Let's press the button of awesome - Stolen memos found

[Crooked Bee]

Looking forward to the Mark of the Assassin!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keaeO1fqKIk

 

[lightbane]

That reminds me: Just to troll the Biowhore's fandom, be a complete asshole to Tallis and try to NOT follow her "romance".

 

[curry]

someone's actually playing DA2 DLCs?

 

[Esquilax]

That reminds me: Just to troll the Biowhore's fandom, be a complete asshole to Tallis and try to NOT follow her "romance".

Is that even possible? BioWare games, especially lately, make avoiding the romance subplots difficult. Being a repulsive asshole just makes them hornier and hornier. I remember way back when I played Mass Effect, I consistently chose the most dickish responses when talking to Liara and she was still all "BY THE GODDESS!!! SHEPARDS YOU ARE AMAZING!!!"

It really creeped me out, even playing it as a teenager who hadn't had sex yet. There was just something about the whole situation with her being meekly obedient no matter what that kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

I remember with KotOR that even though the romance was cheesy as it always was, it wasn't quite so front-and-center like it is now.

someone's actually playing DA2 DLCs?

Twinkle is performing a great act of patriotism. He should be nominated for the Codexian Medal of Honor at least.

 

[racofer]

someone's actually playing DA2 DLCs?

Show some respect for those who have undertaken the great sacrifice.

 

[Reptilian Shapeshifter]

Bioware clearly wants to extract as much pain as possible from their fanbase victims. It must be soul-harvesting time or something.

 

[RK47]

That reminds me: Just to troll the Biowhore's fandom, be a complete asshole to Tallis and try to NOT follow her "romance".

Dude , we're not even in Bioware forum. Twinkle should post his updates there as well.

 

[Volourn]

"Is that even possible? BioWare games, especially lately, make avoiding the romance subplots difficult"

Oh, please. This is pure bullshit. It's super easy to avoid romances in BIO games. In fact, DA2 is probably the easiest to do so since it actually tells you point blank which dialogue options end them. Youi dumb shit and your dumb lies.

P.S. Cool let's play thread.

 

[Drakron]

Dude , we're not even in Bioware forum. Twinkle should post his updates there as well.

Bad idea, if he posted on General it would deleted and in order to post on the Spoilers board you need to register, they would caught up fast on were the DLC come from.

Note: He should play the romance so we can see how bad it is, after all THAT is why we reading this.

 

[Cassidy]

I wonder if Twinkle doesn't secretly enjoys, on a level, playing through these turds. I just find unbelievable not giving up on a game that you consider totally shit and that even the typical post-MOTB Obsidian fanboy/"Mass Effect is good for what it is" crowd despises;

 

[Volourn]

Of course he likes it to some degree. Most of the Coex likes BIO games to a certain degree. It's just not cool to admit it.

 

[DarthBehemoth]

You are a true BRO On to MotA!

 

[Twinkle]

FELICIA'S STOLEN MEMOS, PART 1.

Eh, there isn't really a choice for me, right?

It begins identical to the previous DLC, Mr. Varric "He-Should-Be-Free-But-Making-A-Different-Introductory-Cutscene-Is-Too-Coll-For-Such-An-Awesome-Storytellers--As-We" Tethras is still being interrogated by Halbech Inquisition Seekers.

You've been wasting my time, Varric. It stops now.

Seeker, you wound me.

The Champion nearly starts a war and you're all happy to bury it beneath your words.

You will tell me about the Qunari.

What's left to say? The Arishok was killed and a Champion crowned.

And yet we had Orlesians threatening sanctions of every kind and measure!

What happened at Chateau Haine? What happened with Tallis?

You've heard about her?

We had someone there, but they lacked your access. Whatever Tallis was to the Champion, it seems like it angered a nation.

Thousands of lives were at stake, Seeker.

Perhaps one still is.

Nicely nonspecific. All right, let me set the scene: an ambush, an invitation, a hunting party.

All because of Tallis.

And of course there's no one.

All I know is it had something to do with you and nobles. Edge is usually very reliable.

Reliable at leading us into an ambush, you mean?

Why? It's not always an ambush.

Not in my Derp Age. Moles pop from all directions leaving no room to retreat.

All right, maybe sometimes it's an ambush.

And there is the Champion of Kirkwall. You die today.

Said the man with thick Spanish accent. A moment later, his shoulder was pierced by a throwing knife.

FELICITATE ME!

Let's the cutscene of awesomeness begin.

She grabs one dude as a human shield, controlling him with a knife in his ribs.

Nice that eyeshots and Jinxed! perk for everyone who isn't Felicia are in. I say it openly bros: fuck Obshittian, next Fallout DLC should be made by Bio.

One.

Two.

Another archer falls from a critical hit. Three.

Block and counterattack. Four.

Landing on a corpse amortized Felicia's evade jump.

Mondblut will be pleased to know that DA is still a roll-playing game at heart.

Five. Six.

Seven. Eight.

Need to complete the first, botched attempt.

Kill her! Kill all of them!

Well? What are you waiting for?

I'm not sure that a killstreak of nine will be all that impressive for the CoD audience Bioware is so desperately chasing after.

Who the blazes is that?

Don't know! Kill people, then ask!

Sadly, in-game combat completely lacks the awesomeness factor of one-hit killing enemies that don't even bother trying to resist. There is definitely a room for improvement, EA Edmonton.

Sloppy.

You'd think the Crows would be better at this. They've been doing it for ages.

Yes, bros, Hawke is a manwhore, and has to live up to his reputation. Don't ask to turn Felicia down.

