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Random thoughts on various new and old games (indie, classics, abandonware)

Morpheus Kitami

Liturgist
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
2,521
It Came from the Desert also has like half a dozen console ports none of which follow the PC releases in anything but the broadest sense IIRC.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Battle Bugs (1994)
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I completely forgot about this until a certain game about giant ants reminded me of its existence. Needless to say, the games of my to-play list were put on hold as I waged war over tasty treats with my charming bugs. I almost always zoom out to have a better view of the battlefield. Not here. I wanted to see every animation the game had to show. And they never got old. Each unit has its own movement, salute, death, fighting, and stunned animation. It's a charming and unique game and it helps that it occasionally gives the old brain a bit of a workout. Gotta love the commander names. I'd use Antexander or Napoleant.

Should you grow tired of the game's music, I recommend you play the Ilwrath theme to put you in the proper mood.


Why we fight
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Napalm makes everything better.
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It is a sweet and seemly thing to die for one's cookies
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Bombs away.
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Pull your damn pants up.
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My favorite mission by far.
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We shall fight you on the counter, we shall fight you on the fries
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Bombs exploded, rocks hit their targets, poison and cheese did their noxious job, and rockets cleared the skies. "For Queen and sugar!" roared the bugs as they charged into battle. Mandible-to-mandible combat raged across the battlefield. The bugs showed no hesitation, no fear, and no mercy. All knew what was at stake.

As I gaze upon the battlefield, I behold the hills we made out of the corpses of our foes. The green banner flies proudly over the pastry we have claimed by right of conquest. My bugs salute me and I return their salute. I receive praise from my queen as she pins another medal to my thorax. It is a good day.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Metal Mutant (1991)

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You are the ultimate killing machine: a cyborg who can transform into a tank or a fire breathing robotic dinosaur. All forms have their own special moves. The cyborg can jump, use a grappling hook, harm foes with an axe or a hook, recharge health, use consoles, and fry evildoers with a Highlander-style electro burst. The tank can shoot (in five directions), fire rockets, and use the radar. The dinosaur can bite, breathe fire, zap foes with eye rays, use a robotic insect, throw fire from its tail, and use an energy shield. Man, I would have loved this game as a kid. Even though you have all those abilities, I mostly used the axe and the tank's gun to dispatch hostiles. You travel through a marsh, a techno-metropolis, the steelworks, killing beasts and destroying robots. In the end, you reach kheops 15000, where you face five trials and then face a tyrannical giant skull. Should have had a heavy metal soundtrack.

At some point, you'll be turned into a literal walking can and will have to avoid a large Swiss Army knife intent on opening you up. I swear I'm not making this up. There's a few other, uh, special events like that. Liked the graphics, especially the marsh part.

Marsh
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City & steelworks
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So am I.
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Payback time.
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Purple haze
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Zeliard (1990)

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This was my first game on the PC. I've played it three times in three decades without finishing it. Instead of waiting for 2021, I took another stab at it. Fourth time's the charm. A demon called Jashiin has turned the king's daughter to stone, stolen some crystals, unleashed monsters and laid waste to the land. The spirits guide our brave hero to the land of Zeliard, where he must traverse the caverns and stomp Jashiin and his freakish menagerie. To aid him in his noble quest, our champion has various magic spells and items, swords and shields of different shapes and sizes.

The caverns themselves become increasingly large, hazardous, and confusing as you progress. You'll need special equipment if you want to get past some of them. Asbestos cape will protect you from the immense heat of the Burning Inferno. Ruzeria shoes will help you traverse the Ice Caverns instead of slipping and sliding into a spike pit. Other shoes will help you walk through fire, climb up slopes, and jump higher. After each cavern, behind a locked door, awaits a boss creature. They're fun to fight and some (like the dragon) can be hard to beat if you don't know what you're doing. The other creatures of the caverns can be incredibly annoying as they can push you off ledges, platforms, and into air currents. Almost reached the cavern boss after a long and nerve-wracking journey? The perfect time for a speedy creature to ram you into an air current that brings you to the start of the level. Oh, and if you get "killed" (knocked out)? You get transported all the way back to the first town. Which also explains why I dropped the game three times.

Between caverns you can rest in towns, save you game, exchange almas for gold, buy and sell weapons and items, repair shields, gossip, and level up if you've got enough exp.

