From Software Elden Ring - From Software's new game with writing by GRRM

[Andnjord]

The cracked up ADHD Lions used to be my most feared enemy for quite a while, took me some time to understand their moveset but they're still a very annoying enemy that locks me too often into the 'wait ages for your window to attack once, repeat' routine and they have a lot of HP on top of their habit of jumping away from anything but your first quick attack.
Runebears I find now that they give way more bonking opportunities, allowing me to reliably break their stance. Of course, during my first playthrough every meeting of them invariably resulted in a mental scream of "Ah! Runebear!" and me running the fuck away as far as possible.

 

[Bloodeyes]

Did you get your blood eyes doing Varre's quest yet?

BTW, this game has the worst dragon form of them all. You just get dragon eyes that get replaced by either the blood eyes or frenzied eyes and you can't get them back.

Well, ok, maybe DS3 is still worse:

No. Varre's quests sound like you need multiplayer and I don't want to enable that. I don't have a PS+ account and don't want one. Seeing player ghosts and messages everywhere sounds annoying as fuck and I don't want invasions. I just want to play my game in peace without anyone bothering me. I have dragon eyes and they are fine.

 

[Lyric Suite]

That actually raises a good question. I didn't think of it at first but it seems you can only do that part of the quest online. Not sure if you miss on his armor and weapon later on or if it's just the invasion finger (which you wouldn't need offline) and the teleport thingy.

 

[Andnjord]

That actually raises a good question. I didn't think of it at first but it seems you can only do that part of the quest online. Not sure if you miss on his armor and weapon later on or if it's just the invasion finger (which you wouldn't need offline) and the teleport thingy.

I can confirm he invades you in Mohg's Palace regardless of wether or not you did his quest. The only thing you'd be missing out on is the easier access to said Palace.

 

[mediocrepoet]

That actually raises a good question. I didn't think of it at first but it seems you can only do that part of the quest online. Not sure if you miss on his armor and weapon later on or if it's just the invasion finger (which you wouldn't need offline) and the teleport thingy.

I can confirm he invades you in Mohg's Palace regardless of wether or not you did his quest. The only thing you'd be missing out on is the easier access to said Palace.

And the bloody finger thing for invasions. But since you can get the recusant one, this seems to change nothing except your title, so who cares?

Seriously, is there any point to this? No faction points or rewards, so... why are there even two invasion items?

 

[mediocrepoet]

Did you get your blood eyes doing Varre's quest yet?

BTW, this game has the worst dragon form of them all. You just get dragon eyes that get replaced by either the blood eyes or frenzied eyes and you can't get them back.

Dragon eyes can be replaced afaik by offering more dragon hearts after your eyes have changed to frenzied or blood. Or if you want to return them to normal after any of that, you can use the cosmetic option in the rebirth menu.

 

[Andnjord]

That actually raises a good question. I didn't think of it at first but it seems you can only do that part of the quest online. Not sure if you miss on his armor and weapon later on or if it's just the invasion finger (which you wouldn't need offline) and the teleport thingy.

I can confirm he invades you in Mohg's Palace regardless of wether or not you did his quest. The only thing you'd be missing out on is the easier access to said Palace.

And the bloody finger thing for invasions. But since you can get the recusant one, this seems to change nothing except your title, so who cares?

Seriously, is there any point to this? No faction points or rewards, so... why are there even two invasion items?

Give another potential introduction to new players to the concept of invasions? Although I had completely missed his questline on my first playthrough, it's not like I had a particularly strong desire to go back to that guy several times.

Spoiler

I also had no idea until now about the recusant finger.

Dragon eyes can be replaced afaik by offering more dragon hearts after your eyes have changed to frenzied or blood. Or if you want to return them to normal after any of that, you can use the cosmetic option in the rebirth menu.

Oooooooh, so that's what happened to my char on the first playthrough...

 

[Dhaze]

Oooooooh, so that's what happened to my char on the first playthrough...

You and me both... Until now I thought the golden eyes of my first character were due to me becoming the Elden Lord.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Re: above, you will also lose the frenzied eyes if you somehow manage to remove the influence of the flame...

