Completed Porky's Ring: a Squire's Road to Greatness [SL1]

[Andnjord]

I don't know how bad they nerfed the bleed stagger, but it should still be enough to put her out of her waterfowl animation. What weapons are you using?

Guts Greatsword for strenght dude, currently dual uchigatanas for bleed dude, but I'll probably experiment with a few more for bleed dude. Thing is though, I could dodge out of Waterfowl 90% of the time, it's that 'move forward with rapid slashes' that I seemingly could never recognise and react to in time that made me say fuck this and summon some sunbros I honestly think I could have done it with some more tries, but at that point my patience and motivation to get spanked by bosses repeatedly was running thin.
By bleed dagger you mean Reduvia? The one you get from the invader in Limgrave? That's a good idea, I had somewhat forgotten about it.

I don't think I know a word to express how little confidence I have for the endgame bosses. But even without having to bother the endgame, the thought of facing Radahn makes me shit myself.

Anxious, afraid, aprehensive, concerned, terrified, horrified, frightened, frozen in terror, shitting bricks, pissing yourself... Found one you like?

 

[NJClaw]

it's that 'move forward with rapid slashes' that I seemingly could never recognise and react to in time that made me say fuck this and summon some sunbros

If you're talking about the move she does here (1:35):



it's easily recognizable because it's the only move with an audible "clang" as she unlocks the blade from her arm. If you roll backwards she will always hit you, so you have to roll into her to avoid the first part of the combo. I can't think of any other move where she moves forward.

By bleed dagger you mean Reduvia? The one you get from the invader in Limgrave? That's a good idea, I had somewhat forgotten about it.

No no, I meant bleed "stagger", the brief animation that happens whenever you proc the status effect on an enemy (0:14):



I think they nerfed with the last big patch, shortening the duration of the stun, but it should still wreck her with the right weapons. Powerstancing bleed twinblades kinda ruins the fight, but you get a similar result with Rivers of Blood.

 

[NJClaw]

I suppose that final hit done after a parry wasn't planned, but damn it was nice. GG, nice skillz, my good sir.

Honestly, being my first attempt at parrying 100% of his attacks, I expected to die and I definitely didn't plan to finish him like that. After the second to last parry, I started to panic during the subsequent two R1s. It was a relief to see he still had an invisible sliver of HP for that final critical hit.

Having taken only 5 very minor hits, I think next time I'll strive for a no-hit fight.

 

[Andnjord]

it's easily recognizable because it's the only move with an audible "clang" as she unlocks the blade from her arm. If you roll backwards she will always hit you, so you have to roll into her to avoid the first part of the combo. I can't think of any other move where she moves forward.

Oh, my conscious brain knew that's what I was supposed to do, but my lizard brain refused to and kept making me dodge backward, hence the frustration, more at myself than Malenia

No no, I meant bleed "stagger", the brief animation that happens whenever you proc the status effect on an enemy (0:14):

Oooh, "stagger', not dagger, got it

 

[mediocrepoet]

currently dual uchigatanas for bleed dude, but I'll probably experiment with a few more for bleed dude. Thing is though, I could dodge out of Waterfowl 90% of the time, it's that 'move forward with rapid slashes' that I seemingly could never recognise and react to in time that made me say fuck this and summon some sunbros I honestly think I could have done it with some more tries, but at that point my patience and motivation to get spanked by bosses repeatedly was running thin.
By bleed dagger you mean Reduvia? The one you get from the invader in Limgrave? That's a good idea, I had somewhat forgotten about it.

Try Rivers of Cancer Blood. Unless something radically changed, it knocks the crap out of Malenia.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Verily I say unto thee, do not take the Lord's name in vain. Malenia is the reason I ended up using RoB in the first place because I couldn't get anywhere with Moonveil.

I have absolutely NO idea what you're talking about and have never experienced anything like this. My respecing to arcane at the very end of the game was completely coincidental.

 

[Andnjord]

Try Rivers of Cancer Blood. Unless something radically changed, it knocks the crap out of Malenia.

I'm currently using Eleanore's twinblade, so I'm starting to get a taste of what Bleed builds are truly capable of. Radahn got a taste of it, first solo and then sunbroing, he did not appreciate it much at all (although I sure did :D). Then obviously, full of confidence and moxy I went into the Siofra aqueduct just to discover that the Twin Gargoyles are immune to status effects.
And to think that my Guts greatsword+Lion's Claw one shot them

I have the same problem with her water dance. In my mind I know exactly what I need to do to dodge. Then it happens and I'm all like "welp, guess I'll die now".