Spelunking
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Bosses
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The Japanese sure do love their octopuses.
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The fiend himself.
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Work before play
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Violent yet polite. Gotta love this guy.
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Victory! He saves the realm and the princess...
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...and walks away with nary a hug or kiss. Duty calls elsewhere.
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Burntime (1993)

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Back to basics. Civilization has collapsed and humanity gets reduced to scavenging. Fight hungry mutants, slaughter dogs for food, and frantically search for water in the irradiated wasteland you call home. Go from scrapping enough maggots to fill your belly, to crafting traps to get rats, snakes, and meat. Meat? What kind of meat? The game doesn't say, but something tells me it's not pheasant. You can barter your excess food for healing, drinks, and items from travelling merchants or ones based in the ruins of five major cities. With items gained through trade or scavenging, you can also make stuff like water pumps and protective suits. With decent food and water production it's only a matter of time until you become the lord and master of the wasteland. You don't win when your opponents are dead. Can't kill them directly - only their hirelings. You have to make sure you block them from the major cities, so they starve. You win when the areas surrounding the five largest cities are under your control (can't fight there or capture them). Since some these areas are toxic and radioactive, you need protective suits. Two of them, to be exact. And some areas can't produce any food, not even maggots, so you have to provide your underlings with enough food to keep the occupation going.

The UI and pathfinding can be annoying and finding the pieces for the protective suit is a pain in the ass. Haven't been able to figure out a way to make snake traps, if it's even possible to do that. Thankfully, you can buy them from merchants. The game's abandonware, but if you decide to try it out, make sure there's a folder named "burngame" in the game directory. Create one if there isn't, so you can save your game.



Sun and sand
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All that food. Just walking around.
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The paladin of the wastes.
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Spit and polish.
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Skulls and preachers
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Emperor of Dogshit City
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And he eats it. Breakfast of champions.
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Hidden Agenda (1989)

Play as the presidente of a Central American republic and deal with the aftermath of decades of mismanagement, unrest, and revolution. It puts you in a really tight spot as the country is beyond fucked up, everyone has their own ideas how to run things and are willing to shoot you dead if you don't pander to them. With the Cold War going on, both the US and the USSR are eager to meddle in your affairs. Uncle Sam considers your country a part of his sphere of influence and if you don't play ball, he will shove his fist down your throat. The USSR is an ocean away and can't subject you to tank therapy if you tell them to go fuck themselves. Can't really recline and sip Plummed Serpent rum while you enact rightwing policy, though. The people have been bled dry by the previous management and will launch a guerrilla war against you if you don't do anything to help their cause. Wanna smash the commie bastard scum with God and US aid? Fat chance. Enjoy watching your countryside go over to the rebels, the treasury go empty, and terrorists run wild in the cities. How about siding with the workers of the world and be a leftie? Land reform all the way, schools and hospitals get cash, put the old regime torturers in prison and prosecute them. Great, now you have a rightwing insurgency on your hands. Take measures to fight the fascist bastard scum with Marx and USSR aid? The US will make sure the IMF cuts you off, will embargo you, and fund the insurgents. You are screwed.

The country's three factions are National Liberation (left), Christian Reform (center), and Popular Stability (right). NL either doesn't want elections or wants to have an eternal president. PS wants to have a US-style democracy, with a two term presidential limit, separation of powers, and no nepotism. CS wants to have a strong legislature and weak executive. Thing is, as soon as you prepare to hold elections, an insurgency will start. So while I've won the elections as the candidate of every party, it's actually best not to have them.

I've had the most success when I had a National Liberation minister fiddling with the agriculture, other ministries went to Christian Reform. Land reform + technical aid, along with rationing provides you with enough food. You also give the farmers weapons and send Subcommandante Correa to keep the peace. You don't prosecute the Farsante Guard or hold elections. You accept economic (but not military) support from USSR and Cuba, and economic and military aid from the US, and borrow from the IMF. Then you invest in infrastructure, health and education, and fight corruption. For income you support the coffee growers. In so doing I've avoided having a coup, bankruptcy, or a leftwing/rightwing insurgency. And the country is getting in a pretty decent shape as a coffee republic.