 

[Dhaze]

Yeah, about removing the frenzied eyes: it was a huge letdown in my latest playthrough.

Since I inherited the frenzied flame Melina was pretty pissed and threatened me (but girl, seein' the way you fought against Morgott, you're not in any position to threaten me). But then she didn't need to sacrifice herself; so, in my book, that's a plus. Then I used Miquella's Needle, following the instruction given by that item's description. Then ultimately I picked the standard ending.

And I never saw Melina again. Not even a quick drop by. No, "Holy hell tarnished, you managed to do all that by your lonesome and I didn't need to become all crispy and shit? Neat! Guess I can find something to do with my life now."

Very bad. Big sad.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Yeah, about removing the frenzied eyes: it was a huge letdown in my latest playthrough.

Since I inherited the frenzied flame Melina was pretty pissed and threatened me (but girl, seein' the way you fought against Morgott, you're not in any position to threaten me). But then she didn't need to sacrifice herself; so, in my book, that's a plus. Then I used Miquella's Needle, following the instruction given by that item's description. Then ultimately I picked the standard ending.

And I never saw Melina again. Not even a quick drop by. No, "Holy hell tarnished, you managed to do all that by your lonesome and I didn't need to become all crispy and shit? Neat! Guess I can find something to do with my life now."

Very bad. Big sad.

My personal head canon has it being the tragicomedy rom com ending.

Spoiler

Melina, my love! Now we can be together forever since you're not briquettes!

I'm sorry, Tarnished. I can never see you again. You broke my trust and my heart when you refused to listen to me. And now that you've allowed the Frenzied Flame in once, who's to say it's not still in there? Or what other dark influence you've opened yourself into through that needle?

Melina, wait! I...

Please don't make this harder than it has to be. Goodbye!

 

[Dhaze]

Poor Tarnished. It's so difficult to find love in the golden lands.

Rennala is way too deep into the whole mommy roleplay thing. Ranni is too cold. Melina is either way too hot or doesn't forgive you for becoming hot yourself. Nepheli bangs Kenneth and Gostoc. Roderika has grand-daddy issues. Sellen... well there's a head joke in there somewhere, but I can't find it. Enia only needs two fingers. Fia has a necrostiff fetish. Latenna is into bestiality. Tanith has a vore fetish. Rya is a reptilian. Millicent and Malenia have AIDS.

Which only leaves Hyetta. Because who encourages you to touch her? Who encourages you to get butt-naked? Hyetta! Best waifu confirmed; wedding DLC needed.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Nepheli bangs Kenneth and Gostoc.

brazzers.jpg

Which only leaves Hyetta. Because who encourages you to touch her? Who encourages you to get butt-naked? Hyetta! Best waifu confirmed; wedding DLC needed.

So, uh... did you talk to her after?
Because if you didn't, you really should.

 

[NJClaw]

You all keep forgetting about tarnished-eater Mildred. You beat her up over and over and yet she keeps wanting to eat you. True wife material.

 

[Lyric Suite]

Too many waifus in this game Myazaki's wife must be really ugly or something lmao.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Too many waifus in this game Myazaki's wife must be really ugly or something lmao.

You don't think this pussy magnet can pull? Really?

Spoiler

I think he looks a bit like a child molester, personally.

 

[BoroMonokli]

Spoiler

Many players are kids. People complain about getting fucked in the games, so it makes sense.

 

[Lyric Suite]

Yeah, and we are the children he is molesting.

Case in point, i just got to the Haligree Tree lul

 

[Caim]

Anyway, i tried to do the invisible nimble sorts in Ordina without the torch. Lmao yeah right. Maybe if they didn't do that grab attack it would have been possible. As it is i weep for the people who don't read item descriptions.

Craft a couple of Rainbow Stone Arrows, grab a shortbow, make an assassin visible, quickly clip her with one or two arrows, then follow the floating glowing stones with both hands free to deliver an asswhooping.

 

[Lyric Suite]

Yay, made it to the second bonfire whatever in Haligree.