Need to give longer for our brain to build the muscle memory essentiually, but when a game forces me to treat it like an instrument practice it goes a little bit too far

 

[mediocrepoet]

Try Rivers of Cancer Blood. Unless something radically changed, it knocks the crap out of Malenia.

I'm currently using Eleanore's twinblade, so I'm starting to get a taste of what Bleed builds are truly capable of. Radahn got a taste of it, first solo and then sunbroing, he did not appreciate it much at all (although I sure did :D). Then obviously, full of confidence and moxy I went into the Siofra aqueduct just to discover that the Twin Gargoyles are immune to status effects.
And to think that my Guts greatsword+Lion's Claw one shot them

This is actually something I appreciate about the game: everything's weak to (or at least not super strong against) something. Even if you don't use ashes or super cheesy strategies, there are usually ways to fight something more or less fairly and have a good experience. It's just that sometimes what those things are aren't overly obvious.

 

[Zed Duke of Banville]

This thread is worthy of a rideable flying giant turtle:

 

[NJClaw]

9 - A party to die for

Spoiler

I know it will be a waste of time, but I can't delay attending to this bitch's needs any longer. I will just have to find a way to go through 2 hours of couples counseling with a straight face.

Yeah, blah blah blah, the usual bullshit. "This is a safe space", "let your guard down", "be vulnerable". Why do I have to pay you $200 dollars an hour to hear this bullshit?

This guy is insufferable, let's see what this place has to offer.

Good God, this poor guy got stood up.

Jeez, man. Maybe she's not into you as much as you're into her, don't you think?

I'm not here to judge, but I prefer women of substance. You need some meat on your bones to handle the Pork.

Oh no, this poor lad is a member of some kind of cult. Are you sure they're treating you right, boy? I'm so sad for you, I wish there was something I could do to help...

My chin up? Which one?

No, I will stop you there. I don't want any drugs. Thanks.

Why are these two heroine addicts asking me for my balls? Where have you brought me, L?

...

Finally, it's time to start our therapy session.

...

See? I knew I was right, L! Now that I won this couples counseling thing, will you finally shave more? I told you a thousand time I can't... get in the mood if your legs look just like mine. And you should really put on make up more often, your jawline isn't doing you any favor.

...

Oh no, I knew it would happen. I let this young lady have a glimpse into my beautiful mind, and now she can't get over me. Why can't I be uglier? Why do I have to be this perfect creature?

...

I've had enough of this bullshit, I need some air. The other husbands are organizing a party and, obviously, they immediately invite me, having been charmed by my otherworldly charisma. Of course I'll come, it wouldn't be a real party without the Porkster.

...

It's finally night and I just arrived at the address they gave me. Time to get wiiiiiiiiiild. But wait... there's no one here... It has to be the right place, my sense of direction never fails me. Oh no... this is no party, this is an ambush!

 

[Andnjord]

You're starting to make it look like one of those "I have to use a different weapon for each boss" challenge run

Do you have a final weapon to settle on in mind? Also, what do you spend your souls on in these SL1 runs?

 

[NJClaw]

You're starting to make it look like one of those "I have to use a different weapon for each boss" challenge run

Hey, it didn't start like this for nothing:

I will achieve true greatness, mastering every weapon and technique.

Ideally, without the self-imposed restriction of using a different weapon for each boss, I would stick to Lordsworn's Straight Sword, Claymore, Misericorde, and Partizan. I usually don't like the playstyle that comes attached to spears in souls, but here they feel great. The standard R1 stab-stab is perfect against 95% of the enemies, the charged R2 has a very short recovery animation compared to greatswords (so you can use it after a critical hit and still be ready to parry the next attack, while with a greatsword sometimes you have to tank a hit), the mounted attacks are incredibly satisfying (the charged R2 is a true mounted knight's charge), and guard counters add a lot to the regular shield playstyle. Jump attacks are underwhelming and have no range, but look sick.

What I know is what weapons I want to use against certain bosses. With Radahn, for example, I know I'll go full weeb.

Also, what do you spend your souls on in these SL1 runs?

I'm sitting on hundreds of smithing stones. If I'm going to clear 100% of the bosses with a different weapons, I think I need around 1k smithing stones (1), and only slightly fewer of the next ones.

 

[NJClaw]

10 - The Manyforms' last form

Spoiler

These lands have played their last dirty trick against me. Time to exert my revenge.

The gate of the Manyforms Castle stands in front of me. A fortress where countless heinous acts have taken place. Its lord, always dissatisfied with his physical form and appearances, has grafted one too many alternative forms, and is now a mere shell of his former self. The gods have banned him from these sacred lands more than once, but he keeps coming back again and again, every time hidden behind a new skin, unable to fool anyone but himself.

