Completed Let's Larp the Court of King Vale clumsily preparing a royal summit in Fit To Be A King

[Helly]

Come on, bossman, you should be having some fun. You're the man, you know? Do you really need a Pope? I can cut short any theological debate, if you see what I mean...
Share your *knighthood* with everybody, too, you only live once.

 

[vazha]

*The court pup seems very attached to the guard captain, and often stops by for a little playtime and treat. Surely a person that inspires such admiration in animals is pure of heart and deserving of a knight's rank*

Dang, I thought strange fellow was the dog and we were knighting a pup to be our first knight!

 

[Citizen]

*As the pup sneaks into the kitchen after midnight to steal some bacon, he notices Vazha, the royal vintner, struggling with a book by candlelight. Sweat runs down the old man's forehead as he fails miserably to spell the simplest words.*

*The pup whines disapprovingly, betraying his presence, and the red faced vintner quickly hides his book, puts out the candle and shamefully retreats in the direction of his bedroom.*

*If the pup could understand how hard the life of man, who despite his position still struggles with basic reading, can be, he'd be sorry. But since he's just a dog, he goes straight for the bacon.*

 

[ValeVelKal]

Part III : The Pope, the Father, the ghost & Me

Father Azira's Church

So as decided by my court, I go East to the religious area.

Hey, fancy this !

Let's talk to the Priest !

I am here if you wish to pray or confess !

<name> I am father Thomas of course

<Father> Aye, your Majesty. So long as you do not (R)eform the Bible

<reform> You may (R)eform on the Bible, but I'd rather you didn't.

<Bible> I worry you'll (R)eform the church. Please don't

<Church> (R)eforming the Bible would be utter chaos!

<Pope> If you (R)eform, you'll be the Pope, I suppose. Please don't.

Listen, you mention (R)eform a lot. YOu would not be trying to get me to (R)eform the religion and then (J)ail you ?

I could be a religious figure destined to wind up in manacles.

OOOooooKKKKKK

<summit> Will you pay 300 gold for an angelic choic ?

<No> Then I'll pray for you in the meanwhile.

<Blakemore> That rascal ! You'll outdo it at the summit for sure!

OK then let's see what's there. Eh ! is that the Bible !

Uh, I don't like the content. Let's ask the Priest about it.

<Divorce> Please don't (R)eform the Bible

BUT WILL YOU STOP !

<Marriage> Marriage is a sacred act, defined by God alone!

<God> He exists, your majesty, you can be certain.

OK what else... uhhhhh RICHES !

Lady Crispy of the Garden. She likes the lute very much

This is all nice. There is a ladder down too, but let's explore further around the Church.


I found a fountain with a lady.

Good day, Milady !

??? What.... What ...

I said goodday !

... I was trolling in the shoutbox seconds ago... what am I doing in a lame Let's Play ?

... am I a LADY ?

Eh, not really the freshest I am afraid.

<name> I am Countess Crispy, your Majesty

I hate you for dragging me into this.

<job> I am a lady in waiting, and a Countess

<Countess><Count> Yes, I suppose I shall have to marry a Count someday. Pooh.

HOW MANY CHEESY LINES OF DIALOG DO I HAVE ?!

<Lady> Crispy flutters her eyelashes.

Oh COME ON

<marry> I am but a lowly Countess. Someone such as you would never marry me..

OVER MY ALREADY DEAD BODY !

<summit> I hope there are lutes at the summit

<lutes><Song> Songs can capture the hearts of princesses! My favorite song they play is 245676531

WHAT SORT OF STUPID PUZZLE IS THAT ?

Well, I happen to have a lute so ...

Cripsy gives a standing ovation, tears in her eyes.

You play so well! Even a princess would fall in love with such a song!

GOD AM I GIVING CLUES AGAINST MY WILL NOW ! GET LOST !

<Collect Taxes> Crispy gives 30 gold

... wait...

GOOD LORD ! IT TOOK 30 GOLD FROM MY GOTHIC SAVE ! I CAN'T BUY THE 1H SWORD SKILL NOW !

