Completed Let's Larp the Court of King Vale clumsily preparing a royal summit in Fit To Be A King

[vazha]

Knight the puppy sirrah, he's got glowing credentials. Can read too, and I can't.

 

[V_K]

Knight the puppy sirrah, he's got glowing credentials. Can read too, and I can't.

But isn't this irrefutable evidence that dark sorcery is at play? Don't fall for the foul creature's guile, it's the agent of unholy darkness!

 

[mondblut]

That strange fellovve is wyeldyng undue influence over the lyege. 'T woulde be a shame vvere somethynge to happene to hym...

 

[Kalarion]

ValeVelKal goddammit, stop doing these without pinging me! I wanted to be a knight and now it's taken. Can I maybe be a soldier or something?

I mean, LOOK at that avatar!

 

[ValeVelKal]

IV. The Dung village

Knights and Serfs

So first thing first - my Council advised me to Knight the dog ! It had been indeed a good dog, poiting Tindrli as the culprit for the steal of the Treasury Key. Henceforth :

Thank you, my good dog !

<knight> Sir Citizen doesn't seem to know that word

Well, maybe it was not a GOOD decision, but if he/she/it does not know what a knight is, it can't be a bad decision either.

The pup, excited as ever, doesn't leave his attempts to get the king outside for a walk around the village. He was inside all day, which makes the king think of a beautiful oriental carpet in his throne room... would be a shame if SOMETHING happened to it just before the summit, right?

Fine !


So I take the dog, cross the drawbridge...

... and go explore a bit around the moat, where I meet... a PEASANT !

A serf says : D"you hear who died ? Oh, never mind, Your Majesty.

The serf kneels

<name> Don't worry yourself with it your majesty

The game did not give me a name but I am sure a Codexer will...

No. I believe you have the same dialog tree as every single of my serfs, so you don't get to be anyone.

But this avatar... certainly ....

I took the most miserable avatar from Ultima VII. The one with crutches.

:/

<job> I work your fields as a serf, Your Majesty.

<serf> I am your serf and you've promised to protect me

<protect> So far so good, against that evil Blakemore

<blakemore> That rascal. You'll outdo him at the summit, I am sure

<summit> Sounds fun, your Majesty

<fun> Oh, the fields are great fun too.

<field> I work them as hard as I can, Your Majesty

<Majesty> That's you

What ? No jokes about naked women in lakes handing out swords as a form of government ?

I don't know what you mean. If you father was a King, you are legit' enough to me.

Sailor and Kids

I then get into the house - as a King I don't even need to knock. There is a guy that does not look like a serf :

The sailor is singing a shanty. He sings : What do we do with a drunken sailor...

<name> : I was Captain Draco when I was a sailor

<job> : My boat's been retired upriver. Now I only dream of sailing

<dream> : In my dreams, I fight a crew of Blue Gulls, but that can't be right

<Blue Gulls> : Have you had the same dream

So I decide to go up, and sure thing the moat turns out to be a river after all and there is a boat there.

By curiosity, I explore the other side of the "moat" and find no ship, none I can reach anyway, but a cross :

After that, I head back to the village. I see a first ruined house, and the general area is literally full of dung :

I reach the village proper, with two house :

One is empty except for a serf and more dung :

The other is only marginally more valuable with a rat and dung :

Further South, there is something that looks almost like a village street :

The Stone building turns out to be a Church, but I first open that door North :

Wow! Your Majesty?! It's weawy you! ?

<name> : My name is Horvatii

<job> : I am thwee and a half

<Summit> : Sounds bowing

<child> : no, you aw

<thwee> : and a HALF

<half> : I can't wait to be foh

<bowing> : Yes you are bowing it is true

<Rats> : Wats are fun! And funny!

I can agree with that !

Meeting our Hero Lilura the (other) Knight

After this strange encounter, I get into the Church, where I meet the warrior that was described to me by Knight Strange Fellow : Lilura :

A knight stop praying. She says: Oh, Your Majesty. You honor me. What is the matter ?

<name>Your knighted me as Sir Lilura

<job> I shall protect you as best I can, Your Majesty

I am the definitive authority on protecting Kings

<protect><summit> I shall keep you safe during the summit.

