Assassins Creed Valhalla - set in the Viking age - now on Steam

[Jack Of Owls]

I lost interest in AC: Valhalla after reaching the first town. Speaks volumes, I think. Did enjoy Origins quite a lot tho. Might play Odyssey some day.

The beginning Norway map didn't grab me. However, enjoying it much more after sailing to England.

It was far too easy with stamina that replenishes far too quickly far too early which was probably the main reason I couldn't get into it so... a seriously flawed mechanic right there if you prefer something less popamoley and more of a challenge. If I go back to the theme of vikings in England, it's likely to be Mount & Blade: Viking Conquest, the Brytenwalda mod, or Expeditions: Viking, I think. I do consider Assassin's Creed II & Brotherhood among my favorite gaming experiences ever and I'm seriously thinking of playing the same game designer's followup project Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey for my next playthrough, though I'll probably start on the Dishonored series instead.

 

[Heroic Liberator]

In case it hasn't been posted:

 

[RNGsus]

Not sure about Origins or Odyssey But Valhalla is rpg parody and its not even funny. Very often you get presented with choices and next cutscene just undermines your choice instantly. And meanwhile there are choices that have some consequences they are very few and far between and usually consequences are just slightly different dialogue and never have any effect on your gameplay There are side quests aka World Events but all of them take about 1 minute to complete and you just complete them right where you found the quests.

Progressive writing is literally in every sentence, and even if you ignore this, story and its characters are so bland and boring that you are better off just skipping all dialogues, cutscenes and proceeding to do some fetch type of quests. There were supposed to be some big reveals at the end of the story but all of them were obvious before that point... Your brother Butthurd is Tyr, Basim is Loki and Alfred is grandmaster templar knew this all before it happened in the story.

There is a skill tree but you gain so much skill points that eventually you will have everything in the tree, half of that shit you will never use or benefit from. Essentially all builds are the same and just use different weapons for different visual effects. Most of abilities are either shit or will target random targets instead the one you are aiming/have locked in. I only used valkyrie jump and harpoon throw to close distance to enemies that are trying to avoid certain death by moving away from me and explosive arrow so i dont have to look for those trashy oil jars that apparently can break concrete walls. Finishers are extra stupid and feel so out of place when there are 8 enemies standing around you doing nothing meanwhile you are strangling some fat motherfucker whose throat you already sliced with your dagger 25 times.

There is unique and hand placed loot but its far and few between millions of chests with crafting materials that you cant even use because you will lack Titanium and you cant buy more than 5 every few hours. Also unless you look up some guides you will be stuck with starter Raven armour set for half of the game not that there is any difference but item progression is trash. There are bunch of chests hidden in ancient ruins locked behind multiple keys that are hidden in weirdest places that will award you with ONE Ingot, for fuck sake really? Am i supposed to believe that someone went trough all this trouble to lock ONE Nickel Ingot? All traders across the known world share their inventory because why the fuck not?

Pretty much all non combat activities in this game are mini puzzles they arent hard they arent interesting and they get repetitive after first 10 hours there is like a million of them There are bunch of these collectibles mysteries artefacts whatever, most of them literally award you with nothing for completing them just there to waste your time. Castle sieges/raids are trash since you cant enjoy the fight and have to participate in bunch of mini fetch quest type puzzles : escort the ram, destroy turrets, destroy fence, explode the wall, open the barred door and so on... no fuck off let me enjoy slaughtering enemies. And if you dont complete these fetch tasks then enemies keep respawning non stop until you participate in the fetch puzzle. 90% of houses have doors either “barred from other side” or just straight up nailed down with indestructible planks, same goes for windows. You have to explode brick walls or break wooden ones to get in, i guess Saxon villagers just get back home after work in the fields explode the wall to get inside their home, fix it next morning before going to milk cows... Enemy and Ally AI is pathetic they usually just stand there doing nothing, in general enemies arent programmed to kill you as fast as they can they are programmed to survive as long as possible essentially just wasting your time while posing no threat.