Viva Zapata
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Wrong. We're preparing a Cuba-style electoral sham.
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No. Cotton sucks.
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Oh look, a rightwing coup.
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Chimerica compromising the security of the US? You crack me up, Linda.
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Dios y plomo
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Ol' Horatio can end up running the show with you as a figurehead.
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Devious commies.
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Thank you, Lily.
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Lies and gossip.
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Everybody hates corruption. At least they can agree on something.
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Manuel wants to take the hammer and sickle to you.
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Comrade Calderon brought some friends to play.
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Better luck next time, Manny.
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Beans for everyone!
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The most important stat. Without cash you're royally screwed.
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The adventures of Blowtorch Bob
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Meet Bob. Bob is quite a naughty scamp.
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No stain is safe when Bob's around.
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Bob is a most dedicated and motivated janitor.
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Crikey.
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Bob favors aggressive cleaning agents.
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Bob believes cleanliness is next to godliness
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Who needs elections anyway...
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Padre Julio will drone about Jesus & pals no matter what you do.
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I actually think Bob's innocent and somebody got tired of Julio's constant Jesus prattle and beat him to death with a sack of Bibles.
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visions

Arcane
Joined
Jun 10, 2007
Messages
1,801
Location
here
Zeliard (1990)
This was my first game on the PC. I've played it three times in three decades without finishing it.

One of my first videogames too. Never finished it. I found out that the original game came with a paper map only as an adult. The caves could be pretty fucking confusing without a map, never made it past the gold caverns back when I didn't have the map. And it was pretty fucking hard to even even get that far. The graveyard caverns seemed super hard to me as a kid.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Storm Master (1991)

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Two small island nations use wind magic and Da Vinci-style flying machines to battle it out until only one still has cities left standing. You've got seven council members to aid you in your quest. The Joker handles entertainment, Constable handles trade & taxes, the Leonaardo oversees education and ship design, construction, and destruction, etc. Without them you can't really do anything. Thing is, they can wander off, or worse get assassinated by your rivals. Fortunately, you can also do unto others as they do to you and assassinate their councilors. It's always a hoot to kill their Commander before launching an invasion.

My wondrous flying contraptions kept crashing even though their lifting power was higher than their weight. After some fiddling, I discovered the reason why: each ship has a crew limit (Ikaar 3, Skruuz 10, Oglee 30, Nowee 100). Go over that limit by one person, the ship crashes. Machines with propellers, balloons, catapults, and giant crossbows duking it out up in the air? Glorious. Shame it's not harder or more complex. This is the third game by Silmarils I've posted in this thread. There's another on my to-play list and I'm gonna replay Transarctica. Though their games have a lot of flaws, I admire their originality.

Yellow skies
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Fly, my lovely.
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An airforce flies on its stomach.
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Death of Marat
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Invading the upper part of evil Sharkaania.
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Spies' reports.
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That's right, go for a stroll and meditate. It's not like they're attacking a city or anything.
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Evil Sharkaania is invading us, morons. And the Commander is missing. Perfect.
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If you neglect to feed your people and/or tax them too much, this will happen.
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Destroy all enemy cities and claim your crown.
 

lightbane

Arcane
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
10,200
This looks cool. What happens if the joker is killed or you ignore him? People rebel due no longer having cheap entertainment to busy themselves with?
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
This looks cool. What happens if the joker is killed or you ignore him? People rebel due no longer having cheap entertainment to busy themselves with?
If he's killed, a new one will get appointed eventually. Till then, you can't invest in entertainment. If you ignore him? An unhappy populace. They may rebel (especially if you tax them frequently) and a city will be destroyed. You only have seven cities and can't build more or rebuild them if they're destroyed. Famine is more dangerous. Unhappy people may or may not rebel. Hungry people will stab you.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Imperialism (1997)

Industrialize your nation and strive to be the ruler of the world. Build mines, lay railroad tracks, raise armies, expand the navy, construct factories, and deal with minor countries. These minor countries really are the heart of the game. You buy raw materials from them and sell them finished goods. Bit by bit, little by little you worm your way into them - first by favorable trading rates, then grants. As your relationship increases, you can buy their land and develop it. And eventually they can join your empire as a colony. There's another benefit to having a colony. Invading a great power on another continent is annoying - you have to have a large navy and launch an amphibious assault, exposing yourself to a naval attack and an immediate enemy reinforcement of the target province. However, if a minor country next to a great power is your colony, you can simply transport your troops there, declare war, and march into the lands of your foe. This is especially nice if their capital province is right across the border. Capture their capital and fend off a potential attempt to retake it and their state will collapse into anarchy, leaving their provinces easy pickings for your troops. And if they had any colonies? They're now free and independent and open for business. A few yachts for their kings here, a few generous deals there, and soon you'll be their new master.

