The Mass Effect 3/BioWare Thread

[Gord]

You mean, like this?

(Has been posted before)

 

[861129]

Bros, I've suddenly had a flash of inspiration about how the Reaper's motivation could actually make sense. Listen up:

According to the small kid, the big problem is organic life gets sufficiently advanced, builds a machine race, which then roflstomps all organic life and that would be that. So what the reapers can be seen as doing is 'pruning' these advanced organic races before they get far enough to do that. The benefit of doing so is that there are continual 'cycles' of organic life up until this machine singularity point, and although it sucks to be wiped out, at least these organic lifeforms got to live many generations which wouldn't have happened had the machines tiled the galaxy in paperclips or whatever. So if you 'like' keeping organic life around, then reaping them (especially to make more of you) is not completely crazy - it is the maximizing-organic life option if they really will inevitably make the next terminator.

Of course, there are a few teething troubles

1. This motivation has been pulled from nowhere in the final scene of the game.
2. This almost humanitarian (if uber-renegade) final solution doesn't really gel with the sadistic/pantomime villain characterization of the reapers.
3. Why do the reapers find organic life valuable for its own sake? Why not just make the right robo-race for whatever they want out of the universe, and let them tile the galaxy to their hearts content?
4. It seems pretty implausible that there is no possible way of stopping a machine race than wiping out the organics before they get that far. If the reapers are powerful enough to wipe out all organic life as a periodic routine, why can't the reapers just hang around in galaxy on patrol and kill the nascent robo-exterminators as they spring up instead of every single advanced sapient race?
5. The whole catalyst thing still makes no sense, as does your final RGB choice.

But still, it might be marginally better than "yo, I heard you'll get killed by synthetics, so we'll kill you prophylactically!" etc. Still, these rationalizations are pretty futile given the sheer wasteland which is the rest of the narrative.

You can't fail much more at writing when your ending so awful your fans cling to the hope it really is "and he woke up and it was all a dream".

Wasn't that pretty much the official explanation for the Reapers? As you said, the final choices sitll don't make any sense and it still doesn't explain why the Reapers have to come out of dark space pretending to be a race of evil space demons rather than patrolling the galaxy. Even if their rationale is that they want to allow civilization to live freely in the meantime, why don't they use their time spent hanging out in dark space to come up with better methods of culling the civilizations than inflicting on them the indignity and suffering of grinding them into goo over a war that lasts centuries? Why not shut down the relays, isolating everyone, then attack their planets from space with mass drivers or whatever superior technology they would invent in their time in dark space? Didn't even the Krogans have mass drivers figured out? What happened to the insectoid swarms the collectors used so effectively? Chemical attacks working in like fashion to the magic genophage cure on Tuchanka? Why not have the Citadel indoctrinate everyone on board before coming out?

Given the proliferation of Prothean ruins everywhere, the fact that they managed to hide live Beacons, and that the Reaper war lasted centuries, why couldn't the Protheans leave a clear warning, rather than an elaborate flashback transmission that requires Prothean sophistication to decipher, at which point the Reapers will be coming soon anyway? (if the required technology is ever even developed) We do this with storage shelters for nuclear waste, it shouldn' t be that hard. Come to think of it, THEY STORED THE PLANS FOR THE CRUCIBLE in a way that didn't require the Prothean cipher in Shepard's head. It's very unfortunate that no warning about the Reapers could be communicated in that fashion.

The real problem, of course, is with the collaborationist puffing up of this nonsense to the status of serious art. Taken for what it is, a goofy game about Jennifer Hale playing space James Bond where you take control on occasion to shoot at some goofy creature, the inevitable failure of ME3 to salvage the clusterfuck story of the previous two games into something meaningful doesn't matter. Too bad Bioware is sacrificing the actual game aspects in favour of their pretense at serious storytelling, and that the general appreciation of the series is so misplaced, but there's still some good space marine bro action to be had in ME3.

 

[Oesophagus]

Picking on ME3's plot holes is basically

Not because it's old news, but because the entire premise of the game is just one huge plothole. It's like they were ready to ship the game, and then suddenly someone remembered they didn't put a story in, so they did one at a lunch break.

 

[Valestein]

Shutting down the relays is actually a plot point in ME1. That's why the Reapers would take over the Citadel during their first strike in a cycle since that was the master control unit for the whole relay network. That was completely ignored in ME3 for some reason.

 

[Regdar]

Shutting down the relays is actually a plot point in ME1. That's why the Reapers would take over the Citadel during their first strike in a cycle since that was the master control unit for the whole relay network. That was completely ignored in ME3 for some reason.

