Your friendly gremlin sales person here. Here's a list of the cool games you should get if you haven't already during this sale, summaries at the top:
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Diabloesque
The two Shadows games, it's like a modern Diablo clone except not gay.
Shadows: Heretic Kingdoms at 65% off &
Shadows: Awakening at 75% off. The first game is not included in the sale, but it is good too.
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Torment-like VN
The Codex GOTY
Disco Elysium is at 30% off! Worth every penny, grab the spritual prequel,
The Mystery of the Druids, at 80% off too!
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Larian
The Larian games are on sale, I'm here to tell you which ones doesn't suck and which one will suck your dick.
Dragon Commander is a strategy game where you can date skeletons and tell hippy elves to fuck off, it's 90% off so it's dirt cheap. You can also grab the original
Divine Divinity which put Larian on the map and will tickle your balls with its soundtrack by Kirill Pokrovsky (rip), 90% off on that one too, it's almost free. Finally we have
Divinity 2, which is divisive, made in the same engine as Skyrim and Fallout 4, and the soundtrack is still great, but it has aged worse than the first game. How much off is that? You guessed it, 90%. This is cheaper than a sandwich. The two lame prequels to Baldur's Gate 3, DOS 1 and 2 are also on sale but those are balls and come in twelve different editions so I have no idea what I would post here. Just ignore them.
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Decline in space!
The Outer Worlds is having a 50% off, so if you want to pay to get kicked in the nuts by old people you like (Cain and Boyarsky) then you can do that I guess. The price is still way too high if you ask me, but some people like brown asexual lesbian romance sims here. For more decline in space you can get
Kerbal Space Program at 75% off, it was a meme flavor of the month game years back and nobody cares about it now. But if you haven't tried it and like space shenanigans you might like it. I think this game came with a virus/spyware at one point, but it is probably gone now.
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Ukrainian FPS
Ever since playing the OG S.T.A.L.K.E.R. I have had an contractual obligation to promote Ukrainian shooters, so here it is.
Metro: Exodus is at 66% off, and
Metro: 2033 Redux and
Metro: Last Light Redux is at 80% off, very cheap and still look very good. Don't get the franchise bundle, it's very expensive for some reason.
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Adventure FPS
Speaking of reduxes,
Ether One Redux is at 66% off. It's an adventure game leaning towards waking sim, but it has plenty of puzzles. Myst for people without aspergers. I give it a mention because the story is actually good and not yet another tirade from the usual suspects. If you want something spookier then
Penumbra is at 90% off and
Amnesia (shut up, they only made one game in that series) is also at 90% off. Very cheap those, grab 'em.
The Vanishing of Ethan Carter is one of the first games to properly make use of 3D scans of things and it is 75% off.
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Vampires
Vampire®: The Masquerade - Bloodlines™ is 50% off, everyone here should own it by now, but if you're new then grab this right now. No excuses. You know what is up, vampires, goth chicks, Troika, source engine facial animations. Buy, buy, buy! Already played Bloodlines and aren't too excited about the upcoming trainwreck that is Bloodlines 2? Here's a vampire that only slightly sucks,
Vampyr. 70% off, and it is what you would except of a Focus Home Interactive published game. Made by the same creeps who gave us Life is Strange, aka high school girl simulator by middle-aged brown Frenchmen. That wasn't cringe at all. Finally, if you want to suck blood but don't need it to be an RPG and if you have a nazi fetish then
BloodRayne is still good and 33% off.
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Castlevania-like
It seems as if all platformers try to be Castlevania these days, but if that's what you want then
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is the game for you. 40% off, but still not very cheap. On the other hand
Blasphemous is also off at 10% and although it leans more towards Demon's Souls, it's still very Castlevania-like.
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HoMM
All the Heroes of Might and Magic games are on sale, but you need to grab the best one, made by slavic geniuses. That's right, fuck the third, the
fifth game is the best baby. 75% off on all those titles. What's that, you've already played them to death? Then I have the game for you,
King's Bounty, which is different but will scratch that autism itch you have. 75% off and a bargain price. If you have played that too and just can't get enough then
King's Bounty: Dark Side and
King's Bounty: Warriors of the North are also 75% off. Now what? You don't want those games, they are too cutesy? They lack edge you say? Fine, both
Disciples and
Disciples 2 are 80% off, it's like HoMM but with a great art dicrection without the grid combat, which never was all that tactical.
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Cults!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Trump - Biden wgah'nagl fhtagn!
Cultist Simulator is at 55% off. The game is hard to describe, just play it or watch a gameplay video.
