Best thread ever.

[Master Thief]

Wheres your copy of Oblivion?

Anyone have a pic of Goatse handy?

 

[Levski 1912]

I would, but Rick Santorum stole it.

 

[Chefe]

Vincent's story goes all the way back to his brith. You may ask... what's a Dark Elf named "Vincent" doing running amok? In actuality, he was named by a Breton. After his mother gave birth to him, she passed out for a few hours. Her best friend, Aden, had to take charge of his name. She named him "Vincent", because, being a Breton, she couldn't think of a Dark Elven Name. Only the name of a Breton! His family had no objections, fortunately.
From a young age, Vincent was trained by Aden in the art of magic, and and by Karrtas in combat with a Dai-Katana. He became quite the battlemage by age 12. People would come and see him perform his excellent skills in the town, while he swung his sword swiftly, casting spells at one of Drarayne Thelas' many spare pillows. But always, she would come running out screaming that she still needed the pillow. Vincent hated that woman.
But he did not hate Balmora. He loved it there, and unfortunately, due to an increase in Blight Storms, his family had to move to Cyrodiil, the capital city of Tamriel. The journey was arduous, and it was lucky Vincent had such skills, for now he could hunt skillfully, and light campfires with magic.
When they arrived in thier new home, there was much talk of the "Nerevarine", a legendary messiah in the Tribunal Temple, who had slain Dagoth Ur and stopped the Blight Storms. His father was angered at the fact he thought the whole journey was for nothing, but Ryfyl explained to him that if they'd stayed in Morrowind for one more day, they'd have all cought a Blight Disease.
Vincent grew to 18 years of age in Cyrodiil, continuing to train with a blade and magic, until one day, returning from outside the city gates (he was practicing), he happened upon a horrible sight. Someone had stolen his family's sacred ancestor statues from thier shrine! Vincent, furious, took his blade, and headed for the Thieves Guild hall, the place where he thought they would most likely be.
As he barged in, the Thieves had his statues. He started slaughtering them, fighting them one by one. Thieves had no power in close combat. But after he killed about five of them, one of the wood elves took the small wooden sculptures and tossed them into the fireplace, destroying them.
Vincents screams could be heard throughout the city, and the guards ran into the room, arresting both the Thief and Vincent.
Vincent was thrown in the Imperial Prison, and as he sat in the dark dungeon, his soul burned, and he was burdened by his sin... his innability to save his ancestors. He vowed to someday become strong enough, and start a new bloodline for his family, and new stronger, more revered bloodline. A bloodline that would go down in history forever.
As Vincent pondered one day, he heard footsteps approaching his cell...

Good God.

 

[Master Thief]

Vincent's story goes all the way back to his brith. You may ask... what's a Dark Elf named "Vincent" doing running amok? In actuality, he was named by a Breton. After his mother gave birth to him, she passed out for a few hours. Her best friend, Aden, had to take charge of his name. She named him "Vincent", because, being a Breton, she couldn't think of a Dark Elven Name. Only the name of a Breton! His family had no objections, fortunately.
From a young age, Vincent was trained by Aden in the art of magic, and and by Karrtas in combat with a Dai-Katana. He became quite the battlemage by age 12. People would come and see him perform his excellent skills in the town, while he swung his sword swiftly, casting spells at one of Drarayne Thelas' many spare pillows. But always, she would come running out screaming that she still needed the pillow. Vincent hated that woman.
But he did not hate Balmora. He loved it there, and unfortunately, due to an increase in Blight Storms, his family had to move to Cyrodiil, the capital city of Tamriel. The journey was arduous, and it was lucky Vincent had such skills, for now he could hunt skillfully, and light campfires with magic.
When they arrived in thier new home, there was much talk of the "Nerevarine", a legendary messiah in the Tribunal Temple, who had slain Dagoth Ur and stopped the Blight Storms. His father was angered at the fact he thought the whole journey was for nothing, but Ryfyl explained to him that if they'd stayed in Morrowind for one more day, they'd have all cought a Blight Disease.
Vincent grew to 18 years of age in Cyrodiil, continuing to train with a blade and magic, until one day, returning from outside the city gates (he was practicing), he happened upon a horrible sight. Someone had stolen his family's sacred ancestor statues from thier shrine! Vincent, furious, took his blade, and headed for the Thieves Guild hall, the place where he thought they would most likely be.
As he barged in, the Thieves had his statues. He started slaughtering them, fighting them one by one. Thieves had no power in close combat. But after he killed about five of them, one of the wood elves took the small wooden sculptures and tossed them into the fireplace, destroying them.
Vincents screams could be heard throughout the city, and the guards ran into the room, arresting both the Thief and Vincent.
Vincent was thrown in the Imperial Prison, and as he sat in the dark dungeon, his soul burned, and he was burdened by his sin... his innability to save his ancestors. He vowed to someday become strong enough, and start a new bloodline for his family, and new stronger, more revered bloodline. A bloodline that would go down in history forever.
As Vincent pondered one day, he heard footsteps approaching his cell...

If he is over the age of 12 Ill be Horrified...

 

[Levski 1912]

Funniest part of that shitty lifestory is that whoever wrote it probably spent days and days thinking about it...dumbass.

 

[kris]

Funniest part of that shitty lifestory is that whoever wrote it probably spent days and days thinking about it...dumbass.

Probably just a kid, 13 or something.

 

[Twinfalls]

And this is a key part of the problem. I'd like to ask Bethesda one simple question: "Daggerfall was a game made for adults, even though it also appealed to those intelligent teenagers who read adult literature. Can you tell us that Oblivion is similarly a game made for adults?

The truthful answer, from all the evidence, is a big fucking 'No'.