Food shortages plague industrial nations
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Moonstone: A Hard Days Knight (1992)

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For some strange reason this game completely escaped my notice until quite recently. Bloody good fun. Nice intro & outro, animations, graphics, and a simple yet addictive gameplay - had to beat it with all four knights. Amusingly enough, the dragon wasn't my most dreaded foe. Was quite simple to beat once you figure out that you have to keep your distance. The real danger for me were those twerps with mauls who kept hammering me from both sides and leaving me unable to do anything. Gotta love the acquisition scroll. Had the keys, the sword of sharpness, and the moonstone nabbed from me by my cunning rivals.

Slash and chop
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I hate these lurking instakill twats.
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Sneaksie thiefsie.
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Goddamn grifter. His power is always "weak this week."
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Recharge your batteries at Stonehenge
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Ribbit.
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Is dragon flesh edible?
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Epic.

Kept getting flashbacks of Battle Chess...

...and A Bastard's Tale
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Freedom: Rebels in the Darkness (1988)

Lead a slave rebellion on an 18th century sugar plantation. Your chosen slave (out of the 4 available) has different stats and skills: constitution, charisma, dexterity & fire setting, climbing, and lockpicking. A high charisma will make it easier to convince other slaves to join your uprising, while a high constitution makes combat easier. Having better skills means you'll be quicker and stealthier at your tasks. Both speed and stealth are vital - you only have one night to accomplish your goal. And if you're too conspicuous, first the bell will be rung and the guard dogs let loose, after that the troops will come down on you and you will lose.

To escape you have to face the master of the plantation, but first you have to burn buildings and fields, rally slaves, kill or avoid guard dogs, and deal with his henchmen. The henchmen are tough and some are armed. To have any chance against them you need weapons and numbers. On the lowest difficulty, weapons are provided to you when you fight armed flunkies. On harder levels, you'll have to lockpick the toolshed to gain the cutlasses. After you beat the overseers in battle, you can either take them prisoner or execute them. No idea what benefit there is to keeping them alive, though sometimes your men lose heart and return to their huts when someone is executed (like the animal doctor, or the abbot) and you don't have a medicine man or a witch doctor with you. You can choose how you want to handle the uprising. One time I convinced a medicine man to join me. He poisoned the patrol dogs, allowing me to lockpick the prison door and free an imprisoned slave. He told me where to find the alarm bell. Since I had high dexterity, I could muffle the bell and not worry about having to deal with guard dogs. Another time, I simply killed all four guard dogs. This is freaking hard since they're very fast and you have to have a cutlass to stand a chance. I only managed to beat it on hard with a charismatic pyromaniac. She was fast and skilled enough to cause enough damage and avoided setting off the alarm.

Haven't been able to find a manual for this anywhere, so I used good ol' trial and error to figure things out. Mostly. I still have no idea why and where climbing can be useful. Or what the numbers at the bottom of the main screen represent, etc. The gameplay is a bit clunky and the amiga version has better graphics. Great idea for a game, though.

Sugar, ah, honey, honey
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Macadam shall lead us to liberty.
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Some lovely sharp objects are stored here.
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To illuminate the night sky.
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Damn house slaves. Never managed to convince any of them to join me.
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Say your prayers, abbot.
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Mango uses his disarming charm.
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Time to make some caramel.
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To the sugar factory, men!
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Silence is golden.
Burn, baby, burn
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Preventing cavities, one bonfire at a time.
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No worries, massa. The dead have no problems.
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Well, shit.
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Some men only join when you prove you have what it takes - by sowing death and destruction.
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Patrol dogs are all bark and no bite. They'd be nice doggies if they didn't raise the alarm with their barking. Our medicine man takes care of them.
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The veterinarian tries to convince your men to stand down...
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...but our medicine man shuts him down. Time to die, Ferrero Rocher. Canape has spoken.
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Care to dance?
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Yes, padre, we're gettin' outta here. You will not be missed.
Live free or die
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That's the spirit, boys.
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Aw yeah. If it can cut sugarcane, it can cut flesh.
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Burnin' & lootin'.
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You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.
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Now, you were saying?
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These doggies bite and are eager to tear you apart. A cutlass can convince them to cease and desist.
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Progress! Only two more toadies and the massa to kill.
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Massa is going down.
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Revolution '76 (1989)