The gate is closed and tightly guarded, but one of the Manyforms Lord's servant, dissatisfied with his tyrannical and self-obsessed ruler, is ready to betray his master, suggesting a secret path. I'm sorry, but I will face my enemy head on, like a true paladin.

I'm coming for you, whatever name and form you chose for yourself this time!

The Manyforms' soldier have no love for their lord, but the thought of his ire is enough to compel them to fight against all that is right.

Why didn't you tell me of the Manyforms' trap, you lowly scum?

...

After days and days of this hopeless siege, the gods, probably angered by the last insult of the Manyforms, decide to deliver unto him his rightful punishment. Me.

I don't know how I came in possession of this magic key, but if the legends surrounding his creator are at least partly true, it will be able to break any will and any lock.

...

Exceeding every possible expectation, the Rusty Key magically highlights hidden paths throughout the fortress, quickly leading me to its heart, the hidden lair of the ungodly Manyforms.

His knights, tricked by his cunning and strength, don't stand a chance against my righteous blade. Seeing so many valorous men fall causes me great pain, but better to die by my steel than to live serving the Everchanging Demon.

On the castle's rooftops, I hear a faint voice calling to me. When I discern the source of this mellifluous voice, I can't believe my own eyes: a magical medallion unlike any other I've ever seen. The workmanship is nothing special and its magical power is faint and distant, but what scares me is its "motivation". This medallion seems obsessed with me. He keeps calling to me, yearning for my attention. When I put it down, its voice slowly turns into a crying sound. I don't understand it, but it seems that this small trinket wouldn't be able to live without me.

A medallion shaped like a claw, clawing at me not to let it go. I will bring it with me, maybe in time I will discover more about it.

...

After all this time, the seat of the Manyforms monster is right in front of me. Choose today's form, you demonic creature: the gods have shown you mercy more than once, but you will soon find out I'm not as kind. You have been liberal with your choice of alternative skins, but I won't be while I'm bringing you justice. Now that I'm here, you only have one option: to die.

 

[Andnjord]

Claw talisman, and by extension jump attacks in general, are kinda nutty in that it's just a straight up damage increase with no draw-backs. Why bother doing a fully charged R2 when you can just spam jump attacks, in particular with curved blades/twinblades that do 4 hits per jumps.
That being said, the fully charged R2 on my colossal sword with the talisman to boost them does double the normal damage with the extra satisfaction of THICC hits, so there's that. :D

 

[mediocrepoet]

Claw talisman, and by extension jump attacks in general, are kinda nutty in that it's just a straight up damage increase with no draw-backs. Why bother doing a fully charged R2 when you can just spam jump attacks, in particular with curved blades/twinblades that do 4 hits per jumps.
That being said, the fully charged R2 on my colossal sword with the talisman to boost them does double the normal damage with the extra satisfaction of THICC hits, so there's that. :D

Fully charged R2 does more damage and more stagger than a jump attack. Elden Ring's hitboxes are also tight enough that sometimes you can duck a hit while charging while jumping would make you eat it in the face (and vice versa). But yeah, the decision is also changed by what weapon and build you're running.

 

[Andnjord]

Fully charged R2 does more damage and more stagger than a jump attack. Elden Ring's hitboxes are also tight enough that sometimes you can duck a hit while charging while jumping would make you eat it in the face (and vice versa). But yeah, the decision is also changed by what weapon and build you're running.

You made me check the wiki page, and the difference in poise damage between jump R2 and charged R2 for colossals is actually much more significant than I remembered (24 vs 40), so you're right, combined with good poise it can definitely be worth the trade off. But still, jumping attacks are so much easier to pull off.

And speaking of ducking enemy attacks, Lion's Claw is great for that as you move so much and crouch at the end of the animation that it makes a lot of attacks miss.

 

[NJClaw]

11 - Filler episode

With the Manyforms dead, I decided to take some time to clear these lands of the lesser evils that still inhabit them.

The roaring Stone*igger Troll:



Some kind of Sleeping Beauty cosplayer:



A fan who was so obsessed with me that he stole all my clothes and swords:



A giant malformed baby who still doesn't know how to walk on two leg and has never cut his fingernails:

 

[NJClaw]

Claw talisman, and by extension jump attacks in general, are kinda nutty in that it's just a straight up damage increase with no draw-backs. Why bother doing a fully charged R2 when you can just spam jump attacks, in particular with curved blades/twinblades that do 4 hits per jumps.
That being said, the fully charged R2 on my colossal sword with the talisman to boost them does double the normal damage with the extra satisfaction of THICC hits, so there's that. :D

In my Dexterity/Arcane run with powerstanced twinblades, I think I used standard R1s and R2s like 10 times in the entire playthrough and only to break the monotony of jumping L1s. Now that I'm trying to rely mostly on parries, I try to sneak in as many charged R2s as I can when the boss is down, and resort to the final jumping R1 only when I know it will stance-break him. Against regular enemies, jumping attacks are still better 99% of the time because they almost always make them flinch.