<safe> I shall protect you, Your Majesty

<dragon> Ah, the cook had his way, then I shall find a dragon for him. I shall only take a comment. The cook would like to speak with you, I'm sure.

But before I do... can you confirm you are not playing the Extended Edition of that game ?

I wrote a guide on killing Dragons, really. And the top 10 weapons to kill dragons. And an analysis on the background music you hear while killing Dragons. But only if you play the game as intended by the original dragon. Else, I don't kill Dragons.

Rest assured, my child, that I am playing the game as intended. I am not at all adding texts to that game or using editing tool to put my good dog next to me as I walk in this village when it should stay in the bedroom.

Then I will go. I have more views for "killing dragons" than any other dragon-hunter !


I explore the rest of the Church, but the book is the same as in my private church in my castle, and so is the Bible. For now.

Finding secrets in the inn

I carry on exploring, and find another large building :

Getting inside, it is the inn !

Going up, there are indeed two rooms, one of them being the one Tindrli described as contained the key, behind the fireplace :

But I need to ask the key to the room itself to the innkeeper :

Hey smelly! This is the Wild

<smelly> <idiot> : I call 'em like I see 'em, in my inn.

<hog> : That's right, smelly. Want a room

<inn> : Our rooms have only a few lice.

<lice> : They're fairly well fed and don't bite much

<job> : This is my inn. You can rent a room if you like.

<name> : Idiots around here call me Maxie

<summit> : summits cost an awful lot of gold, I guess

<gold> : I hear they're raising gold for the summit

<rent> : Ye want a room ?

<Yes> : Suppose I have to give ye a room or ye'll execute me. Fine. Pig room for you. The last one.

Back upstair :

The book is quite interesting indeed !

Looks like I am going to travel more than expected.

Anyway, time to look for the key behind the fireplace :

And here it is !

Going downstairs, trying to get the key to the second room does not yield anything :

<herring> That room's rented, by a rich so-and-so

But the book tells me something interesting about music :

Well, two books read in one session ! Take that, procrastination !


Finally, further South I reach the (only) entrance to the village, with two guards blocking the passage. They warn me about "bears".

[the second guard is hidden behind the text bubble]

Back to Castle

This done, I get back to my castle. Time to visit the treasury :

In total, I find 300 gold, which is actually not THAT much.

There is also a treasure in the Church, but this one I can't open :

Asking the Priest :

<rose> The Rose Key ? The Jester has it !


So guess who I visit next :

Me ?

Indeed !

Happily enough, the Jester knows better than to send me off on some stupid quest :

... and I get to loot the Church's treasure. At least part of it :

The rest is totally walled-off, so I suspect the access is behind the ghost. Consequently, it is time to apply Council Decision #2 : Jailing the ghost.

I get down and (J) the Ghost :

.... HOW DARE YOU ?

Oh well, no way to remove the Ghost.

Told you it was not a good idea. Did you execute the dog yet ?


Last thing, get into the Kitchen for the Roasted Dragon whatever. Talking to my good cook Darth Roxxor :

<Dragon> Oh, Sir Lilura hunted the perfect Dragon ! I'll just dispose of these feathers !

<Feathers> Ah! Ah! No, of course Dragons have no feathers ! Wink !

That was a dangerous joke there.

<Dragon> The Dragon will be delicious. I hope the golden flan will, also ...


Clearly it is not over until I also order the Golden Flan, so I go to see the Butler :

How much was it that you requested ?

700 gold sir !

<Yes> A rare delight ! My dream shall come true ! I shall work with Antonio on the flan. Thank you !

No mention of the dragon, by checking (Z)ummit, I can see it is there :

Well, this ends it for today. You know the drill. I worked on expanding the map, but I lost it fully due to a bug, so no more maps from now on.

I believe there is still one "round" worth of exploration in the village, and one "round" worth of meeting my fair people in the Castle.

No one I will meet in the village will be part of my council (except if I married/ordained/knighted them), so Kalerion & Ol' Willy can wait.

Knight Strange Fellow, Knight Citizen but also Andnjord , mondblut , vazha , Dayyālu , Endemic , Darth Roxor , Helly , Azira, V_K and even Crispy, Lilura and Volourn against your will, you are part of my Court !