Call of Cthulhu, the third game with that title I think, is also on sale, 70% off. And if you didn't have enough of Lovecraft inspired games you also have
Gibbous - A Cthulhu Adventure (which is like The Curse of Monkey Island with worse writing) at 50% off and
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones off by 75%, the later being published by 1C so it is forever unfinished, but very good regardless. If you want turn based RPG goodness in the vein of Lovecraft you don't have many options and beggars can't be choosers.
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MCA and Star Wars
Star Wars is rad and all, but this is the Codex so we will be focusing on the RPGs here, but you can buy pretty much any LucasArts Star Wars game and you won't be disappointed.
KOTOR1 and
KOTOR2 are both for sale at 65% off. Play the game written by a legendary Codexian rapist, who played with Zoe Quinn's tits before she made the dev of
Night in the Woods (40% off) kill himself. Play it straight, then get subverted by MCA.
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Graphics!
Some of you peeps here are graphics whores, so let me bring out the big guns here. Ninja Theory has made an action game walking sim combination that is kick ass called
Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice, it will blow your mind how good this game looks. 75% off for one of the best looking games this gen. Then you have the devs of Max Payne fame stepping up their game since that shit tier windows store exclusive game they made between the mediocre Alan Wake (Deadly Premonition did TP better) and Control.
Control on the other hand has things going for it and one of those things is being a looker, not to mention being at 30% off right now. If you want to drool over grafics like you did over Max Payne back in 2001 then get this game.
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Underwater spooks
SOMA is a walking sim made by people who once made walking sim horror games. It's good at what it does. 90% off and very cheap. It was the last good game made by Frictional and represents their peak. Speaking of the deep sea,
Bioshock and
Bioshock 2 are also on sale, they are the remastered versions and not as cheap as they could be, but the originals are still included. The size increase the remakes have isn't justified at all. 67% off on those. The second game is the best game in the series, but if you dare to go further into Ken Levine's daughter crush simulator that he made after the guys on the
Bioshock 2 made him jealous, then
Bioshock Infinite is also on sale. He failed spectacularly and Eleanor is much cuter than Elizabeth will ever be, as a punishment for that Levine is now in developer jail at 2K and is forced to make games about lego or something. His game is also 75% off, to make up for the inferior daughteru material.
Too casual? Then grab
X-COM: Terror from the Deep, which is tactical underwater game where you get raped by deep sea ayy lmaos. 75% off on getting squidded? Don't mind if I do.
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Vávra
Makes top review score hand gestures in Italian. Mafia, the real deal, not the shit smeared remake, is off at 80%. Ayy, Tommy, you bettah buy this game here.
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ART n AESTHETICS
Hey, you think yourself highbrow? Here are my picks for people who smoke cigars when they are playing games, and by cigars I don't mean dongs, that's for people who play Ubisoft games. Let's start off with the two artsiest games on sale. The plague and slav depression simulator that is
Pathologic 2 is the hands down best game in this list. If you want to make the case that games can be art then whop this game out, which is at 50% off. The other is by the same developers and even more ART,
The Void, which is 80% off. If you want to earn your top hat and monocle then play that game, and the price is fucking right. Much cheaper than going to the movies or buying a book, how haven't you bought and played this already?
Alright, so you may be highbrow, but not that highbrow? You just want something that has a lot of love poured into it, that is spectacularly beautiful? Say no more, because there are two games on sale that will make you think you are back in the 90s when people still knew how to make isometric games look great.
BEAUTIFUL DESOLATION is a game by very cool South Africans that almost got no media coverage, even so it is a game that is as pretty as it is creative. I guarantee you that you haven't played anything quite like it before. 30% off at an already low price. Wow!Their previous game is a space horror title that is just as good. It is even cheaper, 60% off for
STASIS. Send the devs some money so they can affort to survive.
The Witcher games all look stunning in their own way,
The Witcher (85%) featuring a very folky and crisp look,
The Witcher 2 (85%) being a looker at the time, but being the game that has aged worst in the series, and
The Witcher 3 (70%) looking like an oil painting. They might not be deep, but they all look great and the writing is some of the best in the genre.
Beyond that I can only tell you to check out
Hypnospace Outlaw, it's a 90s internet sim. 25% off on that one. Also, if you can't grow a beard and like aesthetic games
GRIS might be for you, 60% off.
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Eurojank
You want RPGs for real men but don't want unfinished slavjank? Right on, my brudda. Let's start with
Of Orcs And Men, the only proper orc simulator on the market that is 85% off. This is the game where Styx was introduced, go play it, greenskin. Then we have the open world titles.
Two Worlds and
Two Worlds II are 60% off, being more fun than the TES games after Morrowind they are worth buying. If you have friends you can also play them in multiplayer. Then we have the one game Piranha Bytes has been maing over and over again since Gothic, the risen games.