Jumping attacks as they have been implemented are weird. I like them, but they're better than anything else in too many situations. I'm sure there's a way to fix them, but I don't know if FS actually considers them problematic as of now.

 

[mediocrepoet]

I haven't watched today's videos yet, but the titles are cracking me up.

 

[NJClaw]

I haven't watched today's videos yet, but the titles are cracking me up.

I mean, today's only real video is the Godrick one. The others are just various random weak bosses that didn't deserve their own post. I had fun trying the shortbow, though. The standard R1 is close to useless, but barrage feels great and the rolling/jumping attacks are fun to use. Don't know how a bow without barrage would be anywhere near viable

 

[mediocrepoet]

I haven't watched today's videos yet, but the titles are cracking me up.

I mean, today's only real video is the Godrick one. The others are just various random weak bosses that didn't deserve their own post. I had fun trying the shortbow, though. The standard R1 is close to useless, but barrage feels great and the rolling/jumping attacks are fun to use. Don't know how a bow without barrage would be anywhere near viable

I think the bow one was my favourite one. It's so dumb and it's not something you see often.

 

[NJClaw]

12 - Pet therapy

Spoiler

A good leader cares about his people. Now that I'm lord of these lands by right of conquest, it's my duty to tend to their needs and ensure their safety.

This weirdly unfashionable lesbian isn't comfortable with her sexuality and wants to heal. Don't worry, I am the world's greatest dick expert. I will teach you everything I know.

Oh no, you too fell for this urban legend. There's no pain involved in the act itself, the penis isn't supposed to be big enough to touch anything around it.

I see news about the new well-endowed lord of these lands already started to spread. I'm sorry, talking pot, I'm not interested. I can't hide I find you quite attractive, but I'm trying to make things work with my lady right now.

Oh, for fuck's sake, stop this! Why is everyone trying to have sex with me? This is getting tiresome, I can't take it any longer. Time to get back to our adventure!

Having defeated the Manyforms demon, we can claim all his titles:

For years, he spent all of his kingdom's riches to appease the gods, and now we can reap all the benefits:

If we carefully insert our dear magical glass bead, we become even stronger:

Time to put this newfound strength to good use. The evil wizard tormented me and those dear to me for too long now. I've given him many chances to repent and ask for forgiveness, but he keeps persisting in his unholy ways. I'm tired of being on the defensive, it's time to bring this war to him.

At first, I don't where to start to find his lair. But, luckily, the Rusty Key shows us the path whispering in my ear:

Right! Wizards aren't wise! His tower will probably be in plain sight at the center of his realm!

...

After days of traveling, the whispers of the Rusty Key prove to be right once again, and we find ourselves in front of the main gate of the evil wizard's castle:

The magical door seems impenetrable, but nothing can stop our trusty Rusty Key, and in the blink of an eye we get inside, finding ourselves...

...in Hogwarts. What a sad display. Apparently, the sick evil wizard still hasn't forgotten his unrequited love. The young witch will never love him, but he can't sate his disturbing obsession.

Relying on our sword and wits, we get deeper and deeper into the castle, when a giant beast, probably the wizard's familiar, jumps on us. You don't have to do this, abandon your master's side and join me. Please, Maximilian, don't make me do this, I don't want to hurt you.

 

[Andnjord]

I did not see that Rusty cameo coming

EDIT: Finally a properly sober fight! Your maidenless ways are on the mend I see.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Oh no, you too fell for this urban legend. There's no pain involved in the act itself, the penis isn't supposed to be big enough to touch anything around it.

 

[NJClaw]

I did not see that Rusty cameo coming

EDIT: Finally a properly sober fight! Your maidenless ways are on the mend I see.

I've been thinking about it since I got the Rusty Key in my first playthrough. I want to believe someone at FS is a big rusty fan and did it on purpose.

I was forced to stay sober this fight because there wasn't even time to sip. The Bloodhound's Fang is a very balanced weapon, nothing wrong with two-shotting a boss with two L2s. And it wasn't even (too) over-upgraded for a somber weapon, since it was +3 when by that point you can easily have a +5 one (without cheap Volcano Manor/Caelid tricks). I'm starting to regret wasting such an amazing tool on a boss this easy, it could have been a great asset in harder fights like the crucible knight or godskin duos (especially since later on somber stones will be the only way to use a fully upgraded weapon due to the scarcity of high-level smithing stones). The ash of war really is incredible, both in terms of damage and mobility.