Meeting V_K the Ghost and exploring dark corridors

Well, this done I went back to the Church, and used the ladder down :

Going South I met... a ghost ! Of course he was blocking the way :

The ghost looks at you wearily

<name> I am V_K and only a sinner

<sinner><church> I yearn to confess my sins to a Pope

<pope> I must confess to the head of the church

<confess> I cannot speak of it, except to the Pope

<job> I am only a sinner

<summit> I no longer care for earthly things

Hmmm I wonder how I could bring the head of a church here.

I went up and asked Father Azira

<Ghost> No such thing !

<Confess> What sort of crime have you committed ? Violent or ecumenical ?

<Violent> Oh your majesty ! I know you are a peaceful soul

<Ecumenical> Ah ! A funny word !


Not much help, so I went back down and explored further, I found an Hall of Mirrors :

And a bunch of tombs :

The tombstones carry the name of various Kings and Queens of time past.

And I go further down !

I follow corridors in a sort of labyrinth :

and ... CRAP CRAP CRAP !

I EXPLORED TO DEEP AND TOO GREEDILY.

Fade to black !

.. and back home.

Finding secrets

Thank goodness thou art with us again! We were all very worried over thy condition. Thou hast been unconscious for so long that we thought thou hadst lost thy life!

It is most fortunate that thou fell so near our shelter. Thou must have a protector watching over thee.

... wait I heard that already...

It was Elizabeth and Abraham who found thee and delivered thee to us.

WHO ?

They brought thee here along their way to Britain.

Britain now ? Are you sure you are using dialogs from the correct game ?

Ah ! I am sorry, I have no dedicated line of dialog for when you come back to life for no reason so I made some on the spot. This seemed... appropriate.


Ok, new objective, deliver some justice. Step #1 : the treasury :

Ah hello Sir !

And Goodbye ! (J)ail !

Step #2 : Barracks :

<knight> You need a knight to slay a dragon ? For the kitchens, I am sure. I'll assign Lilura. Tell her you need a roast dragon and she'll find one.

You can't move your ass yourself now that you are a Knight ? No new line of dialog ? Man, if I could Unknight you I would.

Step #3 : Jail

<Talk> I am sorry your majesty. I will tell you where the key is! The owner doesn't know, but I hid it in the pig room of the inn. It's behind the fireplace. Now please (F)orgive me !

Being there, I found out that there are some fake walls !

I explore the castle further, and find more of these, including one next to my bedroom :

I have an hard time believing you never knew about this one, Chamberlain !

I had no idea I swear !

Ok, I need to do something in my room. Something important !

You were right on Tindrli my brave dog !

Cave Explorer !

Finally, I am going back to the dungeon, this time avoiding the traps !

As it is a lot of corridors, here is a small animation. The traps can be seen as four dots forming a square of sort :

As per the GIF, I finally arrived to ANOTHER ladder...

And it brings me to an underground river, and there is a small canoe waiting for me !

Here is the map of the known world (ground floor only) :

... hmm wait what is this hole behind the mirror next to the throne room. I checked all the walls but if I (A)ttacked the mirror ...

It's a BINGO

Andnjord , Citizen , mondblut , tindrli, vazha , Dayyālu , Endemic , Darth Roxor , Helly , Knight Strange Fellow , Azira, V_K and even Crispy and Volourn against your will, you are part of my Court !

You will now decide :
- Who to Knight !
- Who to Jail !
- Who to Execute !
- Should I reform the Religion ?
- What should I explore next ? There are many options at this point, including the rampart, the subterranean river, the village, the end of the castle.

 

[Dayyālu]

It was Elizabeth and Abraham who found thee and delivered thee to us.

Modded Ultima VII Codex Edition When

Serpent Isle would barely require any dialogue fixes I guess

My King! It was with wisdom and Divine Guidance that you rightfully [j]ailed the treacherous Guard! But for sure, it's time for a King to show his mercy and [f]orgive her. Her confession clearly shows repentance! Of course, if there's financial gain something worthwile to be gained from an [e]xecution, that could be also an option.... but only if it profits me us you, my King!