You're right. Aren't the reapers supposed to exist somewhere beyond the galaxy in so-called "darkspace"? Without the relays it would probably take them millions of light years to get to the nearest relay. In ME2 this was retconned in that DLC where you destroy the "alpha relay", which was supposed to be the reapers' entry point into the entire galaxy. And it still delays the reapers by a whopping 2 months.

I guess Bioware doesn't mean for people to view their plots from a factual and logical perspective. It's all supposed to be allegory and brute-force emotional response.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

lol at playing BioWare games for the well-written, intelligent and mature storylines.

 

[Lagole Gon]

I have low standards these days. I was just hoping for a popamole with a somewhat coherent story.
But Bioware surprised me again.

ME1- reaper can't get to the citadel, or they will invade the galaxy! ME3 - citadel is a reaper god! R00fles!

ME2- humans are special. We'll build a human reaper! Now! ME3- actually... they kind of aren't. We're going to preserve all advanced species. What was the point of ME2 again?

What kind of fucking moron can't keep track of few bits of information about the main antagonist?
( )

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Honestly, I don't think "low" is low enough if BioWare managed to surprise you.

edit: goddamn that poor horse..

 

[CrustyBot]

BROS BREAKING NEWS, BioWare announces Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut

REDWOOD CITY, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--BioWare, a Label of Electronic Arts Inc. announced Mass Effect™ 3: Extended Cut, a downloadable content pack that will expand upon the events at the end of the critically acclaimed Action RPG. Through additional cinematic sequences and epilogue scenes, the Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut will give fans seeking further clarity to the ending of Mass Effect 3 deeper insights into how their personal journey concludes. Coming this summer, the Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut will be available for download on the Xbox 360® videogame and entertainment system, PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system and PC for no extra charge*.

BSN's Reactions.

Moving like a page a minute, no point in trying to find choice quotes.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

if this is true, i j*zz my pants​

 

[CrustyBot]

Touché. Guess I was wrong.

edit:

Way too little, way too late. Slapping paint on dogsh*t and calling it "clarification". You know how I would clarify sh*t? As a biologist, I would slap a piece of sh*t in a test tube with an equal volume of water, stir it into a paste, stick it in a centrifuge, spin the cr@p out of it (so to speak), pull the pungent clarified solution floating on top out. THAT is clarified sh*t. Do you want to drink it?

Of course you don't. It's sh*t water.

Stop ****ing damn it! They are doing this FOR YOU! They don't need a clarified or changed ending. THEY ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU, THEIR FANS. So stop with the hate. It's not nice.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

As a biologist.

Oh dear. This thread is going to be so fun to read.

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

Today! On BSN! Free vacuum level blowjobs for everybody.

 

[Regdar]

Never thought EA was a such a bunch of pussies. They could have charged 5$ for some extra cutscenes and simultaneously released a 10$ alternate appearance pack. Actually, make that two alternate appearance packs. Throw some weapon packs in there for 10$ each. And an additional party member.

Double or nothing, bitch. It's not gouging, it's charging!

 

[Angthoron]

IT WAS THE CUPCAKES BROS IT WAS THE CUPCAKES.

 

[racofer]

@ extended cut.

BiowarEAian games are officially movies.

 

[Angthoron]

And I recall someone was expecting that this thread would run out of lulz...

 

[Andyman Messiah]

I hope the Bio panel at PAX is greeted by a bunch of nerds just throwing shit at them.

There's some serious civil war going on at their forum.

 

[CrustyBot]

And I recall someone was expecting that this thread would run out of lulz...

Daaam I love you people.
Pre Announcement: The ending doesn't make sense - Post Announcement: The ennding will be clarified in order for it to make sense?! Boo they should have re-written half the game.
Pre Ann.: I won't pay a single dollar for this ending DLC. I will only download it if it's free - Post Ann.: This will probably suck since it's free so clearly something low quality.
Bioware is not using my theory and they are not retconing Thane's death that was very nicely done and was foreshadowed since his recruitment mission? Booo Bioware has lost the ability to write stories.

No offence guys, but you are the worst human beings I have ever come across.

 

[Angthoron]

And I recall someone was expecting that this thread would run out of lulz...

Daaam I love you people.
Pre Announcement: The ending doesn't make sense - Post Announcement: The ennding will be clarified in order for it to make sense?! Boo they should have re-written half the game.
Pre Ann.: I won't pay a single dollar for this ending DLC. I will only download it if it's free - Post Ann.: This will probably suck since it's free so clearly something low quality.
Bioware is not using my theory and they are not retconing Thane's death that was very nicely done and was foreshadowed since his recruitment mission? Booo Bioware has lost the ability to write stories.