You will now decide :
- Who do I Knight !
- Who do I Jail !
- Who do I Execute !
- Should I reform the Religion ?
- What should I explore next ? There are many options at this point, including the rampart, the subterranean river, the rest of the village, the rest of the Castle, outside the village or even take the boat !

With 2 "recently knighted" knights, decision will be taken at +9.

 

[Helly]

Hey Mr King, you big pansy! Why haven't you executed anyone yet? Afraid of a little blood are you? What, are you gonna cry? Ohhh don't be a baby...

 

[mondblut]

I thynke thee kyngdomme has waye too manie knyghte. Thou shouldst exequte one of theme, lyege. I juste happene to knovve a certayne loyalle, keye-gyvynge servante vvho couldst be knyghtede insteade of onne of those oaves...

On a compleately unrelatede note, thou couldst take a boate and ryde it into the sunsete... never to returne...

 

[vazha]

SIR Lilura, eh? Eh? Insightful as ever, majesty. Also, what the hell was that innkeeper thinking giving you cheek like that? Can't be tolerated, no sir, that's a capital offense right there.

 

[Darth Roxor]

It seems Vale is a king of barely adequate treasury. Sad!

Also as to where to next:

 

[V_K]

That strange fellovve is wyeldyng undue influence over the lyege. 'T woulde be a shame vvere somethynge to happene to hym...

Come to think of it, you have a point here. He's probably in cahoots with the dog too.

 

[Strange Fellow]

By my knightly grace, I invite the serf known as mondblythe to et a bagge of dyckes forth-with.

 

[Strange Fellow]

In fact, for his vile transgressions against the crown and my person, I demand that the insolent knave mondblōd be Executed!
As for thine own ventures, my lord, 'twould indeed be most wise to be rollynge on yon river.

 

[mondblut]

In fact, for his vile transgressions against the crown and my person, I demand that the insolent knave mondblōd be Executed!

Thy mother smelleth of elderberryes!

See, lyege, how quicke he is to assaulte thy loyalle servantes vvho exposee truthe. 'Tis naughte but conspyracee to depose thee. I sweare his pocketes are lyned with Blakemore's golde!

 

[Strange Fellow]

Thou art False Tidings!

 

[V_K]

Knight the jester, execute the knight. And the dog. You'll thank me later!

And in case you haven't noticed, the dog looks suspiciously like a goat up close. Isn't that a sure sign that he's the devil?

 

[mondblut]

Thou art False Tidings!

Thine owne underlynge hast nearlie elopede with the lyege's treasurie ryghte beneathe thine nosee. Is that grosse neglygencee... or somethynge more synystre?

Lyege, commande to torture the thyeve to exposee the nefaryouse scheme.

 

[Azira]

Can we form an inquisition?

What happens if you knight a priest?

 

[V_K]

Strange Fellow, only in death will you get rid of my haunting. So vote for your own execution. And the dog's, if you don't want to go to Hell afterwards.

 

[Endemic]

Explore the castle.

 

[ValeVelKal]

Can we form an inquisition?

What happens if you knight a priest?

No idea

 

[ValeVelKal]

Execute anyone : Helly(2)
Execute Knight Strange Fellow : Mondblut (3), V_K (3) + 2 from Helly
Execute Maxie : Vazha(3) + 2 from Helly
Execute Mondblut : Strange Fellow (6) + 2 from Helly
Knight Mondblut : V_K (3)

What to do next :
Navigate : Mondblut (3), Strange Fellow (6)
Explore the casle : Endemic (1)

 

[Darth Roxor]

Gee, I sure hope nobody executes the jester, he's like the only one here who can define an RPG *drops more carrots into his stew pot*

 

[Strange Fellow]

Strange Fellow, only in death will you get rid of my haunting. So vote for your own execution. And the dog's, if you don't want to go to Hell afterwards.

I ain't afraid of no foul spectre. Shoveth off.

 

[V_K]

Shoveth off.

I heard you the first time, you know? Repeating doesn't make it any more effective. Repenting, on the other hand...

 

[Azira]

I think I should be knighted so we can start an inquisition. It might even be part of reforming the bible.