 

[Section8]

Meh, I don't see what anyone gains from directly ripping the piss out of someone's character story. If you're going to satirise, go hog wild, but singling out someone at random to laugh at is pretty cheap. Besides, his story is arguably better than a Bioware narrative.

And this is a key part of the problem. I'd like to ask Bethesda one simple question: "Daggerfall was a game made for adults, even though it also appealed to those intelligent teenagers who read adult literature. Can you tell us that Oblivion is similarly a game made for adults?

The truthful answer, from all the evidence, is a big fucking 'No'.

Yet another sad symptom of our consumer culture. And, Bethesda's shameless pursuit of more lucrative markets.

 

[Chefe]

And this is a key part of the problem. I'd like to ask Bethesda one simple question: "Daggerfall was a game made for adults, even though it also appealed to those intelligent teenagers who read adult literature. Can you tell us that Oblivion is similarly a game made for adults?

The truthful answer, from all the evidence, is a big fucking 'No'.

It's more than just 'No'. From having read Bethesda's forums, and Nintendo's forums, I'm inclined to say that Oblivion is going to be less "mature" than even THIS game:

I'm being dead serious. The Nintendo forums are primarily made up of kids from the ages 13 - 16. They get excited when they find out that Link is going to be solving more complex puzzles and wield more items in his next adventure. They cheered when it was revealed that the next installment would be taking on a more "grown-up" theme. Bethesda's fans, on the other hand, cheer when they find out that the complexity has gone down dramatically and gameplay elements have been tossed outright. Hell, they even fiercely defend it.

Really, I don't think I've encountered more stupid, idiotic fanboys (or people for that matter) than what I see at the TES boards. It's a damn mockery of.... well, humans.

 

[Blacklung]

They cheered...when the game was dumbed down...how can these guys really consider their grey matter to really hold any intelligence at all is beyond my comprehension. Of course, I've said it once and I'll say it again: For every intilgent person on this universal speck of dust, there are one hundred more idiots.

 

[Levski 1912]

First they came for the levitation....

 

[Balor]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: For every intilgent person on this universal speck of dust, there are one hundred more idiots.

Discovered America, aren't you?
Just lookup IQ distribution chart. (like here)
And people that are considered 'a bit smart' begin from 110.
100 is your average Joe.
Below is your average dumb Joe.
And I saw some charts that people that actually contribute something to developement on human race begin from IQ of 120, and above (more from about 140, actually).
So, it's not some sort of 'saying' - it's fucking fact.

 

[Blacklung]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: For every intilgent person on this universal speck of dust, there are one hundred more idiots.

Discovered America, aren't you?
Just lookup IQ distribution chart. (like here)
And people that are considered 'a bit smart' begin from 110.
100 is your average Joe.
Below is your average dumb Joe.
And I saw some charts that people that actually contribute something to developement on human race begin from IQ of 120, and above (more from about 140, actually).
So, it's not some sort of 'saying' - it's fucking fact.

Haha, I love it. Thank you for the factual backing. Still for some reason I'm always surprised by such absolute stupidity where ever I find it. You'd think I'd be immunized by now considering I'm a pre-med student living in a frat house on campus that specializes in business (I'm here for the psych dept.). Talk about stuck behind enemy lines.

 

[Claw]

I like "the tons of gameplay" whatever that means.

I am guessing barrels you can throw around using telekinesis.

 

[Blacklung]

I like "the tons of gameplay" whatever that means.

I am guessing barrels you can throw around using telekinesis.

Donkey Kong RPG anyone? :wink:

Edit: I'm almost afraid...it would probably sell well.

 

[TheGreatGodPan]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: For every intilgent person on this universal speck of dust, there are one hundred more idiots.

Discovered America, aren't you?
Just lookup IQ distribution chart. (like here)
And people that are considered 'a bit smart' begin from 110.
100 is your average Joe.
Below is your average dumb Joe.
And I saw some charts that people that actually contribute something to developement on human race begin from IQ of 120, and above (more from about 140, actually).
So, it's not some sort of 'saying' - it's fucking fact.

If you want to become a true IQ elitist I suggest you read "The g Factor", "IQ and the Wealth of Nations", "The Bell Curve" and "Human Accomplishment" (alright, the last one is about dead smart people, but it's by Charles Murray).

 

[kingcomrade]

omg wer teh samrt evry1 esle is dum!!! rnt we?

 

[Master Thief]

Character Looks#3
This poster wants the female characters to look more like DOA girls.

Im going to make my character look like a sweet Transvestite from Transexual Transylvania

 

[kingcomrade]

Bethesda, please release screenshots of the male and female bodies without clothes on!

Yeah!

Are they really serious? Oh noes, the NPC chix have small boobs! BETH U SUK!!

 

[Zomg]

This poster wants the female characters to look more like DOA girls.

Does anyone remember what it was like to have never seen anything anime at all? And then you see it for the first time as a teenager or twenty-something, and it's all fucking disturbing, the elephant man deformity of it? Kids these days are cheated out of that by all of those CCG advertisement cartoons.

 

[Lumpy]

Voice overs for books

 

[Chefe]

Voice overs for books

Well, they would have nailed down their target audience perfectly then. 12 year old ADHD children who can't read.

 

[Micmu]

Em... Why not picture books?

 

[Umber]

Em... Why not picture books?

well because if you had to read a book telling you where some thing is kept and shows you a house but not telling you where the house is located then that would be a problem.
unless if it was a book with both text and pictures.

 

[Data4]

Maybe in their native location these things are so buried that it's hard to see at a casual glance. I hope everyone in that office in Maryland has a chance to read our thread here.

See what you have wrought? Are you proud? I bet Julian LeFay is laughing his ass off right now.

-D4