The true beauty of kcd is that the designers allow me to be a troll to the world, but they also allow the world to troll me back.
Last night I was perusing the wares of the local armourer and I figured it would be stupid of me to actually pay for any of it since I'm now a master thief. I was gonna rob the store real quick and then go to bed.
After casing the joint for a side entrance, I waited until night at the inn, then ran into town and started picking the lock but was caught because if you walk around without a torch, eagle eye guards stop at nothing to fine you robocop style. Fuck, where do I get a torch at this time of night? I searched everywhere at the inn, I robbed a few houses but couldn't find a torch anywhere and it was now morning. FUCK.
I decide to pickpocket a guard for a torch but just as I hit the pickpocket button, he turns around and catches me. FUCK!!
I can't pay the fine or he'll take my expensive armour that's still marked as hot after like a month. So I stab him and run away, he slices me in the back and I fall down a cliff, injuring my ankles. I circle all the way around to the miller and sleep, then stash my armour, find a torch in a cupboard (score!!) and head over to pay my fine for pickpocketing. Only, that guard fell to his death when he tried chasing me down the hill so I find out that I'm wanted for murder. 10 days in jail. FUCK!!!
Okay, jail sentence complete. Starving and tired now, don't want to rob the store when my stats are messed up anyways. Kill a bunch of chickens next door and rest at the miller's house until I'm in good shape. What time is it? midnight?! God damn it, this was only supposed to take an hour. Oh well, can't stop now.
Walk up to the side door with my torch out, start picking and the door opens, a guard walks out and turns around and goes back in. Fuck, a patrolling guard in this game is gonna be a nightmare. Luckily, I manage to hide in a corner and snuff him out when he walks by. I make it to the storefront but there's nothing there, no weapons out, no chests. Come on! I look everywhere and there's no loot, though there is a door upstairs that has a lock that's too difficult to pick. FUCK!!!!
In another room, i find the store guard sleeping on a bench next to another guard. Here goes nothing, I stab both of them and take their keys. One of them opens the locked door. YES! The room is full of treasure chests. Finally. All the horseshit that I just went through has finally paid off! I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams!! Oops, lock is too difficult? I'll try the next one... Nope too difficult... surely one of these will open to a key or something at least right? RIGHT?!
Wrong. Defeated, I gingerly step around the bodies of the men I killed and creep out the back door, torch in hand. I got a little loot from the dead at least. As I'm walking to the gate, I hear "Stop right there, I have to search you!" FUUUUCK!!!
With a grim determination, I run out the front gate and jump down the hill, re-injuring henry's poor ankles. Time to leave this bullshit town, I'm DONE with it.