 

[Dhaze]

brazzers.jpg

Elderly cuckhold husband watches impotently as buff lesbian dominates virgin soyboy.

So, uh... did you talk to her after?
Because if you didn't, you really should.

Wait, no, I don't think I did! What does she say?

You all keep forgetting about tarnished-eater Mildred. You beat her up over and over and yet she keeps wanting to eat you. True wife material.

You mean Anastasia, right? That should be an easter egg. When she invades you for the third time, doing the Spread Out gesture should see her come towards you and do the Extreme Repentance one; if she angles it correctly, we've got Elden porn, baby!

Too many waifus in this game Myazaki's wife must be really ugly or something lmao.

Miyazaki-sama is not interested in women, only their feet. In fact, given his suspicious penchant for naked feet, I'm actually surprised he went with the Fingers and not the Toes.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Wait, no, I don't think I did! What does she say?

Spoiler

Something about touching her again and then rejoicing that she's actually a maiden and you're her Lord or something like that. Then she bursts into flame, burning from the inside out. She also gives you the frenzied flame seal.
Wiki says her dialogue is as below:

After the Tarnished is marked by the Three Fingers

• Ahhh, the flame of chaos has nestled within you. Could you please rest your hand upon me? Burn me with the flame, to make me your Maiden...

After touching Hyetta

• Oh, it burns... My eyes, my eyes, they're melting... Aaargh!
• Thank... thank you... I have touched them. The words of the Three Fingers. As your maiden, allow me to divine them. All that there is came from the One Great. Then came fractures, and births, and souls. But the Greater Will made a mistake. Torment, despair, affliction... every sin, every curse. Every one, born of the mistake. And so, what was borrowed must be returned. Melt it all away, with the yellow chaos flame. Until all is One again.
• Those who gave me grapes howled without words. Saying they wished they were never born. Become their lord. Take their torment, despair. Their affliction. Every sin, every curse. And melt it all away. As the Lord of Chaos. No more fractures...no more birth... (sighs)

Miyazaki-sama is not interested in women, only their feet. In fact, given his suspicious penchant for naked feet, I'm actually surprised he went with the Fingers and not the Toes.

I think GRRM has a thing for fingers, given how many characters have something about fingers in their names. Like Littlefinger in ASOIAF.

EDIT: Actually, there were fingers in DS3 too like Yellowfinger Heysel, part of Rosaria's fingers. Deep lore. Meh.

 

[Dhaze]

Wait, no, I don't think I did! What does she say?

Woof. That girl has some freaky streak in her.

I think GRRM has a thing for fingers, given how many characters have something about fingers in their names. Like Littlefinger in ASOIAF.

Oh, good catch! Also, not gonna lie: I had almost entirely forgotten about Martin's involvement in Elden Ring. Though something tells me the Dung Eater is his make. And Radahn's horse; Martin loves the horses in his stories.

 

[ELEXmakesMeHard]

Poor Tarnished. It's so difficult to find love in the golden lands.

Rennala is way too deep into the whole mommy roleplay thing. Ranni is too cold. Melina is either way too hot or doesn't forgive you for becoming hot yourself. Nepheli bangs Kenneth and Gostoc. Roderika has grand-daddy issues. Sellen... well there's a head joke in there somewhere, but I can't find it. Enia only needs two fingers. Fia has a necrostiff fetish. Latenna is into bestiality. Tanith has a vore fetish. Rya is a reptilian. Millicent and Malenia have AIDS.

Which only leaves Hyetta. Because who encourages you to touch her? Who encourages you to get butt-naked? Hyetta! Best waifu confirmed; wedding DLC needed.

Nepheli can be transformed into an unwitting rapey waifu though. If you help Seluvis give her the special potion, then you can later find her as a puppet positioned in a "riding position" next to the bed in his hidden sex dungeon. Then later, once Seluvis is killed, you can loot sex-puppet-Nepheli. Yeah, his quest turns kinda dark.

 

[Alphard]

Siluria grab attack ... fair difficulty roflmao