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The Thirteen Colonies have had enough of King George's bullshit and demand better treatment. 'Course ol' Georgie boy and the Tory govt see these demands as treason and dispatch armies to crush the filthy rebel scum and return the colonies into the loving bosom of Great Britain once again. Britain has the finest army and navy in the world and vast resources at its disposal. The colonies have some barefoot yokels to serve as soldiers and a grand total of zero warships. To assist you in outfitting these travelling scarecrows and to get cash to build a navy, you must look abroad. France, Spain, and the Netherlands have all been on the receiving end of Britain's might and as such have plenty of slights and grievances that they need to redress. They might aid you covertly at first, but if you prove yourself worthy on the battlefield, your diplomats will leverage this to get greater and greater aid. They may eventually even ally with you for a price: help secure Gibraltar for Spain, rights of free shipping for the Dutch, and Newfoundland fisheries for France. Or if your negotiators are skilled enough and/or you're going from victory to victory, they may even join you without any promises on your part. The war can end in two ways: through negotiation or military might. Military might is obvious. Either the Brits crush you or you have all thirteen colonies + British Canada in your possession. Or you can surrender, negotiate pardons, achieve autonomy, independence, or even an expanded independent realm. Though Britain's resources are vast, they are not unlimited. You can encourage and fund privateers to prey on their merchant marine. You can build frigates to sink their warships. You can beat their armies, gather allies, and force the Brits to spread their resources around instead of focusing them all on you. My favorite thing is to cut them off from their Hessian mercenaries. It really makes your soldiers' job much easier. All these efforts will chip away at the UK's Tory government majority and make them more amenable to diplomacy. And if the government falls? The Whigs will sue for peace.

In the meantime, you have to manage your economy and armies, maintain popular support, and juggle your politicians and generals. There are two factions (Radicals and Moderates) and three different regions. And they all have to be sufficiently represented and their wishes taken into account. Unless you'd like the money and recruits from the colonies to disappear, that is. The generals are especially fickle. They all want to command. If they're successful in battle, they can eventually become celebrated war heroes. If they're not, they'll be disgraced and may even betray you and join the Brits. Oh yeah, you can lose your armies through disease, desertion, and mutiny. Don't even need to get them slaughtered by your generals' incompetence in battle.

King George
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The navy is ridiculously expensive to build and maintain. But it's generally worth it to have at least a small one.
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A pirate I was meant to be.
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Sure, why not?
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Uh...
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You just keep me hanging on.
Vive la France
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Onwards to victory.
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Guess not.
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Jackpot.
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Sweet.
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The only promise out of the three I've ever managed to keep.
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President George
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Not good.
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He's the best general you have. Had.
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zool

Arcane
Joined
Oct 26, 2009
Messages
897
Revolution '76 was a great game I replayed tons of times. Shame you can't play as the Brits though.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Kohan: Immortal Sovereigns & Ahriman's Gift (2001)
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Should be one game, really, so I'll treat it like one. The campaign in IS is basically a lengthy tutorial. The campaigns in AG are a bit more interesting. On hard, they force you to be swift, efficient, and aggressive or you lose. Instead of screwing around policing individual units, you deal with companies. You can pick and choose which units will be part of the company. It could be a light cavalry scouting company. It could be heavy infantry with a mage and a cleric for support. It could be archers and heavy cavalry. Got into a scuffle and your companies got hammered? No problem. March them into your supply zone and your casualties will be replaced by fresh recruits. But what I appreciate most is the speed setting. "Game speed set to 1600% of normal." Yeah, baby. No need to go for a jog while your zombies shuffle across the map. Always a pleasure to play a game that respects your time. The setting and story are inspired by Zoroastrianism and Persian myths, but it's basically a typical struggle between good and evil with some "I need to pay the rent" voice acting. While replaying this I kept remembering a similar story from some other game. Angelic being creates the world to impress Daddy Deity. Envious angels try to fuck the world up. Wailing and gnashing of teeth follows. Did some digging. The game was Disciples II. I'm sure there are others I don't remember right now. All this aside, I think the game's criminally underrated and I appreciate what they tried to do.