There are few missions where you are supposed to stay stealthy while having an ally follow you ... yeah its bad... very very bad. They either crouch and walk right next to enemy being invisible or they just randomly break stealth and pull everyone around. Whole stealth system is broken, you get spotted instantly, sometimes trough walls or while you are in the bushes making stealth gameplay a chore and save load fiesta meanwhile getting into combat 1 vs 10 well armed soldiers is like oh so you chose death peasants. “Confirm Kill” is basically most retarded mechanic you can have in Assassin based game, means you cant just assassinate your target and move on, need to clear all the enemies around it and then inspect the body. Assassinations/Headshots are not insta kills and there are plenty of enemies who wont die to 3-4 arrow shots between their eyes, or they will survive hidden blade strike to their spine and start attacking you like nothing happened. Double Assassination is gone and you can only follow up with axe throw but, there are hundreds of enemies that stand in couples and then you can only assassinate one before entering combat

9th century England must be the worst setting for AC game since you know there werent any proper towns with buildings to parkour instead you ride your horse trough empty forests/mountains from one small town/camp/ruin to another. What a huge waste of time this game was, fuck this shit, seriously Ass Creed is DEAD. And i actually liked Assassin Creed games in the past. In 2007 when i played first AC i thought damn gaming is gonna be great in the future, then AC2 was even better but started declining slowly towards the end of Ezio trilogy. Black Flag was decent game but mostly because it was open world game about pirates and not because its AC. Then Unity flopped because of its pathetic state on release and these Ubishit faggots thought you know what we gona turn Ass creed into rpg well guess what faggots making RPGs requires talent and brains and just being a faggot is not enough.

You're welcome.

 

[lycanwarrior]

for those who couldn't see the picture (because fuck 4chan for picture sharing):

The NPC for the River Raids (Varn) is also a bleck Vikaaang lol.

 

[Riddler]

Valhalla is a saga about progressive vikingr strong woman shieldmaiden eivor the liberator of england from white male misogynists.

And if you didnt get the message ALL woman are stronger than males they are with ALL of them.

Deal with it.



I feel brain tumor developing in my head from playing this game.

I remember a thread on Reddit regarding all the weird-looking children with deformed faces.

One of the funnier comments was that from playing the game, you would think all English children are brown and misshapen lmao.

Although with the demographics trends underway across major cities in the UK, that probably isn't too far off from the truth these days...

The British have been misshapen since time immemorial.

 

[Infinitron]

Siege of Paris expansion coming August 12th.

 

[Larianshill]

Wait, they just added one-handed swords? There were no one-handed swords in the game before?

 

[Atchodas]

New patch added Nightmare difficulty where all enemies are 50 levels above your current PL.

So now they have more HP and are bigger bullet sponges than before and they still mostly stand there and wait for you to kill them instead of being aggressive towards the player

 

[Rahdulan]

Damn, I've been out of "still being patched games" scene for too long.
https://www.dsogaming.com/patches/a...3-0-releases-on-august-12th-full-patch-notes/

This upcoming patch will be 20GB for the owners of the base game. For those owning the Season Pass, however, it will weigh around 31GB.

 

[Infinitron]

 

[Oracsbox]

Amazing !

Help defeat the Franks a new power who are invading France and killing the peaceful Viking villagers.

 

[Larianshill]

Why are you surprised? This was the first trailer.



Look at those heroic vikings, sparing the women (while killing all the men) as their boldly explore and colonize new lands (where other people already live). Expeditions: Vikings is still the only take on the vikings I like. This game really goes out of the way to make you feel like a bastard, if you pursue the martial ending.

 

[Oracsbox]

Why are you surprised?

I'm not suprised, I was joking, I started the thread, I know it's woke bollocks.

 

[Tyranicon]

Ass Creed games have always been notorious about transforming historical assholes into the heroes because "muh templars manipulate history!!!"

Whoever wrote Valhalla and Black Flag must have a degree in mental acrobatics.

 

[Oracsbox]

The writing has always been pants on head retarded.

AssCreed Revelations rewriting the Byzantines as the evil guys, seeking to overthrow the good Turks and restore the Byzantine Empire was staggering bullshit.
All the games are full of it.

 

[good fucking shit happen]

All the ottoman sultans were Black and they were the good guys. The evil Roman slavs that larped Black Greeks and had genocided the natives were the villains Einstein.