You have met our good Father Azira, skilled in the word of the LORD and in piloting spaceships! I strongly suggest you NOT to [r]eform the Bible! Women are already a plague on society, could you imagine dealing with more than one at once? Furthermore, the good Pope would be greatly saddened!

I'd also suggest to finish exploring the Ramparts, who knows the status of our defences, and the Lord Blakemore has at his disposal fearsome troops!

Spoiler

Pictured: Lord Blakemore's army

 

[mondblut]

Sheeshe, the thyefe vvas such a pussie. Yf vvomyn guarde with the same vygoure as they holde to theyr yll-gotten goodyes, thou shouldst dysmysse them on the spote wyth extreme prejudyce. And here I vvas about to suggeste takyng tindrli as a vvyfe as a certaine vvaye to get the keye back... Shamefur dispraye. Execute her, lyege.

For exploryng, retryevyng the keye and accessyng treasury has to be thyne fyrste pryoryty. But vvwhat dost I knovve, I am a symple jestere...

 

[vazha]

Let's see:
* A priest called Thomas
* Is vehemently against reformation
* reluctant to help ye in divorce

Must be Cardinal Thomas Wolsey, surely? Which makes you Henry the VIII, my liege. Remember Henry? The pie-eating, wife-beheading behemoth of a man who one-upped the pope and basically started the English reformation that would culminate into creation of what is today known as Anglicanism.

If history were to be repeated, Father Azira is next in line in your long list of "people who I accused of treason because I no longer liked them", majesty.

:Waits for Thomas Moore to spawn:

 

[Azira]

- Who to Knight ! Well, knighting the dog would be pretty silly, so don't do that.
- Who to Jail ! Obviously the ghost. We don't hold with no ghosts no. Jail it.
- Who to Execute ! Executions are a terribly final thing to do. Let's not execute anyone. If you must, then the ghost. It's obviously a sham, a ploy to befuddle the good king.
- Should I reform the Religion ? Please don't reform the bible.
- What should I explore next ? There are many options at this point, including the rampart, the subterranean river, the village, the end of the castle. Explore the castle, rampart, village then subterrain, in that order.

 

[Darth Roxor]

Oh yes, definitely jail the ghost.

 

[Citizen]

*The pup, excited as ever, doesn't leave his attempts to get the king outside for a walk around the village. He was inside all day, which makes the king think of a beautiful oriental carpet in his throne room... would be a shame if SOMETHING happened to it just before the summit, right?*

*The weird floaty figure in the catacombs never plays with the dog despite his best attempts to get the phantom's attention. Maybe a little timeout in [j]ail would teach him how to treat a royal pet?*

 

[V_K]

Who to Jail ! Obviously the ghost. We don't hold with no ghosts no. Jail it.
- Who to Execute ! Executions are a terribly final thing to do. Let's not execute anyone. If you must, then the ghost. It's obviously a sham, a ploy to befuddle the good king.

Oh yes, definitely jail the ghost.

Thank you for your haunting applications. I'll check my schedule and return to you later tonight.

 

[Endemic]

Explore the village.

 

[V_K]

Also, I think you should execute all priests and make the ghost the head of the church. It'll be the Church of the Holy Ghost.
Oh, and execute the dog. He stinks.

 

[Andnjord]

My liege, thou should not listenth to the screams of bloodlust. We hath no reason to reform the Church, for it is a Holy Institution and shall support us in our time of need. We should keep a watchful eye on it though, but currently there is no advantage to be drawn from assailing it.

Tindrli broke the King's Law and and the King's Trust, there is only one punishment adequate for it. Hand her to Helly so that justice shall be done.

There is no reason for us to jail V_K, that ghost hath broken no law and caused no harm. Jailing it would be an act of tyranny.

Anyone of these locations seems a fine one for our Liege to explore, but our Majesty might as well find the Key at the Village.

Glory be to Our King! Glory be to Vale the Fifth!