Amnesiac immortals
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Revolution '76 was a great game I replayed tons of times. Shame you can't play as the Brits though.
This is what I like about this place. No matter how obscure a game might be, chances are someone here has played it to death. I'd love to play as the Brits too, but maybe after the French join the war. Would be too easy to win otherwise. Speaking of colonies, would be interesting to play a game where Britain would try to keep her colonial empire after WWII.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Deep Sixed (2018)

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You're a former AI babysitter who fucked up and is now doing slave labor as a prisoner on a floating piece of junk in outer space. Said floating piece of junk is constantly breaking down and you have to hop to it if you want to remain alive and well. 'Course, all the software and hardware malfunctions mustn't prevent you from doing your job. Your corporate masters own you, and you must survey, mine, explore, and hunt alien fauna. The corporation, its lingo, and policies is what tickles me most in this game. Is the prisoner involuntary employee feeling a bit blue? The AI will play an excerpt from Kennedy's moon speech. Corporate doubletalk, passive aggressiveness, saccharine motivation, and murderous greed in emails? Yes, please. And there's the involuntary employee of the month contest. I need more of this kind of sci-fi. Instead of pristine ships and officers giving orders in a smooth baritone while firing on hostile ships, you're frantically running around a garish dump with duct tape, a wrench, and spare parts - fucking around with wires, and shoddy programming while alien creatures are ramming into your ship and the AI says things like: "Attention pilot! CO2 levels are rising on the ship."

The final frontier
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Time to check the targeting software.
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Home sweet home.
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There's about ten different sorts of beasties to discover and fight.
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An exoplanet going on its merry way.
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Typical. Calm down, Skynet. We've got work to do.
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Corporate communication
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Houston, we're screwed
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Not good.
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Reactor room. Pink and violet and falling apart.
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Blade Warrior (1991)

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A fairy tale. A proper old school fairy tale. The kind where you walk into the woods and don't come out. The kind where monsters come out to play when night falls. A demon stalks the land and it's your job to end its reign of terror. You prance through swamps and woods, slaying monsters, gathering ingredients for spells, and searching for artifacts. These artifacts make you stronger and are also needed to trade with the deranged wizards who possess fragments of a talisman you need to vanquish the demon for good. Nothing romantic about walking around in the moonlight: skeletons rise out of the earth to stab you, trees come to life, werewolves charge at you, little devils appear out of thin air to impale you... and the demon drags you to hell every time it meets you. Could have used a moody soundtrack, but I suppose anyone playing this nowadays can play something appropriate in the background. It's vital to get yourself a travelle spell as soon as possible. Most useful spell in the game, hands down.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Random PC mix

Supercars International (1996)
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It ain't Death Rally, that's for sure. Full game has events, encounters where you get or lose stuff (money, points, or weapons), you buy and sell weapons, and haggle for cars. Or you can choose a racing or battle campaign and pick your car at the start. Game has a fairly large selection of weapons and a typical race of the battle campaign will leave the track looking like a warzone. And then there's the track hazards like trains. Yup. It's a real clusterfuck, more so because you can start shooting and bombing as soon as the race starts. In first place? Buy yourself some mines or rear rockets. Of course, they'll be firing at you as well, so don't be surprised if you get zapped and have to continue the race from last place.

The need for speed (and cash)
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So I have a sweet tooth. Sue me.
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Khalaan (1989)

'Twas my desire to play something with a Middle Eastern flavor. I sought and I have found Khalaan, a strategy game where you lead a fictional Arabic caliphate bent on regional supremacy. You fight three other regional caliphates and a mysterious invader. Sounds promising. Sadly, the game was a massive disappointment. While it has an original setting and some neat features, it's mostly just a collection of arcade minigames. Espionage and diplomacy? Good. Outfitting your army with food, water, and gold? Good. War insanely expensive? Good. Armies disband or defect to the enemy if you can't or won't pay or feed them? Good. Fight personally in every siege or battle instead of giving orders to your troops? Motherfucker. What a slog. After a couple of sieges and battles I felt my will to live slowly ebb away. Fortunately, Prince of Persia and some tunes from Legless Brothers were used as a balm for my wounded psyche.