 

[Oracsbox]

The evil Roman slavs....

You fucking racist bigot.. The Romans were black

here's proof from an article by a cretin highly respected cretin black professor.

https://www.africaresource.com/rast...s-of-rome-roman-emperor-caracalla-kara-kalla/

THE BLACK EMPERORS OF ROME: ROMAN EMPEROR CARACALLA (KARA-KALLA)..and sheeeeeeeit.
Lucius Septimius Bassianus (April 4, 188 – April 8, 217), commonly known as Caracalla, was a Black Roman Emperor who ruled from 211 to 217.

Caracalla was the eldest son of Septimius Severus, the first black African-born Emperor of Rome. But before Septimius Severus, there had been other Roman-born black Emperors of Rome. This story of the other black emperors of Rome will be explored in another write-up, but for now we focus on Caracalla.



Unlike his father Septimius Severus, Caracalla was born and raised in Italy. After the death of his father, he ruled jointly with his younger brother Geta until the latter’s death in 211.

Caracalla’s reign was notable for the Constitutio Antoniniana, granting Roman citizenship to freemen throughout the Roman Empire. That act laid a foundation for a peaceful multi-ethnic, multi-cultural Empire that Rome was to become.

Caracalla was mean towards the military incursions of the Goths, the Parthians and the Tartars, and he took brutal and extreme steps to suppress those invaders from Turkemenistan that were sorely troubling the cohesion of the Roman state.

A modern-day British historian Edward Gibbon, a descendant of the Goths, referred to him as, “the common enemy of mankind” because of the massacres he authorized in various parts of the empire.


In AD 213, Caracalla went north to the German frontier and subdued the Alamanni tribesmen who were causing trouble in the Agri Decumates. Due to that feat the Senate conferred upon him the title of “Germanicus Maximus”.

In AD 216, Caracalla took on the Parthians, a related tribe of the Goths, (the Parthians are the ancestors of the modern day Farsi-Iranians) who were causing problems on the southernmost flank of the empire. He tricked the Parthians into believing that he accepted a marriage and peace proposal, but then launched a series of blistering attacks on the Parthians when their guards were down. The thereafter ongoing conflict and skirmishes became known as the Parthian war of Caracalla.

The baths of Caracalla were the largest public baths ever built in ancient Rome. To put it in historical perspective, the central room of the baths was larger than St. Peter’s Basilica. It could easily accommodate over 2,000 Roman citizens. The bath house opened in 216, complete with libraries, private rooms and outdoor tracks. Caracalla ordered the building of those baths that are named in his honour.

Caracalla was assasinated by his body-guard while travelling from Edessa to continue the war against Parthian. He died on April 8, AD 217.

It is important that Africans should remember and celebrate Caracalla and his family line, i.e. the Severan Dynasty, because as black Africans, they were us and we are them.



By the dint of their heritage, they were part of our legacy, and their attainments represented part of our unfolding tale of greatness, of towering historical achievements, of courage, regency and inimitable genius.



The descendants of the Goths who conquered Rome, and now control historical narratives, would want you to believe that they were the real Romans. Through centuries of selective narration and faking of historical artefacts, they have largely succeeded in hiding the central role of the Africans in the defunct Roman empire.



They hide the facts that the Goths and the Parthians (the ancestors of the present day Germans, Russians, British, Spanish, Italians, and Iranians…the Aryans!!!) were the mortal enemies of the dark Ibero-Maurisian Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, Libyans, and Numidians, Mauritanians, and Saharans, the original owners of western Europe. They promote a fake and false notion that Rome was a so-called white created civilization affiliated with their Gothic ancestry. But this is a lie!

Black Roman Emperor Karakala


The memorials of Caracalla, Septimius Severus, Geta, Maximinus, and a long line of Black, Moorish, African Emperors of Rome reject this lie. We must revisit the Roman Empire and salvage the Black ancestors and Emperors that have been covered by the global western academic conspiracy.




Again we chant, blessings on the memorial of the Severan Dynasty, they were the “naigre” Emperors of Rome, from Africa. We will be meeting more Black Roman Emperors in the next series.