No offence guys, but you are the worst human beings I have ever come across.

Funny how just weeks ago they all collectively circle-jerked and loved each others and now are calling each others "worst human beings ever met". I like.

 

[racofer]

http://boards.4chan.org/v/

/v/ - Well-coordinated and extensively financed EA propaganda team beaten by a rag-tag group of /v/irgins run by a furry tripfag and a BR with 140 ping

They're celebrating.

 

[maverick]

From what I understand, they will only add "additional cinematic sequences and epilogue scenes".
That means, no new gameplay. Meh.

 

[racofer]

 

[DraQ]

"Holy shit someone just beat Volly into speechlessness "

Youa re retarted. he beat nothing but his own meat. His 'arhument' is retarted and is illogical. It is not a deus ex machina. Don't be a moran.

What a retart retort.


Anyway, regarding the reaper plot:

1. Strategy of using relays as control mechanism and early warning system, regardless of Reapers' motivation I can buy. It seems to make sense - galaxy is big, patrolling it in search of developing intelligent life would take a great effort and given that you can make organics patrol it themselves and alert you by simply leaving key technology laying about it would be wasted effort.

2. Reapers coming in regular intervals and making a huge mess *could* be made to make sense:

2.1. If Reapers were to be autonomous and self-oriented, and if technological progress curve would have the right shape (sigmoidal, with very rapid incline on reaching AI singularity, preventing fast enough detection in this phase, then plateau on reaching maximum possible tech level meaning virtually no singularities would have advantage over each other regardless of head start, Reapers being on said plateau), it might make sense to appear set amount of time after activation of the relays and going exterminatus on all intelligent life using them to avoid being catch off-guard by competing singularity AIs that rapidly ascended to physical godhood, if patrolling the galaxy and going exterminatus on all life-bearing planets were infeasible for reasons like galaxy being too big and life too widespread.​

Problems:​

- the talk about "hurr durr organics no understand motives divine machines" would make no sense​

- harvesting anything would make little to no sense​

- human reaper couldn't physically make sense in this circumstances, but then again it couldn't physically make sense in *any* circumstances, being extreme retardation personified​

- colour coded cyborg rays would make no sense, but see above​

- what would Reapers do outside the galaxy for millennia? Play pong with rogue planets?​

Advantages:​

+ "durr hurr lowly organics are dirt" would kind of make sense​

+ some sort of synergy option *might* make sense in certain circumstances, it would prevent competing singularities from arising (Reapers win), and would prevent exterminatus (organics are happy), thanks to concerted effort by the organics (we assumed Reapers can't all the planets*)​

+ probably the hardest option​

2.2. If reapers were engineered to be organics-oriented in terms of goals, they might follow sort of derpy "literal golem logics" everyone using a computer for programming should be familiar with (and hate passionately). With sufficiently advanced technology capable of reconstructing them at will destructively scanning sapients and wiping them out might seem like a reasonable and economical solution to the problem of their preservation. Similarly if Reapers arrived at such goal on their own, except replace "literal golem logic" with "fucked up alien logic".​

Problems:​

- "durr hurr lowly organic trash" would make no sense​

- (if engineered) Reaper logic would require great deal of derp and carelessness on part of its engineers​

- (if own) Reaper logic would need further explanation - why are organic sapients valuable?​

- human derper and rainbow cyborg rays, of course​

Advantages:​

+ Reapers waiting outside of galaxy would work well here​

+ "hurr durr organics no understand motives of the divine machines" would arguably work here​

+ harvesting shit would make sense​

+ some sort of synergy would either make or not make sense depending on exact Reaper logic​

+ catalyst could be made to make sense with extensive alterations​

Of course, then there are cyborg rays, human derper (presumably named Arnie), human jelly, new reapers in form of human reapers piloting squid reapers, and all kinds of mindbogglingly retarded shit.
It looks almost as if a retarded kid tried to clumsily copy a decent piece of sci-fi (presumably because it also had a lot of 'sploshuns - as it is the case with, say, Lem's Invincible), while completely missing the point. Almost because I have trouble envisioning a kid that would be this retarded.


Also, Assari and such should kindly GTFO.

Apologies for any inconsistencies or omissions that may have occurred in the above text, I haven't played Ass Defect games myself.

Feel free to copypasta on BSN.

*) Yes, I did it on purpose because I'm fucking assburger who is easily amused by derpy memes.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Just when I think I've seen the most retarded bullshit the internet has to offer, in swoops racofer or sgc_meltdown or someone else with a quote from some forum.

I fucking hate.