when you activate it the gun in your right hand is fired with the left mouse button and the gun in your left is fired with the right mouse button. Maybe I have a brain tumor but it's just an awkward setup so if you're using non automatic weapons then muscle memory might fail you every couple of seconds. Better to just have to automatic pistols or assault rifles and hold down both buttons.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD LARA GETS IMPALED THROUGH HER HEAD

This was my experience with Tomb Raider as well.

And apparently Conan O'Brien's too.