 

[good fucking shit happen]

You fucking racist bigot.. The Romans were black

Nah man they were slavs. That Oguejiofo guy is confused and posts about some Black Egyptian bro who tried to teach the slavs how to be civilized and it made them lose their shit. Check out the family portrait. Caracalla was the son of a king and an arab woman which is why he couldn't grow a full afro.

They hide the facts that the Goths and the Parthians (the ancestors of the present day Germans, Russians, British, Spanish, Italians, and Iranians…the Aryans!!!) were the mortal enemies of the dark Ibero-Maurisian Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, Libyans, and Numidians, Mauritanians, and Saharans, the original owners of western Europe. They promote a fake and false notion that Rome was a so-called white created civilization affiliated with their Gothic ancestry. But this is a lie!

What he does not realize is that the OG Greeks were not tanned slavs but Black just like the Egyptians.

 

[Oracsbox]

No dude, the Romans were definitely black.. The Chinese were also black

https://www.africaresource.com/rast...ercules/the-black-chinese-moors-of-the-world/

THE BLACK CHINESE – MOORS OF THE WORLD

 

[good fucking shit happen]

No dude, the Romans were definitely black.

It is out of the question and I am sure they were slavs. You trying to outBlack me fool? I got a Black belt in history. Romans were oppressing and stealing from the Egyptians and Greeks, Black people would never oppress their brothers.

The Chinese were also black

Dats rite. The Buddha was also Black.

 

[Oracsbox]

White European kings were also black..

https://www.africaresource.com/rast...of-italy-and-germany-also-holy-roman-emperor/

MOORISH (BLACK) KINGS OF EUROPE: HENRY II (972-1024) KING OF ITALY AND GERMANY ALSO HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR

Very Rare image of Henry II (972-1024) King of Italy and Germany also Holy Roman Emperor during the time of the Ottonian Dynasty. From the Sacramentary of Henry II (1002 -1014). Undeniable proof of so called black presence throughout Europe.

..and don't forget the black Japanese

https://www.africaresource.com/rast...urish-soldiers-of-imperial-japan-black-japan/

THE MOORISH SOLDIERS OF IMPERIAL JAPAN – BLACK JAPAN

Officers of the Japanese Imperial Army during the Russo-Japanese war of 1904-1905

I think this is enough proof that everyone is black.

 

[good fucking shit happen]

I think this is enough proof that everyone is black.

Everyone except the slavs who split from the current so called Chinese ages ago. Before the ching chongs invaded Japan it was a battleground between slavs and Blacks. The slavs became the ainu and the Blacks integrated the chinamen into their society and taught them how to fight. The ainu are still tribal people while the Blacks were flooded with nuChinese immigration until hardly anyone could tell they were Black anymore. Same thing happened in America. That's why so called native Americans look like Black original people mixed with Chinese people. Before the Chinese came America was a great empire as you can tell by all the old stone pyramids there. Just like in Black Egypt. Arabs are crypto slavs by the way, the same kind of crypto slavs that now pretend to be Jews while the original Israelites were Black and as always oppressed for being too intelligent.

You my friend are a gentleman and a scholar but you have some miles left on your journey until you really get woke.

 

[Oracsbox]

Siege of Paris DLC

Playthru. Day 1 SPOILERS

I arrive in my village riding Fluffy the cat mount.

I'm informed of visitors seeking an audience...

(Above) Disclaimer, the wombyn in Assassins Creed Valhalla don't even remotely look like this.

A stronk Viking wombyn called TikTok and a French manlet called Pierre, greet me.

(Above) A Frenchman

Tiktok informs me that King Charles The Fat (..incidentally Charles was never called the Fat, this was a later nickname invented for him in the 12th century) .. is going to invade England !

Historically this is complete bollocks.. but muh story..

I agree to go to France and save the Vikings, who are laying siege to Paris.



Arriving in Frooooncccce, Tiktok informs me what a wonderful land France is, but it would be much better if the Frank's didn't exist, and instead let the Muslim migrants Vikings have the land.

I meet the chief Viking Siegfried and Roy .. (the historical Sinric who co-led the Norsemen with Sigfrid no longer exists) .. he is talking to a deer...moving on.