 

[Helly]

Bossman, my axe grows weary, it needs to do *something*, else it might rust. What do you say we try it on that lawless guy so that I can show you how efficient it is? Yeah, let me execute Tindrli. Also I've never cut no ghost before, that'd be interesting. I'm not killing any animals however. Humans I don't care but I will not kill anything furry - not now, not ever so don't ask me again.

Oh, if you're done with the castle, can you see if the blacksmith is done with my axe. That is, if you go the the village any time soon. I'm sure you love fedex quests, right bossman?

 

[V_K]

Humans I don't care but I will not kill anything furry

What about human furries though?

 

[Helly]

Humans I don't care but I will not kill anything furry

What about human furries though?

 

[V_K]

Humans I don't care but I will not kill anything furry

What about human furries though?

So what if I tell you that the dog is really a man who used dark sorcery to turn into a dog so that he could taint the kingdom with his stink?
I'm the expert in supernatural after all, being the ghost and all.

 

[Helly]

Humans I don't care but I will not kill anything furry

What about human furries though?

So what if I tell you that the dog is really a man who used dark sorcery to turn into a dog so that he could taint the kingdom with his stink?
I'm the expert in supernatural after all, being the ghost and all.

It gets the axe.

Spoiler

 

[Strange Fellow]

I will do you proud, my liege.

I say, that Azira fellow seems awfully keen to remind you about something he doesn't want you to do, doesn't he? The lady doth protest too much, methinks, so yes, (R)eform the church. Since we're making this up as we go, I want a position under his Eminence Pope Vale I, so that I can be Sir Captain Cardinal Strange Fellow.

Speaking of assholes, by my knightly grace, (F)orgive Tindrli! For she has shown us her sincere repentance, and more importantly, the location of phat loot. Such deeds must not go unrewarded. I would advise you also to explore the subterranean river, which is bound to be full of dwarven gold, or something.

 

[V_K]

I say, that Azira fellow seems awfully keen to remind you about something he doesn't want you to do, doesn't he? The lady doth protest too much, methinks, so yes, (R)eform the church. Since we're making this up as we go, I want a position under his Eminence Pope Vale I, so that I can be Sir Captain Cardinal Strange Fellow.

But what about the dog though? You know he plans to piss all over your shining armor, right? Smelly knights don't get to be cardinals.

 

[Strange Fellow]

Knight the dog, jail the ghost. It's haunting me already, forsooth.

 

[ValeVelKal]

Final count :
We are 11 people in the court, including a Knight who count for "more". I consider a decision is taken if it collects a balance of +7 voice.

Exploration :
Castle courtyard : Azira (1)
Rampart : Dayyalu (3)
Village : Mondblut (3) for the key, Citizen (3), Endemic (1), Village (3), Helli (3)
Subterranean sea : Strange Fellow (6)
=> We shall go meet and tax my fair, though stinky, serfs in the village.

Politics :
Reform : V_K (1), Strange Fellow (6)
Do not Reform : Dayyalu (3), Azira (1), Andnjord (3)
=> Balance at 0 => NO.

Jail Ghost : Azira (1), Darth Roxxor (1), Citizen (3), Strange Fellow (6)
Do not jail ghost : Andnjord (3)
=> Balances at +8 => YES.

Knight the dog : Azira (1), Strange Fellow (6)
Execute the dog : V_K (1)
Do not Execute the dog : Helly (3)
=> Balance at +6 for Knighting the dog. Balance at -9 for executing the dog.

Execute Priest : V_K (1)
Execute Tindrli : Mondblut (3), Andnjord (3), Helly (3)
Forgive Tindrli : Dayyalu (3), Strange Fellow (6)
=> Balances at 0 => No action.

For now we go for the village and jail the ghost.

 

[V_K]

Do not Execute the dog : Helly (3)

I think that's actually incorrect. He seems to have changed his position after considering new 100% reliable information:

So what if I tell you that the dog is really a man who used dark sorcery to turn into a dog so that he could taint the kingdom with his stink?
I'm the expert in supernatural after all, being the ghost and all.

It gets the axe.

 

[V_K]

Knight the dog, jail the ghost. It's haunting me already, forsooth.

Fool. Now you'll never be the cardinal. The dog will beat you to it.