There is no God but God and Muhammad makes fine baklavas
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Bribery Gift giving has always been and always will be an integral part of diplomacy. Best not be a cheapskate.
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While the Sultan's away, the mice will play
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Leaving a sword in the dungeons? Sloppy cleaning, Bahram.
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And now little Hormuzd is an orphan.
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Not half the man he used to be.
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Impressive belly, fatso.
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En garde, twat.
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Can you fly?
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All's well that ends well.
 

Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Life & Death II: The Brain (1990)
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Flirting with nurse Kim Jong-il.

Try your hand at being a neurosurgeon. Same drill as in the original. First, you examine the patient, and give him CAT scans, MRIs, etc. Then decide whether the patient needs surgery, a shrink, rehabilitation,... or just a simple aspirin. There are three operations: brain tumor, aneurysm, and subdural hematoma. Hematoma is the shortest and easiest one, aneurysm is the longest and hardest one. You pick your assistants and then it's time to operate. So many things can go wrong during an operation. You can forget to irrigate the brain and it dries out, you can sever the optic nerve or the carotid artery, renal failure, CO2 can rise to dangerous levels, bradycardia, the list goes on and on. Precision is the key - even if you complete the operation successfully, the chief neurosurgeon will yell at you if you did sloppy work. It's educational as it is challenging and entertaining. Sadly, there's also bugs and freezes. Kept drilling into the patient's brain because the drill wouldn't stop. Solved the bug by using the enter key instead of the mouse button when starting the drill. The freezes often happen when you cut into the dura mater. Since this is fairly a long way into an operation this is very frustrating. There are no more Life & Death games. Guess there was no interest in playing as a dentist or a proctologist. However, the doctor who worked on them did make another game called Virtual Surgeon: Open Heart. Apparently, it did not do well.

First, do no harm
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Stroke, migraine, or something more sinister?
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The white peanut on the ultra scan is the tumor.
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So, you come here often?
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Dealin' with the aneurysm.
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Happens to the best of us.
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Trepanning for the greater good
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Pacemakers and MRIs don't mix.
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Lobotomy is the answer
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Removing the tumor.
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Samurai Warrior: The Battles of Usagi Yojimbo (1988)

For a long, long time I had a vague memory about an old game where you hacked at a hay bale with a sword, but couldn't remember anything else about it. It's been bugging me for years, like an itch I couldn't scratch.
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Finally. Good thing I picked practice before playing the game or it'd miss it.

Rabbit-san strolls and bows to honorable priests, peasants, samurai, and nobles. Rabbit-san also kills those foolish enough to attack him: ninjas, monsters, ronin. The ninjas can be goofy bastards clumsily hiding in trees and bushes, sneaky killers disguised as peasants, or master assassins who appear out of thin air to gut you. It's all about honor. Should your karma drop to zero, rabbit-san will commit seppuku. It's also unwise to wave your sword around, lest the wandering priests and samurai beat your ass. Nobles are prickly about getting the respect they think they deserve and if you don't bow to them, they will sic your guards at you - and die of shame if you manage to dispatch them.
Found the music pretty catchy.
Original
Remix

Bushido Bunny
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Smooth.
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Binky

Cipher
Joined
Nov 17, 2015
Messages
453
Machiavelli the Prince (1995)

Is it better for a prince to be feared or loved? Wrong question. Is it better for a prince to be rich or poor? Well, a rich prince can bribe senators and cardinals, hire mercenaries, assassins, arsonists, get a pope of his choice elected, get elected doge, buy low and sell high, conquer cities, build splendid villas, and be a patron of the arts. Whereas a poor prince can do fuck all. Therefore, a wise prince should strive to amass piles of cash by hook or crook. Jealous rivals will stand in your way, storms will sink your ships, plague shall ravage cities, pirates and bandits will attack your caravans and ships, and scum like the Mongols, the Turks, and the Genoese will attack your cities. Alas, there is no real goal besides amassing ever larger piles of gold. You can conquer every city on the map (sans Venice), get elected doge every time, have the pope as your puppet, neuter your rivals, and sleep in the snazziest villa around, but after you've accomplished all that you might as well stop playing. This is where Emperor of the Fading Suns delivers. A clear goal to strive towards, along with goals you might pick yourself (crushing the Merchant League, etc.).

All gold flows to Venice
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Good. Fuck Genoa.
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Hang in there.
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From Karakorum to Timbuktu
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Your mother drinks canal water.
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Let's take Constantinople... again.
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Saves me the cost of assassination.
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You poor, dumb bastards.
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Tragic.
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