Sigfrid tells me about evil King Charles of the Franks, and will I save the Vikings from him !.. The same Vikings who are invading France and trying to rape Paris.

At this point I realised the writer is possibly the stupidest person on the planet.

The game crashes

Pierre manlet, informs me he is bisexual.. I don't know why I needed to know this.

(Above) A unnecessary picture of a woman

I decide on a cunning plan !
I will talk to King Charles the Fat bastard, and tell him to stop being unpleasant.

I sneak into Paris by walking through the main gate and talk to one person in a tavern, who tells me Charles is having sex in a brothel.

I enter the brothel and find Charles in bed with three half dressed prostitutes wearing nun wimples.. with identical faces, so I'm thinking triplets.. I digress..

Instead of killing him immediately ..cough ..Assassins Creed.. I agree to rescue his wife from some other warrior nuns.

I ride on my newly acquired giant bear to the rescue...

The game crashes



The warrior nun called... I've completely forgotten her name.. is with two other identical nuns (I'm assuming twins this time) ..I could instantly kill her but instead ...err..something..something.. follow clues instead, to her batcave nun hideout.

I now assassinate the nun and rescue the King's wife, who immediately tells me her husband the King is a pervert and they never consummated the marriage, I have no idea why she tells me this..

We stop momentarily to heal an injured bear we find ! ..because ? why not..

Then we meet the Kings hidden illegitimate son who is in a random village ..and then I take the wife back to Chuck the Fat tub of Lard.

He isn't pleased and tries to kill me..

The game crashes.. More tomorrow.


Thoughts..
The writing is now at cretin level, it's like some rabid feminist fanfic penned by a retard... What am I talking about.. It is a rabid feminist fanfic penned by retard.

Environmental graphics are great, it's a real shame everything else is utter shit.

They've doubled down on puzzles when attempting to collect anything or opening any door, with the new added bonus of indestructible rat swarms which you have to avoid.

Combat AI is already shit, so they've added in cavalry, who either ride off and away or stand there while you fill them with arrows. (You can't kill the horse first either until after the rider is dead)

Animations also seem worse especially the ridiculous walking animation for women, although that could be just because I'd forgotten how bad they were, the animations in Creed used to be great, the cloth physics alone in Syndicate were awesome, I think the guy that did that stuff probably left Ubisoft...

The new scythe weapon looks ridiculous.

Lots of Frank's now carry hand grenades..because historical accuracy isn't needed.

Character models are uglier than ever.

They've tried to add in high profile target assassinations like the old games but it's a dismal failure, the AI isn't up to it and the level designer is a twat..Whoever used to design/code this stuff has undoubtedly left Ubisoft.

In Unity especially, you could do some epic kills (check youtube) but here...no.

For instance..
The nun Assassination offered a low-key approach where you enter with a sacrificial blade for her to use on the Queen...

However if you go anywhere near her, disguised or not, the guards see you..

Ok .. A distraction is offered by releasing a prisoner, who the guards should chase, unfortunately the AI fails and they dont, or only one does but he gets lost on some stairs and falls off..
Purely for entertainment value I tried several times and each time the guards failed in chasing the prisoner.

Soooo.. I rolled pass the guards, jumped up a wall and landed next to the nun and the auto cutscene started, I didn't even get to do the deed myself.

 

[Atchodas]

Even tho SoP has more emphasis on stealth, core gameplay of Valhalla remains trash.

Also Ubisoft seems to be completely disconnected from reality adding all of these new weapons and they are complete trash compared to stuff you can get in base game, reaper armor set literally has a bonus that has no application in the gameplay (Heal after assassinations), scythes are so bad that they might even make combat challenging.

Most of areas in Paris dont even have enough of enemies to play around with so whats the fucking point in making those areas if they are empty and you cant have fun assassinating/slaughtering guards.

But they did not forget to bring back Cairn and Curse puzzles shit that NOBODY liked/wanted more off.

Only reason i checked this crap out is because i bought gold edition on sale that includes season piss, what a waste of time this game is.

Also “TikTok” seems to be young strong female lesbian (yep has a gf) viking who will be leader of france vikings one day(mentioned at least 25 times in 4 hours that she will make great jarl)

 

[Child of Malkav]

My condolences for playing this shit.