Risen,
Risen 2: Dark Waters and
Risen 3: Titan Lords are each 75% off and very cheap. ELEX isn't on sale, but when it is you should buy that too, since you have already been scammed by these Germans several times before or you just really like Gothic.
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Commie blasters
Alright, so you think commies are taking over America? A hard sell if you ask me, I would say it is the corporations, but I don't judge, maybe it's both. Two games in which you make antifa asshurt coming up. First is an RTS by the Swedes who made Ground Control, the strategy game which did away with base building to focus on the strategy. Fight off the reds before they take over America in
World in Conflict which is at 75% off. If you prefer games of a less cerebral nature there is also
Freedom Fighters, a third person squad shooter where you also kick commie ass. 34% off at that antifa fight sim.
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Spooktober
Where are the spooks? Here they are. First let's bring one up that reversese the roles, you are now the spooker and not the spokee in
Ghost Master, a game that is 80% off. Maybe that isn't your thing to manage ghosts to spook humanoids. Maybe you prefer to shoot horrors in the face? Right on, let's start with
Blood: Fresh Supply, it might not be the source code port that we all wanted, because the source code is fucking lost, but it still the best horror shooter ever made and it is 40% off. KEX is not Build, but it is decent enough. If you have no clue about this game then think Doom but with a proper horror movie theme, or Duke Nukem with a horror theme. Boomer shooters are too old for you? Then get
Painkiller, which is still pretty boomer but much newer. Battle in and out of hell at 80% off. Shooting games makes horror less scary? If you mean that you want to just walk around and get spooked then
Layers of Fear is the game for you (80%), if not and you want something slow but not pure walking then
Sanitarium (30%) can make you uneasy even from an isometric angle. If you want a more traditional adventure game then perhaps you want to check out
The Cat Lady, no not in that way, I mean you should try the game out. 70% off the cat lady. Heh.
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Sneaky
Games for the burger kings among us. You should already have these if you are into stealth, but let's list them for the newfags. First off a goblin stealth game,
Styx: Master of Shadows, already a classic and at 90% off.
Thief,
Thief 2 at 86% and
Thief: Deadly Shadows is 89%, because it's just not as good as the first two games, but worth buying and playing anway. I don't need to tell you what they are like, do I? If you are a zoomer you should just play them, no discussion. Then we have social stealth, in the three best Hitman games,
Codename 47,
Silent Assassin and
Blood Money, all at 75% off.
Contracts is good, but it is just a rehash of previous games for the console gamers who never got to experience the glory of the first game. Then we have the Russian version of Hitman,
Death to Spies, at 80% off.
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Pure RPGs
You want the real deal, you want proper RPGs like they used to make them? Here we go, fella.
Elminage Gothic is a quality blobber and it is 80% off, with prices such as these you don't have to worry about your purchases but rather if you will have time play them all. You can't even buy a proper icecream for this money. Obsidian shat the bed not just once, not even twice, but three times now, before they got their game over screen and was bought up by Microsoft. So who are you going to call if not the old neckbeard RPG-busters that were supposed to be the continuation of Black Isle? Slavs always have the answer, this time in the form of an infinity engine style RPG in unity that doesn't blow.
Pathfinder: Kingmaker was made by a successor studio to Nival, those peeps behind Etherlords and HoMM5. They did catch the gay from their close proximity to the guys at Paizo, but even that can't stop the game from blowing the Californian efforts out of the water. Even poor Swen can't compete with these lads despite combining Divinity: Original Sin with Baldur's Gate to create a blockbuster RPG. 30% off might not seem like a lot, but if you are going to buy one RPG this year and don't have it already then get it.
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What the fuck is this?
Sorting this shit is getting out of hand for me, so I will just dump some games on you here.
I Have No Ass And I Must Shit is a point and click classic and the brainchild of Science Fiction author Harlan Ellison, try to escape the Allied Mastercomputer's torture in a post-apocalypse hell. 65%
Kholat is about dissappearing Russians and read to you by Sean Bean. 83%
The Mummy Demastered brings something good to a not good film. Top tier SNES style platforemer action game. 50%
Imperialism 2: The Age of Exploration, you want to know what those lefties mean when they use buzzwords such as imperialism, right? This is the game that will teach you that. Imperialim is so good that it got a sequel! So play it and exploit some labor. 76%
BloodNet, no time to explain this fuckery. Vampires and cyberpunk. 75%
NecroVision, Painkiller meets the original Call of Duty. 81%
The House in Fata Morgana, this is a VN, but if you like VNs then this is pretty good. Hey, I know you liked Disco Elysium, so it is only one small step from that game to this. 50%
VirtuaVerse, point and click, cyberpunk, play it. 20%
The Talos Principle, puzzle game by the Serious Sam devs that didn't suck. 90%
Those are my recommendations during this sale.