Interesting entrance. You have some fine moves.

I do, don't I?

My name is Tallis, and I've been looking for you.

Looking for me?

Looking for the man who has an invitation to Chateau Haine, to be specific.

That's what Edge was on about.

You remember. Duke Prosper, the one who fawned all over you at the Champion of Kirkwall banquet. He talked about a hunt.

No, I don't remember.

I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand. The duke is a delightful host -- or so I hear.

Let me guess: this isn't just a social call?

I need to relieve him of something he has no right to possess, and I can't do it alone.

You want us to be thieves.

Stealing from Orlesians is never wrong. Or so I've been told.

This isn't how I was planning to ask you this. I was picturing an introduction with... less blood.

I imagine if we did this... it'd be together, wouldn't it?

That's the idea. Or did you... have something else in mind?

I just think we should get to know one another.

I think I'd like that.

So tell me: what exactly is it you want to steal?

A jewel.

The duke thinks it's valuable, and it is, just not in the way he believes.

What's more, he shouldn't have it in the first place. He who wishes to walk on water must first learn to swim.

:/

Come with me to Chanteau Haine. I'll explain everything on the way.

If nothing else, you get fine wine and fancy company. But... I hope you want more than that.

I don't like the sound of this, Hawke.

You think it's a trap, or you don't want to steal from a nobleman?

I don't think we should be breaking laws for someone we just met.

I'm right here, you know. Should I stand farther away? Maybe plug my ears?

Hey, Aveline, stop complaining, it's just a Biowarian quest design in a nutshell.

Hawke picked a note from one of the failed assassins.

Let's do it.

Nice they let to take Bethany. Sorry, midget, I prefer hang out with all-girl entourage.

Felicia explains the task.

Outside of Duke Prosper's mansion.

Andraste's tears, Prosper! When is this going to get started?

Presently! All right, everyone. You all know the tradition, yes?

The first to find and slay a wyvern wins the honors of the evening! And bragging rights, of course.

Good luck to you all!

Hawke was slightly late to the party. Menacing goon tried to block his way.

I think you want to move. Now.

Ah! The Champion of Kirkwall! These are honored guests.

Please excuse Cahir. Chuckles A polite bodyguard is a contradiction in terms, or so I am told.

A Chasind? Here?

Ah, yes, you are Fereldan, aren't you? You would know of his people.

The wilders are cannibals... among other things.

Laughs I'll have to take a count of the guests once the hunt is done, then! :grin:

And who is this lovely specimen?

You flatter me, Your Grace.

I must say, I didn't really expect you. I already have an Amell, you see. Or Hawke, I suppose it is.

A Grey Warden, no less. How they've suffered the Blight this long with specimens like her, I'll never know.

Brother.

Perhaps you should join forces, to avoid any appearance of collusion between parties.

At any rate, I won't keep you from the hunt! Wouldn't want you to fall behind the others, yes?

The other hunters will need the head start.

Laughs Confidence! I like it!

Good luck to you, my lord! Remember: fortune favors the bold.

I dunno what to make of duke Prosper. He's like a pale shadow of Sir Roderick Ponce von Fontlebottom from Jade Empire, both in terms of looks and voice acting, but you can't really compete with John Cleese. On the other hand his beard is easily the best thing in the DLC.

So the game offered to tailor virtual Felicia's skill. Even with overwhelming damage output compared to "normal" rogues she's hardly a killing machine on the Nightmare difficulty.

Seems on of the trackers want to divulge some useful info.

You have come a long way to join our duke, serah. You'll pardon me for saying that you do not seems like a hunter.

A word of caution, since you are new to this: Wyverns spit venom. Their victims suffer terrible pain before they die.

I'll do whatever I can to avoid being hit, then.

May Andaste keep you safe. If you fail to avoid the venom completely, there are treatments.

A distillation of herbs -- equal parts drakevein, Andraste's Mantle, and winterberry -- can counteract the poison.

May the Maker's luck grace your hunt. Be safe, serah.

Well, some actual combat preparation. Nice, I guess.

 

[Brotherman Bill]

What's more, he shouldn't have it in the first place. He who wishes to walk on water must first learn to swim

Jeebus

 

[lightbane]

And so the (blatant) fanwank begins!!!

Lol with the Duke Prosper, I wonder if Bioware made this DLC especifically to troll the Codex...

 

[abnaxus]

 

[Krash]

TBH the game looks p. good from a distance. But when you zoom in, my god.

 

[Esquilax]

The facial animations look so goddamn creepy. They freak me out more than Oblivion's.

 

[Krash]

Prolly because Oblivion's faces were so alien and ugly they didn't even reach the uncanny valley level.

 

[Erebus]

Wow, that introduction was worse than the average fanfiction.

I don't think we should be breaking laws for someone we just met.

Is it really necessary to include reasonable objections when they're obviously pointless ?

 

[random_encounter]

The button of awesome continues to do its work well.

Hmmm...create a badass vehicle around 'net famous Felicia Day. Wish I could say that I was surprised to see things start off this way.

I just think we should get to know one another.

I think I'd like that.

It has begun!

 

[Crooked Bee]

Wonderful.

 

[Brother None]

Hurray. It certainly starts out as horribly as you'd expect, with an AWESOME CUTSCENE INTRODUCTION.

Heh. Prosper.

 

[Sceptic]

wa... what? Isn't this a cutscene? What's the big A doing there? :/

 

[Esquilax]

I'm positive that it isn't a cutscene. I'm pretty sure that Twinkle just shopped that in.

... Fuck, at least I hope he did.